Wow! Its been a long time since i've written anything. A month or so? Yeah..guess so. The last entry was on March 28. Yeah...that is a very very long time.

So what have i been up to? Well...practicallly the same thing i was up to before the army. Im practically aimless...clueless...yeah, without a doubt about it. Well, maybe there is some consolation to that. Im attending rugby training(on-off thingy) and getting my bike license pretty soon =) Yeah, cant wait for that. Im teaching too(giving tuition and SOMETIMES doing relief teaching). Most of the time, im with my sayang. =)

I've been kinda missing the army lately. Guess there's this big empty void that i need to fill up. 2 years ago, the army did just that. While everyone bitched and moaned about it, i relished every single moment of it. It has its ups and downs too. But its because of the downs that i bounced up to the ups even higher and enjoyed the fruits of it(it tastes much more sweeter). 4 overseas trips in just 2 years. Damn...the only overseas that i ever went to before that was just across the causeway. And that's about 5 years ago before the army. See how pathetic that is???

Well, im not patronizing the army or anything but i really had fun and i miss that. The challenge, waking up every morning know that you have something to do, knowing that you would always have enough and the experiences that you gathered, i gathered. It was amazing!

Now, there's rugby to fill up that void(the one about the challenge and thrills). But ya...i've got to learn how to better manage my time now. Guess not everyone understands why im so...hmm...(i cant think of any good words to use right now so im just going to go with obsessed) yea obsessed with rugby. Before that was the army and the things that i do in the army. Its within my comfort zone. There's challenge, there's thrills and there's loads of other people who are in it because they want to be in it.

Hmm...how i wish this knee of mine would get better sooner. Its kinda frustrating to just sit around. Well...maybe this aimlessness feeling that im getting wont be so prominent when i start school....hopefully it wont.

Hmm..its been a long time since i've wrote. To those who's been coming to my blog religiously to check whether i've written anything new, i would like to apologize. Procastination is mainly to blame for. And time spent away from the computer is something that's not true. Yeah...games, games and more games. Trying to take like as slow as i can for now. Bout' 4 more months till i enroll into NTU. 4 years(maybe 5 if masters withing reach) and im done with proper education. Hmm..wonder how that would feel like. Sayang's already experienced that. Job hunting's a bitch to begin with. Hopefully, she'd get a good job soon and end all worries =) Dun worry ya, one is on the way sayangg =)

Teaching has been really demanding actually. You're juggling between educating, disciplining, politics and what nots. Damn...like i've said before, its just like being in the army. All except that my men are now children. I dont wear green. And i dont have to associate myself to any superiors(many times have the principals of the schools came into my class without me recognizing them or their authority. Hehs. Sorry guys). But many people still wonder, why are there endless supply of teachers? There's quite a few of peers who didnt seem to quite make it for their A lvls. When i asked them what's next? They would say "NIE lor....what else is there?" Hmm..it got me wondering, is teaching a last resort for many? Issit because they got nowhere else to go that they decided that teaching is their forte? Is the govt really taking on people like this? If so...that means our new batch of teachers are nowhere near the standard that they should be? I know, i know. Im making a fucking biased statement here. But it was just what i was thinking you know? Im sure all of you have got your own sets of thinking so dont be a bitch about what i've said, okay? It's just an opinion. Wont hurt anybody, im damn sure of it(unless the govt decided to peek into what i've wrote and seriously considered what i said. Then, im sorry guys)

Well, one things for sure, lecturers at universities surely arent cheap shots that were hired off the streets. Coz if they were, then the fees that im paying are simply outrageously ridiculous. Im seriously hoping for knowledge nirvana(in other words, learning new things at a stressful pace that i become numb to any sort of pain). Oh well, lets just take it as it is...

Hmm...cant wait for the rugby match tmr. hehehehehehes

By now, i would probably be one of those 'netizens' to bitch about this mas selamat character. What a colourful character he is? Of all countries...he decided to terrorize singapore. Dumbass!! What could he possibly hope to achieve by doing so? I dont see any gains from it. Monetary gains? Hahahhaa..nonsense. One step closer to wiping out "infidels" like what his leaders are preaching to him? Hohohohoho....how i wish he really knew what was going on. They gain wealth..shit, they have a shitload to begin with anyway. What about dumbasses like this selamat fella? His family have barely anything to eat to begin with! And yet, he's partaking in such activites that not only harms the society but his very own family to begin with!

Haiz..how screwed up can he be? How screwed up can we humans be? Hmm...ever heard about the book of relevations? Doesnt matter which religion you're in, every single book(there's 4 to begin with okay?) says that the world will eventually come to an end. But then, in our great arrogance, we decided that whatever god throws at us, we will always have a solution to it. damn....gotta reconsider things. Gotta...urm...damn...i forgot the right word to use! Shit..getting old.......

Speaking of which, time really flies past. Me and my buddy..we caught up last night...in the middle of a road, literally. Sitting on a bench in the middle of the road....we just realized just how fast time rreally really flew by. DAmn...2 years of my life gone just like that! I still rmb him mocking me in sec 1. Got back at him every other year. Hehehehs...i goddamn evil, i noe....sometimes i wish i was just turning 13. IM 21 already!!! 9 more years and i'll be 30! shit!!!!

Oh well, lets do what im good at then...go with the flow........

It's been quite awhile since i last wrote anything. Been meaning to write but whenever i can think of something to write, i am nowhere near any computer. When i am at one, i am nowhere near anything to write about. Damn...maybe i should get myself a laptop or something that i can lug around everywhere i go so that when something does come out at the very last moment, i can just write about it without having to make the effort to retain whatever inspiration i have. Yes...it is extremely hard to do so...

