Im am damn bloody exhausted from the morning's training. Well, exhausted and dissapointed. But they kind of balance out one another so, i guess, there was some value-addedness to the training.

Let's talk about being dissapointed first. Hmm..to begin with, there was only so many people who turned up. I have no idea what happened to the rest! I mean, if you say you have something on, do make it a general information to the whole team about what is it that you have on. I mean, this is the only way to curb out any sense of prejudice by the rest. I mean, if it was really important, we would understand. I mean, we have lives too dont we?

The dissapoinment doesnt stop there unfortunately. Because they did not turn up, they are going to be deadweight to us all. I mean, instead of us being able to progress, we would have to start off where we started off TODAY and get those who were absent on par before we could actually move on further.

This is extremely exhausting. It is exteremly demoralizing. It comes to the point that i see no point to come down for training because i wont be learning anything new there. It'll just be the "same shit different day" phenomenon occuring over and over again. I mean, its less than 4 weeks to SUNIGs. All of us have something to prove to ourselves, our peers, our team mates, our school mates and to our opponents. Hopefully, just hopefully, everyone has this mentality. Even if it isnt everyone, majority would do.

So basically that sums up everything. And oh yeah, its exhausting also because im fasting. But i cant let up just because of that. That's a really poor excuse one can ever use- fasting. Hiding under your religion just so you can escape abit of hardship? Well well well...isnt that what fasting is all about? Experiencing a little bit of hardship? Else, why did God made us fast for one month in a year? He has his reasons...we have to find it too. Even if we cant, we can always find our own reason to do so. Most of the time, his reason lies within us- we just have to keep searching. It's there...

It's been one hell of a week(maybe weeks) for me. Well, one presentation down! But then, there's at least 2 more presentations to go! Sian.

Let's talk about my view on life. Life is one big parody if you think about it. Well...are you thinking? No? See! That is exactly what i mean. In a sense, it really is stranger than fiction. Things that you never thought would happen ('cause you've never seen it happen before either on TV or in the movies) really happen! I cant think of any solid examples right now because i havent seen one happening to someone. Damn...im talking in circles! If there was a crop field right now, people would think that some alien invasion was about to take place judging from the circles i've made on the crop. Either that, or the farmer would be so pissed that he decided to become a farmee! Hahahahahahax. Ok...im really talking nonsense here.

I really have no source of "inspiration" right now. Usually, moments would inspire me to write about something. Most of the time, it would come to me when im riding (my bike! tsk tsk. what were you thinking?). Then, by the time i get home or reach my destination, i completely forgot what was it that struck me. But im pretty sure it wasnt a big-ass truck or some car driven by some faggot fag!

Anyway...i've found this awesome website! No, its not youtube...its www.punoftheday.com With puns like "The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran." and " The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference." im sure to crack even more lameness that by the end of it all, you wont be able to walk! hahaha...

I really should stop this nonsense right now. Noodles!

Ok. Great. It's been a dry spell for me. Well, blogging wise at least. Then again, have you figured out that it is always when you're in no situation to write (or even near it) that the best thoughts come to you? For me, inspiration comes to me on a bike, when im running or when im right in the middle of a match. The stoning moment comes to me when im no where near a pen or paper much less a computer. By the time i eventually get to one, the moment's gone. I forgot what suddenly struck me. So i keep some paper and a pen in my bike's seat compartment. You know...just in case.

Music has served me well. Well, not well enough because if it was really well, my life would have background music to it. Well, can always make do by plugging into my mp3 and walk/ride around. Works well for me. If i cant do that, i'd just think about the song in my head or WORST! I'D SING IT!!! So............if you happen to hear someone wailing nonsense whilst on the expressway, that's probably me singing my lungs out. Nope, i havent been pulled over before but they do give me weird stares.

Certain songs does have certain effects on me. I dont know. One of the most prominent song in my life would be Androgyny by Garbage. It was during my Individual Marksmanship Trainer(this simulated range) session and it was my turn to shoot. The technician had the radio turned on onto 98.7fm and then that song came out. My nervousness(i was nervous btw) all disapeared and i even got a perfect score! From then on, whenever i shoot, i'd play that song in my head over and over again because when i didnt, all my rounds didnt square up. When i did, everything landed where it should be(imagine if my target was a real person, that person would have really hated Garbage...the band at least). That became my shooting song.

Another song that simply drives me crazy (when im on my bike) would be Supermassiveblackhole. Yeap. Muse. Suddenly cars dont matter as i have this immense desire to slip and slid through them. Corners becomes fluid as i bank from corner to corner with ease. And no, i am not exagerating. If you see me on the road, and i suddenly speed up and go through corners like i was in some sort of a race, Supermassiveblackhole is on baby!!! Yeah...

Guess there's a lot more songs that i could list but that would make things too boring. So i'd leave it as it is. Alright, time to get to work.

I guess, at the end of the day, men, truly is alone.

Past few days have been quite boring for me. Its still routine albeit in a lepak kind of way. Morning gym. Afternoon, spend time with her or tuition. Night, rotting at home on the computer or either that lepak-ing in jb. With a great shitload of time, comes a whole lot of ball-scratching(DO NOT TAKE IT LITERALLY! HHAHAHAHa).

Anyway, i've been spending a lot of time on FB, looking thru photos of my buddies. God i miss those times. 2006-2008...NS was a haven compared to what i have now. Aimlessness is overwhelming me now. Idleness is the devil's best tool to turn a crap crap-ier. crap-ier. Like i said, ball-scratching action.

A lot people would give me the puzzled look (some even the look of pure hate) when i mentioned that i enjoyed being a soldier. Maybe, if they went through what i did, they would understand why i would dare mention such a thing. I got the whole complete NS package. Whatever you can think of, i have done it. Of course, don't over think it because it aint what its like like its one the TVeeeeee. The mere question of what my NS is like would spring me into life of story-telling. God i miss that life.

Can you imagine? Wake up at 6 for breakfast followed by a run, shower, lessons, lunch, lessons, training, shower, dinner, nights off...and the whole cycle begins the very next day. OF course, every now and then i would be overseas for a bit doing the same thing but with a little bit of TWANG added to it. Aimlessness would not be an issue as there is always something that we would have to achieve.

Maybe my ramblings are a direct result of nostalgia. Perhaps....but who can deny the fact that great company would turn any horrible even or situation into one which is enjoyable. None would have brought out the worst out of them and yet being able to bring out the best of them when the time calls for it. Sure, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. But no one must forget that it also begins with a lot of bitchin' and moaning too. You simply cannot deny that. I can still remember each and every experience vividly as if they are happening to me there and then(that's what i do when im stoning). Every night, i would be dreaming about putting on the uniform every morning and setting out to do what i am good at: Being a soldier.

Right now, to whomever is reading is, i am sensing a lot of loathe from you. But like you, we have different dreams...different goals in life. Maybe i am destined for this? The purpose of my existence. Perhaps? Only God knows what is my purpose of existence. Wish he would tell me....soon...

"Loneliness is simply God's way of wanting to have a word with you in private - Anonymous"

Micheal Jackson's death shook the world...literally. I bet all the blogs have mention his passing in one way or another. Perhaps, maybe just perhaps, mine would be the only one that is forthcoming in a way that his death is just a mere passing remark of what i am about to write.

His death got me reflecting about how time flew by so fast. I can still vividly remember the day he came down to Singapore. I swore that i could hear people chanting out his name from the balcony of my late grandfather's flat. As i am typing this, i can still remember how every nook and cranny of the house smelled like, felt like, looked like...memories overwhelming me. This was about the time when i was around 3 maybe 4. I had my cousin pointing to the direction of the Swisshotel at me and saying that, " Tengok saner! Nari Micheal Jackson perform kat saner!". Subtitles: Look! Micheal Jackson is performing there today! I can still remember him dressing up like the King of Pop. Jackson fever was an unstopable epidemic.

Everyone looked so young then. My dad, my mom...my grandfather looked sickly and as fate would have it, he passed on a year or two later. My cousins too looked young. One of them passed away a few years back followed shortly by the passing of my grandma a year later. Everyone looks so much older now. My dad just celebrated his 51st birthday and my mom her 48th. I do still rummage through photo albums that have been left to be cobwebbed in one corner of the house to be reminicsed of all the memories i've had since i was 20 years younger.

Alas, time is speeding up. The more i try to slow it down, the faster it spins. Its like all clocks in this world was mean to ticks on faster and faster as days wears on. Its like i do not even have the time anymore to enjoy a single moment of my life. It's depressing really. Age creeps up to me faster then you can even have the moment to think that it is really catching on to me. Right now, my dad is the exact image of my grandad when i remembered him. I hope he wont go so soon.

I cant help it. I know death is eventual. I just cant help it. I simply do not know how to deal with the losses of loved ones and i simply do not want to learn how to. When those 3 people, mentioned earlier, died...i did not cry; i did not even feel as if i had lost someone. I felt numb. Perhaps i did not appreciate them much. Perhaps i do not know them that well. But from what my dad told me, both my grandad and my grandma loved me and my brother (my youngest brother wasnt in the picture yet when my grandad passed away) truthfully. I had not come to know that because my grandad passed away too quickly when i was too young. By then, my grandma was already paralyzed and was not able to speak much less have the ability to actually dote on us. But from what i knew, they loved us with all their hearts(my maternal grandparents couldnt really care less).

I want to love. I want to show that i care. Somehow, i have lost that ability to show it to my parents. Something is wrong with me...i pray that im not to god.

There are only two occasions that will bring friends and family close together to a person: birth(or birthdays) and death. Truly, it is the only occasion whereby you are able to gather your masses to celebrate the existence of you in this world or the passing of your existence into the next. Although sadistic and many of you might disagree by saying that weddings too gathers the masses, it simply no comparison to the above mentioned occasions: both momentous in their own right.

Truly, i will never understand why only at the last moments of a persons life do his/her loved ones gather around just to see the person for the very last time. Only at the verge of death do people wished that they had spent more time with the person. Nobody blames them for it is within our society's system to occupy most of our lives with salaried labour; forcing it through various means albeit most of them are nothing more than noticeable.

