Past few months, i've been listening to a lot of warna lately( thats the malay radio station for those numb chucks out there). Kinda reminds me of what it was like in this house 10 years ago. 10 years ago...hmm....primary school days. Those days are long gone...dont have to worry about at thing at all cept maybe for getting your homework done on time and urm...where you were at in the pokemon world. Yep.

10 years down the road and im wearing green...day in day out. And after a few months of training, im with my chevrons. Not so much pay but a lot more responsibilties lately. I dont mind them responsibilities. Hell....i love it...i think. At least my men are motivated. And that is good enough for me. 10 years and im shoved with a lot of things to think of. A lot....a real big lot. The kind of things that adults do. Not children. And come to think of it...i like being a child for once. Well...maybe that's why some parents are like that to their children. Coz they're cant bear the fact that their children is so happy and carefree and they're not. So they try to even the odds. Sounds like a stupid thing but it could be a very real fact. Who knows? Unless you're a parent, you wouldnt know right? Its like telling someone the dangers of urm..lets say smoking when that person doesnt even smoke or doesnt even noe someone personally who smokes and tat sort of activity actually caused the bugger some sort of a problem. Bleargh...long winded explanation usually doesnt get the point across....Let's summarize it. DOnt critisize coz u do not noe what the hell you're talking abt! Yea balls.

OOoookkay. Adulthood. Instead of something that im evolving into...im being thrown straight into it. Yep. And its unstoppable in singapore. U noe why? WElllllllllll....coz every male singaporean has to go thru National service once they reach a ripe red age of 18. Yep. The buggers who implemented it didnt even have to go thru with this shit and his son...welll let's just say he kinda skived thru everything. Well done! Bugger doesnt even noe that between now and 21....this is when a person gets to enjoy most of his life. He's young. He's more financially independant(not so but still...) and he's able to make choices without much restriction or obstruction of any way. So why the hell am in stuck and not being able to be somewhere else to develop myself so that i can evovle into an adult and not being shotgunned into one?!?!?

I mean that's so much that someone like me can do. ...like continue studying and getting a degree. Yeap. That could work out nicely for me. I could travel the world and see it without having to train for it and only getting it for only 4 days as a form of reward for my ever so dedicating hard working me! I wonder if they're still wondering why male singaporeans are quite immature. Well..there you go! Have fun trying to figure out what i've just said. AAOUAH!

Allrite. Hell week is finally over.....i guess. Finally got the cap badge that we had to suffer for. The week ended in a bang. Literally. Revielle at 0530 was by thunderflash. We had turnout! Funny part was we still had time to run to the toilet to pee before falling in. After that, all hell broke loose. We were rained with all sorts of punishments and a wonderful vocabulary of something something. Hell yeah! Drew arms within 10mins. Ran 5 klicks with SBO, helmet and rifle. Yeap. May seem nothing to some but to us...it was excruciating. This considering the fact that we were still sore from 5BX(times a million) from the past few days. Also, we had nvr ran the distance before. We carried on with casevac, weapon stripping and soc before another casevac. Oh yeah.....it was pain. Lots of it. Hell, i still havent recovered yet! The only way to survive that day was to keep telling oneselve: Nothing Lasts Forever.

The week ahead looks kinda relax...all thanks to the hell that is Brunei that awaits us this saturday. Im flying off....broke. Not very nice. Not very nice at all.

Fuck...all i can talk about is the army nowadays. We suffer the week thru and when the weekend comes, we're too tired to do anything else. Not to mention the amount of responsibilities we now have to shoulder being commanders....Sargeants...we're really screwed. Our men puts pressure from below while the officers puts pressure from the top. We're not screwed...we're squished. Squished Kebab.

Hopefully the nxt 1 year and 3 months will pass on by quickly......dont think i'll ever be the same again....ever.

"Sargeants are the solution to all problems at hand"
-an officer

All right. This is it. This is what i've been training for for the past 21 weeks of my life. To become a leader. Become a specialist. No use having second thoughts about it. It'll only make things even worse. And yes. Brunei. Holy FUCK! Just get it done and over with i guess.

Been meeting a lot of old friends lately. I wonder why. just a an hour ago, i bumped into Rizal. Been school mates ever since primary school all the way till secondary school. And last weekend, Syakir bumped into me online. A few days ago, bumped into ful. Yeap. A lot of bumping into some old friends. Not to mention catching up wif my jc classmates last friday. Life was good....till now. Booking in to fulfil my job as a fucking platoon sargeant. Blearhg. A job is a job that needs to be done properly and excellently. Oh wells....

Still, i could have gone to guards you know.....its just a thought.

That's it. After 21 weeks of Section Leader Course...ive finally passed out as a 3SG. Some say the course is one tough nut. I seemed to have cracked it effortlessly. Sure....sacrifices were made. But...didnt really feel anything. All i was doing was doing what had to be done. Ya balls. Dun want to get fucked was one thing. Getting things done properly only benefitted myself. Sounds selfish but that's human nature. They wouldnt do anything at all unless it would benefit them. Dont believe it, reflect upon yourself. When was the last time you did something as a selfless act? So what if you donated 20cents to some flag day thing? I bet its for you to get that damn sticker and treat it as a form of immunity against hordes of "volunteers" who would come and pester you for some loose change to be dropped inside the tin can.

