I might sound like a pussy after this for writing this but....who cares? Writing something on my own blog is well, kinda like talking to someone else..only that i can do it better. Yeah...i can write better than i can talk.

Oh well, its sunday already. Yeap. Usually, i'd be looking forward to sundays. Why? WEll, that's coz i get to spend my day with my sayang. That's why. But today's an exception. She's got a couple of functions to attend to. Yeah..family functions. So i guess yesterday was a trade off for today huh? Coz usually, she wont be around on saturdays...this time around, its today. Oh well...

The past few days have been great. Hell, describing them as great would be a big understatement. Ever since i got back to Singapore, all i wanted to do was to spend all my time with my sayang. Even if it meant that i had to wait till she knocks off and ya that time spent with her is the journey back home, it was worth it. Every single second of it was worth it. And yesterday...yeah, couldnt be more pissed. I had my saturday carefully planned out. And then, BAM! a meeting at 9?! And ya...so much for 9 to 12. It streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeched all the way till 1 plus. It's like one of the last opportunity that i get to spend time with her and all they want was to suck every single minute of my time. AND THE NXT FEW WEEKS IS GOING TO BE FUCKING HECTIC!!! WEEKENDS ARE GONNA GET BURNT!!! Goddamn!

Yesterday...despite the little time available..was great. Again, an understatement there. Makan, movie and urm...neoprints. And yes, that neoprint was for you sayang. If anybody else asked me to do it, no chance in hell am i going to do it. But since you asked, i had to give in to my sayang. Yeap. The only part i liked in that movie was having my arms wrapped around her. hehs. Truth be told, i wasnt concentrating on the movie at all sayang. Not even the slightest bit. I was concentrating on you. Yup, throught the entire movie. How i wished yesterday didnt have to end. Yeah. The part when we reached your home was the part i hated the most. I hate goodbyes...even tho i noe that we're going to go out again soon enough sayang....

Haiz...

And for those regular readers, i have not turned gay neither am i a softie. I still punch like how i used to punch. I just miss my sayang alot. A whole damn lot....So if you think that i have indeed gone pussy, well, gimme a call. We'll set a place and time. And you'll then realize how much of a pussy i am not alrite?

Alrighty then. Im back in singapore...cept that this time around, it doesnt feel that i've been away much. Dont see much changes compared to when i went overseas a couple of times ago. Cept maybe for the weather. I was coming home half-expecting to see it being all sunny and stuff, but all im looking at now is the gloomy skies. DAmn....

Alaska was nice. Training there was rather enjoyable, even tho it was a little bit tiring(then again, if it werent tiring, then it wasnt training). I enjoyed myself immensely training with em' americans. They had the right attitude, the experienced war themselves and hell yeah, they are preparing for the right thing. WAr actually. And because they are perparing to go to war, they actually took their training seriously. Not like what we have here. Its all half-a-dust kind of shit that we've got going on here.

But being back here, it feels great! At least im not thousands of miles away from my sayang. hehs. And i've got my family here too. Well, that's the only reason as to why i still love being in singapore. Other than that.....im not so sure. I hate the singaporean attitude. Yeah...always wanting to be first in this and that. And if your not(even if you're second) you actually get mocked at, criticised, ostracised...we're lucky we dont get circumsiced just for not being first in something. WE'RE KINDA LIKE CHINA ALREADY!!!!!! WHY?!?!?!?!?!?

Issit because we're small, that's why we have to be super super competitive just so that we can survive? Maybe...probably...most likely. Well, i'd understand that as a work ethic...but in everyday life??? Omg...i came back to singapore, reading a local news saying that parents are queuing overnight just for a place at some school. GAWD!!! Wtf is wrong with these people???? Yes, i understand that its a good school. But dont they realize just how ridiculous they look just by doing that. DOnt they realize how ridiculous they're making the rest of us look like to the rest of the world???? Why are people acting as if we are the only ones on this goddamn planet???
Somebody better come up with something fast. And btw, mr.goverment, incase you're wondering why the young people are packing their bags for other countries, its not really abt the jobs, or the money...its really because of singapore, and singaporeans. Expensive housing, expensive cars, obnoxious people, stupid people, ridiculous people...yeap. That's the reason. If you want to keep us in, you either keep those things out, of the good ones will be the ones going out. Either keep the good ones in and the bad ones out, or vice-versa. That's the way things work.

I mean, i noe why something things are the way it is...but some things surely can be figured out for a better solution right?

And ya, i noticed something really really ridiculous abt singaporeans. Dont they find it fucking hot here??? I mean, i can be wearing just a polo-t and berms to go out, and im already sweating like a fucking god damn pig. Yet, i see them wearing jackets walking around as if it is actually cold here. Seattle was windy, people wore jackets for that reason. Alaska was cold, people wear jackets for that reason too. Fuck....a majority of the people there do not wear jackets because it was actually cold in a nice way. And ya, they wear jackets just so that they'd feel warm and toasty. I seldom wore one when i was there. So why they fuck are singaporeans wearing em' goddamn jackets in a fucking hot and humid place and walking along the streets??? Yes...it bothers me! IF they say that the jacket looks nice, they jsut have to put it on...they'd i'd say you're vain. IF you say that it gets cold inside and aircon room, they yeah, by all means. Or better yet, remove the air-conditioning and just put in the fans to work. You'd save energy too you know. Other than that, you seriously need a check with the brain doc to sort things out....

Other than that, im just happy to be back in singapore where my sayang is =)

Hmm...just a few more hours and i'd be flying off to some forsaken place to train for the army. YEa....for the greater good. Guess, im going there for a reason. Guess everything happens for a reason. Hopefully, its for a good reason.

So, sayang's really really upset coz im flying off later. Who wouldnt be? But ya, this would be a real test for us i guess. Let's see how the distance would actually make us stronger...make u stronger sayang. I wont be gone for long. I'll be back sooner that you actually realize it. And when im back, the first thing im going to do is to call you and let you know that i've touched down in SINGAPORE.

Alaska...hm...guess i would have to make the best of things. HAve to be optimistic and positive in such situation and make the best of things. With the right attitude, even the longest of years can seem short. But ya, that doesnt mean that i wont miss you sayang. That doesnt mean that i wont be thinking of you all the time. It only means that i dont show it so that i can be strong for the rest.

Concentrate on what's on hand k sayang? Time passes by faster that way. WAy fast...so fast tat i'd be back even before you realize it.

Hmm....

All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up
To say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin'
It's early morn
The taxi's waitin'
He's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome
I could die

(So) kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

There's so many times
I've let you down
So many times I've played/(fucked) around
I tell you now
They don't mean a thing

Every place I go
I think of you
Every song I sing
I'll sing for you
When I come back
I'll bring your wedding ring

(So) kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time
Has come to leave you
One more time to let me kiss you
Then close your eyes
And I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have
To leave you alone
About the time
I won't have to say

(So) kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go


Feeling a little bit mellow now..Okay. For once, lets not talk abt the general public. Or public with General in rank. General Public..hhohs...Leader of some private army. Contradicting little prick.

But ya...im not talking abt that. Why am i mellow? Well, this is the first time im leaving someone back in singapore to go to other countries. All this while, i've only left my family behind. The difference? My family has got each other to comfort whilst im gone. They can talk to each other about me if they want to( out of which, i really really doubt they'd do that. Haha...my mom actually loves it when im not at home anyway coz i dont noe y. My dad hates it coz im much much smarter than he is and being outsmarted is something that my family doesnt like. It runs in the family. MY brothers coz i wont be annoying them or irritating them). So ya....

The last time i didnt talk to sayang for a few days, i went crazy. Honest. Even for the littlest of mistake got reprimanded harshly by me. And they were all coursemates. Hahahahaha...wish my men luck.

But ya...me missing my sayang alot(even at this very moment) proves one thing right? I dont take her for granted. Not even a bit. Everyday, i thank god for making me bump into her again. Pure coincidence i tell you. Nothing was planned or prearranged...not by me anyway. God has his tricky tricky ways...

I still remember 8 years ago. This is the very same girl whom i sat next to the entire year in pri school. THE ENTIRE YEAR!!! hhahaaha...i didnt even looked at her and muttered the words " hi. how are u?" People change with times dont they? Funny story. No...great story for the children! yea....Fadzil's versh of "How i met your mother"

Even up to this day...the thought of me meeting her still makes me nervous. I dont know why. Maybe i dont show it...but ya...i am actually. My training thought me not to show it. Training proved to be goooooooooooooood. But yes...i actually am..every time. Guess that's what happens when u're about to be with that special girl eh? Happens to evryoe i guess....unless im the odd one out, that ya, it just happens to me.

Read this and rmb it people. Fadzil's blog is not meant for the mushy stuff. So appreciate this coming from me not that often. Those who think you know me, think again....=)

This is probably the first weekend i have at home in weeks...maybe a month or so. God...have it been so long? First it was the course. Yup. Done through with that. Then, i had the weekend duty..fuckers thought it was only fair since i was away on course for soooooooooooo long. YEap. Thanks wankers! Then, it was the ops standby duty. Crapped up week it was. Followed by another weekend duty. They just love to torture me dont they? Guess what, this is probably the last weekend that i get to spend at home coz coming next week onwards, its hello USA! Then after that, it'll be "Hello, Charlie, this is SGT Fadzil. What do you want?"

Nonetheless, it was quite a good weekend...even though it was all boring and stuff..but my real chance to just slack around and do nothing...really nothing at all! Yea...being the lazy lazy slacker that i was way back then. I remember those kinda saturdays. WAke up to saturday morning cartoons( cartoons just got crapier nowadays with tons of anime. I mean, it was already brainless and mindless crap...they didnt have to turn it any crapier as it is...I LOVE MY CRAP!!! Yeap..just the way it was) followed by some gym then some lunch, some afternoon movie on tv, some malcom in the middle, some simpson, some saturday night movie and then some sleep after that. YEap...im a total couch potato on saturdays...ask my friends. It takes a real effort to get me out of my house on a saturday.