I have seen more people shedding tears of grief rather than joy for the person who is passing on. Truly, one cannot regret that the person is passing on but to be joyous(to a limit) that the person has lived a full life- one that the grieving should be happy about. A wise man once said that nobody should be sad for the person is dying but should be glad that the person has led a full life. It does not matter how the person lived it. For it was preordained by the almighty-albeit choices were made, it none the less lead to the same ending: death.

Rather than grieving, why not spend time celebrating the person's existence in this world with whatever time we ourselves can afford to. Afford...pfft. Time has been converted into a commodity. The more we try to obtain it, the faster it runs out. Its like we are hanging from a cliff, struggling to clasp onto the edge. The more we struggle the more inevitable that the fall seems. The more we try to grab, the more we seem to be losing grip.

Do not look for how things end up. No matter what, it will be alright in the end; if it isn't alright, then it is not probably the end yet. Every race can be finished. It does not matter what one does to finish it but what matters is that one will eventually finish it. Instead, enjoy what you are doing, and while you're at it, share it with your loved ones for the only permanence is that all will perish at the very end. Do not bother about that. It is beyond control. Do not grieve. Be glad that you have celebrated live with the loved one. For the dying, do not cry for it will all be over soon.

Life is a pleasurable, death is peaceful. IT is the transition that is bothersome and painful. Do not celebrate just for the live of the newborn. Celebrate for the dying too for he was once a newborn too and at one point, somebody has celebrated that matter. To grief and regret is to do the same for his existence.

Work is taking the best out of me. Then again, it wont feel like work unless you get tired out of it. Imagine this, the best times to do anything gets taken up by work. I cant even go to the library to borrow books that i can read during the slow periods because they only open from 1100-2100...and that is how my shift is like too.

On the hindsight, it does get enjoyable at times. It's amazing just how much you get to learn about someone or about something in a very short period of time. All it takes is the "Madagascar Penguin Method" to get it all started (just smile and wave boys...just smile and wave...). But ones it does, i can get them to share their live stories and all this is happening without me saying a single thing. I just smile and nod. They do occasionally ask me a few things like urm...how i am getting paid. haha. Ya, other than that, it's just me listening to whatever they want to talk about.

One thing that i have observed about hospitals is that it is a great place to have family gatherings. Before you go on to say what a BASTARD i am to say such a thing, let me explain. Firstly, i have experienced it myself. My uncles and aunts are busy with their own lives so its kinda hard to have family gatherings. But as my late-grandma got sicker, she was constantly being admitted into hospitals. Being the children they are, my dad and his siblings would go down to visit my grandma. Naturally, their families would tag along too. Dare i say it, it was a great way for everyone to catch up on each other: seeing how their nieces and nephews are all growing up quickly, how each other are doing...things sort of like that.

It seems like the best way to bring people together would be grief. Death and illness seems to bring the best out of humanity. Not talking about just how everyone would pay their last respects to the person how has just passed on.It is up to the point that i had no idea who 70% of those who came down to my grandma's funeral- Friends, family, relatives...most of them i have never seen before. But my dad and his siblings were comfortably chatting with them so i assume that its someone familiar to them.

ROFL. When i digress, i really digress! Anyway, back to the hospital. There seems to be a lot of old people there. Some already a century old! Imagine if i could get them to tell me about their live stories. I could be writing hundreds of biographies or maybe a compilation of their live memories. The best part is, before this, i have never even knew of their existence. And to those who are reading this, you can only imagine of their existence- face, names, height, weight or even personalities are all imagined because you all have never met.

This reminds me of the time in my Secondary school days when i was constantly dragged to old folks home as it was part of my CCA(i got tricked into it because they said we were firstly prefects/councilors etc.) But when i think about it, i really ridicule those people who go to such places only to mock the old(by prancing around on stage or singing). I think they get enough entertainment just by watching television or listening to the radio. Or better yet, they get 2 of those types of media and much more with the internet! Really! So......(in order to refocus, one has to go out of focus...hahahahha!) ya, back to what i was saying. What they really wanted was some company. Someone to share their live stories with. And with each visit, i would take the time to sit down and listen to them talk for hours on end about how they lived their childhood days, how their teenage years were cut short due to the war (there was even a world war 2 veteran!) how they sloughed through their entire lives just to bring up their children(and sometimes how ungrateful those bastards can be after all these years). Like i said, i could be writing biographies from them. Its amazing sometimes to listen to them. Its kind watching Big Fish over and over again except this time, the characters are different and so are their live stories.

So much talk about old people...i shall leave with this:

A reporter was interviewing a women celebrating her 104th Birthday for the news:

Reporter: So, madam, what is the best thing about being 104 years old?
Old Lady: No peer pressure

shall be writing something tonight...i hope

Why we fight?

I've been wanting to write this out for months now, but the P-monster(P being procrastination) looming around every time, it never did. So, at 4AM, i am going to this and it is going to be LEGEND..wait for it....................
...........
.......................
.......
DARY!!!!!! hahaha.

Why do we fight? I've always have this strong sense of fascination about wars, particularly World War 2 dubbed as the wars to end all wars(ironically, the cold war followed soon after and that ranged from a variety of political wars and races too). I've always wondered, is it in human nature to be in a constant state of conflict towards one another? If so, we may have very well discovered another constant in our state of constant change.

Up till today, i have no idea why so fascinated with this war which caused 60 million lives worldwide. Both sides, the Axis powers and the Allied powers suffered massive casualties both military personnel and also innocent civilians(notice if you took out the c and the i and add another l next to the l and rearranged it, it becomes villains). Are we, as human beings, corrupted and conflicted by nature? I would rather think that we humans are rather corrupted beings. If we were, the children of Adam and Eve would still be frolicking in the Gardens of Eden. Is it the temptation to ultimate power? Is it the money? Only god knows.

I am not particularly sure about other religions but mine states that whatever happens was probably meant to happen. In other words, all our actions, our words loud or soft, were all devised to happen even before we know what is going to happen. In this sense, i feel very small as i am nothing but a mere puppet in god's hand. I have digressed.

I have recently finished reading this book, The Longest Winter which is a book about how an American platoon managed to hold an onslaught by a force more than 500times larger then them. This action accomplished by them would go on to save a lot of lives(Allied forces of course) as it bought them more time to regroup, reorganize and countered this massive last desperate gamble by Hitler. They all survived the war after having gone through months as POWs. Years later, they would chance upon their captors and some eventually became the best of friends despite the fact that they had once tried to kill each other.

This isnt the only reported case as they are many others which i am currently making no attempt to cite. Hahaha! Well, maybe just one. In the form of a movie, Joyeux Noel which means Merry Christmas. Though it is from the Great War aka WW1, it reenacted the entire scene whereby soldiers from both sides came out of their trenches and celebrated Christmas together with their carols and among others, a game of baseball. Despite the merry making, they were order by higher command to get back in their trenches and the fighting resumed the very next day; it was as if they never actually met their "killers".

This fascination can fast-forward to the present times. All men are brothers, yet everyday, there is always news about someone wanting to kill someone. Someone, taking the food of others. The list goes on. I sometimes wonder, is this God's way of saying that the end is near??

Comments please....

As it is right now, im getting ready for my shift again which starts in 2 hours time. Hehs. It's kinda...urm..something for me this week. It's not really depressing but it does get to you if you were to do night shifts for the entire of one week. Asleep by the day and working by the night. Something which i am totally the opposite of. I am sort of a morning person if you will. No matter how late i sleep, it would be rare to catch me asleep after 0800hrs of that day unless its after a night of hard labour(or partying ;>)

There are many take backs to this experience for the week. For instance, the number of people i met during the course of my work. And yes, it seems that i am doing my night shift with different people every night. So it seems that i am the only constant for that post, everyone else is a variable. Is there something more than this? I cannot be sure about that. What i can be sure is that my eyes has once again been opened to the sides of Singapore that one would never get to view or even if presented with, one would choose to look away. Yes, the working class and what not. Talking to them has enlightened me with views and opinions over everything that is occurring around us(as to which i shall not disclose).

The last time i had such an experience was during the army. Yes, its the stories that one can only hear but never see, see but never experience, experience but only for an instance. I've heard about it, seen it, felt it...it is almost synonymous within my character. I want to help. I want to help more. I'm just praying that my results would turn out good hoping that im good for the SAF scholarship. Perhaps i can do more there then here or any other space which i occupy.

It's been days since i ended my 1st year of studies and all i've doing is unproductive work: just lazing around at home, wake up late, gym for awhile, call some people to hang out with...i feel that im getting fatter and fatter as the days goes on by.

Hanging out simply means lepaking under somebody's block and talking cock. Well, it's not the usual mat versh coz that versh does not include topics on how to make money(the honest way of course) or how to save the world(eventually). But it's all rather unproductive i would say. Hopefully i get that job or else my brains will stew in its own filth from this.

I guess the only thing that keeps me sane is riding. Yeap! Even though my bike is kinda small and is not as fast like all others, it does have it's advantages. Mainly, nobody gives a cahoot about it. This means(i really hope so) it wont get stolen or some bastard doest decide to use it as part of his ITE fyp. I really hope not.

Riding is blissful to me. It's especially so on deserted roads where nobody will call me a road-hoagger just for riding slowly...too slow for the bike of my kind to be going. Good thing is, when i want it to go fast, it will =). Hopefully, after it gets serviced, it gets really really fast- faster then i ever need it to be. The thrill is there. But speed is not as thrilling as negotiating through curves and corner. The smoothness of transiting between one bend to another..it's like poetry in motion, with the help of a 150cc engine(i really hope to get a bigger bike soon so that the power of my engine doesnt amuse others).

It's actually like flying a plane. Since i got rejected by the air-force, i guess this is the next best thing. My bike doesnt complain at all. It does give hints that it needs to rest, or that it needs to get well taken care off. But once i fullfill all its hints, its smooth running baby!!!

