shall be writing something tonight...i hope

Why we fight?

I've been wanting to write this out for months now, but the P-monster(P being procrastination) looming around every time, it never did. So, at 4AM, i am going to this and it is going to be LEGEND..wait for it....................
...........
.......................
.......
DARY!!!!!! hahaha.

Why do we fight? I've always have this strong sense of fascination about wars, particularly World War 2 dubbed as the wars to end all wars(ironically, the cold war followed soon after and that ranged from a variety of political wars and races too). I've always wondered, is it in human nature to be in a constant state of conflict towards one another? If so, we may have very well discovered another constant in our state of constant change.

Up till today, i have no idea why so fascinated with this war which caused 60 million lives worldwide. Both sides, the Axis powers and the Allied powers suffered massive casualties both military personnel and also innocent civilians(notice if you took out the c and the i and add another l next to the l and rearranged it, it becomes villains). Are we, as human beings, corrupted and conflicted by nature? I would rather think that we humans are rather corrupted beings. If we were, the children of Adam and Eve would still be frolicking in the Gardens of Eden. Is it the temptation to ultimate power? Is it the money? Only god knows.

I am not particularly sure about other religions but mine states that whatever happens was probably meant to happen. In other words, all our actions, our words loud or soft, were all devised to happen even before we know what is going to happen. In this sense, i feel very small as i am nothing but a mere puppet in god's hand. I have digressed.

I have recently finished reading this book, The Longest Winter which is a book about how an American platoon managed to hold an onslaught by a force more than 500times larger then them. This action accomplished by them would go on to save a lot of lives(Allied forces of course) as it bought them more time to regroup, reorganize and countered this massive last desperate gamble by Hitler. They all survived the war after having gone through months as POWs. Years later, they would chance upon their captors and some eventually became the best of friends despite the fact that they had once tried to kill each other.

This isnt the only reported case as they are many others which i am currently making no attempt to cite. Hahaha! Well, maybe just one. In the form of a movie, Joyeux Noel which means Merry Christmas. Though it is from the Great War aka WW1, it reenacted the entire scene whereby soldiers from both sides came out of their trenches and celebrated Christmas together with their carols and among others, a game of baseball. Despite the merry making, they were order by higher command to get back in their trenches and the fighting resumed the very next day; it was as if they never actually met their "killers".

This fascination can fast-forward to the present times. All men are brothers, yet everyday, there is always news about someone wanting to kill someone. Someone, taking the food of others. The list goes on. I sometimes wonder, is this God's way of saying that the end is near??

Comments please....

As it is right now, im getting ready for my shift again which starts in 2 hours time. Hehs. It's kinda...urm..something for me this week. It's not really depressing but it does get to you if you were to do night shifts for the entire of one week. Asleep by the day and working by the night. Something which i am totally the opposite of. I am sort of a morning person if you will. No matter how late i sleep, it would be rare to catch me asleep after 0800hrs of that day unless its after a night of hard labour(or partying ;>)

There are many take backs to this experience for the week. For instance, the number of people i met during the course of my work. And yes, it seems that i am doing my night shift with different people every night. So it seems that i am the only constant for that post, everyone else is a variable. Is there something more than this? I cannot be sure about that. What i can be sure is that my eyes has once again been opened to the sides of Singapore that one would never get to view or even if presented with, one would choose to look away. Yes, the working class and what not. Talking to them has enlightened me with views and opinions over everything that is occurring around us(as to which i shall not disclose).

The last time i had such an experience was during the army. Yes, its the stories that one can only hear but never see, see but never experience, experience but only for an instance. I've heard about it, seen it, felt it...it is almost synonymous within my character. I want to help. I want to help more. I'm just praying that my results would turn out good hoping that im good for the SAF scholarship. Perhaps i can do more there then here or any other space which i occupy.

It's been days since i ended my 1st year of studies and all i've doing is unproductive work: just lazing around at home, wake up late, gym for awhile, call some people to hang out with...i feel that im getting fatter and fatter as the days goes on by.

Hanging out simply means lepaking under somebody's block and talking cock. Well, it's not the usual mat versh coz that versh does not include topics on how to make money(the honest way of course) or how to save the world(eventually). But it's all rather unproductive i would say. Hopefully i get that job or else my brains will stew in its own filth from this.

I guess the only thing that keeps me sane is riding. Yeap! Even though my bike is kinda small and is not as fast like all others, it does have it's advantages. Mainly, nobody gives a cahoot about it. This means(i really hope so) it wont get stolen or some bastard doest decide to use it as part of his ITE fyp. I really hope not.