Days into this relief teaching thing. Im kinda getting the hang of it. Half a day of work..educating and moulding our young. The other half with sayang. Not a bad deal after all. So far, it's been quite a refreshing journey. Yeap. However, i do crave to hold a gun once more. But not doing what i've been doing for the last 2 years of my life. ITs booooooooooooooring!!!! Kinda crave to do things that special forces do. But then, i've been told time and time again im nowhere near their standard...in terms of physical fitness that is...and not to forget about the race thingy. Yeap...

I don't know why, but i really really like everything and anything that has got to do with the second world war. Be it the movies, the documentaries, the books or the games. Was everything mentioned? It was a time of great suffering. Yes...it was terrible to experience war. Especially for those who did not take up arms to fight but still suffer the collateral damage that it has. I sometimes wished that i had fight it in...among the victors that is(nobody likes to be on the losing end anyway. That's why when someone calls you a loser, it triggers off suicidal thoughts like what has been portrayed on the news these past years). I am not sure why, but i would think that to fight and survive one, it would somehow impact my life greatly. I guess i would really appreciate what i have even more after being deprive of it for years on end. Especially being away from home....

I would be doing my very own part to help mankind. Im not craving for glory or any sort of nonsense. I just feel that if i was fighting in one, im contributing to humankind....I don't know...i just kind feel that way......

Have you all ever noticed lately? The kind of movies that they have been making. Independence Day, War of the Worlds, The Day after Tomorrow, Cloverfield and the list goes on and on....Its all about one general genre. Not the ones that you all refer to but by this: End of the World. And it really got me thinking...the end of the world really is going to come soon isn't it? I mean, where do all these people get their inspiration from? The tell-tale signs perhaps? Religious books which have stressed out about the end-of-the-world-is-coming-and-we-should-behave-our-best-so-that-we-can-get-to-heaven point? Damn...that is scary you know...the end of the world thing. Kinda like REM's song "Its the end of the world and we know it, and i feel fine......" Hahahaha, how can anyone feel fine about it? Damn man..im pissed scared out of it. Hmm....maybe i should appreciate more that i have been lately. I already appreciate that special someone in my life right now =) hehs. I already appreciate my family. Maybe i shld really really appreciate them even more. No...its not a maybe anymore. It's a definite must do! Act upon it. Execution of the plan it shall be =)

2 days of doing relief teaching has gotten me craving for more. Seriously, i don't find any difference in between being a sergeant in the army and a teaching in urm...MOE? It's practically almost the same thing. I shape, i mould and i teach. Yeap, TEACH!

It's not like its everyday that you do this. Well, for me it isnt coz im really just a relief. It's kinda like doing relief work for the sick teachers and children who are sick of teachers. Hmm...i kinda feel sorry for the kids coz of what they have to go thru. But hey, i went thru it before. I was a kid before...(i think, therefore i was) i know what its like to get all the homework that keeps piling up with every procastination attempt(you can practically break the guiness world record just by scaling that mountain) or the constant blarring from the teachers that you'd get. I eventually learnt to shut that out and ya...just learn. Hell, i've been to hell and back and look where i am right now? Waiting for august to come just so that i can pay ppl to get that treatment again from uni lecturers. Wohoo!! Im soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!

But then, as a relief, i've also seen the plight of a teacher. Can you imagine just how many things a teacher has to do just to keep that job? There's sooo many job that one has to do that they eventually forgot what they were supposed to do in the first place...TEACH. INSPIRE. MAKE THEM ASPIRE TO DO SOMETHING WITH THEIR LIVES!!! And im talking abt the children here now...They are sooooooo burdened that they practically hate that job. The most honorable job one can ever do. Hell...its no longer a job, it becomes a responsibility. It becomes a pride. But in singapore, its no more than just another thing that puts a roof on your heads, a full stomach and a head full of aches.

I mean, c'mon! What's the deal man? Seriously, something has to be looked into this matter. Children are getting unmotivated to learn because the teachers are slowly but surely losing their motivation to teach. Damn....

Ever felt that you have so much to talk about or write about whilst you're out somewhere...isolated from the nearest pen and paper or maybe civilisation. But then, when you do get to where you desired to be, it all becomes a blank. You've lost whatever topic that you have conjured on the way to the nearest medium. Writer's bloc? Possibly. But what a person like me? Im not a professional writer. Im just...urm...writing for the sake of enjoying it. A hobby perhaps. A pastime maybe. Can i have the honor of experiencing a writer's bloc? Am i considered a writer? An amateur perhaps?

Well...i tend to get alot of those. Not just lately...but all the time. But then, slowly, one by one they flood my mind again and once more, i am ready to blabber to my heart's content! =)

Hmm...having diarrhea is a terrible thing to have. Last week...or maybe the week before, i practically spent my entire weekend in the toilet. Whatever was supposed to come up from my butt didnt really come up in the right form. It's supposed to be solidified, instead, it was pure liquid(i apologize for being disgusting here. But i just have to add what it feels like to have such thing!) Yup...minutes after you've just come out of the toilet, you feel like you just have to go back in again, and again and again and even until you've got nothing left to give, you just keep going on for more! Yeap...that's diarrhea.

But the thing is, i didnt want to be kept home even with diarrhea. I still went out with sayang. And ya...boy, singaporean male are just pure idiotic disgusts! DONT THEY EVER AIM?!?!?! THEY DONT EVEN BOTHER TO LIFT THE TOILET SEAT UP! Seems to me like they were trying to put out a fire with their pee or something because it really is ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! Hence, with a cramped up face and a determination of steel of not to lose it inside my pants, i ran about the shopping mall trying to find a nice decent toilet which toilet seat wasnt previously "on fire".