Sadly, i didnt make it to the elites. Seems like everyone is going somewhere that they dont want to go. Im going to an infantry regiment as a platoon sargeant. Platoon sargeant......hmm...sounds glamorous. But it sure as fuck is a lot of shit. Care for your men comes into priority. Plus, you have to look after your PC as well. Well done FAdzil! What the fuck did you get yourself into? Well...a job is a job tat needs to be done. Hopefully im going to do a good job. Balancing between care for soldiers and letting them step all over me. Its a god damned thin line. One which i will be balancing for the next 1 year and 3 months.

On other news, i just came back from taiwan. Guess what? Im going to brunei on the 2nd. YippeeE!! Im fucked. Its been barely a week since i touched down in singapore and now i have to fly off again for another 3 weeks. This time though, im going as a commander. This brings the next question....i wonder if there'll be any difference for the trip this time around.

Wonder how the previous commander do it. Well...either im going to perform as how they did or do a better job. Hope it'll be the latter part.

Swift & Deadly

IM BACK! IM FINALLY BACK! Can believe it! IM NEVER FLYING AGAIN! NEVER!!! But only if im given the choice lah. NS, not much choice. Fly means fly. Training means training. No two-way about it. Afterwards, it would be land transport for me all the way. Maybe im just being paranoid but i hate flying. Why? Coz its really uncontrolled. I dont fly the plane but even if i did, it will still be uncontrolled. Unless of course i suddenly have the control of gravity and i grew wings instead. Besides im claustrophibic and have a fucking fear of heights. Yea balls. FLying was the only thing that stood between Singapore and Taiwan. Im fine at being at either places. The flying part was a huge turn off.

Taiwan...what about taiwan? We climbed mountains almost everyday(Im supposed to be very fit now...rite..). Its fresher, more relaxed and very unclustered. Heck, i like it there. After 3 weeks being there, i didnt really feel the urge of not being at home. I didnt mind at all. Tat was really really scary. 4 days of longstride was very adventurous? GEtting lost before finding our way out. The view that we kept bumping into consistently during that exercise was simply to die for. Eventually, we were fucked for simply taking it too easy. Hehs. So imagine how much we rushed to make up for the lost time. We ended up overtaking a lot of teams and reaching the end point at a very civilised timing. Lucky sons of a gun we were.

After that was 9 days of warrior. 9 days of balls scratching action. One objective a day. That's how fucking boring being an infantryman can get. Okaylah, we had our share of fun. Moving off 2 or 3 am in the morning to our objective. Take the objective within seconds(most of the time anyway. The last one took us 45mins). Fighting on top of mountains. And on technical break, washing ourselves in some orange plantation. I mean, how many times in your life do you get to run around stark naken in some orange plantation? Chances are never. We were lucky to be able to do so. On one harbour site, we had plenty of oranges to eat. PLENTY! It was nice. AFter the last objective, we had to evac from the place to the LZ. It was supposed to be a helievac. Instead of Choppers, we had tonners waiting for us. How we get there from our objective is pretty much "inspiring". REmember the movie, BLACK HAWK DOWN. When they ran from their last stronghold to their safe haven? Ya. We did the same thing. Running with our wounded and dead. EVERYTHING ON! Pretty cool.

Rnr cam soon after. Well, im too lazy to write it. As soon as i get them online, i'd update u all. HAve to report tmr at 0730hrs. Crap. Back to the regimental lifestyle again. Fucking hate it. Anyways, POP in a week's time. Nxt wednesday, i'd be offically 3SG FADZIL. Dun mess with me. I'm not nice to mess with. Never. Im of a different breed. The rare aggressive kind. My buddies have seen it. My men will soon see it. Good luck to them. Hey-ah Ho-ah Infantry-ah!

Noe what im really afraid of? Dying. Ya. Dying far away from home. That's the only concern that i have right now. I mean, death? Aiya...who's not going to die? Everyone will die eventually.....rite? I hope those freaks no longer exists. The only thing im afraid of is to die after being away from my family for a very long time. Hopefully(really really hopefully) that doesnt happen to me. Coz if it does...it would suck like fuck. Oh wells....Taiwan better be nice to me.

Nearing the end of my course. YA BALLS! Soon, people will be calling me Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgeant! HELP!!! ROfl. Especially recruits. Let's see how my options are...if i go to 4 SIR, i'd be taking 1 year old soldiers. That means, i'll be ORD-ing with them. If i end up with 3 Guards, i'd be training the best. Since they start as recruits. If i fuck up somewhere, i'd end up in tekong. Condemned for life(NS life lah..)

My english has been deteriorating ever since i enlisted. Hell! This is the first time ever that i've been surrounded by so many malays! Thrilled? Possibly. Hell, we malays make the best soldiers! Why? When there's work to be done, we'd do it. And we do it goooooooooooooooood. We're soooooo proud being a soldier that urm....we'd march properly? I dunno...there's a zinc to it. Some sort of an X-factor to it. I mean, who repelled the Japs to almost total annihilation during ww2? The malay regiment! No retreat. No defeat. No supplies. No reinforcements. No chance in hell that the japs were getting thru without getting thru them first. YEap. MALAY SOLDIERS. Wonder y the govt prefers to keep the malays in the low these days.