I really really do hope that the trip materializes because i really really want to experience the ultimate road trip experience. Miles and miles of open road (with friends i hope). Actually, it doesnt matter if im doing it alone but friends do help because that means that there's always somebody else looking out for you(in return for the same thing). Guess a buddy in need is a buddy indeed....that was real cheesy, i know. But buddies are hard to come by like shakespear once said, for those who shed their blood with me shall be my brother..

Finally! It's over! Yet..i dont feel any sense of achievement or liberation for that matter. Some say that its becase we didnt study enough. Too much horsing around they would say. I would say that...i've nvr worked so hard my entire life before. It comes to the point that once i stared at the paper, my mind went blank...4 times!

After each paper, it will be normal for people to be talking about the paper. I really really hate that. To me, what's done is done. I dont really like to bother much about it unless something from that paper bothers me. Lately, i've been getting into the habit of reading my notes at the very last minute even though i know it would not do me any good. Besides, from my PSLe all the way to my A lvls, i have never done it before. So why now? Peer pressure? Maybe.

Ah!! Enough about exams. It's the holidays now. I shall work so that i can save up enough money to go for that bike trip and pay for my insurance. Hur hur...$800 for insurance, im sure thats a whole lot more then what people are paying for for their cars. Nvm...i shall be patient about it and shall progressively(slowly is a Mat word) work on it. Eventually i'll get there. About the bike trip...we'll have to work out the finances according and plan out our route. Shah's grandma lives in Malacca so that's definately our focal point. Like Genghis Khan, we'll conquer the world on our bikes bit by bit. Hill by hill. Mountain by mountain. Continent by continent. One step at a time =)

I just finished a 3 hour session of physics help...cant seem to find my brains anywhere. Sigh...wished i had SOME background to it. Helps a lot you know. This is the result of a school structure so rigid that when you put it on a head-on collision with the school building...the building might just give way.

Education in singapore sucks...truly. Why do we have to sit for exams? What's the point of it anyway? To rate students on their understanding of what has been taught? There is some truth to it since it IS carried out on a large scale basis. But O and A levels...shouldnt it be stopped there? Why carried it all the way into the University level? Wouldnt tests and quizzes(once that pop out of nowhere) be a better measure? I mean, it keeps the students coming to class and also "motivates" them to study consistently. And IF they do not understand a part of that subject/course/module, wouldnt it be easier to spot them so?

This examination system really sucks ass. People who have not been coming to class or put in much effort except on the very very last minute basis (only towards the exams) are reaping the benefits instead of those who have been consistently strriving their best in their everyday life. This is especially so for those "genius" who are able to recall everything that they do at the very last minute compared to those who have been practicing it on a daily basis. After all, isnt each course training each and everyone of us to be what we have signed up for (for a "small" fee of 6-7k a year =D)?

Let me paint you a picture of what the system is really like and how it fails every single one of us. You work your ass of for your exams even though you do not even come for a single lesson. You get straaaaaaaaaaaaaaaight A's just because of that. You get hired by a company because of ur grades. They ask you to give a presentation about a particular subject (one related to your source of A). You just stand down there...like a deer caught in the spotlight/headlight/flashlight/candlelight/starlight/lightlight. Yes. Seen those. Heard of those.

The system makes us study for the sake of studying. What's the point? where's the end result? I hate this sense of spurious sense of achievement that everybody gets after receiving their results. There's distance yes...but is there any displacement between what we know now and what we would know in the future?

IT WAS LEGEND...WAIT FOR IT...DARY!!! I just got back from JB and every time i ride there, it never fails to amaze me. It's like going on a short vacation every other weekend. Super short in fact...just a couple of hours and its back to the reality that is Singapore(and exams...shucks!).

Petrol RM16.70
Bike Wash RM8
Chicken Burger RM5
Teh-o-ice-limau (iced lime tea) RM2
Fags RM7
Gums RM11.20
Experience of riding amongst some lawless riders in the continent Priceless

For everything else, there's malaysian money. hahahaha!

Even though we spent some 1hr plus trying to get in, it was all worth it. And while waiting to clear the checkpoint, there was even entertainment: Woodlands Checkpoint Symphony number 230843010481A in Horn Major, Minor. Hahaha...there was air horn, bike horn, Truck horn, and if im not wrong, this lady even had a bicycle horn because hers really cannot make it. ROFL. (Dont know why she even bothered...idiot).

Hmm...this feels great! I feel like im ready to take the world once again(but first, i have to take on my notes and then the four papers which are going to slaughter me)!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~...hopefully later on today will be much more productive for me...hopefully

Im supposed to be studying right now. But it seems that i have lost all drive to do so. It's became so mundane....doing it for the sake of doing it. It really really sucks ass at this moment. Then again, since im at the bottom, the only way is up! Horrah! Unless of course i dig a deeper hole..then i have no words for that.

Anyway, i've always wondered. How do we end up at this exact spot? What did we do to end up here? Where have we been? When did all this happen? Who made this all possible? It's really quite intriguing if you really think about it. All you need is some brain juice(if its not enough, there's plenty of fruit stalls to choose from in school)and there you go...a journey of stoning. Hahaha!

Hmm...since young, all i thought about was becoming a pilot flying a fighter jet. It's one of the coolest thing one can ever do. REally! I know, i know...those who ARE that will say how mundane it is, how boring it really is. C'mon! Who, in amongst the entire population of Singapore get to do it day in, day out(but since i've mentioned it that way...it does seem kinda mundane to some already. hahaha)? Then it changed...i wanted to become an army officer! wahhhhhhh. No no no...nothing glamorous about it. But the skills that i would have (totally irrelevant to the service, public or private sector) would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I should know better, i experienced the FULL army experience. One that none of our Uni boys would ever(or want to for that matter) experience. It was well worth it...every single second of it.

Not that i want to use that as a perfect excuse(nostalgia is never a good reason for you to do something or worst! being committed to it). Rather, its the skill that i have acquired and the amount of things i have learnt. Somehow, i feel that i belong in the army. AS of now, i feel rather out place. Plus...studying is anal!!!!!!!!

Ever have this nagging feeling that you feel like writing something but am in no means of doing so? It happens to me all the time. Call it unlucky inspiration because you have no means of recording down that one moment of brilliance. Funny thing is that it happens to me whenever im either on the bike or when im running. It's like a million an one ideas comes into your head and by the time you're finally able to write it down, it's all gone! Sucks-ass doesnt it?

Anyways, i just realized something about myself that i've picked up lately. I am able to converse like a true blue mat whenever the need arises. Cool huh? There's mat moto languge(and all its lingo), there's mat-bawah-block langugage, there's kedai-kopi mat language...etc. This didnt happen when i still had the 1 infront of 0-9 on my age. Cant say i picked it up in the army. But i can definately remember that it got to me only after i started school (after 2 years of rewarding break. if you went through what i did in the army, it was rewarding indeed. lucky few bastards thats what we are!).

Comebacks come as naturally as they are. It's like blinking the eye. You dont know you're doiing it but you're doing it alrite. And you can even choose to do it conciously. Amazing!

Another thing that i've discovered (every time an exam looms around, i begin my journey of self discovery...or so it seems), my lameness peaks around exams too. Its like nothing is going into my head...just rubbish that is coming out of my mouth. To those who are suffering from this, i really do hope that there's some entertainment value that you manage to scrape from every experience.

Well, i really intent on that Bike Road Trip with the rest of the P-plate club. Singapore-Negeri Sembilan-Malacca-KL-JB-Singapore. But i really am looking forward to that dirt bike rental in Malacca that Shah promised. Its like me coming back to mountain biking (last i did so was in 2003) only with an engine on the bike (hopefully this bike wont suffer the same fate what my mountain bike did...rolling down the side of Bukit Timah. hahahaha). Hopefully it will come around to be a success so that it can be a stepping stone for further trips when we get bigger bikes (SUPER 4 people! No DRZ!!! After that...AFRICA TWIN!!! WOHOO!!!)

Im out of things to write about. Take care now, bye bye then

im supposed to be asleep right now but i cant. maybe i shld be studying? hmm....nah....nothing's going through my head(perhaps i have thick skull hence the stuborness to all advice far and wide). Oh well...hmm. What shall i be kao-pei-ing about? How about errant and irresponsible dickies who drive?

I hate them. Truly i do. Imagine almost crashing into them at a rate of almost once every 10-20mins. Ya...maybe because they cant see us. Maybe because they dont really care. hmm...hate them...

Haiz...even this little activity of mine seems kinda pointless at the moment. Im basically writing about nothing. NOthing...hmm...that's an interesting topic to talk about. Nothing-ness.

Anyways, i thought of a great idea of how to create money(really need it for my planned road trip on me bike!!! Wohoo!). It struck me and as i quote from those who were unfortunate enough to be around me, "he's really talking nonsense but his sentences do correlate". Well, it started with the spotting of a tree covered by newspapers infront of S3.1. I thought...why not write the word HAUNTED on it to see if anyone would believe it. Shahul...in all his greatness, said that why not just put an alter there? Why not?! It sure would scare the hell out of me(thus making me heavenly...i hope. ROFL). Then...i thought, just like the monkey tree incident, i could make money out of it. In all my fucked up thoughts...i upped the ante by thinking...why not i place it at one of the benches? Surely ppl will think that there might be something wrong with it...or................it could be HOLY!!!! Bwahahahax. With the exam period and all...i could trick the ah tiongs into thinking that by donating to me to sit there for just 5 mins, they could be scoring As!!! Imagine that!

Prolly right now, you readers (are there even any???) are already judging me. Right? Right? Right? Yes yes...i know i sound like a bastard. Then again, a bastard is really a bastard when he isnt even trying to be one. Hmm...doesnt make sense does it? Ah...dont worry...it's just one of FAdzil's daily dosage of philosophy.

What is philosophy? Well...it's somethign that is sooooooooooo deep in meaning and sounds very nice yet totally unneccessary to anyone for that matter. Its basically making things more compicated. And those things are already complicated to begin with.