That was that till rugby came along. Yea...every saturday evening or afternoon was match day. Loved playing rugby for my club. Things got sooo intensed, that i got bored with playing rugby at school. YEap. BEing greedy there. But i got better so playing rugby against other schools seemed a little easier...right? Haha..not if people whom you played with in the clubs also played for the schools that you played against. They came in a group. I came alone. DO the math. Go fish!

But yesterday...hmm...yesterday was plain lazy. I was even too lazy to think( can you imagine that? Too lazy to think...dont ask me how, but im very very capable of that. In a good way though. It relaxes the mind...and body..and...urm...everything else?) DAys like that, they hardly come along these days...not esp when u grow older. There's always something for you to do. Yeap. Even the ah peks and nyonyas have something to do. The ah peks have to go to coffee shop in the morning and bitch about just anybody they can think off...laughing away, smiling coz they think they're one bunch of smartasses(despite their teeth all falling away). In the afternoon, they just laze around, doing just about the same thing again...then when the night comes, they become his chikopeh beings, roaming around geylang...looking for some loooooooooooooooooooooooooove. Oh yea baby!!! rofl.

The nyonyas...hmm...they do this every single day. They jsut love to do it. It's like they will die if they dont do it. What issit that im talking about? WEll, they love to stink up the market and just practically everywhere they go. Dont they even bother to shower or wash their wrinkly faces at all coz they know tat at some point in the day, they're going to make contact with other people who can actually tell just how bad they stink! God...its not as if the market wasnt stinking enough(or maybe they're the ones who did it....maybe one or two died there or something just to stink the place up little? You know, just for the ambience?)

Well...my point is, as you grow older, you end up with more and more things to do. Crap...i miss being that small little boy again who's job is to practically annoy my parents(when they were around anyway) and ya...do practically nothing but to slack around, play alot and just being a little boy. Life would be more fun that way wouldnt it?

I've been wondering...why do people watch scary movies? What's the point? What "kick" do they get from it? Is it for just pure entertainment? Or they want to be scared? Or maybe, just maybe, they want to dwell for just a moment in a killer's mind.

If its for pure entertainment, well hell yeah! Go ahead people! Our boring lives need to be filled with something. So why not fill it with horror? Its not as if our lives are not horrifying enough anyway.

And that brings us to point number 2! Getting scared. Just link it to point number 1. It explains itself.

Point number 3? Dwelling in a killer's mind for just a moment. Hehs. I dwell in one every single day of my life. Its never nice to kill. The moment you kill, you just made some poor bastard an orphan. Or if it was a child you're talking about, you just took the life of some bastard's offspring. That bastard will then go off the spring. YOu must be wondering right now...how come I dwell in the mind of a killer every day. Well...dont have to be a killer to dwell in one do i? I just have to be trained as one. Trained to kill. And yes...im not talking abt some mambo jambo shit like the army teaching us to kill. We only learn to pretend to kill. And in pretending to kill, we all pretend to be hurt. So to sum it up, nobody knows pain for sure....cept maybe i do.

Pain. That's one bitchy thing one can ever feel. Too bad i dont feel like writing anymore for now. I want to watch my tv first. hehs

Why do people smoke? Hmm...funny im asking this question since im one of those people. Part of the smoking population eh? So, this question could be very well directed at myself. Doing some soul searching on the world wide web? Perhaps...or maybe it just struck me. Why am i smoking???

S-T-R-E-S-S. Yeap. The number 1 reason people give as to why they smoke. Its understandable lah. I mean, you need an outlet to release some of that tension right? And among all the things that you can do, smoking is the least harmless. Shocking statement? Let me explain...
Imagine you get involved in a stressed induced conflict. Let's say, you decided that you dont like that guy's face and you would really love the pleasure of rearranging it. You could get hurt, he could get hurt...and there's still the collateral damage worth mentioning.
Then, there's always you talking too much. God...how much trouble you're going to get yourself into.
And lastly...you can always go boozing. Crap man. It's instant death if you happen to be driving.
See my point here?

Medical reasons states otherwise saying that its the nicotine in your blood from all that cigarettes that's actually causing the stress. Gee, i didnt noe every single tom dick and harry smoked cause everybody's facing some sort of stress. Smokers simply choose to smoke as an outlet. But yes, i agree that nicotine induces uneasiness among smokers. WE need the nicotine to feel all comfy. Its called an addiction. But its not as bad as the addiction to drugs, caffine, sex, alcohol and plenty of other things that might seem normal to you and others, but my opinion differs. Not just a bit, but by alot.

Right now, i know i might sound as if im promoting smoking. Im not. Im just stating facts here. Im just saying why people smoke. Why? So that we can actually understand the problem first before we can search out for the solution. Hasnt the army taught any of you that? Appreciation of Situation ppl!!! For those in the SPF or SCDF, you're not excused. Policemen fight baddies off the streets, Firefighters fight fires on the buildings along the streets. U still need to do AOS before you can actually solve the problem right?

So now i've identified the problem...comes the solution. Quiting!

Yes. Q-U-I-T-I-N-G. It takes more than just self-discipline to do that. Smoking has bcome part of the habits that i do from the time i take flight from lala land to the time i land back into lala land. Its not a good habit. But then again, most of the habits that i have arent exactly that good either. Unless you call cursing a good habit. Or eating a lot good too. Or a thousand other things that i'd be doing good.

So how do i do it? Simple. I just spend more time with the ones i love. And in order to increase the chances of that happening, you'd have to take steps and measures right? Smoking increases the chances of death(along with the everyday things that you people do). So...quit smoking. Simple. No smoke, no sickness, more time with my sayang =). A+B=C. ( those math geeks out there, pardon my maths. I have no interest in your opinions in my formula. U see, u bitch about me all you want but in the end, this is an english language blog. Not a math blog. You can do all tha bitching to the rest of the math geek's blogs in the world but not mine. Im not one you)

Need more help? Call 1800-QUITLINE. But this is only for those losers fighting a losing battle. YOu morons shld be more disciplined!!!

I AM THANKFUL FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE.

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN >>CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE PEOPLE WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.


The way is see, there's two ways you could take a peek at life. Positively or negatively. Yah, i know this might sound like cliche, but ya, there's no other way that i can put it. Its simply the way that it is. Even tho the world's isnt that much of a nice place to live, but yah, lets take a peek at the positive side and it might just be bearable. I noe i noe, it gets worst as u grow older. When was the world a nice place to live in anyway? Oh yes...when we were young little boys and girls. The only toys that we know off would be ones known as Little Tykes, Playdoh, micromachines and well, much much more. Things change as u grow older. The only thing that doesnt change would definately be the likes of Transformers. They just get cooler is a grew older. What?!?! It's a great movie!! Hell yeah! Sad to say tho, i dont play with i used to play with. Now i'd play with toys with badass names...nothing wholesome about them. They'd just put holes in you instead. Wanna noe them? Sure.....they come in many shapes, sizes and ya, weights too. They have names like the M203, M18A1 and soooooooooooo much more. Yup. Mean toys....sad isnt it?

Im straying off topic tho. Yes. The only reason that the world isnt as nice as it used to be is because one of thing and one thing only. One word to sum it all and in the darkness, rule them all! Kinda ala lord of the rings isnt it? Yeap..."RESPONSIBILTY". I mean, which kid had to responsibility to take care of himself anyway(thats the basic responsibility anyone could ever have). Coz if the kid did, then it'd be very very scary just to think of it. Imagine, u having a collegue of 3 years of age. Kinda rubbish isnt it? Sad part is, it might just become a reality in the not so distant future.

Again....im straying off again!!! Crap......What was i talking about? Oh yes...y the world isnt such a nice place after all. Look around you...the 7 deadly sins are all around you. Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed and Sloth. Religious or not, its just human nature. Best we could ever do is to not do it excessively i guess. Overdoing something is just as bad as not doing it in the first place. Cept that, not doing any of the above 7 things is never a reality( it will never be!! trust me)

But that's not my point. I was just pointing out how bad life really is. But you can go along living live moping all the way till u actually pass on(at this juncture, i just imagined everyone dragging their faces on the ground as they walk. Dont ask me why, but i find this hilarious). Gotta think positive. And those subculture thingy...screw em'. They want to think that everybody sucks because we all dont agree to their opinion. Well, this is mine. U and ur opinion suck. I dont care what you think about my opinion coz i just cldnt give a flying fuck about yours either. So there...we're even now see? Ha! Subcultures and their opinion about ppl....can u just imagine what they're thinking? This is what they actually think "Everybody sucks because they dont understand what im thinking..." Who can actually understand a thought that is very very fickle and esp when you dont want to talk abt it and just remain angry coz nobody cares................Subculture ppl...WAKE UP UR FUCKING IDEAS!!!!! Hahahhaa...im just plain wicked arent i?

Crap...gone off track again. Urm...nothing makes sense now does it? Hence the blog name...blabberbutt =) Read it and weap.........(hopefully it'd be tears of humour tho)

Its been a long time since i've wrote. Guess im kinda in a mood to write right now...
Past week has been really really trying. Honestly, i thought i was going to have a breakdown at any time. Being on high alert for 24hours a day, 7 days in one week....it sucks u noe. Tiring mentally and physically. Glad thats all over now...even tho its just not quite yet. Sian.

Crap...the moods gone. Maybe i'll just write another day then.

There's a big problem with jc kids. They sometimes talk too much.....way too much perhaps. They talk before they even think. They talk without even consulting. Yeah..i noe im going to be hated after this but ya...im just telling u the truth. If you can accept this fact...than dont hate me just yet. Take a second to sit down and think about it. Fuck...im a jc kid myself....rather i was a jc kid.

Where did i get this conclusion? Well, from the course i went to. Yeap...those people should noe whom i talking abt. I shall not name names...im already specific as it already is. Ya..i do talk a lot myself...and not just to defend myself, i try to think about what i have to say before i say it. Yeap...keyword being "TRY". And this takes place most of the time...the rest of the time, i just shoot off and then wait for the consequence to drop on me. Yeap...that means getting shot back at.

Do you actually realize or even hear what's coming out of your mouth sometimes??? Hah....can you like let us noe the objective of accomplishing a mission? Crap...they make crappy soldiers too sometimes. People from my unit, not to worry...we make kickass sargeants!!! Ya......talk way too much but when it comes down to the execution phase...what do you get? Close to crappy results...might as well put me in for a permenant appointment holding and give me the bloody plaque. Looks nice with the rest of my medals anyway.....