Maybe it could be because of the M&M syndrome these days. Yeap. Mats and minahs. Well....not all malays are mats and minahs. Not all is bad. That's like saying that all chinese are bengs. And all indians are urm...indian gangsters. Or all middle easterners are terrorists. Well...that's the perception everyone has esp to the middle easterners. Wear a burka and u'll need to liberated. Grow a beard and tat means you're carrying a bomb. What bullshit? Guess its the people who stereotypes who are the ones that are FUBAR than those who have been stereotyped.

And to that idiot who gave the open secret. SCREW YOU! NSF to NSmen...im going to knock the socks off your balls!


Gawd...i need some rugby.....

I juz got mistaken for a student today. Or since its after 072359hrs, yesterday. A year ago, i was mistaken for an NSF. What's wrong with people?!!? Maybe its them. Could be me. Longing to be a student these days. A year ago, i was longing to be a soldier. Grass is always greener on the other side...maybe. Maybe the grass is radioactive. That could a valid and stupidly imaginative reason. K...juz being childish.

Taiwan taiwan taiwan. 4 hours flight+4 hour bus ride+3 week wait+Come back home sweet home+POP= 3SG Mohd Fadzil. The best of the best. Go to unit. Lead my men. ORD. Back to studies. Back to life...

ORD. That reminds me, i need to get a job to support myself. Im thinking starbucks or taxi driver. Barista/taxidriver by night, student by day. Sounds like im going to be some sort of a superhero. A weird screwed up who's only life he's saving is his own. Yea well...start small. End BIG. YEa balls.

Not much to blog these days. Running out of things to blabber about. Cept for the bloody haze these days. But im taking it all out on Welson since he's from indonesia. Wonder how he's taking it. Aiya...the bugger's rich. He could juz pay me to shut up. If only he knew...

Hmm....what else? Nothing much i guess. I miss home a lot more these days. Dunnoe y.

Finally. Home. Been a long week of fighting this week. Didnt really feel it though coz most of the time it was spent fighting or sleeping. Ya. We Singaporean soldiers are damn famous for sleeping anywhere, anytime! Even during parades. So now you know......
Finally, i passed my SOC test. For those oblivious ones, SOC is the shitties test ever to exist that tests our physical fitness in a soldier-y kind of way. 700m rundown. A wall to climb over. Bla bla bla....and finally after jumping off a ramp with barb wires at the bottom its "RUN LIKE HELL OR YOU'LL FAIL IDIOT!!!" for 600m to the finish line. If you've seen the movie Army Daze, you'll know what im talking about. I clock 8.46mins for that. The fastest i did. Time to go for commando standard. Yeah balls!

Okay, what i've done so far, Combat Skills badge. March all the way through the night. Finished it with a day shoot for advanced targeting. Did a few fast marches. Ya. And fasting. And ya. A live firing platoon exercise. Kinda scary when you're the commander for such exercises. You actually see rounds flying past you. You'd have to really have the balls to trust your man not to shoot you in that. Tip of the day, be nice to them! Works well enuff for me to live another day.

Fasting. Making me skinny. But faster. Stronger. And even angrier. Ya. Esp when ppl who are not fasting that do not do their job accordingly. They claim to be tired. I'll kill them if i was holding an appointment. Those buggers have been lucky so far....

Okay, now im out of things to write coz everything that i've written so far, its been quite boring. U think? Ya. Cant wait till taiwan training. Winter training!

Today is the day of all days. This is my last weekend. EVer. Till i come back from ROC. Yeah balls. OTHER ppl have started to use this phrase too. It's supposed to be a golf 3 thing. Oh wells.

TOday is also the day of all days coz its the only day that im really dry for the entire day. The whole week has been a wet week. And to make matters worst, it just had to rain. IT JUST HAD TO! Watermanship was quite a bore. Nonetheless it was still cold and wet. Topo was a dissapointment. First time ever that i could find a checkpoint. We're saved. And guess what? Ya. They made us do area cleaning lower mandai. WTF?! Standby Nature Reserve. They just had to activate us. I mean, there's those OCS brats who could go there and do it. After all, they are going to be doing nonthing but Only Can Say after they are commisioned. Might as well get them to noe what its like to be on the ground(picking things off the ground too). Other than that, i've got nothign to write about.

Nothing political. Nothing nothing. Shisha was a first time. Felt giddy after a few puffs. First time for everything. Hopefully i dont get addicted to these things that ive been trying out lately. Hopefully la. Negative side of life? Hey. Who cares.

You what they say? There's a time and place for everything. A couple of years back, i thought it was during my JC days. Noooooo. That was the time and place for me to study some more(and actually become smart or follily attempt to) and plan more rugby and enjoy my last two years in a fully rigidly structured education system(ya. I kinda like taking a back seat in life. There are times that i need to become a the driver. But back seat's kinda comfy for me) NS IS THE TIME AND PLACE FOR EVERYTHING! Yea balls! Clubbing. Smoking. Shishaing. Late nights. Doing stuff that i dont normally do. I seem to swear and curse a lot more these days too. Wonder how im goign to cope from nxt sunday onwards. Ya. But, i do tend to make a concious effort not to do it once im in civie. Hmm....aiya. Who cares?