Maybe, just maybe the government should educate singaporean males on how to pee properly. Ya...i know. Old folks are just plain used to having that long urinal to pee at(and possible compare whose pee-pee is bigger or smaller than the other). They are just used to the luxury of spraying it all over the place without considering to aim coz in the end, its going to end up at one same place. Well, well, well....WELCOME TO THE PRESENT!!! AIM GODDAMIT!!! AIM!!! Its just pure disgusting...plus the amount of trouble you've just caused me...(im just lucky to have the guts of steel to last me the run from one toilet to another)

Maybe we should have those posters again? The aiming ones? Ya...or better yet, educated those buggers....

With people like these...i still wonder how the heck singapore got the best toilet award....

15 more days till the day finally comes. The day when i finally get to see the thing which i was so eager to rid of 2 years ago. Well, 1 year at 10 mths ago actually. Guess i had this mental picture of what the army was going to be like. Too bad reality tarnished all that's fantasy. No, no, no, it didnt tarnish it, it destroyed it! BMT was a snore, SISPEC was alright especially when you have your buddies with you, 4SIR was enriching. But ultimately, i learned little about becoming the ultimate soldier and everything about becoming even more human....

Hmm...i've learned that not everyone is like the way you perceive they are. SOldiers. That very one word puts a thousand pictures into my head. Gung-ho "superhumans" who charge fearlessly into the heat of battle; thru the gunfire that rattles around them threatening to take them away from their loved ones at anytime god wants to. Hmm...that wasnt to be. Soldiers are your very classmate, neighbours and friends whom you've been with for the past years of your life. The very person who cannot run, thinks sports is too demeaning on them and that im simply a war-junkie. That very person is the kind of person who is going to defend our island nation when the need comes to(they keep saying when the button is pressed. When the button is pressed. Where the hell is that button!?!?!? I wanna find it and put it in some lift so that it can be pressed a lot more times and be fully utilised). That is your buddy there, your subordinates or your superior. People who simply think that NS is a bloody waste of time(i didnt say i totally disagree with them...ehehehehs)

Its when they come to you, to confide in you...that lets them know that you're really there for them. Cause if that cannot happen in peacetime, what makes you think that you're actually going to come back for your buddy, who's been shot up, under the rattling of the machine gun. It takes balls of steel to do something like that. But it simply takes the relationship you and your buddies have formed up over the years to substitute for balls of steel. So far, i've learned more about managing people and handling any sort of situation that they have. I learned more PR skills that Soldiering skills. Its more about handling what they want, and what i want out of them. Its a fine balancing game that puts you at the edge of your seat.

Set aside all that, 1 year 10 mths has already passed and yes, that is what i've learned so far....

Hmm...yesterday's short trip to jb was really astonishing. Ya...its been 7 years since i last been there. So dont mind if i really sound lost or just like a frog in a well. Its not that i've never been out of country, its just that i havent been there in a very long time. Well, not just jb, but the entire of malaysia actually. Thanks sayang, for making it worthwhile for me. =) That was one of the nicest thing this girl has ever done for me. Damn..how much luckier can i get??? I hope more. But whatever it is, i still want her to be by my side as the good times come rolling ahead....

By the way, how do you spell ordinary???

O-R-D-i-n-a-r-y

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I was really in the mood to write this weekend after i book out...or so i thought. Well, at least i really was. A million and one things to write and talk about. A million more to really bitch pure nonsense about. But out of that million, i guess i've gone overboard. A million and one perhaps? I really have no idea on what to talk about. 'Cept maybe for what happened over the past week.

Yup....the evaluation is over. And ya...while me and my men(the whole 90 of us) did pretty well...it took just a bunch of 103 idiots to screw it all for us. Home of the braves...puhlezzzzz. More like home of the 'busuks' or 'beraks' or 'berterabur' and probably a thousand of other more names to name 'B' Company. To sum it all up, they suck to the core. Which core? Apple core? Core of the earth? My corp? Your corp? God knows...and they still have the cheek to be happy about what they have achieved which is practically nothing...nothing at all.

Well...2 years of my life is gone just like that. Dang that whizzed by pretty fast. I didnt even realize that it was going to be over in a few months time just a few months back. It seemed to have lasted forever. Well...the memories will. The least. 2 years...i could say that i've accomplished a lot more than i could i have ever imagined. I was a godamned condemned recruit. But look what i've achieved so far. So those people who call themselves my BMT sargeant or PC...u guys no nothing cept to scream and shout at me. you wanna fuck me for no reason. Made me do countless numbers of pushups and crunches for every little small mistake that i've made. Look and where the fuck i am now you nitwits! You couldnt even possibly imagine what i've accomplished as a soldier.

I would say that i've experienced as a soldier is an all-rounded experience. I've gone thru all level of courses as a specialist. Went to 3 different countries. The farthest one being the most painful one(first time i went overseas with a girl waiting for me back home ((BEAMING!!!!)) ) and to the land of the small-eyes twice. Shopping was simply fantastic over there. I went in the depths of hell simply known as temburong once. And i was severly punished once. And guess what? Im still a commander. Im still working towards my projection. Im still going strong. Heck..i've never felt soooooooooooo good in my life before.