All this blabberring is getting me nowhere. I caught myself reading my previous entries starting from those from DEC 2005. Wow! 3 years(almost) and going? I used to be able to talk soooooooooo much about anything and everything. Damn...STUPID EXAMS! GIVE ME BACK MY ARMY DAZE!!!! I feel like i belong to wearing green(new stupid uniform included) better then to be buried in books. Honestly, i'd rather be taking a degree in Defense Strategies and....(damn, i forgot what was the name of that course they offer at West Point). Oh well...........How i met your mother was nice =)

Okay! Here we go. It's been a million years (almost, in spongebob-land time anyway) since i have ever written anything here. It's been here. It's always been here. I just choose to chuck it into one corner like how we always do to our memories. I guess, the analogy works here too. I mean, when was the last time you did anything that you used to love doing as a kid? When was the last time you went down the slide? When was the last time you had a game of "block-catching" with your neighbours running away from the ever-revengeful captors no slippers, no rules...just pure imaginative fun.

I guess most of us would give the reason that we are to busy with our daily lives to do anything of that sort. Then, there would be the rest who would say that it is to childish...GROW UP! That's what they would say. Well, in our pursuit of growing up, most of us eventually lose ourselves to the pleasures, pain, the comfort, the dreadfulness of life. From the little kid that has a million hopes and goals to a monotonous droid whom ploughs through the fields of paper and fax machines just so that they can carry on living.

To a certain(no wait, a great, no wait, a certain...im kind of undecided here. Then again, you decide what its really like for you) extent, that is true. After all, living in the 10th Most expensive place is no easy feat.

Never the less, i still love growing up. I still have a lot to learn. And i bet, so does everyone else. Why? Because the day that you start growing up is the day that you return back to the earth in whatever forms your religion permits you to. I guess The Ataris's "In This Diary" has really stuck on onto me. Being grown up is as just half fun as growing up after all...

Wah! I thought i havent written anything here in a month. Fortunately, it's only been a week. Phew! Well, whats up? Well, exams are just around the corner ( you know, the kind of corner that you would walk up to and suddenly, a monster just jumps up on you and gives you the scare of your life! ya...that's the kind of corner). Guess what? Im finally getting the jitters. And i have no idea why....haiz.

The last time i ever sat for the exams was in 2005. Yup...the A lvls. That was a relief cause i knew the next step for me would be uni. Ya...and here i am now. Truth be told, i didnt really care about exams. All i did was to put in my best and hope for the best. Like Franklin once said, " If a man already did his best, what else is there to ask for?" Yay FRank! Or was it some other guy??? Hmm...help me out here?

Its been busy studying, busy studying and busy studying. Here's how my routine is like: Wake up at 6.30. Shower, Run errands. I try to be in school by 8.30. Gym for an hour or less. IF there's still time before lectures or lessons, i'd do a bit of my raedings. Maybe get something to eat. YA...Then, at the end of the day (or during breaks, [use when applicable]), i'd eat my lunch before continuing my study (or lessons [again, use when applicable]). At 6, i'd have to leave to fetch sayangg. And hopefully, by 8 ( its a good 2 hour break =) FOR DINNER!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?) i'd be back i in school to continue till 11? ya...that's what my monday to friday is all about. Maybe saturdays too if im not too lazy.

I really dont want to screw this up. I mean, finally, i like what im doing and in the company (only some) of those who do to. I mean, in secondary school, i was surrounded by those who aspire to go to ITEs (hehehe...i was the one who instigated this project because i just didnt want to study. end up, i went to jc while the rest of my sitting-at-the-back-of-the-class-gang went to ite. Err...hehs). In JC, well, some were just plain negative about things. HEck...i played rugby all the way till the weekened before my A lvls started(it was a 2 years break from rugby after that for me =(... ). Ya..i digressed. The main point is, i know i can do this! I just know i can. Perhaps, i could have found my calling?(despite so many times of me feeling this way) I dont...

Well, the best i could do is to do my best like what frank said. Maybe i can now use what i keep telling: Have faith in your training, Hope for the best to happen (or hope that nothing screws up), and glory shall be yours to bask in. I wonder if they ever understood this or even cared...hmm...

Its been a very long time since i wrote anything on this blog. Well, one thing's for sure, my other blog is very much alive (and kicking) probably because its one my weekly assignments. Well, this used to be my daily assignment before i enlisted, during my enlistment and ya...it stops short there. Sucks doesnt it? I used to have funny entries that well...basically talks all the bad things and good things(occasionally) too that are all around me.

One thing i love about this space is, it's all mine (i suppose so). I dont get graded or anything for anything( NO MORE 3 TICKS!!! YESS!!!!). I dont get judge...but even i do, nobody even cares to tell me about it. Kinda like my diary i suppose. Yeah...and anything that i complain about wont get a feedback or cricitized or made fun of eventually....yea...sometimes i need that.

Well...i have about 2 more weeks till the exams and yes...its been a long time since i ever sat in one. The last time i sat for one was in nov 2005...ya..the A levels. Somehow, i didnt quite feel the excitement as what i felt after my O lvls. Perhaps because it was exactly the same as the post o lvl period so there wasnt anyting new for me to look forward to...except a new job that is.

Exams looming over...and ya...i still have other considerations to place that take precedence over my studies. Hmm...study too long...and it stinks...study too short...and im suffering. ya...i've been quite suffering in class lately too. I got a 61% for one of my electives. shucks....gotta buck up on it. And my 102 readings...wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy behind. oh well...better this than that i guess...

Welll...im getting kinda tired...so gtg. hopefully by the next time i write, it would already be the next centure...

i kinda miss the army...

First of all...Selamat Hari Raya everyone. And to everyone a Selamat Hari Raya!!! Yea...that's was lame. But im lame nonetheless. So, its kinda expected of me anyway right?

Anyways...a thousand and one things were running through my mind while i was on the expressway today. Nothing much..just thinking about the past 21 years of my life. Though it isnt quite my birthday, it is still hari raya. To all my muslim friends, im sure this has happened to you too hasnt it? Except for the expressway part maybe. People are getting older. My parents are getting older. The baton will soon be passed to me and my brother? The inversed relationship between parent and child, a normality in all our lives (hopefully so...especially all those infilial bastards), of us taking care of them is almost near. Yet, i cannot help but to reminisce about when i was little fadzil. How my parents doted on us three, how Hari Raya wasnt much but an occasion for us to receive lots of money from my relatives. Yeah...that was fun.

Well, things have changed. And to say it has changed a little is to be a lying bastard. Truth be told, i missed being that small kid. Everything was so much simpler. Everything was so much rosier. Now, im studying sociology and realizing how depressing this world really is and how much so we need that to be present in order for this society to function properly. Well...wish i was blissfully ignorant of all those things. Back to the times of my childhood. Where my parents are young and when i had a full set of grandparents.

You know it's kinda depressing to note that you're parents were once like you: childish, carefree and whatnot...they too had a full set of parents once upon a time. And that their parents are young. And that they might be very well thinking about the same thing that i am thinking off now. Well now, they're the ones that are in their parent's shoes. And im now in theirs. Wish time could just stand still forever. I dont want to be in their positions anytime soon. I really really cant imagine what my hari raya will be like without them...nor the people who are in my life right now. I know that i wont be able to meet those people that have already passed on or left my life for my next hari raya...nor this one. Wish we never have to lose anything that is near and dear to us all....

Its been approximately 5 weeks(i think) since i started school. So far...its been very very okay. Ya...cant quite think of any adjectives to best describe it. Well, it is something that i've been looking forward to since my 2 years in the service of the nation. Truth be told, i kinda miss the army. The times i spent with my buddies. Things were so much simple back then. Even if was suffering, im still comforted by the thought that everything would soon be over. The term, "pain is temporary..." really manifested in everything i did back then.

Best part of my 2 years was that i had company no matter where i turned to. Even when im out on the street, i would pride myself knowing that i am one of those who stand ready by the night to do violence on the behalf of those who sleep peaceably at night. Sigh...those days are long gone. Today, i tried to recall, " is it my left feet or my right that i should bang during drills?" Ya...and im supposed to be a master of that.

The overseas exercises which was greeted by a well deserved RnR after wards was one of the many highlights of my life. Everyday was a brand new day which seemed rather similar to the day before. Challenges were new though. And i actually have something to look forward to.

Now...its just not the same anymore. Its readings followed by more readings. Nobody really cares that im a student at NTU. After all, people are now able to pay their way through for a degree anyway. Its elitism, its prestige just isnt there anymore. But the experience that i had in the army...its simply priceless. No amount of money can buy it unlike degrees that are being bought at sim's.

oh well...life's a bitch anyway...

Ever been to those very unassuming 'mamak' shops under the void deck intending to just get a drink or something but usually ending up having nostalgic flashbacks? Hmm...ya...i love those kind of shops. Reminds me a lot about my childhood: back when i still had one... Hmm, sayangg brought me to her uncle's house yesterday to meet the rest of her family. It went smoothly...everyone treated me as though they have known me for a very long time. Then we got bored and stuff so decided to go out for a little walk. Went to this shop under the void deck because i was really desperate for a can of red bull. So we got it and then sat infront of the shop.

Behold! I saw my all-time favourite snack! Corn crackers which had chicken flavour. Bika! Or was it kaka! i can remember. It's this red packet with a picture of chicken and then the maker had a logo that looked like popeye or something. The snack itself? Its this yellow balls that would just melt away in your mouth if you just let it be in there for quite some time. I also saw a lot of sweets that i used to have everyday till my teeth started to rot back when i was still a small child. Yummmmm....

Kinda reminded me when i was a Gombak-ian. Everyday, after school(kindergarten still..) i would run all the way home (i dont know why but i loved doing it. my parents didnt have to fetch me cept when they really wanted to) and along the way to my home, would be this shop where i can get anything my child-craze-desires longs for. Great isn't it? Toys'r'us didnt do any good. I was into all things foooooooooooooooooooodd.. fact is, i still am. Every time im overseas, i'd find myself broke at the end of the trip but with little or no souvenirs to bring home coz i've prolly spent most of it on food anyway. hehehehes. Ya...i still miss that house though. Very peaceful and quiet. And windy too. I mean, where else can you go kite flying from the 9th floor of a HDB flat huh? We didnt even have to go downstais to the field. Just tossed the kite over the railings and there you go!