Hmm...and yes. Im a jc kid too just to remind the rest whom have terribly short memory....(even tho i just wrote it). Haiz...and this is coming from ppl who came from JCs...imagine those who are still in them. They complain all day long.....but ya, nothing productive actually comes out of it...unless of course they actually wants to produce enough fertilizers just so that more trees can be planted, well growned and hopefully someday, the global warming situation can be handled just because they talk a lot. hmm...might be a sound plan.

And ya...what's so good to be in a jc anyway? It only shows that you cant do shit with your hands...u can only think of something, visualize it and ya...it stops there. Yet, these buggers go around the place wearing their school uniform proudly telling ppl they are from jc so fuck off! HAha...ever thought that when you actually fail ur a lvls...u're no different from the dude studying in ITE?(not that im bringing down ITEs...the society already did that. I didnt. Im not society. Im Fadzil. Thats...F-A-D-Z-I-L.(and to those crappers who cant pronouce or spell my name proper, go shit in your pants okay?)

Kinda lost track as to what i was writing about....bt who cares when i didnt rite? Hmm....maybe gopal or mary or johnathan or ahmad does...but the tom,dick and harry that i noe doesnt. Hehs...fuck. i better stop.......

Its over. Its finally over! 154th Platoon Sargeant Course has unofficially ended with the end of Ex Hawk. Think i have gone over the edge with this one. But ya..who cares? All i care about is what my men are going thru right now with the other shitheads taking charge of them.

Why do shitheads exists in the first place? What is their purpose here? Oh ya, btw, the defination of a shithead is a fucking selfish person who wants nothing to do with society cept those things that can benefit him coz he is incapable to the society but yet he exists. Everyone noes that a shithead is useless, baseless, and doesnt noe shit about shit. In short, he is a person with a lot of shit inside his head. Courtesy of the dicitionary of Fadzford.

Why did god put these people on earth? Issit to make lives like mine more difficult? Issit to make normal people look like extraordinary people(kinda like that show a decade back Extraordinary aka Kau Istimewa). God noes. Maybe god is playing a trick on us all or maybe he's just testing us. Like saidm god works in mysterious ways.....i would certainly love to find out which way it would be so that maybe just maybe i could work just the same. If not, i'd just take the expressway.

Nevertheless, a lof of things to settle once i get back to my unit from my course. A lot of shit needs to be flushed. A lot of people needed to be sorted out. In short, more work, less me. That sucks. CAnt believe it that im actually eager to sort the mess out. BE PREPARED SHITHEADS!!! IM COMING FOR YOU!!!

ahahaha....something about the course. Cant believe how much of an agressive person i can be. Issit the stress? Issit the frustration? Issit the fatigue? God noes. Perhaps its a combination of all three. Ive reprimanded people old enuff to be fathers. HEck...i've reprimanded fathers. A 20year old boy giving a 29 year old father the battering of the harshest words he could ever receive. Yeap, that was me.

I was literally a living, breathing animal thru out the entire summary exercise. I eat when i was hungry, smoked when i wanted to, reprimanded becoz i was angry, slept coz i was tired. Not caring about anyting else in the world....cept for my few brothers who are going thru the same thing with me. I kept telling all of them..."dengar-dengar skarang Platoon Sargeant Course ader melayu jer...." Yeap.....fuckers all the rest.

Nvm...its all over now...end of one suffering, the beginning of another. My life could get any better can it? Crap.....

Do you know how much i hate myself right now for not be able to do something which im doing right now years ago? Why didnt i? Gutless? Probably. So probably im full of guts now? Perhaps. God noes...

How i hate myself for being able to figure things out before things are said. And even worse that im able to figure it out correctly...how do i do it? I have no idea...somehow i am able to do it...effortlessly too. Crap. Sorry if i dont seem to react when im told...i have already reacted.

It takes effort for me to show emotions. Emotionless. I rarely get angry. I never got sad. I never cried. I try not to. Shows where im weak. And ego is a terrible monster that fights with emotions. I never cried when my cousin passed away. I never cried when my grandma passed on. I never cried nor felt sad not even a tinge when i found out that it was somebody i knew who died in that tragic incident. And death is something that someone would cry for coz that person wont be coming back...ever.

Perhaps its all the conditioning that ive gotten ever since young. The terrible trainings and all. The fear that's being taught to be suppressed. FEar. The key to all emotions. FEar of death. Fear of losing something. FEar of unknown. Fear if what you might noe. The sum of all fears.

How do you go about doing something when every corner, ever option is a restriction. Do you play the game? Do you come out of the game and umpire it instead, making your own rules as you go on just so that you can win it? We'll see how it goes...time to call in some favors. Guys if you're reading, i might be calling you guys soon enough....

Just so you know....

While waiting for my sayang to tell me that she's awake and ready...i wasted time away on friendster. Ya...its the place that people waste their time away...in a good sort of way. I was reading all the testimonials and comments that ive gotten over the years. Seems like JC was really the best 2 years of my life. Probably....i rmb the fun i had. Yeah....FUN! Funny Unorthodox Nonsense.

Hmm...sure had a lot of friends back then. And sayang...if only you knew my friends, u would have a totally different impression of jc students. True that the whole elitism thing exists in JCs...but they quickly get dissed off by people like me and my friends. I think my JC is more like a kampong JC of some sort...hahaha.

Wished i had made more friends back then. But ya...still quite happy with the friends that i actually have. I will never trade those 2 years for anything else. Thx for the memories guys. Stay cool and hope that someday somehow, we'd be reunited to save the world.....err...ya. Hehs.

Well, this is it. My last entry(somehow it feels like it) before i go for my Platoon Sargeant Course. Sucks big time man...A month ago, i would have taken things differently. But now, it seems that the world has been un-skewed. Yeap. Un-skwed. Ya i know that there's no such word but thats how i can only describe things for now. Un-Skewed.

A month ago, i was an eager beaver for this course. Well, for one my ROA is guarenteed even though im just serving my liability years. And yes, it actually excites me to go for this course. Hell, i wanted to take on Airborne, Ranger or any other fuck course the SAF can offer. Truth be told, i wanted to join the British Paras as a ghurka since i dont see much that i can do or have in Singapore. Well, that was my mentality months ago. Things are quite different now.

How can things be different? They say that when people fall in love, they lose track of what they really want. Why? Coz they cant think properly bla bla bla. FYI, im very very rationale at doing things. No matter what. You can never anyone else being so cool and clear minded after commiting a fucking serious offence in the army. Yeap, that's me. =) So am i thinking rationally now? Hell yeah! Now, i just hate what im doing. I hate what im going to do for the nxt six weeks. And i hate the fact that for this is going to last for the next 7 months or so. Ever since i left DB, things have changed. For the better. A fucking whole lot better i must say!

Yeap, there happens to be a girl in this story. Not ashamed to admit that. Why? Coz im truly in love with this one. Life has never been better. And im not being hypocritcal about it. Im being very very sincere about what ive been saying. Hell, ive been sincere about what ive been writing in this portal! And me not wanting to do what ive been dying to do months ago....im sacrificing it all. Why? Coz they dont matter much to me now anymore. It used to. But now, there's someone who matters to me more than anything i could possible procure in this world. Ranger, Airborne, Jungle Confidence....ya sure they could make me a highly decorated soldier...but for what it's worth, i'd rather spend more time with my sayang.

Haiz...i just wish the next 6 weeks would just zoom on by. 6 weeks of pure mental, physical and emotional torture. For the next 6 weeks, im being refrained from feeling....just like how one expects a soldier to be. Im expected to execute orders, carry out orders and give orders without remorse, without guilt....without being lovesick. Cant help it though....just cant help it. Can try to minimize it....but that's all i can do...

Everything sucks when you're gone....

=)

So much for TGIF. Suddenly everybody from the army are bad people. Ya...its called a 2 years liability btw. Not as if i had a choice of where i want to go. Or how i have to be like. Crap...this sucks biggie.

Well, what can i do about it? Nothing at the moment. Maybe in the future things might be different. I hope it'll be different, hopefully. So that means that one thing is definately for sure...conversion to officer is a big no no. Well, sorry to dissapoint you army people.

Ya, maybe i could find other ways to achieve my means of helping those poor kids. Someday i would help them get out of their poor state, somehow. Well, maybe i'd part with whatever skills the army has taught me and then i'd find another organization that could use skills like mine? Hope so...

To sayang if you're reading this...HELLO!!! And if the dude sitting next to you happens to be reading this too...YOU"RE DEAD!!.......X_x

Ok..lets get back to bitching about the society. Saw a really horrendous sight today in the MRT. Yeah...might be common to many of you, but i still dont understand why nothing is being done. What am i talking about? A pregnant lady standing throughout the entire journey. WTF?!??! Btw, i was standing. Im always standing. Let women and children sit first, followed by the bapoks and fudge peckers followed by the weaker ones. None of them is there? Then i sit down. AH PEKS!!! YOU DONT COUNT! YOU'RE NOT WEAK! YOU'RE EXPERIENCED! YOU STAND!!!!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAX! ROFL. Gone nutters there.
But really, ignorance maybe be bliss to some, but it simply is hell to me! Fucking hell....

Think i want to start one of those revolution like the ones that i've studied about. HAHAHA...i'll take Changi Prison as the Bastille. And urm...somebody's gotta Louis. Or maybe like the one in Fight Club? Yeah. Project Mayhem. Terrorism? Nah....just a little bit of chaos here and there. Hmm...nvm those revolutions. Hopefully Singaporeans are changing for the better. Maybe i shld enter politics? Then i can pass laws which can benefit everyone. AAAAAAh....there's only the better way rite?

K...getting very very tired now. Gotta slp now. Toodles world.

I used to be a huge fan of autobiographies of ex-soldiers who have served in the different armies of the world. Either be it the French Foreign Legion, the British Para or even some Indonesian Commandos. Their lives unfolding...its voyuerism you noe. And voyuerism is wrong...is it? Well, it is deemed morally wrong. If not, peeping toms would get away with murder cause those caught by the police cant be dealt with squat without the existence of laws to banish the people of their kind.