Well, in 3 weeks time, booking in and out of camps would be nothing but the past of what i used to do. Sleeping with a bunch of bunkmates, cleaning up the filthy toilet together..making it squeaky clean(clean enough to join some toilet competition =)), waking up early in the morning just to do pt, spending time to light up a fire so that we can cook in the jungles...yeah...the whole lot. That was fun...real fun memories...

And it all feels like as tho it was only yesterday that i just enlisted. ....

Again...yesteryear felt like yesterday again...

DEJAVU

A thousand conspiracies that i can talk about. A million more human antics that i can bitch about. But not tonite. Tonite, i'd rather talk about something personal. Something that has made a huge impact on my life so far. Something that has taken up 2 years of my life. Something that will take up once a year for the next 10 to 15 years of my life. Yeap...you've probably guessed it right. Im talking about my national service here.

I can still remember my enlistment on April 8th, 2006. And its already 29th Dec today. How time flew.....I remember that gut wrenching feeling as i boarded the ferry to Tekong. And the gut wrenching only got worst as i said my goodbyes to my cousins. Yeap...my two cousins were the ones to send me to my initial haven for rebirth. BMT went on by without much hiccups. Alas, not everyone from my BMT company is going to ORD. May god accept him...

After that pretty much BOring Military Training, it was on to Basic Section Leaders Course. YEap...it was just a level higher of boringness. But truth be told, it was the only time that i felt that i belonged with a group of people. That was the first time i ever felt that i can talk to anyone in the bunk just about anything. Anything at all. For the first time in my life, i felt at home...We trained hard. We didnt quite play hard but ya...i enjoyed my time there with my bunkmates. After 10 weeks together, we finally went our seperate ways. Artillery, Military Police, Airforce...the works. I went onto farther my infantry proficiency....Advance Section Leaders Course...

ASLC, that was when i learned the many ways our army can kick butt. The different kinds of battlegrounds, the different kinds of battle, the many ways we can come to the fight...I really, truly enjoyed my 11 weeks there with my buddies. Hell yeah...Starlight was one hell of a trip for me. First time out of the country in 5 years. And yes...somewhere foreign too(SEA is considered local to me...=D) That was the highlight of my trainee life. After 21 weeks of that and the 9 weeks before that...i finally was ready to embark the second part of my journey. No longer a trainee but as a commander.

2 weeks after coming back from Starlight, i went on to Lancer with my new unit. It was a weird way to gel into my new unit but yeah...i learnt alot. Learnt alot abt myself..abt my men...and abt the kind operations i was going to be carrying out. Yeah...that was fun...in a sick kind of way. You'd actually have to have the balls to do it all the way coz if not...it's going to kill you- literally.

Taking over command of a section was what i was looking forward to. But that was not to be. Unofficially...i took over the platoon instead. Hence, the present challenge just got more challenging. Highnoon. That really sucked. That one incident....guess i bounced back higher after that.

Honestly, i think that everything happens for a reason. And hell yeah..it was for a god damn good reason. ;) Never been happier in my entire life. IT was the platoon sergeant course for me after that incident. And yeap...it matured me as a soldier first, and a leader second. It deepened my understanding for things military and CV. Its a pity not everyone gets to go for this sort of thing.

Lightning Strike followed suit and 3 weeks of holiday training was enough to get me and my men enthusiastic enough about just anything SAF. HEll yeah it did. But i missed her like crazy. And yeah...seeing her, hugging her at the airport upon touchdown...that certainly chased all the blues away.

Abit of training here and there and im actually done with my CSM course. CAnt believe i went thru HAWK twice. Just one more hurdle to go on the 7 to the 10th. Cant believe its almost coming to an end already. Thinking of that, it actually sends shivers down the spine. And oh ya...that gut wrenching feeling, the very same one, its back again. The transition from Military to CV. Truthfully, i am doubtful. I am scared. I know what i want to do. But how do i get there? Guess i'll just have to take things one at a time now.

I still cant believe im almost at the end................

Another decent break that comes after another decent break. In between is something what we call "chiong-sua". It tires you out physically, mentally, emotionally and ya..medically too. Trust me...it does. Especially when the number of people going to see the doctor increases drastically. Yeah...it always happens. Well, just a few more weeks to the big day of evaluation. That's when things starts to get to a roll. A roll that will inevitably end. Gotta keep that in my mind in order to motivate myself. Need to keep telling myself -"the suffering will inevitably end. It cant stay on forever. Good times are just coming up ahead. EVerything is inevitable in that order." Words of motivation that i keep telling myself for the last year and 8mths everytime i got the worse end of things.

I just sealed my fate just now. Im starting school in august. Give myself a little breathing room to work, earn some money, possibly take a break from everything. Hopefully, it'd be taking a break with a companion. If not, then ya...same old lone wolf break then. Wonder how school will be like. After 2 years of no studying at all...i wonder if my brain is able to sharpen itself to the endless quabbles that i always have with my classmates over any subject of discussion. Hmm...im definately looking forward towards that.

Got a newsflash on my phone in the afternoon. Even in my state of grooginess, i was still angered by such acts. 12 people were killed in a mosque by some suicide bomber. That's sad. REally sad. Considering the fact that aidil adha just passed no more than 24hours ago. And yet, this kind of thing is happening. Muslim against another muslim? VEry likely. What made them fight? Different ideals? Different views of how they want their country to be runned? Fuck....why cant somebody compromise??? Why must people always be in that pursuit for power? And with power, they pursue more power. Wtf is wrong with us humans? Why have we all turned out this way? Wars are no longer fought based on survival. The very fundamentals as to why wars are fought are forever lost. Smarty pants who are overpaid just to talk trash and run the country aground are manipulating the meaning of things. The meaning of words. So much so that it all has become meaningless. Crap....gotta work towards that level where i can make changes...