The good ol' times.....yeah....

Well, since i last filled up on a new entry, life has been preeeeeeeeetty good for me...i suppose? Just a couple more days and it'll be back to school after 2 years of chiong-suaing(still have 10 more years of that to go...) Hmm..sociology. What the hell do we study there?? All i know that somehow, somewhere we will be able to shape the future of our society based on our past. Yeah..i have 4 years to get that Degree and hopefully, by then, i would at least have a fair idea what sociology is all about.


FUCK! I sound like a bloody nerd who's blogging his life away. To begin with, im just a normal regular jackass who blogs about things he see's, feels, discovers(is this the theme for Singapore Discover Centre?)all from the very own pace of his perspective. But ya...really, life has really been kinda good for me lately.

Last week was THE BOMB!!! Went up to KL to participate in UiTM's 3rd International Sports Fiesta(kinda like drop ball fiesta) with NTU(fuckers typo-ed us as NUT). Hohoho..and i have yet to even start studying there. But it really felt more like a rugby camp than a 7s tourney. Felt like going back to the army...just with rugby. Plus...its been more that 15 years i think since i've last been to KL. The last time i went there was with my family and my uncle's family in a van. Yeah...i think i was only 4 or 5 that time. Cant really remember when. So...in all my vainest attempt, i thought that we'd be able(or at least me) to go visit places that i've been to before. You know, landmarks that postcards are made of when you're talking about malaysia, or at least KL. Ya...that didnt happen. Guys wanted to do something different, and it was pretty late anyway so...ya....hmm...Im seriously thinking about riding up there(solo or with a buddy) to explore those places. You know...the history and everything. Because before matathir, there was malaysia. With mathathir...everything became like the Chinese's cultural revolution. WEll...pretty much. Well, at least things are looking up for them now.

Seriously...i think qing yao shares this feeling with me...im wasnt quite done yet with KL. Well...at least we werent.

Hmm...it must have been ages since i've written anything on this space of mine. It used to be a regular thing that i used to do to express my thoughts about the world that i live in. Yeap...Singapore and just about everything else that i can see, hear and feel. Things have been a little bustling lately. School's starting in a couple of weeks time. Yeap...after 2 years of no school, im finally coming back to the world of curriculums, professors, lectures, tutorials, projects, bla bla bla and bla bla bla. Oh yes! I forgot! RUGBY!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (everyone who's reading this is supposed to do the Kallang Wave. If you're not, you're breaking the pattern. C'mon. You know you want to ;) )

Just had a wonderful day of riding with sayangg =) Going to places that used to be troublesome to get to without that bike. Nowadays, everything is almost a kickstart away(or maybe a throttle away, or a litre of petrol away. I dont know, you decide which one will humor you the most.) Places that we've been to lately: Romantic spots in Singapore that would have otherwise seemed impossible to get to, makan places all over the island, her house, my house, everywhere =). Yeap, things are kinda fun lately. However,(yeap, here comes the bloody horrifying suspenseful plot twist) i still cant believe what i did to her 8 maybe 9 years ago.

She came into my primary school halfway thru in primary 4. She was sooooooo cheerful and bubbly. Suffice to say, she made everything around her feel warm. Mary poppins kind of warmth =) And i had to bloody opportunity to sit next to her all the way throughout the entire last year in that school!!!! =) =) =) Heck, truth be told, i kinda liked it when some of the boys teased me to being with her. Yup. But good ol' fadzil had a plan. It was a very good plan! I tried to make her not notice me. Why??? Well, because i was a pussified shy little bastard. Ya...sayangg could testify to that too. I hardly spoke a word to her even though everyday, from 7.30am till 1255pm, i was merely inches away from her. DAmn!!!!!!! And when she got posted to another school, i was actually relieved.....HOW SCREWED UP CAN ONE GET?!?!?!?!?
For the next 8 years, not a day goes by without me thinking of how different things would be if i would have actually grown a dick back then(more maybe just an adam's apple). Me and my wishful thinking right? Well, guess god decided that good guys should get another chance =). And right here, right now, more than a year later, not a day goes by without me being grateful to having her in my life again(despite her being such a pms queen. Well, if i cant handle her at a worst, what makes you think i deserve her at her best? Hell yeah i rock her world =p). I love you sayangg. I really really love you sayangg....

Ya ya ya...not really like me to get all mushy right? Hmm...3 more days to KL. Yeah...Rugby in UITM. After that, there's going to more rugby for me =) =) =) So i got 3 loves in my life right now. Sayangg, Rugby and my new motorbike =) Hoooooraaaaaaaaahhhh!

Im sure at some point in our lives, everyone had wished that they could turn back the time somewhere, somehow. They wished that everything that was said and done could be unsaid and undone. The really wished that the ugliest moment of their life right at that very moment would not had happened if it wasnt for something stupid that they just had to do because they felt that they had the right to do so. Well, guess time cant be changed(cept if you manually change the time on the clock yourself but that doesnt really count does it unless you could really go back in time by doing that).

Sometimes, that folly actions of their's had cause something that they would inevitably regret for the rest. Then, they just realized: they had actually taken things for granted after all; they actually lost themselves after all these while and forgotten why they had actually set out to do it in the first place. They regrettably had burnt down the bridge that they have carefully crafted. One that they had wanted a very very long time to set out to build. It took them just moment of folly(or two) to just burn in all down in a moment's notice.

Only then would they realize: OH SHIT! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!??!?! So they dig deep into their imagination and think of ways(not neccessarily creative methods) that they can rebuild the bridge that has been burnt. Hope is something that constantly feeds their desire to dish out the burning bridge. Eventually, they might succeed. Or it could go south from then on. Hmm...that would really sucked if it did.

Hope. There was once this saying(im quoting from Flight of the Pheonix), "Everyone needs to be loved; if you cant give them that, then give them something to hope for; If you cant give them that either, then just give them something to do."

Hmm...just hope this moment of ugliness wont last forever

Its been a really long time since i've written much lately. Hmm...it used to be everyday that i just had to write about something. Well...lately, im not so sure myself why im doing this. Well...guess its the procastination villain in me that is overcoming myself. Partly because i havent really observing the world around me much...sucks doesnt it? Well, safe to say, the world is still quite the same. Singapore is still very much the same. Same ol' habbits and what nots...

Hmm...doesnt leave me much room to write much now do i? Hmm...i'll write tonite then. Time to get inspired i guess...

Guess nobody else knows boredom like i do. It's kinda like waiting for death to come or something...well, 2 more months of this and i guess that wont be such a prominent thing in my life since i might probably be sooooo hectic with my studies that i can hardly have any time for myself. Is that so uni people??? I dont know...this is only base on assumptions which derived from my interaction from those type of people.

Guess what i did today? Hey! I went to the gym!! WOW! Yeah..that's all about it. That's as interesting as it gets. Other than that, its just me rotting away at home. I was even hardly on the phone! Hmm...supermassiveblackhole. I think that's what this really is. Things have been kinda slumpy for me lately. I wonder why. The past few weeks, the school that i always relief at hardly called me. Is it because of the times i told them i could not make it? Well...friday surely pissed them off. They called, i told them yes. 10 minutes later, i told them i could not cause i thought i had to go all the way down to the east side of this island to get something that was really important for later that day. Oh well....

Well, sitting at home all day surely sucked like hell. Guess i really missed the army. Hell, i missed the army even before i enlisted. How about that? Anyways, i got this letter sort of thing from Community Chest. It's about this disabled boy(if you were to call them special, then i guess those OTHER special children are sort of disabled too?). He wants to be a soldier. WEll...what can i say about this boy? He only wants to know one thing and experience it for himself. Honour. Yes. Honour. I mean, how many people ever wanted to be a soldier when they were little? Its just like aspiring to be a murderer or something of that sort. Might as well call them twisted lil' bastards cause thats what they probably are. WEll, except that when they kill its for their country, their countrymen and blah blah blah...yada yada yada. Thats same old song again...Shittles, i digressed again...hmm, where was i? Oh yeah, that kid wants to know what honour feels like.

Honestly, if you were to serve, you couldnt find it anywhere. Trust me. Everyone's in it for the wrong reason. There are those few who are in it cause their personal believes. But yeah...Its just a tiny little fraction out of the thousands and millions of gigantic bastards. That's how we fare my little boy....

Hmm.....what the hell am i even writing about? Guess boredom plus blogspot.com sure is a great way of snoozing thru things.

Toodles!

Wow! Its been a long time since i've written anything. A month or so? Yeah..guess so. The last entry was on March 28. Yeah...that is a very very long time.

So what have i been up to? Well...practicallly the same thing i was up to before the army. Im practically aimless...clueless...yeah, without a doubt about it. Well, maybe there is some consolation to that. Im attending rugby training(on-off thingy) and getting my bike license pretty soon =) Yeah, cant wait for that. Im teaching too(giving tuition and SOMETIMES doing relief teaching). Most of the time, im with my sayang. =)

I've been kinda missing the army lately. Guess there's this big empty void that i need to fill up. 2 years ago, the army did just that. While everyone bitched and moaned about it, i relished every single moment of it. It has its ups and downs too. But its because of the downs that i bounced up to the ups even higher and enjoyed the fruits of it(it tastes much more sweeter). 4 overseas trips in just 2 years. Damn...the only overseas that i ever went to before that was just across the causeway. And that's about 5 years ago before the army. See how pathetic that is???

Well, im not patronizing the army or anything but i really had fun and i miss that. The challenge, waking up every morning know that you have something to do, knowing that you would always have enough and the experiences that you gathered, i gathered. It was amazing!

Now, there's rugby to fill up that void(the one about the challenge and thrills). But ya...i've got to learn how to better manage my time now. Guess not everyone understands why im so...hmm...(i cant think of any good words to use right now so im just going to go with obsessed) yea obsessed with rugby. Before that was the army and the things that i do in the army. Its within my comfort zone. There's challenge, there's thrills and there's loads of other people who are in it because they want to be in it.