Crap, im still a bit giddy. Lack of sleep or issit hte shisha? Take a breather and eat. Yea balls. EAT!!!! I've got a choice of MEe Rebus or Nasi Briyani. Mom cooked recognizable food this time around. Routine. Jelak. But at least i noe what im eating. Weeeeeee. Giddy giddy giddy. A bit of high. ROC LOR! POP LOR! ORD LOR!!!!!!!!! 1 year 5 months to go!!!

Life in a jiffy. Think i've clocked almost 30klicks of running this week. Running and running and more running. Hell...my calves are still hurting. And ya. I've finally grasped what life is going to be like in the weeks to come. 3 weeks away from homeland. 3 weeks before that away from home. Nxt week will be the last weekend.....possibly ever. War. Hope it doesnt happen. Coz if it does, i'd be shipped out on a one way ticket. Fight and die. That's how dispensable we soldiers are. Fucking sad fact.

On lighter side of life(army life that is), shot two virgin weapons. Ya...one wif blanks one with live rounds. Best weapon ever shot. No stoppages. Juz cant shoot wif the screwed up weapon. Its meant for assault. Not for sharpshooting. Need some more practice to get use to. Heck. I went for the day shoot 3 times before i got it right. Missed 3 out of 16 on the last shoot. Got all 12 at night. Bobo marksman. Right on ballz. Ippt is still a silver. And this story is getting a bit boring.

So on with yesterday. Or this morning. dblO. Nice place. I think. First time clubbing. So ya. Eye opener....more or less. Loud music(retro night). Rofl. So you can imagine the kind of music that was blasting away. Nice. The only thing that still freaks me out a little is how the people there have all the dance move figured out. And they all(most of them anyway) do it with NDP precision. Yeap. NDP PRECISION. Its a 21 and above club. NSF and soldiers are considered above 21.....somehow. Maybe soldiers only. And true to what dharman said, i met a few people i noe. One of them, my buddie......OZ OZ OZ! OIE OIE OIE!. Found another platoon mate. Found my secondary school mate. And i learn a thing or two about clubbing(i tink). 1 is that when someone taps you on the back or on the shoulder, you dont have to turn around coz chances are they want to walk past you. If it was your friend(or wants to be)they would have talkd to you immediately. And...i kinda forgot the rest. Had to act as if i was drinking guiness. Ya. Guiness wif straw. Right on.

Went down to Obar after that. The younger crowd(i tink) RnB was rocking the house. Kinda nice. STood around till 4 girls started dancing infront of me and dharman. But these few short fucks cutitng infront of us. Soooooooooo......we just watched them dance away. Sucks. Everyone seems to be friends there. Thats nice. Smelt of smoke and drinks on the way home. Got home really early.

On the heavier side of things would be the IMF convention. What's up with the wayang? Over exposure? Why cant we just go about doing things as they are cept with the heighten security at the meeting. I doubt they have the time to go shopping. Sight seeing. I doubt they even give a fuck if the service was upped(cept for the other kind of service). Well, the millions that being spent, well, its a waste of people's money. Ya. But the media is going to be carrying someone's balls. It belongs to that person anyway. Ya. Maybe its organic.

9 more weeks to my stripes. Watermanship. FIBUA. Exercise Grand Nutcracking Slam. Exercise Starlight burning my hari raya. Sounds exciting doesnt it?

Eagles with pride we lead! Hoorah!

Im dead.....or dying at least. Juz got home this morning. REgimetnal duties...bleargh. At least let me know in advance or something. Overworked. Underpaid. That's my soldier's life. Fuck...im still proud on being a soldier. Cant take that fact away. And the fact that im now sick. Yeah. Overworked. Undercompensated in pay, rest, food and urm...psychological something somethings.

Anyways, this is going to be the first time im going to spend my hari raya way from my family. The entire two weeks of it. Yup. Hari raya falls on the day i do my section battle course. You people will wake up to the joys of hari raya....food, family, friends and much more. Yeap. The joyous feeling of fasting for an entire month. I on the other hand will wake up to the sound of my instrutor's barking, gun fire, explosions, my heavy breathing and we shouting command to each other so that we only have to do the course only once and once only. Hari raya will be spent fighting and capturing an objective. Im proud to be soldier...but doing this shit on such a day? Fuck...

Anyways, i'd have my brothers to celebrate it with me...well, sort of. Its taiwan and ya. Its taiwan. Winter wonderland. Hoorah!

Last night on my OWN bed. Yeap. In the nxt few weeks, it'll be my bunk bed. The jungle floor. Some mountain in taiwan. Anywhere but my own bed. Leaving my comfort zone. This sucks. Tell me. Who in the world would gladly give up sleeping on their very own bed? If you do, come smack me on the head. But if it is to do what i do day in, day out, come over, i'd freshen your breath.