But i gotta start small. Did 24hours manning of the guardroom yesterday. Yes...i did guard duty the day before. And ya...as always, i take the opportunity to talk to my men. Finally, i managed to understood why my men turn out the way they are in the present stage. Its because of their past. What ever happened to them....it definately didnt benefit them at all. They are atoning for the sins that they didnt do. Sins that others have commited willingly and unknowingly caused the butterfly effect onto these individuals that i today make contact with. I think...maybe just maybe, i've found my calling...

You know, sometimes i really do wonder "Why am i sooooo proud to be wearing green???"
I haven't came back from any war in it. I haven't saved any life in it. And i don't think any actions of mine have made any huge impact on any body's life. So why am i proud? I haven't killed anyone, survived combat, saved a dying buddy or made a huge impact on the headlines. Don't get me wrong, im not looking for fame or fortune here, but i am dying to do something which i am supposed to do in the first place. A soldier- A killer. A savior. A leader of both.

My peers have been asking me a lot of times "Dude, why are so into this kind of thing?"
I'd only have one thing to answer back to them, "Aren't we training for war? So why not take everything seriously?" The only response i would get from them is me being ridiculed by the masses. Sure Singapore isn't going to war anytime soon but that doesn't mean that it isn't going to happen at all. But that doesn't give them any fucking excuse to take things likely because i am training to defend whats near and dear to me. My family, my lover, my friends. All of that. I simply cannot afford to lose any of them.

I lost track of myself. Oh..no i didn't. It made me prove the point even more as to why i wonder if there is any pride at all in wearing the green. I haven't been killed yet or about to be killed yet in anytime i did my service. My chances of survival wouldn't be very much anyway since the kind of training i have received are haphazard anyway. Thank you soooooooo much instructors. The basics of soldiering are gone. Then again, what are the basics? Well, it is killing and combat and avoiding to be killed in combat. Sure...you've taught us how to lower the possibility of being killed by artillery fire by digging trenches. You taught us to take cover so as to prevent being shot. But, did you actually ever taught us how to kill before? Practically, every soldier that i know of doesn't know how to kill. They know how to shoot their rifles. But they still don't know how to kill. That immediately reduces their combat survivability. Something has gotta change.

Hmm...its been quite awhile since i last wrote anything. Time have been pretty tight lately with the CSM course. By the time i get back home on saturday afternoon, i'd be too drained out to do anything but to sleep. And yes, its deep sleep we're talking about here. The kind of sleep where you thought you just had your eyes closed for a second and the next thing you know, you open your eyes to the sight of the clock showing that 3-4 hours of your life is gone. Lost to the deep mysteries of sleep. Hmm....And sundays is spent with me sayang =D. Cant compromise that for anything eles in the world. I mean, if you only get to spend one day of your week with someone, who would rather it be? For me, it's definately her. =D

Well, it finally came and gone. SummEX. Thank god its over. Cant really release the details but hell yeah, it had it funny moments. Truthfully, this was the best course i've ever attended. The people made it the best. Time passed on effortlessly with them around. TOo bad i dont really have this kind of thing back my unit. They were all an ideal bunch of people to work with. Damn right they are.

Been reading the papers this morning and kinda got into a subtle shock for awhile back there. This year's Miss Universe Singapore had to fork out almost everything for her expenses just to represent guess who.......? IT'S......................... SINGAPORE! And this being one of those arena where singapore could actually stand a chance. But nooooooooooooo...none. No sponsorship, no recognition. Nothing. Where did all those money that the taxpayers go to? Well, one of the channels it went to is the silly thing called soccer(to call it football is simply politcally incorrect but that is for another time). And what have that resulted in so far?? Well, nothing much really. Just a few wins here and there and lots and lots of dissapointment. When are they going to realise that Singapore's time in soccer is long gone? It gone away with the start of S-League. It gone with the likes of Fandi Ahmad, Malik Awab and the other legends retiring from pro soccer and started to coach or something like that. REALISE IT YOU NITWITS!!!

Nowadays, soccer is just nothing but a mere vehicle for gambling. Well, at least it is legal gambling. And so all the suicides, killings, roberries, frauds and what not that resulted from this must be legal too right? I dunno, it seems to rather lean that way to me. I could be wrong. But then again, nobody's right like the saying goes, the end of any war doesnt determine who's right, it just determines who's left(its alrite, take your time to understand this). Hmm...i think i just smacked myself in the head. No wonder they invested soooooooooo much is soccer. Its for the money. And the soccer players? Nothing but mere subjects and the matches as vehicles for the money booming sessions. DAmn....they're smart! Okay....so it took me this long to realise this. But at least i did. So we've got of smart-assed-cheeky buggers running this country. Hmm...wish i had a part of this too. Then i can go everywhere giving off my "best-public smile" for publicity sake and then go around smiling cheekily to the public without anyone realizing what a stunt i've pulled! Hell yeah!!! Down right i am to say that it sure sounds like a lot of fun.!

Hmm..i wonder what its really like to be like them. Superscale G!!!

Im not really in the mood for writing...but i'll write anyway. That's because when i do write, its because im either pissed at something or im just deep in my train of thoughts. Of which, im neither state right now. Well, maybe because i've been quite happy these past few months =) Well, dear readers, if you'd be in my shoes right now, i think you'd be exactly the same right now.