Anyways....just came out from a hell hole and ya..it sucks like fuck. Boring as hell and it isnt a nice experience. Got my head shaven and myself humiliated. Seems like i got a heroes' welcome back. Well, maybe to me lah...but ya. Glad that episode of my life is over. Cant be bothered to stay low. Gotta get on with my life...my army life at least. Traumatised by that experience? Hell yeah! Never ever want to go back in there so gotta watch myself more now. Told my men abt it and yes...told them to watch their back as much as ive got their backs covered. Now i can speak from experience. No more bullshit like what other sargeants and officers keep telling them. I went through it. I experienced it. I have the right to tell them. Y? Coz my story is more believable at least if not sincere.

Well, one hell hole to another. Going for my PS course soon. And shit...from all the horror stories that ive been hearing from those whom have gone thru it all....well, lets just say i'll survive it all with as little damage as possible. Lets hope that the month when im doing the course passes by quickly, pass the course, get the rank and ya....hopefully i qualify for the next course. Ranger will have to wait. hehs.

Its almost been a month since my last writing. Been kinda lazy to write again. Lost touch of it maybe? Lots of things on my mind lately. Those of you who are well aware of what happened to me in ROC...well, im still waiting for it to be resolved. Oh wells...what happened was probably meant to happen anyway. My favourite kind of line. Bums shld be glad that such a line exists. The kind of line whom ppl who always for things to happen can always use when other people comment or question if they are ever going to do something about their lives. The reactionary kind of life. Semi-charmed kind of life. Well...flail to all bums! Im going to become a revolutionary. Not the revolting kind. The action kind? Not the reaction maybe. Yeah...that's a fulfiling life.

The world is turning itself inside out these days. People are always dying...well slower this time. Good things is they are not dying crudely like they used to be back when terrorism was at its height(its not like it died. Prolly taking a rest right now). Well...people are now becoming the victim of modern times. Thank you modern western values! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Im too lazy to type everything out now but maybe i'd just give examples. Examples like premarital sex. Examples like consumerism. Im am really lazy to show you how it causes people's demise. Well...some other day maybe.

Lots of maybes there. Wonder if i'll keep to it....

Damn...didnt get to climb the mountain like the other time. The view of the city at night was awesome but didnt get the opportunity to photograph it coz we had to keep moving. Plus...we had to be cautious so as to not reveal the troop's position. Damn...wasted opportunity. Did get other pics from another mountain though. Thank god its all over now. Last few days have been really really tiring.

Well, one thing down...another one to go. This time around...i am going to be the one fighting. A long week for pure mental, physical and urm...something else kind of torture. Enemy's a bitch too. Fight pro soldiers. Men are not quite up to the standard or the occasion either. And im not sure of my condition either. Fighting in the mountains? Urm...ya. Kill them all and let god sort them out later. Sort who out? That's the big surprise that im not keen off. If my men dies...tat means tat im a failure. If they do...then im not a failure...nt a success either. It does however give me a leverage to what courier tat i might be taking on in the future. Hopefully tat i do get the job of my choice cos frm my point of view, leaders of men in this army are effectively uneffective. Like the saying goes about the war fought from 1914-18, "fought by heroes, lead by fools". Hopefully, whatever happens nxt can changed that fact coz rite now, im feeling very very vulnerable about our country's stand. If they cld pay for my education...id be really really grateful to do the country's armed forces some good. Some real good.

Then again, people would be asking me y? Why take up a shity job like that?? Well, first of all, its not really abt the money. Financial wise, i've got support from my parents. Ya. I noe, im already so old yet im still depending on my parents. WEll, its because of the country's system thats y im like so. Challenge? There is also a lot of chanlleges elsewhere. Im not looking for challenge. But, i am looking to help people. So far, tats most of the things tat ive been doing. But i dont quite find that fulfilling. But if u look at africa, middle east and a lot of other countries, u'd find orphans and the poor and dying and damn. Kinda like MCR's song. But no...my dad did talk to me abt such things before.

Helping people. Yea...children especially. Why? Well, tats coz they are the people of the future. So far, ive been unable to do a thing about it. Even as i serve my Ns, i was demoralized when i was told becoz of my status, i was unable to go out for peacekeeping missions. Peacekeeping? Well, only regulars cld do it. And if i was a regular, well, i'd be one step closer to be able to do help those poor kids. Their parents cld be..urm...overlooked. Ya. Coz they did all they cld and id say its simply not enuf coz they were already like their children to begin with. And they are dying. They are hoping however that someone does come and help finish off their job as a parent to provide for coz they were unable to. They are already in that condition. The inferior position to fulfil their roles as parents effectively coz their parents were also like them. Help the children, help the others. The multiplier issue here.
Some other time then.













Well, exercise is coming. Like what my ex-OC said, "when it starts, it starts to end". Hopefully, there's a lot of truth to it.

going to climb a moutain later...

Yes...finally. Moving out to do what i came here to do. Wish i was going out for some sort of operation instead of just "playing war". What's the use? You dont train for tourneys with more training. You do it with warm-up games. Followed by friendly matches. And usually the starting of the season, u usually start off with the easy teams to pick on. Well, that is an exception to most teams but tats how it basically works. Rugby is simple. Rugby is life. Rugby is war....without the gore.

Anyway, last few days is urm...rather mudane. Same shit, different day. Cept for today where we went thru some bit of training for the coming general activity. A lot of walking but who gives a flying fuck. Im going out with great enthusiasm. Something like this doesnt happen. Especially if ure in my position. But rite now, everything seems like one big vacation and im enjoying every single bit of this shit. No me, no worries excpet for myself and my collegues. Simple shit. Different pace.

Tat's what bores me tobe where i am. Its nothing but exercise. Operation is reserved for those extra extra special people. Fucked up. Foreign army maybe?

i am fadzils friend and i think he is abang body.

3rd day and its still nothingness. Spending the whole day in camp sleeping, eating, smoking and the occasional trips to the toilet. Fuck...this is killing me.

２ｎｄ　ｄａｙ　ｉｎ　ｔａｉｗａｎ　ａｎｄ　ｉｔ　ｆｅｅｌｓ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｉｖｅ　ｂｅｅｎ　ｈｅｒｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｔｈｅ　ｅｎｔｉｒｅ　ｏｎｅ　ｍｏｎｔｈ　ａｌｒｅａｄｙ．　Ｔｈｅｒｅ　ｉｓ　ａｂｓｏｌｕｔｅｌｙ　ｎｏｔｈｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｄｏ　ｈｅｒｅ　ｅｘｃｅｐｔ　ｔｏ　ｍｏａｎ　ａｎｄ　ｇｒｏａｎ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｔｈｅ　ｆｕｃｋｉｎｇ　ｃｏｌｄ　ｗｅａｔｈｅｒ　ｈｅｒｅ．　Ｗｅｌｌ．．．ｅｘｃｅｐｔ　ｔｈｅ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｔｈａｎ　ｏｃｃａｓｉｏｎａｌ　ｓｌｅｅｐ　ａｎｄ　ｔｈｅ　ｒｕｎｓ in the fucking cold morning wind and maybe soccer. Other than that, well, maybe a trip to the town near camp and that's that.

Exercise wont be around for another 5 days tops. Till then, its nothing but wake up, run, breakfast, sleep, lunch, sleep, dinner and more sleep. Eat sleep, eat sleep. It gets pretty dead around camp.

Nite's off in camp is urm....just as dead? But we are surrounded by the taiwanese civilians. WHERE ARE THE CHICKS????? It only makes it more dead. Only during this time do people wait to actually go out into the field even if it means no hot shower, no hot food, no warm bed to tuck into for the next few days. But yah. The soldier in me wants to go out there. Just to pass the time? Maybe. To gain experience? Possibly. A more likely reason would simple be: because i can. Time to enjoy my sex on the beach and some salad now.

This is the last write before i fly off to taiwan tonite. A mth of taiwan. Weehoo...that's abit of an extended stay isnt it? Well...duty calls. Have to answer it. No arguement to be made.

How i wished i had went there by ship instead. Flying simply scares the balls out of me. Imagine this while sitting down in an aircraft the next time you fly. Underneath your feet is the floorboard. Underneath that will be millions of wires and cables followed by the fuselage. Underneath it all is nothing but 30,000ft of air. Imagine falling thru 30,000ft of nothingness. Ground is coming up fast into your face. Yeah...scary isnt it? I suppose that's what aircraft entertaintment's for. Keep your mind out of things like that.

Well. Orders are for me to take the plane to taiwan. No choice given there is it? Hopefully everything goes smooth sailing.

I'd like to write more but gotta pack. Yeap. Till nxt mth then!

Week's been great. I think. Imagine coming back to work on a weekend because some topper fucked everything up and u just had to be at the receiving end. Fuck! Really fucked. He cause unimaginable logistical nightmare. If he was at the receiving end...then he'd know how everyone else feels.

Major exercise coming and guess what?! Im holding a major appointment! fuck! Two ways to look at it. Im going to fuck up big time or........im going to learn something new and in the process make a name for myself. NOT INTERESTED in both!! Well...learning something new...maybe. Making a name for myself!? Nope. No thanks. Im not in it for fame or fortune. Im in it so that i can help my men get thru 2 years of shitty life. My life itself can get pretty shitty at times because of this. But who cares?! Im loving it! Except for certain times. And for certain leadrship.

Cant really talk abt something to get ur brain thinking coz im sort of in a rush. CAnt really talk much coz it might get me into trouble with the army too! rofl. Life's a bitch.

Rugby....yeah rugby. Getting the feel of it again. Can feel the fire re-igniting again. 7 years of rugby. Hope it goes on and on and on. Rugby's out smoking's in. When i get to play it again...rugby's in smoking's out.

The frequency of me writing in has getting lesser. Nothing really to talk about.
Well...there are somethings.

Incompetent officers.
Screwed-up organizations.
Kanchiong boss.
Me being overlyambitious(Think i'll make it into Special Forces?).
A nice girl that i got to know off over the net who takes killer photos.
My bro performed at Ngee Ann City Kid's Central Big in the City(wasnt tat good compared to the last one).