Hmm...how i wish this knee of mine would get better sooner. Its kinda frustrating to just sit around. Well...maybe this aimlessness feeling that im getting wont be so prominent when i start school....hopefully it wont.

Hmm..its been a long time since i've wrote. To those who's been coming to my blog religiously to check whether i've written anything new, i would like to apologize. Procastination is mainly to blame for. And time spent away from the computer is something that's not true. Yeah...games, games and more games. Trying to take like as slow as i can for now. Bout' 4 more months till i enroll into NTU. 4 years(maybe 5 if masters withing reach) and im done with proper education. Hmm..wonder how that would feel like. Sayang's already experienced that. Job hunting's a bitch to begin with. Hopefully, she'd get a good job soon and end all worries =) Dun worry ya, one is on the way sayangg =)

Teaching has been really demanding actually. You're juggling between educating, disciplining, politics and what nots. Damn...like i've said before, its just like being in the army. All except that my men are now children. I dont wear green. And i dont have to associate myself to any superiors(many times have the principals of the schools came into my class without me recognizing them or their authority. Hehs. Sorry guys). But many people still wonder, why are there endless supply of teachers? There's quite a few of peers who didnt seem to quite make it for their A lvls. When i asked them what's next? They would say "NIE lor....what else is there?" Hmm..it got me wondering, is teaching a last resort for many? Issit because they got nowhere else to go that they decided that teaching is their forte? Is the govt really taking on people like this? If so...that means our new batch of teachers are nowhere near the standard that they should be? I know, i know. Im making a fucking biased statement here. But it was just what i was thinking you know? Im sure all of you have got your own sets of thinking so dont be a bitch about what i've said, okay? It's just an opinion. Wont hurt anybody, im damn sure of it(unless the govt decided to peek into what i've wrote and seriously considered what i said. Then, im sorry guys)

Well, one things for sure, lecturers at universities surely arent cheap shots that were hired off the streets. Coz if they were, then the fees that im paying are simply outrageously ridiculous. Im seriously hoping for knowledge nirvana(in other words, learning new things at a stressful pace that i become numb to any sort of pain). Oh well, lets just take it as it is...

Hmm...cant wait for the rugby match tmr. hehehehehehes

By now, i would probably be one of those 'netizens' to bitch about this mas selamat character. What a colourful character he is? Of all countries...he decided to terrorize singapore. Dumbass!! What could he possibly hope to achieve by doing so? I dont see any gains from it. Monetary gains? Hahahhaa..nonsense. One step closer to wiping out "infidels" like what his leaders are preaching to him? Hohohohoho....how i wish he really knew what was going on. They gain wealth..shit, they have a shitload to begin with anyway. What about dumbasses like this selamat fella? His family have barely anything to eat to begin with! And yet, he's partaking in such activites that not only harms the society but his very own family to begin with!

Haiz..how screwed up can he be? How screwed up can we humans be? Hmm...ever heard about the book of relevations? Doesnt matter which religion you're in, every single book(there's 4 to begin with okay?) says that the world will eventually come to an end. But then, in our great arrogance, we decided that whatever god throws at us, we will always have a solution to it. damn....gotta reconsider things. Gotta...urm...damn...i forgot the right word to use! Shit..getting old.......

Speaking of which, time really flies past. Me and my buddy..we caught up last night...in the middle of a road, literally. Sitting on a bench in the middle of the road....we just realized just how fast time rreally really flew by. DAmn...2 years of my life gone just like that! I still rmb him mocking me in sec 1. Got back at him every other year. Hehehehs...i goddamn evil, i noe....sometimes i wish i was just turning 13. IM 21 already!!! 9 more years and i'll be 30! shit!!!!

Oh well, lets do what im good at then...go with the flow........

It's been quite awhile since i last wrote anything. Been meaning to write but whenever i can think of something to write, i am nowhere near any computer. When i am at one, i am nowhere near anything to write about. Damn...maybe i should get myself a laptop or something that i can lug around everywhere i go so that when something does come out at the very last moment, i can just write about it without having to make the effort to retain whatever inspiration i have. Yes...it is extremely hard to do so...

Days into this relief teaching thing. Im kinda getting the hang of it. Half a day of work..educating and moulding our young. The other half with sayang. Not a bad deal after all. So far, it's been quite a refreshing journey. Yeap. However, i do crave to hold a gun once more. But not doing what i've been doing for the last 2 years of my life. ITs booooooooooooooring!!!! Kinda crave to do things that special forces do. But then, i've been told time and time again im nowhere near their standard...in terms of physical fitness that is...and not to forget about the race thingy. Yeap...

I don't know why, but i really really like everything and anything that has got to do with the second world war. Be it the movies, the documentaries, the books or the games. Was everything mentioned? It was a time of great suffering. Yes...it was terrible to experience war. Especially for those who did not take up arms to fight but still suffer the collateral damage that it has. I sometimes wished that i had fight it in...among the victors that is(nobody likes to be on the losing end anyway. That's why when someone calls you a loser, it triggers off suicidal thoughts like what has been portrayed on the news these past years). I am not sure why, but i would think that to fight and survive one, it would somehow impact my life greatly. I guess i would really appreciate what i have even more after being deprive of it for years on end. Especially being away from home....

I would be doing my very own part to help mankind. Im not craving for glory or any sort of nonsense. I just feel that if i was fighting in one, im contributing to humankind....I don't know...i just kind feel that way......

Have you all ever noticed lately? The kind of movies that they have been making. Independence Day, War of the Worlds, The Day after Tomorrow, Cloverfield and the list goes on and on....Its all about one general genre. Not the ones that you all refer to but by this: End of the World. And it really got me thinking...the end of the world really is going to come soon isn't it? I mean, where do all these people get their inspiration from? The tell-tale signs perhaps? Religious books which have stressed out about the end-of-the-world-is-coming-and-we-should-behave-our-best-so-that-we-can-get-to-heaven point? Damn...that is scary you know...the end of the world thing. Kinda like REM's song "Its the end of the world and we know it, and i feel fine......" Hahahaha, how can anyone feel fine about it? Damn man..im pissed scared out of it. Hmm....maybe i should appreciate more that i have been lately. I already appreciate that special someone in my life right now =) hehs. I already appreciate my family. Maybe i shld really really appreciate them even more. No...its not a maybe anymore. It's a definite must do! Act upon it. Execution of the plan it shall be =)

2 days of doing relief teaching has gotten me craving for more. Seriously, i don't find any difference in between being a sergeant in the army and a teaching in urm...MOE? It's practically almost the same thing. I shape, i mould and i teach. Yeap, TEACH!

It's not like its everyday that you do this. Well, for me it isnt coz im really just a relief. It's kinda like doing relief work for the sick teachers and children who are sick of teachers. Hmm...i kinda feel sorry for the kids coz of what they have to go thru. But hey, i went thru it before. I was a kid before...(i think, therefore i was) i know what its like to get all the homework that keeps piling up with every procastination attempt(you can practically break the guiness world record just by scaling that mountain) or the constant blarring from the teachers that you'd get. I eventually learnt to shut that out and ya...just learn. Hell, i've been to hell and back and look where i am right now? Waiting for august to come just so that i can pay ppl to get that treatment again from uni lecturers. Wohoo!! Im soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!

But then, as a relief, i've also seen the plight of a teacher. Can you imagine just how many things a teacher has to do just to keep that job? There's sooo many job that one has to do that they eventually forgot what they were supposed to do in the first place...TEACH. INSPIRE. MAKE THEM ASPIRE TO DO SOMETHING WITH THEIR LIVES!!! And im talking abt the children here now...They are sooooooo burdened that they practically hate that job. The most honorable job one can ever do. Hell...its no longer a job, it becomes a responsibility. It becomes a pride. But in singapore, its no more than just another thing that puts a roof on your heads, a full stomach and a head full of aches.

I mean, c'mon! What's the deal man? Seriously, something has to be looked into this matter. Children are getting unmotivated to learn because the teachers are slowly but surely losing their motivation to teach. Damn....

Ever felt that you have so much to talk about or write about whilst you're out somewhere...isolated from the nearest pen and paper or maybe civilisation. But then, when you do get to where you desired to be, it all becomes a blank. You've lost whatever topic that you have conjured on the way to the nearest medium. Writer's bloc? Possibly. But what a person like me? Im not a professional writer. Im just...urm...writing for the sake of enjoying it. A hobby perhaps. A pastime maybe. Can i have the honor of experiencing a writer's bloc? Am i considered a writer? An amateur perhaps?

Well...i tend to get alot of those. Not just lately...but all the time. But then, slowly, one by one they flood my mind again and once more, i am ready to blabber to my heart's content! =)

Hmm...having diarrhea is a terrible thing to have. Last week...or maybe the week before, i practically spent my entire weekend in the toilet. Whatever was supposed to come up from my butt didnt really come up in the right form. It's supposed to be solidified, instead, it was pure liquid(i apologize for being disgusting here. But i just have to add what it feels like to have such thing!) Yup...minutes after you've just come out of the toilet, you feel like you just have to go back in again, and again and again and even until you've got nothing left to give, you just keep going on for more! Yeap...that's diarrhea.

But the thing is, i didnt want to be kept home even with diarrhea. I still went out with sayang. And ya...boy, singaporean male are just pure idiotic disgusts! DONT THEY EVER AIM?!?!?! THEY DONT EVEN BOTHER TO LIFT THE TOILET SEAT UP! Seems to me like they were trying to put out a fire with their pee or something because it really is ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! Hence, with a cramped up face and a determination of steel of not to lose it inside my pants, i ran about the shopping mall trying to find a nice decent toilet which toilet seat wasnt previously "on fire".