I've recently watched this movie, Stranger than fiction. And ya, it set me thinking abt how life can be seriously stranger than what we read in books or seen at the movies. Then again, fiction is the depiction of real life. Reel life mimics real life. But ya...guess we kinda forgot abt that by blaming the tv for everything stupid mistakes that we do. Taking them for baddddddddddd influences on us. There is no such thing as bad influence. Nor is there such a thing as good influence. There's just influence. Nothing more than that. Its just what we make up out of it.

There's input and then there's the output. What happens in the output is affected by what how we process the input. Input is just input. Its how we process that input. For a perfect example. An actor smoking on screen. That's the input. The output? People started smoking. If that was the case, then everyone coming out of that damn cinema hall would be ligthing up wouldnt they since they got very bad influence afterall.... WEll, it's really how we process that input. Like people seeing that smoking is actually nothing more than well...smoking? Ya...nobody gives a damn about the person who's smoking. For the girls...they just might be oogling at that damn actor. But for the guys, they just want to be riveted by the storyline, the plot, the characters maybe. They just want to be entertained. But why do people still pick up smoking? Well...that's because they want to. Nothing more than that.

Hmm...me using that as an example am seeming as if im revolving whatever im writing about around smoking. Hell no....no no no. This is not what im talking about(or writing for that matter). Im just saying that blaming something else for what we did is pure bullshit. So those people who wrote the khutbah yesterday...READ MY BLOG!!!

Lots of time, i've been asked, what kind of music do i listen to. I mean, really listen to. And yah...sayang, you've asked me that to. On the general scale, i'd listen to any kind of music. But the ones that i'd really like to listen to....it'd definately be punk rock! MPXP, NOFX, Bad religion, The Offsprings, Goldfinger, Mest, bla bla bla...(those of you who tink you noe music better, i am in no need of you to comment of how wrong i put those band's music under the wrong genre. At the end of the day, its still under punk rock!!!)

Why would i? Hell...y wouldnt i? Punk rock is politically inclined. They talk nothing about life and ya..the truth about things. Other genre...well...love? Hmm...nah. Too selfish. Talk nothing about themselves and things like that...nvm...i'll pass. But punk rock..hmm. I'd especially like this very prominent line by the offsprings in their song Have You Ever which goes

when the truth walks away,
everybody stays
cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay

Well, there's a negative but really true perception of life. Crime does pay..in a fucked kind of way. The bad guys always wins but guess what, the good guys finish last. And hell yeah, we always do. Then there's another line by MXPX in the song It's Alright

Its alright, its alright
its alright we can travel by the moonlight
Its alright, its alright
Its alright we can travel through the twilight

And hell yeah, that is god damn true too. Well, whatever you make of it, i make of it my way. And yeah, like the line in Stranger than fiction goes, i do want to life my life like how it's sung in punk rock music. If i only have the means too....I would have. Life would've been so much god damn better that way....

But first, we'd have to eradicate them bastards first...good guys finish last, and the race is almost up. Its about them we're finishing....

Damn...its been over 10 days since i last wrote. Everything's been kinda hectic lately...well. It kinda died down recently. Hoorah! A week of leave. That's more like it. Yeah...time for me to recuperate from all that work and just chill. Hit the gym a little bit more. Settle my school thingy. And ya...the most important thing! Spend more time with my sayang. =) And that's how the cookie crumbles...

Gotta catch up with a few buddies of mine to. Yeah. Going out with my jc classies later. No idea where but im sure it'll be interesting. Or at least, i can try to make it so. It's been quite a while since i last met them. Hmm...come to think of it..it's been quite some time. LAst i met them was i think in..urm...january or something? Yeah. After Ex Lancer. Somewhere there. Wonder how they're all doing. Hmm...

And yes. There's tmr too! Hmm...jalan2 raya. With my primary school mates. Its been a long time since i last met them all. All except for one *wink* *wink*
Wonder how tmr will really turn out to be like.

ROFL. DAmn my blog looks like it belongs to some teenage girl's. ROFL. But seriously. There's nothing much for me to talk about lately. Hmm...i wonder y. Perhaps its the lack of things for me to observe within our society coz most of the time i have is spent in camp.

Hmm...perhaps this one week of leave spent on the "outside" world might open my eyes a little for me to comment on our imperfect "perfectionist" society? Perhaps. We'll see if it might fill up my blog a lttle.

Damn...its been a loong time since i wrote anyting in this godforsaken place. Been bz perhaps? Or maybe i cant find anything to bitch and moan about maybe/possibly/most likely/normally/usually(and im out of probabilities to write about) ive been very very happy these past few months. =) (im beaming!!!)

And yah, i dont usually write when im happy. because when i do write, i usually bitch and moan....Then again, i am bitching and moaning because ive got nothing to bitch and moan about. DAMN! Hmm...i need my muse.

Sayang printed out a whole stack of whatever i wrote about since dec 2005 and has been reading it since. Damn...i have absolutely no idea abt half of those things ive wrote then. Well, maybe i've forgotten about them? Yeah...that's a likely case. One things for sure tho...i miss my rugby. I miss my oval ball. I miss whacking people without having to feel guilty about it coz they're not the usually pussies who'd die or get knocked down when you do. I miss having to squeeze my brain just to figure out how to get from where i am to the try line all this done while running at my top speed. I miss all of those things.

Hmm...rugby. Guess the only reason i miss my rugby is because its the only thing i can do to ever feel alive. I mean...no one would be crazy enough just to play a sport all the way till a major exam unless its RUGBY! And hell yeah..just as i was getting better at it, i got called up into the army...damn. No matter...hopefully i would have some time to do that when i go back to school next year. So it'd be studies, sayang, part-time job and rugby. It's a great juggle i'd be making there. But if i can manage all of those with little or not hiccups....life years down the road shouldnt be any problem at all.