What else is there? Oh yes....incompetent people whom im surrounded by. Thankfully...they are the minority.

Do what is right because it's right



That's the quote im damn sure i'll be able to remember vividly thru my life. It's from Letters From Iwo Jima. Its not just another war flick. Yup. I noe ppl already started moaning and groaning "why another one?!?!". Well, it certainly had the cinemas filled up(i got a ticket 3 rows from the front and i got the ticket more than an hour before the show), it had good reviews, it certainly didnt have much hype than any other movies that were released this month(they all proved to be a huge dissapointment) and it certainly had a connection with me. Or my life at least at this very moment.

War. It's a terrible thing. Again...everybody can say that they noe that war's a bad thing. But do they? Do they even have the opportunity to even come close to war like situations? Nah...they just believe what they see on tv. They dont noe what goes beyond the tv screens. The actual human emotions. Our hopes and aspiration actually dies when we go to war. Nobody's coming home alive. People simply go to war and die. Cept' for generals who claim to fight wars and able to come back alive. Those bastards are simply sitting in some air-con room planning on how we soldiers eventually die. Whether we die on the enemy's left flank or the right. Whether it'd be death by small arms or huge guns. The list actually goes on. All we can do to stay alive is to look out for each other. Nevertheless, there will still be death. And im not only referring to our side but the other side as well.

NOticed that im not calling them the bad guys or enemies? Well...while our own forces may seem to be referred to as friendly forces to our people, we are also referred to as the enemy to their people. Vice-versa for the other side. See...that's war. Everybody dies. Everybody loses. Nobody gains. Nobody's right. You dont win for being right. You win cause you're left. You're the only one left. That's how you win a war. There you go...more sadistic truth about war.

It isnt just about people dying. Not about destruction or the lost for others. Its so much more than that. A lot more. Some lost in translation. Others just unspoken of. Think i might change my own perspective about going to war as well. Nothing glamourous. Nothing great. If someone tells you, "Congrats! We're going to war!!" or somewhere along the line, be sure to give the fucker a boot to the face cos he aint thinking straight. You simply do not congratulate people to die. You simply dont...

Oh wells. A year has gone. 20 now. Guess what i did on my birthday? That's rite...i lit up a candle...yes...yes. And then.......i started to dig my own shellscrape. Followed by inspecting my men's shellscrapes and attended orders. Yeap...the birthday of my life! So the exercise went along uneventfully. First time i led my men to a fight. First time i led anyone into a fight. 20 something men versus 51 men and we eventually overcame them. HHAHAHA! WE're good!!! Auuwah!

Okay...enuff with that bullshit. Its getting old. Back to real life. Well...that's what it is to most of us anyway. What is deemed as real life by many is only temporary to me and many men like me. So what is real to many? Well...i suppose what they read in the papers is what's real to most of them. And by them im referring to people of all ages, religion, race and sizes whom resides in this bloody island. Hmph...im getting nowhere with this.

In the papers a few days ago(the newpaper actually) i've read a really really sad story. It's about an old lady who got kicked out of her own house by her own son just because her bitch-in-law couldnt accept the fact that she works as a cleaner. BRAVO! Bravo bitch...u dont even take a second to even realize that its because of her dirty job that she's able to put her son thru medical school and he's eventually able to earn at least 200k a month. She said tat she's ashamed that her mom-in-law was a cleaner. WTF?! If she's ashamed that my feelings that i have for her would be undescribable. Disgusted? Horrified? No...that would still be an understatement. Hell..it would still be an understatement to call it an understatement. Reminds me of the malay folklore "tanggang". The son and the wife eventually got turned into stone. Wonder what they'll get turned into this time. Oh! Oh! I noe!!! They already did! Well..not literally but they're practically stone with what they're doing to her.

On other news(seems like im reporting the bloody news now) OUR MPs are doing a hip hop routine for the chingay parade this coming weekend! AS if they cant make a fool of themselves anymore, they decided to come up with this sort of bullshit! Their aim- to foster ties and understanding with the youths of singapore. Word of advice: you're old people. Doesnt matter when u were born. You're already old people. A few more years and you would be qualified for the purple ez-link concession pass. SO START ACTING YOUR AGE OLDIES! So what if you're born after indepence? So did most of the people i noe. But are they acting like a bunch of yuppies? Nope. They're acting their age like most adults should be. Want to act young? Head down to a club on weekned. Dying for some old school music to remind you that you were young once? There's DbLO with their satuday's mambo night.

WEll...i've got nothing else to write right now partly because my comp is laggging like hell. So some other time i guess

A few more hours before i really turn 20. Oh yeah...its the age where u grow old to join the group of twenties ppl yet you do not get the privileges that they get after they turn 21 or even 23. Dont get me wrong...im not in a hurry to grow older. Well...i used to but found it quite dissapointing. Being a child was still the best time of my life. No cares. No worries. No money.....but who cares? No job. No responsibilities.

Look at me now. Take care of 6 men...some of them actually older than me. Some babies on the way and all sorts of something going on in their background. That's like being shotgunned minus the wife. Sorta. But its all good. Going out to fight on my birthday tmr! Yeah. What a way to spend the day i got brought into this world. Training to take someone else's life from this world. The irony of it is so great that i have difficulty expressing it in a way that everyone understands.

Oh wells...happy birthday to me!

I went to watch my brother perform at the grand finals yesterday(ya...go watch it on tv) and i suddenly had a question to ask my self. What am i good for? My younger brother seems to have it all. He joined silat and fought his way to being a champion. He picked up the guitar only a couple of years ago and he won more than a thousand dollars. He's doing alrite in school. Hmm...my elder brother seems to receive a lot of care and concern from my parents. He picked up smoking and my parents jumped to his case. Counselled him and all till he stopped. He wants to learn how to drive...and my parents gave him all the financial support when he need them. And when his studies stunk...my parents jumped too.

What did i get? Hmm..i picked up smoking and my parents treat it as if it was all normal. No nagging. No scolding. No counselling. Nothing. I went to play in a rugby finals...they didnt come. They didnt even want to see my medal or trophies that i've won in subsequent tourneys. My studies were alrite and they didnt take notice. When my studies werent alrite...they couldnt care less. No..dont get me wrong here...im not complaining nor whining or whatever adjectives that you can creatively come up with to describe my situation here. Why? Well...coz u're not creative enough being the singaporean you are and im really not whining. Jealous? A little bit. But not for the attention that i lack of. Im loving it! Yeehaa! But for the achievements that both my brothers have made. Whatever they are capable of..im lacking of it. I cant play the guitar nor really be smart in a sensible way(coz i only like to study and be smart in something which everyone else isnt interested in). Im just not musically inclined i guess. YOu could try to get me to play the trumpet coz i used to play that instrument. Guitar was urm...to mat-ish for me. Im not being racist here...im just being a dickweed. ROfl

Anyway...my brother's band was really rocking'. They did a cover versh of a song which was really really refreshing. For those who watch the show on kids central...you'd have to wait for that episode. And at this very moment...im listening to it again and again. Kinda hooked onto it. If only they choose to record it or something...yea, they could practically quit school and do some heavy rocking full time. But this being singapore...that's a really stupid thing to do. It's different yes, needs a lot of courage yes, with a bit of luck they might be able to make it after all yes but its still really really stupid. Trust me on this one. Whenever a decision is deemed stupid, i'd be able to recognize it being that im in command of men who have made stupid decisions in their lives. So there you go...

And yes...back to camp with 2 swollen ankles(got them from jumping off a certain heightened carpark after the performace). At least my "policeman heel" thingy doesnt hurt as much now. Chinese pain theraphy really works this time around. I can run now!! wohooooo! But my ankle just got more swollen so i think im going to take a bit of time off from all the running with my men. And that's how the cookie crumbles....

i noe this is kinda belated but it seems like the bestest of all time to talk about it. remember the yellow ribbon project last year? Yeap..the one with the cheesy song(nxt time come up with something original. doesnt have to catchy. simple will do. as long as it gets the message across) and the overkill of the message. Yeap. Give the ex-offenders a second chance. Sure..the goverment has been encouraging private companies to give them a second chance and hire them. Some of them eventually turn out to be outstanding employees. Bravo! The project was a success! Hahaha...not in a long shot. Now that im a sargeant in the army...ive been blasted with lots of new things. Things that as a young boy, im too naive to know. Too...carefree. No..not carefree...maybe careless because im still carefree now but i couldnt careless then. Project was a a total flunk. More of a parody if it really was to become of something.

Still...i have my role and responsibility as a leader, a brother and a soldier. Everyday...men will share with my an insight into their life, their hopes and dreams. At first glance, most of them are quite intimidating. Tattoes, foul language, body language....and just their presence. Fuck all that. They're still human beings. They breathe. They eat. They bleed. They get hungry. They feel. They cry. They smile. They....need i say more?

Still...what second chance do they get? Where issit coz i dont see any. Men have came up to me and talked to me about joining on the army as a regular. However, they were rejected on cases such as criminal history, poor education levels...and so on. Those fuckers dont even know that when the bullets starts flying...politics, ur education, ur status and everything else goes out the window. But what do they care. Bullets wont be flying over their heads soon. They've got pikachus to do it for them while they rest in the comfort of air-con, food and their own loved ones. While we will be out there fuckingly uncomfortably...dont noe when will be our next meal if there's any or if we will ever come back to see our loved ones. We dont noe. We can just hope for the best but expect the worst to happen at the same time.

Yet...no matter how unselflessly my men put their lives on the line...they still do not get any attention. No..im not asking them to be rewarded. I myself could do that. Another private could do that. Im talking about helping these poor buggers to realign their lives. Trust me...they want to make things better. They're just not given the chance or the choice to do so. So if they dont repent and repeat their mistakes who's fault is it? Theirs? NO fucking way......

Food for thought. Why would someone want to rob a bank? Is he in dire need of money? Maybe. Does he have an agenda? Could be. Is he crazy? Crazy enough to do it. But those kind of answers wont suffice. Why did he rob the bank? Well...because he can.

Another weekend coming to an end. The one i had this week isnt like the one i had the other week. Oookay...i had fun at sentosa and all....but it could have been better. Not really sure where i had gone wrong...no point pushing it anyway.