Block leave....damn nice. WAsnt as nice as my off-in-liew. But okay. Ya. No fireworks on my leave. That makes it less nicer? Going back to the army tommorow night. A 6 klick run in the nxt morning. 8 klick fast march up some hill the day after. Sian. Me talking about it is boring already. Imagine those people who have to read or listen to what im talking about. Bwaaaaaaaargh.

Anyways, i've already set my financial plans for the nxt two years. Planning as in what to spend my money on. Budgeting. Like a lapton which i'd need for my undergrad studies. Plus a motorbike for me to get around easier. Not to mention the money i have to save up to pay for my studies. Y? I dont tink dad saved enuff money for me. Coz the moment he found out that bro was going to study at ITE, he kinda spent a lot. Hmm...comfort spending? Who knows. All i noe that dad has been saving for our uni education. Im going to uni now. Bro isnt. Maybe dad could spend bro's money on my education instaed? Maybe...

Pool is fucked up these days. My pool is getting from bad to worse. Not that im not good at it....ya. I suck at pool. But i simply lost the mood to play. How not to? Every time go out with my buddies, we'd always end up playing pool. Jurong Point shld really come up with something nice to do other than stupid pool and the arcade. Or maybe i shld start going somewhere else during nights out? Maybe....

Today was really lazily spent. Apart from the walk in the heavy rain...everything was pretty lazily done. From waking up. Reading of my comics.(political btw) hmm...suddenly i have a reason to go down to army market more often now. Now im being cheeky...=) Domestic. Yeah ballz.

Back to army in 24 hours......bleahx


BAND OF BROTHERS......YEAH EVEN THE FUCKED UP ONE.

Anybody want to run the standard chartered half marathon? Ya. Half marathon this year. Full marathon the next. Triathlon soon afteR? Maybe...

Its over. It's finally over. Golf Company Platoon 3 40th BSLC has finally come to an end after 10 weeks of hardwork, fun, laughter, suffering and what nots. By far, they were the best bunk mates ever. The best section mates i've ever worked with. Everyone was ready to compromise. Willing to go thru shit. People like those dont come to often. It felt so right to be in Golf company, platoon 3, section 3 since the very first day. Felt sooooooo right. Now, Ecco...urm. A bit akward. Maybe i'll get used to it....somehow. I have to if not, it means troubled times ahead. A few days of adjustment should do the job. Seems like im with the best now. Got to act like one.

On the lighter side of things, today's 10k Sheare's Bridge run was rather refreshing. Didnt feel like a 10 klick run at all. Maybe it was because i spent most of the time weaving in and out of human traffic rather than running. All thanks to walkers from all walks of life. A little bit enjoyable, especially the last part........and a little bit pissed off....because of the walkers during the first 5 klick. Imagine this, i spent 30 mins just to run 5 klick. WTf? It was alright la. Went to eat at BK after that. Bloody packed with soldiers. Yet, they were all understaffed all because it was a sunday morning. *knocks head on wall* A hungry man is an angry man. And a soldier is a man who shoots a rifle. So go figure out what ever there is to be figured out. AFter a game of pool(again....) we all went our own ways. I went to the library to get some comics. Surprise surprise...there were police officers doing security checks on the library users. rofl. All thanks to an Isreali something something. Troublesome bunch of people they really are. Sometimes i think that everyone would be better off and much more happier with them around.

A bit of horlanding after tat. Walked all the way from Bugis to Chinatown to Tiong Bahru before taking the train from there. Bloody tired. Wonder why. Still tired.

Anyways, as a corporal now, i shoulder a bit more shit. Ya. 11 more weeks and i'll be collecting shit. Ya balls. COrporal of the SINGAPORE ARMED FORCES! 10 weeks of shit and fuck to get my chevrons. Not to mention the 28km route march the night before and parade straight soon after. The things that we hallucinate are really really weird. Like how my friend jumped to one side in order to avoid an orange chair in the middle of the road in NTU. Ya. It got that bad. Dont think i've recovered.

Life goes on. EVeryone else is going somewhere better. Supposedly. Well, lets hope it can only get better for me.

This will probably be the last time that i'd be writing in as a Private. As of this Friday, i'd be promoted to the rank of a Corporal! Hoo'ah!

Ya. Guess im getting a bit boring. Nothing but only army stuff comes out from my mouth. Kind of a turnoff but i cant help it....shit. I've got nothing on my mind right now. Emptiness. Anyways, this life sucks. Hope that i'd wake up to 2 years ago at this very time.

Well. This is it. In a few hours time, i'll be back to being a soldier. A military life till the next time i get to be in civilians. The weeklong break was well needed. Changed my life even. Or some aspects of it at least. NDP was a blast. Shopping was nice and refreshing. Soccer and fireworks was energizing. Saturday was...urm...depressing. Yeah. Sort of. And today's....worse? Cant help feeling this emptiness within me. Weird. Hope the week's busy training that lies ahead can help me take my mind of things.

Hope. Such a vague word which can only spell dissapointment.

Anyways, this morning, while playing soccer with some other people, this question was thrown into my face again.
"Are you malay?"
How many times have i been asked this very question. Hell, people have spoken to me in chinese before and to their horror, realized that i wasnt chinese after all. ROFL.
Ya. For convinience sake, i'd say yes to that question every single time. Why not? My IC says that im one. Quite painstaking to explain to them all the time anyway. Besides, my gramps died when i was young and my grandma had a serious illness which prevented her from speaking. Yah. That was my dad's side. On my mom's side....well...i have no idea of who's who. All i know is that im part of everything from the Bugis to Javanese to Indian. The chinese part is to insignificant to make a big hoohaa about it.