WEll...just a few more hours to the rugby world cup finals. Springboks vs England(what are the fondly known as anyway? rossies just because its like their national symbol of some sort? or pussies coz they really play like one...) Hopefully i'd still be awake to watch a little bit of that match...

Till then........

Finally...the day ive been waiting for. TGIF!!! Thank god its friday! This friday is a little bit different from the usual fridays...urm. Maybe except for last friday. And ya..lots of fridays actually. Okay fine, only different from the fridays that i dont get to see my sayang. Hehs.

Thank god that stupid evaluation exercise is over. Im done with it. The next one will be coming in january. Haiz...that'll be the bomb. 4 days of fighting? Oh god...wonder how the men are going to cope. Shit..i did 9 days of straight fighting with my buddies and ya...it was extremely tiring but we extremely enjoyed withing alongside each other.

Hmm...last day of ramadan already. Doesnt feel like long does it? Perhaps of the fact that i was super busy with the evaluation exercise. But thank god its hari raya tmr!!! Yea...been waiting for this day since last year. Last hari raya was spent in taiwan. Never tot i'd say this but im really really looking forward to have it with my family tmr. Hell, i cant believe over the past years ive been trying to get away from it by giving excuses like exams and shit like that....haiz. LAst year, i actually got away from hari raya and i felt really really miserable. Noway is that going to happen again.

Cant wait to see my sayang later tonite. =)

Tried to apply for a scholarshop with the Public Service Comission board. Seems to take a lot longer that i anticipated. Oh well, i'll do it when i get home this coming wednesday i guess. Hmm...hopefully i'll get it. Kinda like the idea of working in the public sector. Rather civil service. Yeah...its not really the money but the kind of thing i get to do. Or rather can do.

Yesterday's night with sayang was a blast. Except for the intial part. Break fast at 2hot cafe at esplanade. It was terrible!!! Firstly, we got chucked away at some corner...yeah. Tat wasnt very good at all. The table was even set yet!!! So what are you all trying to say? That we're unexpected??? ARent you supposed to expect the unexpected?!?!?!? Idiots....that's what managing a restaurant is about isnt it??? Well, for the better bulk of it at least. AS if that wasnt insulting enough, i had to wait for a whole damn long for the food. If they made me wait for 10-15mins, i wouldnt mind at all. But a whole half an hour??? Damn....its not as if you were trying to dish out a gourmet meal or something. It was just somehting damn simple. And there were only a few dishes that i could order. And half of it isnt even available!!! So what went wrong? The service. Terrible service staff you've got there. And when a waitress did finally brought my food, she did nothing but to just stand there and smile at me when i made some remarks to show how disgusted i was. Wtf?!?! Is she stupid or something??? She was supposed to say something like "sorry for the terrible service. Is there something complimentary that we could offer you for the nuisance that we've caused you?" Nah....she just stood there, bewildered at my temper and then walk away quickly hoping to not get involved in anything. DAmn....

Sayang, im sorry you had to see me on my bad side. I cant promise you that you wont see any more of it but i promise that it will be as least as possible. And trust me, it wont be directed towards you. Im sorry i scared you with my temper. Something seems to make me angry lately. And yeah, my men has been getting the worse end out of it. What could i do? I was indeed am pissed off at them for their selfishness. Now...im going to direct my anger at a few outstanding personnel that's the root of all the problem. You selfish bastards are going to die!!!!!

A few more days to raya. Hmm...cant wait for that. Especially the part where my sayang said about going to geylang with her on malam raya. Jalan2 kat bazar...hmm...that sounds interesting considering the fact that i've never been there at such a time. And also the fact that i get nauseous in such a big crowd. But with her around, it makes it all worth it. =)

Gtg to camp now. Stupid evaluation exercise.........

Well, so much for being at home hoping that maybe my family could be eating together to break fast today....That's the only reason that i happen to be at home today. The week that passed by happened to be goddamn hectic. So guess what? I only got home at 2 in the morning last night. And ya, the whole night, i was smiling coz you noe what? I was thinking "yes, finally i get to break fast with my family!!" That didnt happen. Hell, i only did that once with them so far this year's ramadhan. Quite sad huh? Shucks....

I was reading the papers particulary the section where some singaporean gets to bitch abt his/her week to rest of the nation. Guess what? This idiot was complaining abt his lunch being ruined coz a bunch of kids got rowdy. Guess where he had his lunch? Rofl...some prata shop. Crap, he still called it a prata restaurant making others believe that it is actually a real restaurant with real service....C'mon. Who the hell are you trying to kid? And the best part was that the subheading was actually somewhere along the lines of being in a first world country. Mr.Crappyidiot even went on to compare the situation to the one in japan where everyone ate quietly out of respect for others. Hahahha. Japan is an asian country you moron and asians are not as loud as westerners. They are rather reserved. And i think that the first world coutnry thingy that you are referring to are the ideals of a westerner. But have you actually ate at one of those? And im not talking abt swensens and shit im talking abt a real american diner. Or restuarant for that matter where it is actually runned by one. Owned by one. And ya, patronized by them lot. It's actually kinda rowdy. And guess what? Singaporean thinking of first world is one of the western ideology.

Crap...this guy really confused himself. He actually wanted to sound refined, intelligent and courteous, but all he did was to tell people that he is actually, really, usually and normally DUMB! And yeah, thanks for telling that to the world Mr.Larry Quah Chai Koon. Damn...i cant wait to start on my sociology degree. With that kind of credibility, i can proof to others that people like you are really really dumb. And u noe what, that could be actually a professional service of mine! hehs.