Anyways...commanding has definately been a challenged so far. Yet..i have yet to go out and fight the enemy with my men following me. Problems they shared was definately far worst than what im having(if i am) at the moment. NS is where people from all walks of life come together. Yeap. The people from the top class become the officers. The middle class become the sargeants while the lower class become men. What the fucked up mixture. People from all walks of life come together just to do what they routinely do as always. The only difference is that they wear uniforms.

Still...my men have taught me a few things. Got a problem? Laugh it off. Dont think too much about it as it would only dampen ur spirits. Kinda like what they're saying.

Trainings getting tougher by the day. The only easy day was yesterday. That line is quickly becoming quite catchy. Hate it though. Miss the tough training nonetheless. Its what makes us Sargeants different than the men and the officers. We live for this kind of thing. Well..most of us are. This is judging from what we did at sentosa yesterday =) That acjc girl should noe about it.

Back to camp. 2 guard duties in a week. Life couldnt get any worse than this i think....

The first weekend of the new year is coming to an end. How does this weekend compare to the one i had a year ago. The other one had me waiting tables. This one on the other hand has kept me wanting of more adventure like the ones that i've been thru. They might be great adventures but they're still adventures.

In the other weekend i was a civilian. In this one...im just another soldier. Uniformly equal cept for the rank maybe. 3 stripes. 6 men under my charge. Might not be the best but they will be soon enough.

I know i said that i wanted to bitch about singaporeans....but not really in the mood to do it. But i am in the mood for 1. Just 1 singaporean. The typical over-ambitious, low EQ-IQ, steps over-everyone else fucker. Quite a lengthy adjective but its still not complete. The words that i just used to describe him is simply an understatement. Seems to me like the dude whom made my life(along with my other mates life) a living hell has just been reincarnated. Maybe they're cousins? If they are...there must be seriously one fucked up family somewhere on this island. Whoa...scary thought. But im just un-fuckingly-lucky to end up with an idiot like him. Hurhur...i noe im being evil and such...but ya. People who piss me off eventually will suffer terribly. Direct confrontation is punishable. So let's get political shall we? ROfl...he's still wondering why the army rejected him when he wanted to go on with the army full time. ROFL...even at a lower level when collegues already resent him...how can some starry fella not do the same?

Anyway...in case u're ever wondering why i ever even thought of signing on...well.....a picture speaks a thousand words doesnt it?



Well...further explanation can only be done orally. Further explanation to the pictuer, to my decision and to everything else...

Two boys were boasting about
their own father during a party.
"My father can beat yours!"
"Big deal! So can my mother!"

My very first post of the new year. Yeap. Its already 2051hrs....but who careS? Not really anyway. The new year started off with me going off for a a 12 klick run. Not a new year resolution. Exercising is never a new year resolution for me. It's just to bullish. Im not old. Im not middle-aged. So to hell with people who make exercising sound bloody impossible.

It was an interesting 12klick run actually. Ya....running on an upset stomach. So i had to stop in the middle of the run to run real quickly to a toilet before i continued. Nothing interesting about that. Comedic...maybe. Maybe not...at least its not a resolution u fat assess!

Anyway...people were quite friendly today. Another resolution of the general public maybe? Be a little bit more friendly. And by people..im talking about expats. If i was talking abt locals...i wouldnt be calling them people...i'd call them singaporeans. Majority of them put on a sour face everytime the step out of the house only to change it when they have linked up with other familiar faces. Me? I put my face into neutral. Why? Coz if i put it into friendly...two things would happen none of which i want to experience. One would be people start to approach me with tin cans or forms or any other shitfucks that's possible. The other thing that could happen would be that i'd be labelled as a crazy bugger. Possibly an alien. Yeap..that's singaporean in a nutshell. Im lying there's actually more. Why cant we change??? Maybe that should be THE new year resolution. All the aunties and people like them shld be brain washed. Oh! Their children too coz they've already absorbed too much from their mommies. Hmm...maybe i'd talk about the singaporean personality some time in the future....think that shall be my next post?

New year resolutions. Rofl. It's always the same.....people want to exercise more. Bleah...bullshit. They arent even doing it in the first place. Tend to come up with some bullish excuses like lack of time and fuck like that....

Its like if u want sex. Exercise should be that way. How much you want to have sex? Very much probably. Well....how much do you want to exercise? Should be the same then! No matter if you have tons of work to do...no matter how late it is...no matter whatever stands in your way. If you can ignore all those so that you can have sex....i suggest you do the same with exercising.. Then you tend to wear the same thing as i do...you wouldnt make it look so ugly by then.

Think i've finally recovered to write again. Keyword here being "think" so im not really so sure if i'll ever recover. Then again...who the hell have nightmares of the bruneian jungles? Not that many. Guess im one of those few. Nevertheless, i made it through...barely though. A lot more of such exercises coming my way. Heard its going to be a tough new year ahead. Back to back exercises which leaves me to do only one thing when i go home for the weekend....sleep and eat aka recovery. There's two way i could look at it. First, i could be thinking, " im in for a whole load of shit". On the other side, i could also say "im in for a whole load of shit....but at least my NS stories might be a bit more exciting than others".

Guess not many have that kind of mentality. Maybe because they're too lazy to think of it and rather think about the shorter one because well....they dont have to think too much or too long to decide on something. At least they could have kept it to themselves. I mean...i noe that its fucked up but you dont have to dampen my spirits even more. That's like dumping me into the ground than piling me deeper all the way into the earth's core. For god sake's! Im a fucking sargeant! Man look up to me. If i dont even have to proper thinking...how are my men going to have one? Me being demoralized or dampened will multiply by the number of men under my command. Yet they still talk to me about how fucked up its going to be. Plz...keep it to yourselves!

In less than 24hours time, i'd be going back to reality. Yeap...that's the army. The reality for me now at this very moment is the army. Weekends at home is like the sweetest feeling that you have when you wake up from your sweetest dream. Just a glimsp. No matter how bad things might be at home, its still a sweet dream that only comes to you only once a week. That's only if you behave and perform. If you're deemed unfit to go home for the weekend, well...life can only get better from there. Like the saying goes, "if you hit rock bottom, you can only bounce back up again".

Well, guess the army has taught me a lot of things so far even though im just about to complete my first year in the army. Might teach me a lot more once im done with it. It taught not to think because if i think, that only means that im not sure. We might not be the smartest of humanity, but we get things done. Each time im confronted by a situation i only do two things. I appreciate and i excute. Seems to make things better for everyone especially me and my men. Besides, the world keeps spinning just fine if what we do doesnt suit to everyone else's taste. Well who cares about everyone else? They're not serving the country. Most of them will never know what it feels like to go thru shit until they serve their national service in the army. No where else can you get this wisdom and experience. I emphasize again, NOWHERE ELSE! Sure you'll be doing real work in the police force or the civil defence force. But in there, you're just carrying out your daily routine only from a different perspective. From the perspecting of the representative of the authorities. That's all. The army. Well....it snatches you away from your old life and make you do a lot of funny things that you might never do or will never again in your normal life. It bonds people way beyond families are bonded. Men become the closest of brothers. Only soldiers understand soldiers. Countries, race, religion, status and everything else that divides mankind blurs down to only one thing. The uniform that they wear. You wear green. I wear green. We're both the same. The only difference is who we side. Or which top monkey do we call "Sir".

Things will never be the same again. I long for the day that i get to see my 15-year old face that's on my IC. See and remember what it was like to be me before i got snatched off from my life. Try to reconnect with my life to see if i really am able to do so. If im not able to, guess the army's for me until some war comes along and rips me away from everything else that hasnt been ripped off yet. Until then...let's hope all goes well for me.

I've been to hell and back. Im fucking glad to say that im still in one piece. The jungle was a total nightmare. To add to that...it was fucking mountaineous as well. Fuck..dont want to talk about it.....think im traumatized.....Good to be back in Singapore!

Alritey then...the eve of my departure. Guess what? The insurance company sent me a letter and asked me to fill up the nomination form. ON THE EVE OF MY DEPARTURE!!! Might not be anything to everyone but to people like me...people who prance around in green fatigue...it's bloody pure bad luck. Its as if the bloody company is expecting to die soon! What the hell...

Okay...this is it. 18 days of pure urm...bullshit? Yeap bullshit inside the foreign jungles. Fact is..i just got back to singapore! And im flying off again. Nxt month..i might have to fly there again for another course. Yea balls...i might as well become a pilot so that the army can save some money by letting me do the flying instead.

This is abit belated but if you all read the papers a few days ago, there was this article about an old couple who lives in a makeshift shelter at Sembawang Beach Park. He fucked up children decided that he wasnt worth it anymore and left him to die....or somewhere along that line. I mean...who the fuck has been taking care of them since they were young? They said they left him because he's too lazy to go find a job. Idiots...dun suppose they started working to support their dad ever since they left their mummy's womb. Bastards. Well...maybe i dont noe half the story. But this is my point of view. So ya..i can be just as rubbish but wthat fuck. Who cares?

Anyway...........the report wrote that they will be referred to the relevant authorities. Fuck. The dude's poor, homeless and starving. By the time they did find the relevant authorities(some dudes with really deep deep pockets) he'd die. Maybe not...but im just stating the worst case scenarios.

And they say money isnt everything....hehs. Those people must be goddamn idiots. Even monks need money. They cant be meditating all the time and not eat. They'd die of hunger eventually. They're humans too you noe. Everyone needs money. Sure the monks dont work for it. That's because they dont have to. People donate money to them. And for the rest of us normal folks who cant be very religious to be a monk...a priest...or anybody religious to say that "money is the root of all evils"...that's because nobody donates any money to us. We'd be working our ass off 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 30 or 31 days a month(depending which month it is. Could even be 28days if u're talking abt February) just so that we can earn some money to pay for our food, pay the bills, pay for our education, our transport and so on......We do not get donations. So if you're one of those religious types who says that money is the root of all evils...screw that thought. You need money to survive. If you think you dont..that's because either you're getting donations or that you're already dead.