Family. Ya. DOnt really know much about my family tree. Sucks. DOnt even spend time with my own family much. When it was young, it was because my parents were working really really hard. So i had not much time to spend with them. Then as i grew older, i got busier. At first it was silat. Then it was rugby. Then it was both. Then both got to a higher level which meant more time spent there. So ya. Go figure. Time not spent with my family. Even if i do find the time these days, it would feel kind of akward to spend time with them now. Guess the damage is already done. And i could still remember the time my dad would take the whole family out for corporate functions and stuff. It was nice. It was also a long time ago.

Now, family would be people who pick up their arms and and fight alongside me. People who i dont feel akward spending some time with. Yeah...guess so.

Back to camp in 2 hours time. Fairy tales do come to an end. Crap..

Its been a nice break. NDP, shopping, soccer and chilling out. Making new friends too. Well. This is definately better than the army life. Well, maybe it seems better only because we've been deprived of it for the past few months. Ya. Could be a government conspiracy to make us male singaporeans appreciate singpore a little more. Maybe. Possibly. Quite likely. Who cares. All i know is that i get a break from the army regime of which i really really hate even though i love the idea of being a soldier.

The day started off with me reading a letter from Community Chest. Turns out that they've already started deducting $5 every month from my bank account since july. Cool. That's the least i can do for now to help the needy. Maybe when i earn more, i can contribute more or something. Make a real difference to other's life. Or i could stick to THAT original plan which i had drawn out in sec 4. We'll see how my life will eventually turn out to be.

After that was soccer at LAvender. Nice session. Didnt go for the sake of playing soccer(hell, i suck at it!) but for the company that i had for the day. Its nice doing something different with the same guys sometimes. Not very...urm...regimental? Ya. Not very regimental at all. No time limit, no time given. Own time, own target. Just the way we like it....

Then it was lunch at bugis. Went home. Changed up to go watch the fireworks. Had a sudden change of plan. Bumped into my buddies. Hung out with them. Fireworks was damn cool. The uncool part was the crowd. Yeah. Crowd. Just when i taught i was among the really few who would appreciate this kind of thing, a few(thousand) others turned out to be the appreciative kind too. How wonderful. Anyways, that singaporeans. They can turn out in huge numbers for something quite trivial or even unimportant to them. But why do they still attend it anyway? Well, coz everyone else is doing it too. And they do not want to lose out at all. Oh maybe they just thought it was nice. Yeah. That's a more likely story.

Soon, it'll be back to the army. The ARMY. SAF. Silly Armed Forces. REally sickens me when i keep thinking about the fact that its already the weekend. Come sunday evening, im back in my military attire. Full gear. Ready to assault the enemy once more.....

Anyways, attending the NDP made me realize that training to become a soldier wasnt really a waste of time at all. Because of people like me, Singapore got to waste a few million dollars worth of taxpayers money on funpacks and stupid artistic dancingy thingy. Screw the funpacks! more fireworks!

Dear readers(wonder if i really have any). Sorry to have not updated for the past few weeks. Or issit days? Yeah. Been kinda bz quite lately. So bz that i after booking out, all i want to do is to rest and relax. Blogging requires a bit of thinking and a lot of typing. Hence, that is not very relaxing. Blogging isnt even recreational at all. Its, urm...something something. Got no words to describe it so "something something" sounds fine for now.

Army life is kinda tough. To make things worse, all my instructors say that if i screw it up here, i might be sent back to BMTC after my section leaders course. After all, its been stereotyped that ppl who are militarily unsound will get sent there since they cannot really perform well in their units. Hence, they will be sent to train recruits. Turning young squimish boys into trained soldiers.....well sort of. 3 mths into the army since april, i really didnt quite catch anything that was taught. Really basic stuff there. It sucks. Big time!

Yeap. I think i've been exerting a lot of effort throught out the entire basic section leader course. Test results have been positive so far. Yeah...postive. I got 75.5/100 for my navigation test exercise. That's merely a pass. Yeap. You need to get at least above 70 to pass. Oh maybe that's my company's standard. Who noeS? Best part is to have score 100/100 for my SAR 21 test! Booyah! Sign for me to fight in an urban warfare unit? Maybe. That way, my navigational skills would somewhat wouldnt be tested to its limits. Yeah.

Okay, to the exciting army stories. Yeap. You all can go ahead and log off if u've heard it all b4 orrrrrrrrrrrrrrr you just dont want to hear abt it att all =). First up, urm....Exercise Catwalk. Yeah. Kinda boring. Walk here, walk there. Look for enemies. Kill them. Sort them out later. Comeback home alive(this applies to everybody in the 7 men section). Didnt do the night exercise since i was on guard duty. GOD! I hate guard duty. Back in BMT, i was all to eager to volunteer for one since it was my first time. Well, that's because of all the ghost stories you've heard about tekong and stuff. But now.....it sucks la. Everything is strict. Very regimental. And they wonder why ppl hate the army so much. Stupid bunch of higher-up-ers.