God...its been awhile since i wrote anything. The last time i wrote? Sept 2nd. And its already the 22nd. 20 days exactly. Dont really have much to write or the time to write it anyway. Well, except the boring day to day affairs of mine. Well, it can be summarized into a simple simple phrase: same shit, different day. Routine, mundane and quite boring. Damn, wished we were training like the americans. Everyday's a different day. Okay, they do use the same phrase. But its on a bigger scope on a sense of training to go to way kind of shit. But they way they train....it keeps me captivated.

Anyways, what im trying to say that things back in camp is pretty hectic. And things can only get even more hectic for me. Ever find a normal national fulltime serviceman doing the job of regulars....yeap. That would somehow fit into my bill. Yet somehow, i get thrown to be an outcast because the rest of the nsfs SGTs dont see things i see things. Dudes, i too want to get it over and done with!!! And guess what, i'll be done sooner than you guys!!! And what you guys are doing is terrible. Its as if you guys end it next month or something like that. Crap...and you wonder why we get that kinda treatment? Im not being "siow-on" or anything like that. Im just acting my rank for the sake of the corp. And i suggest you guys better do the same too. If not, whatever bits and crumbs of respect the men have for our ranks, will be obliterated. All im saying is, we got a job to do, and we just have to do it right....

Key issue that's been lingering on my mind lately -selfishness. Its the kind of thing that pissess me off big time. People can always say, they can choose not to do things that they dont want to. God...that's fucked up kind of upbringing they've got there. What have their parents been teaching them anyway? Yourself before others????Be first or you'll die???? If so, we as a singaporean society are fucked! There isnt much we can do to salvage or situation. I've seen that kind of attitude in my men. God...wish i was there to square them our during their basic training. I've seen it in the public....nothing i can do to square them out. I can just fumingly comment about it to them right into their goddamn faces. Just a few days ago, my sayang was taking the bus. The usual rush hour crowd. She was standing next to a pregnant lady...she's about urm 8mths late? Yup. And surprise surprise, none of the those dickheads decided to give up their seat to her. Hell, most pretend to fall asleep. PEOPLE!!! I NOE YOU'RE TIRED. GUESS WHAT? WHEN YOU'RE SHAG, YOU'RE NOT ALONE!!! TRY BEING PREGNANT DICKIES!!!

Well, that's singaporean in a nutshell. My sayang was the one who gave her seat when she finally got one to that lady. Hmph...this stinks. Why do people act this way? Is it because of their upbringning by their fucked up parents? Probably...the pressure that they're getting at home? at work? So much so that they finally switched off their human side of them and decide that its only the survival of the fittest from now on(nonetheless, i still can outrun any of you office fatties!! mwahahahahahah!) and everyone is being more of an animal than human. PEOPLE!!! GOD GAVE US A BRAIN AND A HEART FOR AN EXTREMELY GOOD REASON! So that we can think about others and feel what others feel. Well, yeah, that's one of the reasons why. But its an extremely good reason not to be selfish and act more like animals than humans...

Haiz...thankfully, there's still a handful of people who are not like that...utopia has yet to be found.

but i've found mine! and i think she's still asleep right now. hehs. still, i get to be with her later tonite. cant wait for that =) (im grinning goddamn big right now)

I might sound like a pussy after this for writing this but....who cares? Writing something on my own blog is well, kinda like talking to someone else..only that i can do it better. Yeah...i can write better than i can talk.

Oh well, its sunday already. Yeap. Usually, i'd be looking forward to sundays. Why? WEll, that's coz i get to spend my day with my sayang. That's why. But today's an exception. She's got a couple of functions to attend to. Yeah..family functions. So i guess yesterday was a trade off for today huh? Coz usually, she wont be around on saturdays...this time around, its today. Oh well...

The past few days have been great. Hell, describing them as great would be a big understatement. Ever since i got back to Singapore, all i wanted to do was to spend all my time with my sayang. Even if it meant that i had to wait till she knocks off and ya that time spent with her is the journey back home, it was worth it. Every single second of it was worth it. And yesterday...yeah, couldnt be more pissed. I had my saturday carefully planned out. And then, BAM! a meeting at 9?! And ya...so much for 9 to 12. It streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeched all the way till 1 plus. It's like one of the last opportunity that i get to spend time with her and all they want was to suck every single minute of my time. AND THE NXT FEW WEEKS IS GOING TO BE FUCKING HECTIC!!! WEEKENDS ARE GONNA GET BURNT!!! Goddamn!

Yesterday...despite the little time available..was great. Again, an understatement there. Makan, movie and urm...neoprints. And yes, that neoprint was for you sayang. If anybody else asked me to do it, no chance in hell am i going to do it. But since you asked, i had to give in to my sayang. Yeap. The only part i liked in that movie was having my arms wrapped around her. hehs. Truth be told, i wasnt concentrating on the movie at all sayang. Not even the slightest bit. I was concentrating on you. Yup, throught the entire movie. How i wished yesterday didnt have to end. Yeah. The part when we reached your home was the part i hated the most. I hate goodbyes...even tho i noe that we're going to go out again soon enough sayang....

Haiz...

And for those regular readers, i have not turned gay neither am i a softie. I still punch like how i used to punch. I just miss my sayang alot. A whole damn lot....So if you think that i have indeed gone pussy, well, gimme a call. We'll set a place and time. And you'll then realize how much of a pussy i am not alrite?