The only donations i'd give are to those who really need them. The poor children. Nobody else. Children cant work. If they did, their parents would have been fucking lousy. Yea balls. Kinda got reminded why i wanted to sign on as a soldier in the first place when i was watching We Believe by Good Charlotte. Dun ask how can i fight for those poor children as a soldier. I have a rifle. I have the skills. All i need is lots of money and im all set to settle things. Sounds idealistic? Im an idealist...that's y.

Anyway...be back in 3 weeks time. When they say that santa clause is coming to town...it's really us soldiers coming back home just in time for christmas. ;)

Past few months, i've been listening to a lot of warna lately( thats the malay radio station for those numb chucks out there). Kinda reminds me of what it was like in this house 10 years ago. 10 years ago...hmm....primary school days. Those days are long gone...dont have to worry about at thing at all cept maybe for getting your homework done on time and urm...where you were at in the pokemon world. Yep.

10 years down the road and im wearing green...day in day out. And after a few months of training, im with my chevrons. Not so much pay but a lot more responsibilties lately. I dont mind them responsibilities. Hell....i love it...i think. At least my men are motivated. And that is good enough for me. 10 years and im shoved with a lot of things to think of. A lot....a real big lot. The kind of things that adults do. Not children. And come to think of it...i like being a child for once. Well...maybe that's why some parents are like that to their children. Coz they're cant bear the fact that their children is so happy and carefree and they're not. So they try to even the odds. Sounds like a stupid thing but it could be a very real fact. Who knows? Unless you're a parent, you wouldnt know right? Its like telling someone the dangers of urm..lets say smoking when that person doesnt even smoke or doesnt even noe someone personally who smokes and tat sort of activity actually caused the bugger some sort of a problem. Bleargh...long winded explanation usually doesnt get the point across....Let's summarize it. DOnt critisize coz u do not noe what the hell you're talking abt! Yea balls.

OOoookkay. Adulthood. Instead of something that im evolving into...im being thrown straight into it. Yep. And its unstoppable in singapore. U noe why? WElllllllllll....coz every male singaporean has to go thru National service once they reach a ripe red age of 18. Yep. The buggers who implemented it didnt even have to go thru with this shit and his son...welll let's just say he kinda skived thru everything. Well done! Bugger doesnt even noe that between now and 21....this is when a person gets to enjoy most of his life. He's young. He's more financially independant(not so but still...) and he's able to make choices without much restriction or obstruction of any way. So why the hell am in stuck and not being able to be somewhere else to develop myself so that i can evovle into an adult and not being shotgunned into one?!?!?

I mean that's so much that someone like me can do. ...like continue studying and getting a degree. Yeap. That could work out nicely for me. I could travel the world and see it without having to train for it and only getting it for only 4 days as a form of reward for my ever so dedicating hard working me! I wonder if they're still wondering why male singaporeans are quite immature. Well..there you go! Have fun trying to figure out what i've just said. AAOUAH!

Allrite. Hell week is finally over.....i guess. Finally got the cap badge that we had to suffer for. The week ended in a bang. Literally. Revielle at 0530 was by thunderflash. We had turnout! Funny part was we still had time to run to the toilet to pee before falling in. After that, all hell broke loose. We were rained with all sorts of punishments and a wonderful vocabulary of something something. Hell yeah! Drew arms within 10mins. Ran 5 klicks with SBO, helmet and rifle. Yeap. May seem nothing to some but to us...it was excruciating. This considering the fact that we were still sore from 5BX(times a million) from the past few days. Also, we had nvr ran the distance before. We carried on with casevac, weapon stripping and soc before another casevac. Oh yeah.....it was pain. Lots of it. Hell, i still havent recovered yet! The only way to survive that day was to keep telling oneselve: Nothing Lasts Forever.

The week ahead looks kinda relax...all thanks to the hell that is Brunei that awaits us this saturday. Im flying off....broke. Not very nice. Not very nice at all.

Fuck...all i can talk about is the army nowadays. We suffer the week thru and when the weekend comes, we're too tired to do anything else. Not to mention the amount of responsibilities we now have to shoulder being commanders....Sargeants...we're really screwed. Our men puts pressure from below while the officers puts pressure from the top. We're not screwed...we're squished. Squished Kebab.

Hopefully the nxt 1 year and 3 months will pass on by quickly......dont think i'll ever be the same again....ever.

"Sargeants are the solution to all problems at hand"
-an officer

All right. This is it. This is what i've been training for for the past 21 weeks of my life. To become a leader. Become a specialist. No use having second thoughts about it. It'll only make things even worse. And yes. Brunei. Holy FUCK! Just get it done and over with i guess.

Been meeting a lot of old friends lately. I wonder why. just a an hour ago, i bumped into Rizal. Been school mates ever since primary school all the way till secondary school. And last weekend, Syakir bumped into me online. A few days ago, bumped into ful. Yeap. A lot of bumping into some old friends. Not to mention catching up wif my jc classmates last friday. Life was good....till now. Booking in to fulfil my job as a fucking platoon sargeant. Blearhg. A job is a job that needs to be done properly and excellently. Oh wells....

Still, i could have gone to guards you know.....its just a thought.

That's it. After 21 weeks of Section Leader Course...ive finally passed out as a 3SG. Some say the course is one tough nut. I seemed to have cracked it effortlessly. Sure....sacrifices were made. But...didnt really feel anything. All i was doing was doing what had to be done. Ya balls. Dun want to get fucked was one thing. Getting things done properly only benefitted myself. Sounds selfish but that's human nature. They wouldnt do anything at all unless it would benefit them. Dont believe it, reflect upon yourself. When was the last time you did something as a selfless act? So what if you donated 20cents to some flag day thing? I bet its for you to get that damn sticker and treat it as a form of immunity against hordes of "volunteers" who would come and pester you for some loose change to be dropped inside the tin can.

Sadly, i didnt make it to the elites. Seems like everyone is going somewhere that they dont want to go. Im going to an infantry regiment as a platoon sargeant. Platoon sargeant......hmm...sounds glamorous. But it sure as fuck is a lot of shit. Care for your men comes into priority. Plus, you have to look after your PC as well. Well done FAdzil! What the fuck did you get yourself into? Well...a job is a job tat needs to be done. Hopefully im going to do a good job. Balancing between care for soldiers and letting them step all over me. Its a god damned thin line. One which i will be balancing for the next 1 year and 3 months.

On other news, i just came back from taiwan. Guess what? Im going to brunei on the 2nd. YippeeE!! Im fucked. Its been barely a week since i touched down in singapore and now i have to fly off again for another 3 weeks. This time though, im going as a commander. This brings the next question....i wonder if there'll be any difference for the trip this time around.

Wonder how the previous commander do it. Well...either im going to perform as how they did or do a better job. Hope it'll be the latter part.

Swift & Deadly

IM BACK! IM FINALLY BACK! Can believe it! IM NEVER FLYING AGAIN! NEVER!!! But only if im given the choice lah. NS, not much choice. Fly means fly. Training means training. No two-way about it. Afterwards, it would be land transport for me all the way. Maybe im just being paranoid but i hate flying. Why? Coz its really uncontrolled. I dont fly the plane but even if i did, it will still be uncontrolled. Unless of course i suddenly have the control of gravity and i grew wings instead. Besides im claustrophibic and have a fucking fear of heights. Yea balls. FLying was the only thing that stood between Singapore and Taiwan. Im fine at being at either places. The flying part was a huge turn off.

Taiwan...what about taiwan? We climbed mountains almost everyday(Im supposed to be very fit now...rite..). Its fresher, more relaxed and very unclustered. Heck, i like it there. After 3 weeks being there, i didnt really feel the urge of not being at home. I didnt mind at all. Tat was really really scary. 4 days of longstride was very adventurous? GEtting lost before finding our way out. The view that we kept bumping into consistently during that exercise was simply to die for. Eventually, we were fucked for simply taking it too easy. Hehs. So imagine how much we rushed to make up for the lost time. We ended up overtaking a lot of teams and reaching the end point at a very civilised timing. Lucky sons of a gun we were.

After that was 9 days of warrior. 9 days of balls scratching action. One objective a day. That's how fucking boring being an infantryman can get. Okaylah, we had our share of fun. Moving off 2 or 3 am in the morning to our objective. Take the objective within seconds(most of the time anyway. The last one took us 45mins). Fighting on top of mountains. And on technical break, washing ourselves in some orange plantation. I mean, how many times in your life do you get to run around stark naken in some orange plantation? Chances are never. We were lucky to be able to do so. On one harbour site, we had plenty of oranges to eat. PLENTY! It was nice. AFter the last objective, we had to evac from the place to the LZ. It was supposed to be a helievac. Instead of Choppers, we had tonners waiting for us. How we get there from our objective is pretty much "inspiring". REmember the movie, BLACK HAWK DOWN. When they ran from their last stronghold to their safe haven? Ya. We did the same thing. Running with our wounded and dead. EVERYTHING ON! Pretty cool.

Rnr cam soon after. Well, im too lazy to write it. As soon as i get them online, i'd update u all. HAve to report tmr at 0730hrs. Crap. Back to the regimental lifestyle again. Fucking hate it. Anyways, POP in a week's time. Nxt wednesday, i'd be offically 3SG FADZIL. Dun mess with me. I'm not nice to mess with. Never. Im of a different breed. The rare aggressive kind. My buddies have seen it. My men will soon see it. Good luck to them. Hey-ah Ho-ah Infantry-ah!

Noe what im really afraid of? Dying. Ya. Dying far away from home. That's the only concern that i have right now. I mean, death? Aiya...who's not going to die? Everyone will die eventually.....rite? I hope those freaks no longer exists. The only thing im afraid of is to die after being away from my family for a very long time. Hopefully(really really hopefully) that doesnt happen to me. Coz if it does...it would suck like fuck. Oh wells....Taiwan better be nice to me.

Nearing the end of my course. YA BALLS! Soon, people will be calling me Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgeant! HELP!!! ROfl. Especially recruits. Let's see how my options are...if i go to 4 SIR, i'd be taking 1 year old soldiers. That means, i'll be ORD-ing with them. If i end up with 3 Guards, i'd be training the best. Since they start as recruits. If i fuck up somewhere, i'd end up in tekong. Condemned for life(NS life lah..)