Maybe, just maybe the government should educate singaporean males on how to pee properly. Ya...i know. Old folks are just plain used to having that long urinal to pee at(and possible compare whose pee-pee is bigger or smaller than the other). They are just used to the luxury of spraying it all over the place without considering to aim coz in the end, its going to end up at one same place. Well, well, well....WELCOME TO THE PRESENT!!! AIM GODDAMIT!!! AIM!!! Its just pure disgusting...plus the amount of trouble you've just caused me...(im just lucky to have the guts of steel to last me the run from one toilet to another)

Maybe we should have those posters again? The aiming ones? Ya...or better yet, educated those buggers....

With people like these...i still wonder how the heck singapore got the best toilet award....

15 more days till the day finally comes. The day when i finally get to see the thing which i was so eager to rid of 2 years ago. Well, 1 year at 10 mths ago actually. Guess i had this mental picture of what the army was going to be like. Too bad reality tarnished all that's fantasy. No, no, no, it didnt tarnish it, it destroyed it! BMT was a snore, SISPEC was alright especially when you have your buddies with you, 4SIR was enriching. But ultimately, i learned little about becoming the ultimate soldier and everything about becoming even more human....

Hmm...i've learned that not everyone is like the way you perceive they are. SOldiers. That very one word puts a thousand pictures into my head. Gung-ho "superhumans" who charge fearlessly into the heat of battle; thru the gunfire that rattles around them threatening to take them away from their loved ones at anytime god wants to. Hmm...that wasnt to be. Soldiers are your very classmate, neighbours and friends whom you've been with for the past years of your life. The very person who cannot run, thinks sports is too demeaning on them and that im simply a war-junkie. That very person is the kind of person who is going to defend our island nation when the need comes to(they keep saying when the button is pressed. When the button is pressed. Where the hell is that button!?!?!? I wanna find it and put it in some lift so that it can be pressed a lot more times and be fully utilised). That is your buddy there, your subordinates or your superior. People who simply think that NS is a bloody waste of time(i didnt say i totally disagree with them...ehehehehs)

Its when they come to you, to confide in you...that lets them know that you're really there for them. Cause if that cannot happen in peacetime, what makes you think that you're actually going to come back for your buddy, who's been shot up, under the rattling of the machine gun. It takes balls of steel to do something like that. But it simply takes the relationship you and your buddies have formed up over the years to substitute for balls of steel. So far, i've learned more about managing people and handling any sort of situation that they have. I learned more PR skills that Soldiering skills. Its more about handling what they want, and what i want out of them. Its a fine balancing game that puts you at the edge of your seat.

Set aside all that, 1 year 10 mths has already passed and yes, that is what i've learned so far....

Hmm...yesterday's short trip to jb was really astonishing. Ya...its been 7 years since i last been there. So dont mind if i really sound lost or just like a frog in a well. Its not that i've never been out of country, its just that i havent been there in a very long time. Well, not just jb, but the entire of malaysia actually. Thanks sayang, for making it worthwhile for me. =) That was one of the nicest thing this girl has ever done for me. Damn..how much luckier can i get??? I hope more. But whatever it is, i still want her to be by my side as the good times come rolling ahead....

By the way, how do you spell ordinary???

O-R-D-i-n-a-r-y

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I was really in the mood to write this weekend after i book out...or so i thought. Well, at least i really was. A million and one things to write and talk about. A million more to really bitch pure nonsense about. But out of that million, i guess i've gone overboard. A million and one perhaps? I really have no idea on what to talk about. 'Cept maybe for what happened over the past week.

Yup....the evaluation is over. And ya...while me and my men(the whole 90 of us) did pretty well...it took just a bunch of 103 idiots to screw it all for us. Home of the braves...puhlezzzzz. More like home of the 'busuks' or 'beraks' or 'berterabur' and probably a thousand of other more names to name 'B' Company. To sum it all up, they suck to the core. Which core? Apple core? Core of the earth? My corp? Your corp? God knows...and they still have the cheek to be happy about what they have achieved which is practically nothing...nothing at all.

Well...2 years of my life is gone just like that. Dang that whizzed by pretty fast. I didnt even realize that it was going to be over in a few months time just a few months back. It seemed to have lasted forever. Well...the memories will. The least. 2 years...i could say that i've accomplished a lot more than i could i have ever imagined. I was a godamned condemned recruit. But look what i've achieved so far. So those people who call themselves my BMT sargeant or PC...u guys no nothing cept to scream and shout at me. you wanna fuck me for no reason. Made me do countless numbers of pushups and crunches for every little small mistake that i've made. Look and where the fuck i am now you nitwits! You couldnt even possibly imagine what i've accomplished as a soldier.

I would say that i've experienced as a soldier is an all-rounded experience. I've gone thru all level of courses as a specialist. Went to 3 different countries. The farthest one being the most painful one(first time i went overseas with a girl waiting for me back home ((BEAMING!!!!)) ) and to the land of the small-eyes twice. Shopping was simply fantastic over there. I went in the depths of hell simply known as temburong once. And i was severly punished once. And guess what? Im still a commander. Im still working towards my projection. Im still going strong. Heck..i've never felt soooooooooooo good in my life before.

Well, in 3 weeks time, booking in and out of camps would be nothing but the past of what i used to do. Sleeping with a bunch of bunkmates, cleaning up the filthy toilet together..making it squeaky clean(clean enough to join some toilet competition =)), waking up early in the morning just to do pt, spending time to light up a fire so that we can cook in the jungles...yeah...the whole lot. That was fun...real fun memories...

And it all feels like as tho it was only yesterday that i just enlisted. ....

Again...yesteryear felt like yesterday again...

DEJAVU

A thousand conspiracies that i can talk about. A million more human antics that i can bitch about. But not tonite. Tonite, i'd rather talk about something personal. Something that has made a huge impact on my life so far. Something that has taken up 2 years of my life. Something that will take up once a year for the next 10 to 15 years of my life. Yeap...you've probably guessed it right. Im talking about my national service here.

I can still remember my enlistment on April 8th, 2006. And its already 29th Dec today. How time flew.....I remember that gut wrenching feeling as i boarded the ferry to Tekong. And the gut wrenching only got worst as i said my goodbyes to my cousins. Yeap...my two cousins were the ones to send me to my initial haven for rebirth. BMT went on by without much hiccups. Alas, not everyone from my BMT company is going to ORD. May god accept him...

After that pretty much BOring Military Training, it was on to Basic Section Leaders Course. YEap...it was just a level higher of boringness. But truth be told, it was the only time that i felt that i belonged with a group of people. That was the first time i ever felt that i can talk to anyone in the bunk just about anything. Anything at all. For the first time in my life, i felt at home...We trained hard. We didnt quite play hard but ya...i enjoyed my time there with my bunkmates. After 10 weeks together, we finally went our seperate ways. Artillery, Military Police, Airforce...the works. I went onto farther my infantry proficiency....Advance Section Leaders Course...

ASLC, that was when i learned the many ways our army can kick butt. The different kinds of battlegrounds, the different kinds of battle, the many ways we can come to the fight...I really, truly enjoyed my 11 weeks there with my buddies. Hell yeah...Starlight was one hell of a trip for me. First time out of the country in 5 years. And yes...somewhere foreign too(SEA is considered local to me...=D) That was the highlight of my trainee life. After 21 weeks of that and the 9 weeks before that...i finally was ready to embark the second part of my journey. No longer a trainee but as a commander.

2 weeks after coming back from Starlight, i went on to Lancer with my new unit. It was a weird way to gel into my new unit but yeah...i learnt alot. Learnt alot abt myself..abt my men...and abt the kind operations i was going to be carrying out. Yeah...that was fun...in a sick kind of way. You'd actually have to have the balls to do it all the way coz if not...it's going to kill you- literally.

Taking over command of a section was what i was looking forward to. But that was not to be. Unofficially...i took over the platoon instead. Hence, the present challenge just got more challenging. Highnoon. That really sucked. That one incident....guess i bounced back higher after that.

Honestly, i think that everything happens for a reason. And hell yeah..it was for a god damn good reason. ;) Never been happier in my entire life. IT was the platoon sergeant course for me after that incident. And yeap...it matured me as a soldier first, and a leader second. It deepened my understanding for things military and CV. Its a pity not everyone gets to go for this sort of thing.

Lightning Strike followed suit and 3 weeks of holiday training was enough to get me and my men enthusiastic enough about just anything SAF. HEll yeah it did. But i missed her like crazy. And yeah...seeing her, hugging her at the airport upon touchdown...that certainly chased all the blues away.

Abit of training here and there and im actually done with my CSM course. CAnt believe i went thru HAWK twice. Just one more hurdle to go on the 7 to the 10th. Cant believe its almost coming to an end already. Thinking of that, it actually sends shivers down the spine. And oh ya...that gut wrenching feeling, the very same one, its back again. The transition from Military to CV. Truthfully, i am doubtful. I am scared. I know what i want to do. But how do i get there? Guess i'll just have to take things one at a time now.

I still cant believe im almost at the end................

Another decent break that comes after another decent break. In between is something what we call "chiong-sua". It tires you out physically, mentally, emotionally and ya..medically too. Trust me...it does. Especially when the number of people going to see the doctor increases drastically. Yeah...it always happens. Well, just a few more weeks to the big day of evaluation. That's when things starts to get to a roll. A roll that will inevitably end. Gotta keep that in my mind in order to motivate myself. Need to keep telling myself -"the suffering will inevitably end. It cant stay on forever. Good times are just coming up ahead. EVerything is inevitable in that order." Words of motivation that i keep telling myself for the last year and 8mths everytime i got the worse end of things.

I just sealed my fate just now. Im starting school in august. Give myself a little breathing room to work, earn some money, possibly take a break from everything. Hopefully, it'd be taking a break with a companion. If not, then ya...same old lone wolf break then. Wonder how school will be like. After 2 years of no studying at all...i wonder if my brain is able to sharpen itself to the endless quabbles that i always have with my classmates over any subject of discussion. Hmm...im definately looking forward towards that.