The exercise in tekong was somewhat an eye-opener. The navigation exercise was all find and dandy since i found all the day checkpoints. It only started when we wanted to head back to the day end-point. We werent allowed to walk on tracks sooooooooooooooo, we bashed thru the vegetaion. Thinking i was walking on a path, i just walked on happily. Then, i saw something weird. U still remember Noddy? Yeah. I saw his car....life size model. It was rusting away. There was 2. Behind me was 3 giant tombstones. REally really huge! It could either be that the dead person is a royal of some sort or that dude was really really fat. Or he could be both. God noes. All i wanted to do then was to go back home. So we walked thru swamps, streams, man-high lalangs before hitting a grenade range. Lucky for us, the throwing already ended sooooooo, we walked around it b4 hitting the road. Tt was the high point of my exercise! Yeah. Walked all the way back to the end point only to be sent off for my night navigation. Yada yada yada, we decided to take things easy and just enjoyed the night breeze.

The other exercise was a killer too. It was to simulate a war. And god...how much i hate fighting in a war. Sleep, food, rest is minimal. Work, sweat, blood, injuries and casualty rate is toooooooo bloody high. So's the tension between everyone. Getting thru it all was a painful thing. I decided to take it one meal time at a time. Wake up. And all i look forward to is lunchtime. Between that, we were on a mission. Afternoon mission would be followed by dinner time. After dinner, there would be some work that needed to be done. Taking it all a step at a time really worked well for me. Yeah. I even got used to the terrain. First day, i was really depressed as it was an enclosed area. By that, it was nothing but trees and canopies. You can hardly see the sky. And im claustrophobic. Or used to be. Insect bites, wild boar attacks, superiors hounding on u. Well, we kinda got used to it.

Every single opportunity that i get to "zone out", i would be thinking abt what life was like a year ago that very same day. And at every stand-to, i would be thinking to myself, "how the hell did i get myself into this?" Often, i would be thinking abt life and how fast it has passed by. Heck, i can still remember being a little boy going to kidergarten. Still rmb myself playing in the school band, the school rugby team. Playing soccer with my friends. Studying even. Horrible thought to be thinking of i noe but studying is nice. Given the opportunity, i'd rather be a student for the rest of my life. No worries....cept for my grades. Carefree days are long gone though. These days, careless days have come to rule the day. Everything is a chargeble offence these days. People push responsiblity to other people. So if the thing screws up, the person at the very end of the chain of command will get it big time.

Hell, lets just forget abt work now...and enjoy my off-in-liew! Hell yeah! Hopefully, someone takes over my LSM appt nxt monday.


Wonder where i'll be nxt when i start to thinking abt my own historyl.

Been quite a while since i've written anything sensible. So far, its been signing forms, doing tests, taking down notes and lucky for me, no "signing extra" yet. Basic Section Leaders Course have been trying for me. And im only halfway thru. Not to mention that i still have the Advance Section Leaders Course to overcome somewhere between August and December. In between that will be the fasting month. And somewhere between that will be Hari Raya too. Guess what, its been made known to us that we'll be spending the last days of fasting and the first few weeks of hari raya in Taiwan. How nice of the army =)

For now, lets just forget about how much more im going to suffer and reflect on what i have done so far. The most unforgettable, Navigation Exercise in Lorong Mandai. Horlan aka Holland. When someone even stutters that word, all hope of getting out alive and strong thins extremely. It actually means that you're hopelessly lost. You'll find your way out....eventually....somehow...someway...sometime.

Then there's the life firing. Firing off the grenade launcher was the BEST! You squeeze off the trigger and u watch ur round fly towards ur target. When it hits the ground, you'll see a 5mradius explosion before the BOOM hits you. A totally adrenaline orgasmic experience!

Then there's Section Training. Its really really tiring. Imagine urself training so hard on one day, going back ur bunk really really late sleeping only a few hours and to wake up again later to do the same thing over again. Yeap. Playing enemy was abit easier. But the 4 hour wait for them to come into your trap was bloody tiring. Insect bites, bee sting, heat rash, low blood sugar level black out, dehydration, near heat injury incidents, pissed at some idiot.....everything goes.

Minimum physical training for the week cept for a 4 klick run in under 15mins and the SOC test. Bloody hell. Nvr passed a single test b4 till today. To top that up, i even shaved off 2 minutes off my previous timing! How bloody great is that? Well, as my section goes, the best is never enough. Sounds egoistic but its not what it seems. It just means that we shldnt be complacent with what we have acieve but to go on and achieve as much as we can while we can.

Just seen Road To Guantanamo. Whatever i seen, it pisses me off. People get the same treatment as animals. Hell, i think its a whole lot worst. Muslims are not allowed to be muslims. They are not allowed to pray. Fuck! A guy prayed and he was beaten up. WTF?! Well, the show concluded with the saying, "Well, the world isnt such a nice place after all..." True. Singaporeans would never understand that. They live in an ideal home. Peace and harmony. Heck! We even celebrated Racial Harmony day even though its been historically proven that the racial riots was political and not racial at all. NOT EVEN A BIT!