My english has been deteriorating ever since i enlisted. Hell! This is the first time ever that i've been surrounded by so many malays! Thrilled? Possibly. Hell, we malays make the best soldiers! Why? When there's work to be done, we'd do it. And we do it goooooooooooooooood. We're soooooo proud being a soldier that urm....we'd march properly? I dunno...there's a zinc to it. Some sort of an X-factor to it. I mean, who repelled the Japs to almost total annihilation during ww2? The malay regiment! No retreat. No defeat. No supplies. No reinforcements. No chance in hell that the japs were getting thru without getting thru them first. YEap. MALAY SOLDIERS. Wonder y the govt prefers to keep the malays in the low these days.

Maybe it could be because of the M&M syndrome these days. Yeap. Mats and minahs. Well....not all malays are mats and minahs. Not all is bad. That's like saying that all chinese are bengs. And all indians are urm...indian gangsters. Or all middle easterners are terrorists. Well...that's the perception everyone has esp to the middle easterners. Wear a burka and u'll need to liberated. Grow a beard and tat means you're carrying a bomb. What bullshit? Guess its the people who stereotypes who are the ones that are FUBAR than those who have been stereotyped.

And to that idiot who gave the open secret. SCREW YOU! NSF to NSmen...im going to knock the socks off your balls!


Gawd...i need some rugby.....

I juz got mistaken for a student today. Or since its after 072359hrs, yesterday. A year ago, i was mistaken for an NSF. What's wrong with people?!!? Maybe its them. Could be me. Longing to be a student these days. A year ago, i was longing to be a soldier. Grass is always greener on the other side...maybe. Maybe the grass is radioactive. That could a valid and stupidly imaginative reason. K...juz being childish.

Taiwan taiwan taiwan. 4 hours flight+4 hour bus ride+3 week wait+Come back home sweet home+POP= 3SG Mohd Fadzil. The best of the best. Go to unit. Lead my men. ORD. Back to studies. Back to life...

ORD. That reminds me, i need to get a job to support myself. Im thinking starbucks or taxi driver. Barista/taxidriver by night, student by day. Sounds like im going to be some sort of a superhero. A weird screwed up who's only life he's saving is his own. Yea well...start small. End BIG. YEa balls.

Not much to blog these days. Running out of things to blabber about. Cept for the bloody haze these days. But im taking it all out on Welson since he's from indonesia. Wonder how he's taking it. Aiya...the bugger's rich. He could juz pay me to shut up. If only he knew...

Hmm....what else? Nothing much i guess. I miss home a lot more these days. Dunnoe y.

Finally. Home. Been a long week of fighting this week. Didnt really feel it though coz most of the time it was spent fighting or sleeping. Ya. We Singaporean soldiers are damn famous for sleeping anywhere, anytime! Even during parades. So now you know......
Finally, i passed my SOC test. For those oblivious ones, SOC is the shitties test ever to exist that tests our physical fitness in a soldier-y kind of way. 700m rundown. A wall to climb over. Bla bla bla....and finally after jumping off a ramp with barb wires at the bottom its "RUN LIKE HELL OR YOU'LL FAIL IDIOT!!!" for 600m to the finish line. If you've seen the movie Army Daze, you'll know what im talking about. I clock 8.46mins for that. The fastest i did. Time to go for commando standard. Yeah balls!

Okay, what i've done so far, Combat Skills badge. March all the way through the night. Finished it with a day shoot for advanced targeting. Did a few fast marches. Ya. And fasting. And ya. A live firing platoon exercise. Kinda scary when you're the commander for such exercises. You actually see rounds flying past you. You'd have to really have the balls to trust your man not to shoot you in that. Tip of the day, be nice to them! Works well enuff for me to live another day.

Fasting. Making me skinny. But faster. Stronger. And even angrier. Ya. Esp when ppl who are not fasting that do not do their job accordingly. They claim to be tired. I'll kill them if i was holding an appointment. Those buggers have been lucky so far....

Okay, now im out of things to write coz everything that i've written so far, its been quite boring. U think? Ya. Cant wait till taiwan training. Winter training!

Today is the day of all days. This is my last weekend. EVer. Till i come back from ROC. Yeah balls. OTHER ppl have started to use this phrase too. It's supposed to be a golf 3 thing. Oh wells.

TOday is also the day of all days coz its the only day that im really dry for the entire day. The whole week has been a wet week. And to make matters worst, it just had to rain. IT JUST HAD TO! Watermanship was quite a bore. Nonetheless it was still cold and wet. Topo was a dissapointment. First time ever that i could find a checkpoint. We're saved. And guess what? Ya. They made us do area cleaning lower mandai. WTF?! Standby Nature Reserve. They just had to activate us. I mean, there's those OCS brats who could go there and do it. After all, they are going to be doing nonthing but Only Can Say after they are commisioned. Might as well get them to noe what its like to be on the ground(picking things off the ground too). Other than that, i've got nothign to write about.

Nothing political. Nothing nothing. Shisha was a first time. Felt giddy after a few puffs. First time for everything. Hopefully i dont get addicted to these things that ive been trying out lately. Hopefully la. Negative side of life? Hey. Who cares.

You what they say? There's a time and place for everything. A couple of years back, i thought it was during my JC days. Noooooo. That was the time and place for me to study some more(and actually become smart or follily attempt to) and plan more rugby and enjoy my last two years in a fully rigidly structured education system(ya. I kinda like taking a back seat in life. There are times that i need to become a the driver. But back seat's kinda comfy for me) NS IS THE TIME AND PLACE FOR EVERYTHING! Yea balls! Clubbing. Smoking. Shishaing. Late nights. Doing stuff that i dont normally do. I seem to swear and curse a lot more these days too. Wonder how im goign to cope from nxt sunday onwards. Ya. But, i do tend to make a concious effort not to do it once im in civie. Hmm....aiya. Who cares?

Crap, im still a bit giddy. Lack of sleep or issit hte shisha? Take a breather and eat. Yea balls. EAT!!!! I've got a choice of MEe Rebus or Nasi Briyani. Mom cooked recognizable food this time around. Routine. Jelak. But at least i noe what im eating. Weeeeeee. Giddy giddy giddy. A bit of high. ROC LOR! POP LOR! ORD LOR!!!!!!!!! 1 year 5 months to go!!!

Life in a jiffy. Think i've clocked almost 30klicks of running this week. Running and running and more running. Hell...my calves are still hurting. And ya. I've finally grasped what life is going to be like in the weeks to come. 3 weeks away from homeland. 3 weeks before that away from home. Nxt week will be the last weekend.....possibly ever. War. Hope it doesnt happen. Coz if it does, i'd be shipped out on a one way ticket. Fight and die. That's how dispensable we soldiers are. Fucking sad fact.

On lighter side of life(army life that is), shot two virgin weapons. Ya...one wif blanks one with live rounds. Best weapon ever shot. No stoppages. Juz cant shoot wif the screwed up weapon. Its meant for assault. Not for sharpshooting. Need some more practice to get use to. Heck. I went for the day shoot 3 times before i got it right. Missed 3 out of 16 on the last shoot. Got all 12 at night. Bobo marksman. Right on ballz. Ippt is still a silver. And this story is getting a bit boring.

So on with yesterday. Or this morning. dblO. Nice place. I think. First time clubbing. So ya. Eye opener....more or less. Loud music(retro night). Rofl. So you can imagine the kind of music that was blasting away. Nice. The only thing that still freaks me out a little is how the people there have all the dance move figured out. And they all(most of them anyway) do it with NDP precision. Yeap. NDP PRECISION. Its a 21 and above club. NSF and soldiers are considered above 21.....somehow. Maybe soldiers only. And true to what dharman said, i met a few people i noe. One of them, my buddie......OZ OZ OZ! OIE OIE OIE!. Found another platoon mate. Found my secondary school mate. And i learn a thing or two about clubbing(i tink). 1 is that when someone taps you on the back or on the shoulder, you dont have to turn around coz chances are they want to walk past you. If it was your friend(or wants to be)they would have talkd to you immediately. And...i kinda forgot the rest. Had to act as if i was drinking guiness. Ya. Guiness wif straw. Right on.

Went down to Obar after that. The younger crowd(i tink) RnB was rocking the house. Kinda nice. STood around till 4 girls started dancing infront of me and dharman. But these few short fucks cutitng infront of us. Soooooooooo......we just watched them dance away. Sucks. Everyone seems to be friends there. Thats nice. Smelt of smoke and drinks on the way home. Got home really early.

On the heavier side of things would be the IMF convention. What's up with the wayang? Over exposure? Why cant we just go about doing things as they are cept with the heighten security at the meeting. I doubt they have the time to go shopping. Sight seeing. I doubt they even give a fuck if the service was upped(cept for the other kind of service). Well, the millions that being spent, well, its a waste of people's money. Ya. But the media is going to be carrying someone's balls. It belongs to that person anyway. Ya. Maybe its organic.

9 more weeks to my stripes. Watermanship. FIBUA. Exercise Grand Nutcracking Slam. Exercise Starlight burning my hari raya. Sounds exciting doesnt it?

Eagles with pride we lead! Hoorah!

Im dead.....or dying at least. Juz got home this morning. REgimetnal duties...bleargh. At least let me know in advance or something. Overworked. Underpaid. That's my soldier's life. Fuck...im still proud on being a soldier. Cant take that fact away. And the fact that im now sick. Yeah. Overworked. Undercompensated in pay, rest, food and urm...psychological something somethings.

Anyways, this is going to be the first time im going to spend my hari raya way from my family. The entire two weeks of it. Yup. Hari raya falls on the day i do my section battle course. You people will wake up to the joys of hari raya....food, family, friends and much more. Yeap. The joyous feeling of fasting for an entire month. I on the other hand will wake up to the sound of my instrutor's barking, gun fire, explosions, my heavy breathing and we shouting command to each other so that we only have to do the course only once and once only. Hari raya will be spent fighting and capturing an objective. Im proud to be soldier...but doing this shit on such a day? Fuck...

Anyways, i'd have my brothers to celebrate it with me...well, sort of. Its taiwan and ya. Its taiwan. Winter wonderland. Hoorah!