Got a newsflash on my phone in the afternoon. Even in my state of grooginess, i was still angered by such acts. 12 people were killed in a mosque by some suicide bomber. That's sad. REally sad. Considering the fact that aidil adha just passed no more than 24hours ago. And yet, this kind of thing is happening. Muslim against another muslim? VEry likely. What made them fight? Different ideals? Different views of how they want their country to be runned? Fuck....why cant somebody compromise??? Why must people always be in that pursuit for power? And with power, they pursue more power. Wtf is wrong with us humans? Why have we all turned out this way? Wars are no longer fought based on survival. The very fundamentals as to why wars are fought are forever lost. Smarty pants who are overpaid just to talk trash and run the country aground are manipulating the meaning of things. The meaning of words. So much so that it all has become meaningless. Crap....gotta work towards that level where i can make changes...

But i gotta start small. Did 24hours manning of the guardroom yesterday. Yes...i did guard duty the day before. And ya...as always, i take the opportunity to talk to my men. Finally, i managed to understood why my men turn out the way they are in the present stage. Its because of their past. What ever happened to them....it definately didnt benefit them at all. They are atoning for the sins that they didnt do. Sins that others have commited willingly and unknowingly caused the butterfly effect onto these individuals that i today make contact with. I think...maybe just maybe, i've found my calling...

You know, sometimes i really do wonder "Why am i sooooo proud to be wearing green???"
I haven't came back from any war in it. I haven't saved any life in it. And i don't think any actions of mine have made any huge impact on any body's life. So why am i proud? I haven't killed anyone, survived combat, saved a dying buddy or made a huge impact on the headlines. Don't get me wrong, im not looking for fame or fortune here, but i am dying to do something which i am supposed to do in the first place. A soldier- A killer. A savior. A leader of both.

My peers have been asking me a lot of times "Dude, why are so into this kind of thing?"
I'd only have one thing to answer back to them, "Aren't we training for war? So why not take everything seriously?" The only response i would get from them is me being ridiculed by the masses. Sure Singapore isn't going to war anytime soon but that doesn't mean that it isn't going to happen at all. But that doesn't give them any fucking excuse to take things likely because i am training to defend whats near and dear to me. My family, my lover, my friends. All of that. I simply cannot afford to lose any of them.

I lost track of myself. Oh..no i didn't. It made me prove the point even more as to why i wonder if there is any pride at all in wearing the green. I haven't been killed yet or about to be killed yet in anytime i did my service. My chances of survival wouldn't be very much anyway since the kind of training i have received are haphazard anyway. Thank you soooooooo much instructors. The basics of soldiering are gone. Then again, what are the basics? Well, it is killing and combat and avoiding to be killed in combat. Sure...you've taught us how to lower the possibility of being killed by artillery fire by digging trenches. You taught us to take cover so as to prevent being shot. But, did you actually ever taught us how to kill before? Practically, every soldier that i know of doesn't know how to kill. They know how to shoot their rifles. But they still don't know how to kill. That immediately reduces their combat survivability. Something has gotta change.

Hmm...its been quite awhile since i last wrote anything. Time have been pretty tight lately with the CSM course. By the time i get back home on saturday afternoon, i'd be too drained out to do anything but to sleep. And yes, its deep sleep we're talking about here. The kind of sleep where you thought you just had your eyes closed for a second and the next thing you know, you open your eyes to the sight of the clock showing that 3-4 hours of your life is gone. Lost to the deep mysteries of sleep. Hmm....And sundays is spent with me sayang =D. Cant compromise that for anything eles in the world. I mean, if you only get to spend one day of your week with someone, who would rather it be? For me, it's definately her. =D

Well, it finally came and gone. SummEX. Thank god its over. Cant really release the details but hell yeah, it had it funny moments. Truthfully, this was the best course i've ever attended. The people made it the best. Time passed on effortlessly with them around. TOo bad i dont really have this kind of thing back my unit. They were all an ideal bunch of people to work with. Damn right they are.

Been reading the papers this morning and kinda got into a subtle shock for awhile back there. This year's Miss Universe Singapore had to fork out almost everything for her expenses just to represent guess who.......? IT'S......................... SINGAPORE! And this being one of those arena where singapore could actually stand a chance. But nooooooooooooo...none. No sponsorship, no recognition. Nothing. Where did all those money that the taxpayers go to? Well, one of the channels it went to is the silly thing called soccer(to call it football is simply politcally incorrect but that is for another time). And what have that resulted in so far?? Well, nothing much really. Just a few wins here and there and lots and lots of dissapointment. When are they going to realise that Singapore's time in soccer is long gone? It gone away with the start of S-League. It gone with the likes of Fandi Ahmad, Malik Awab and the other legends retiring from pro soccer and started to coach or something like that. REALISE IT YOU NITWITS!!!

Nowadays, soccer is just nothing but a mere vehicle for gambling. Well, at least it is legal gambling. And so all the suicides, killings, roberries, frauds and what not that resulted from this must be legal too right? I dunno, it seems to rather lean that way to me. I could be wrong. But then again, nobody's right like the saying goes, the end of any war doesnt determine who's right, it just determines who's left(its alrite, take your time to understand this). Hmm...i think i just smacked myself in the head. No wonder they invested soooooooooo much is soccer. Its for the money. And the soccer players? Nothing but mere subjects and the matches as vehicles for the money booming sessions. DAmn....they're smart! Okay....so it took me this long to realise this. But at least i did. So we've got of smart-assed-cheeky buggers running this country. Hmm...wish i had a part of this too. Then i can go everywhere giving off my "best-public smile" for publicity sake and then go around smiling cheekily to the public without anyone realizing what a stunt i've pulled! Hell yeah!!! Down right i am to say that it sure sounds like a lot of fun.!

Hmm..i wonder what its really like to be like them. Superscale G!!!

Im not really in the mood for writing...but i'll write anyway. That's because when i do write, its because im either pissed at something or im just deep in my train of thoughts. Of which, im neither state right now. Well, maybe because i've been quite happy these past few months =) Well, dear readers, if you'd be in my shoes right now, i think you'd be exactly the same right now.

I've recently watched this movie, Stranger than fiction. And ya, it set me thinking abt how life can be seriously stranger than what we read in books or seen at the movies. Then again, fiction is the depiction of real life. Reel life mimics real life. But ya...guess we kinda forgot abt that by blaming the tv for everything stupid mistakes that we do. Taking them for baddddddddddd influences on us. There is no such thing as bad influence. Nor is there such a thing as good influence. There's just influence. Nothing more than that. Its just what we make up out of it.

There's input and then there's the output. What happens in the output is affected by what how we process the input. Input is just input. Its how we process that input. For a perfect example. An actor smoking on screen. That's the input. The output? People started smoking. If that was the case, then everyone coming out of that damn cinema hall would be ligthing up wouldnt they since they got very bad influence afterall.... WEll, it's really how we process that input. Like people seeing that smoking is actually nothing more than well...smoking? Ya...nobody gives a damn about the person who's smoking. For the girls...they just might be oogling at that damn actor. But for the guys, they just want to be riveted by the storyline, the plot, the characters maybe. They just want to be entertained. But why do people still pick up smoking? Well...that's because they want to. Nothing more than that.

Hmm...me using that as an example am seeming as if im revolving whatever im writing about around smoking. Hell no....no no no. This is not what im talking about(or writing for that matter). Im just saying that blaming something else for what we did is pure bullshit. So those people who wrote the khutbah yesterday...READ MY BLOG!!!

Lots of time, i've been asked, what kind of music do i listen to. I mean, really listen to. And yah...sayang, you've asked me that to. On the general scale, i'd listen to any kind of music. But the ones that i'd really like to listen to....it'd definately be punk rock! MPXP, NOFX, Bad religion, The Offsprings, Goldfinger, Mest, bla bla bla...(those of you who tink you noe music better, i am in no need of you to comment of how wrong i put those band's music under the wrong genre. At the end of the day, its still under punk rock!!!)

Why would i? Hell...y wouldnt i? Punk rock is politically inclined. They talk nothing about life and ya..the truth about things. Other genre...well...love? Hmm...nah. Too selfish. Talk nothing about themselves and things like that...nvm...i'll pass. But punk rock..hmm. I'd especially like this very prominent line by the offsprings in their song Have You Ever which goes

when the truth walks away,
everybody stays
cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay

Well, there's a negative but really true perception of life. Crime does pay..in a fucked kind of way. The bad guys always wins but guess what, the good guys finish last. And hell yeah, we always do. Then there's another line by MXPX in the song It's Alright

Its alright, its alright
its alright we can travel by the moonlight
Its alright, its alright
Its alright we can travel through the twilight

And hell yeah, that is god damn true too. Well, whatever you make of it, i make of it my way. And yeah, like the line in Stranger than fiction goes, i do want to life my life like how it's sung in punk rock music. If i only have the means too....I would have. Life would've been so much god damn better that way....

But first, we'd have to eradicate them bastards first...good guys finish last, and the race is almost up. Its about them we're finishing....

Damn...its been over 10 days since i last wrote. Everything's been kinda hectic lately...well. It kinda died down recently. Hoorah! A week of leave. That's more like it. Yeah...time for me to recuperate from all that work and just chill. Hit the gym a little bit more. Settle my school thingy. And ya...the most important thing! Spend more time with my sayang. =) And that's how the cookie crumbles...

Gotta catch up with a few buddies of mine to. Yeah. Going out with my jc classies later. No idea where but im sure it'll be interesting. Or at least, i can try to make it so. It's been quite a while since i last met them. Hmm...come to think of it..it's been quite some time. LAst i met them was i think in..urm...january or something? Yeah. After Ex Lancer. Somewhere there. Wonder how they're all doing. Hmm...

And yes. There's tmr too! Hmm...jalan2 raya. With my primary school mates. Its been a long time since i last met them all. All except for one *wink* *wink*
Wonder how tmr will really turn out to be like.

ROFL. DAmn my blog looks like it belongs to some teenage girl's. ROFL. But seriously. There's nothing much for me to talk about lately. Hmm...i wonder y. Perhaps its the lack of things for me to observe within our society coz most of the time i have is spent in camp.

Hmm...perhaps this one week of leave spent on the "outside" world might open my eyes a little for me to comment on our imperfect "perfectionist" society? Perhaps. We'll see if it might fill up my blog a lttle.