This place is too ideal for us human beings that we forgot somewhere out there, ppl are really suffering. In singapore, ppl are less fortunate. Key word. LEss. Fortunate. Fuck. They are even lucky to be fortunate cept on a lower level. Anyone knows what's really going on out here? I dont either. But i have a slight idea. People are dying. People a starving. People are dying because they are starving. There's conflict everywhere. Ppl die of that too. God. Its sooo fucking horrible out there that most of us have choosen to ignore it. After all, there is bliss in ignorance.

Fuck....how i wish i got that contract and had the chance to sign on with the army. That way, i can learn my trade, pick up a few skills and fuck off somewhere that i put my skills to better use.


"World PEACE" said Miss Universe of every year. They dont even give a fuck to anything else but peace in their OWN world. PEACE? PISS OFF! My time will come soon and i'll show you what world peace really is.

Week 3 in SISPEC is over. 7 more weeks to complete my Basic Section Leader Course before getting promoted to a corporal. Now i really dont mind about being a section leader. Hell! Im getting the hang of it. SOC is beginning to be a breeze to me. Even though i may not be able to become the best trainee and make it for the crossover to OCS, one thing's for sure, i now am really sure what im really good at. Shooting. Realising that, im gunning for marksmanship. This is even despite of the fact that im getting to use shitty weapons like the SAR21.

The Singapore Assualt Rifle 21. Yeap. Bulpup design. 1.5x scope. Laser pointer. Flashlight. YEah. Looks pretty cool with the plastic magazine too. Rofl. That weapon is a bloody joke. Laser pointer is to be used in close quater battles. Even if we do urban warfare, we'd juz spray at hip level. All soldiers do that. Why? Because we can. And it saves a lot of trouble(that being time and the lives of our soldiers). And the flashlight??? What happen to being tactical. Sheesh.

That's the SAF. Silly Armed Forces. They do things for the sake of doing things. They juz want to be cool and stuff. They juz want to be well known in the region as the best of the best so that no one will attack this country that i love so. Yeah. I will fight the war if Singapore's being invaded. But not with the stupid plubicised stuff that they make me carry. But with my personal favourite prefrence. THE M16A1. Hoo'ah!

Then there's my second point to make. People tend to be stupid at times. Well, im not denying that fact that im stupid too at times, but they tend to go overboard with it to the displeasure of everyone. Worst is, those buggers do not even realise it. Like the saying goes,There is no such thing as a stupid question. Only stupid people who asks them. I dont noe what those buggers are thinking. And while they are at it, they are wasting valuble precious time. Bloody idiots dont even have the EQ to know that at all. They're wasting our time. Wasting our efforts. And they're wasting away our tolerence, or what's left of it anyway.

Cant write much about everything else around me cause everything else around me is currently nothing but the army. Hell, this bloody neighbourhood looked different when i reached home yesterday. But the feeling was as bad as to when i was confined in camp for training. Hell, when i got home, it felt as if i just got home from a war or something. Everything looked really really different. Me and my buddies even forgot what Burger King food tasted like. I wonder if they would really happen if i did go to war. Hell, i wonder if there would still be any Singapore left of or would be just a part of my memory.

Booking out to see the outside world really pisses me off. First of all, from soldiers we all now face Singaporeans. Well, im a Singaporean too but im proud of it for other reason. What im not proud of is the attitude that everyone has. Singaporeans always must have something first. They must be the best in everything that they do. And if they know that they're not good enough, they'll juz get plain ol' ugly. An ugly incident happened to me yesterday in the MRT. Its about an ugly ol' auntie. And its not because of how she looked like, i mean, she really was ugly. But i dont give a fuck if she's ugly. She is an auntie anyway. It was her attitude. Hell, i got into the train. Went to the centre of the carriage so that ppl behind could squeeze in into the train as well. Partly it was also because there was a cute girl sitting down there too. But that's not the point. Me and my buddy was walking towards the centre when from the corner of my eye, i saw this auntie dashing in; trying to get a seat. Fuck. There were still a lot of seats inside the train. I boarded at Jurong East btw. Yet, she just had to rush for 1. She end up banging into me and almost get me to knock her down.( I stood tall and stiff. You cant knock a soldier down. Only soldiers are able to do that to one another) I gave her the stare and pissingly told her "Auntie! Why the rush? There's still a lot of seats left. I was thinking of sitting but you can have my seat. Happy?" Yeah. That felt really good. Feels bloody good to tell someone off. Well, that's just one classic example which you can notice about Singaporeans. Try obeserving them closely. And guys, dont be afraid to tell them off. If they want to whack you, well...just whack back! Other than that i cant do much coz most likely i'll be in camp training away to become a Combat Spec.

EVERYTHING IN THE SAF IS RESTRICTED. EVEN A BLANK PIECE OF PAPER

Life's moving a little too fast for me. Well, currently, i dont really mind that coz im at the shitty point of life. Yeap. Undergoing a tough course. It's not physically that tough, but its just that mental thing. We only get ot go out for 24hrs. Yeap. 24hrs a week. That's not even enuff for us to enjoy ourselves. Not abit anyway.

Anyway, life's a fuck.