Riding is blissful to me. It's especially so on deserted roads where nobody will call me a road-hoagger just for riding slowly...too slow for the bike of my kind to be going. Good thing is, when i want it to go fast, it will =). Hopefully, after it gets serviced, it gets really really fast- faster then i ever need it to be. The thrill is there. But speed is not as thrilling as negotiating through curves and corner. The smoothness of transiting between one bend to another..it's like poetry in motion, with the help of a 150cc engine(i really hope to get a bigger bike soon so that the power of my engine doesnt amuse others).

It's actually like flying a plane. Since i got rejected by the air-force, i guess this is the next best thing. My bike doesnt complain at all. It does give hints that it needs to rest, or that it needs to get well taken care off. But once i fullfill all its hints, its smooth running baby!!!

I really really do hope that the trip materializes because i really really want to experience the ultimate road trip experience. Miles and miles of open road (with friends i hope). Actually, it doesnt matter if im doing it alone but friends do help because that means that there's always somebody else looking out for you(in return for the same thing). Guess a buddy in need is a buddy indeed....that was real cheesy, i know. But buddies are hard to come by like shakespear once said, for those who shed their blood with me shall be my brother..

Finally! It's over! Yet..i dont feel any sense of achievement or liberation for that matter. Some say that its becase we didnt study enough. Too much horsing around they would say. I would say that...i've nvr worked so hard my entire life before. It comes to the point that once i stared at the paper, my mind went blank...4 times!

After each paper, it will be normal for people to be talking about the paper. I really really hate that. To me, what's done is done. I dont really like to bother much about it unless something from that paper bothers me. Lately, i've been getting into the habit of reading my notes at the very last minute even though i know it would not do me any good. Besides, from my PSLe all the way to my A lvls, i have never done it before. So why now? Peer pressure? Maybe.

Ah!! Enough about exams. It's the holidays now. I shall work so that i can save up enough money to go for that bike trip and pay for my insurance. Hur hur...$800 for insurance, im sure thats a whole lot more then what people are paying for for their cars. Nvm...i shall be patient about it and shall progressively(slowly is a Mat word) work on it. Eventually i'll get there. About the bike trip...we'll have to work out the finances according and plan out our route. Shah's grandma lives in Malacca so that's definately our focal point. Like Genghis Khan, we'll conquer the world on our bikes bit by bit. Hill by hill. Mountain by mountain. Continent by continent. One step at a time =)

I just finished a 3 hour session of physics help...cant seem to find my brains anywhere. Sigh...wished i had SOME background to it. Helps a lot you know. This is the result of a school structure so rigid that when you put it on a head-on collision with the school building...the building might just give way.

Education in singapore sucks...truly. Why do we have to sit for exams? What's the point of it anyway? To rate students on their understanding of what has been taught? There is some truth to it since it IS carried out on a large scale basis. But O and A levels...shouldnt it be stopped there? Why carried it all the way into the University level? Wouldnt tests and quizzes(once that pop out of nowhere) be a better measure? I mean, it keeps the students coming to class and also "motivates" them to study consistently. And IF they do not understand a part of that subject/course/module, wouldnt it be easier to spot them so?

This examination system really sucks ass. People who have not been coming to class or put in much effort except on the very very last minute basis (only towards the exams) are reaping the benefits instead of those who have been consistently strriving their best in their everyday life. This is especially so for those "genius" who are able to recall everything that they do at the very last minute compared to those who have been practicing it on a daily basis. After all, isnt each course training each and everyone of us to be what we have signed up for (for a "small" fee of 6-7k a year =D)?

Let me paint you a picture of what the system is really like and how it fails every single one of us. You work your ass of for your exams even though you do not even come for a single lesson. You get straaaaaaaaaaaaaaaight A's just because of that. You get hired by a company because of ur grades. They ask you to give a presentation about a particular subject (one related to your source of A). You just stand down there...like a deer caught in the spotlight/headlight/flashlight/candlelight/starlight/lightlight. Yes. Seen those. Heard of those.

The system makes us study for the sake of studying. What's the point? where's the end result? I hate this sense of spurious sense of achievement that everybody gets after receiving their results. There's distance yes...but is there any displacement between what we know now and what we would know in the future?

IT WAS LEGEND...WAIT FOR IT...DARY!!! I just got back from JB and every time i ride there, it never fails to amaze me. It's like going on a short vacation every other weekend. Super short in fact...just a couple of hours and its back to the reality that is Singapore(and exams...shucks!).

Petrol RM16.70
Bike Wash RM8
Chicken Burger RM5
Teh-o-ice-limau (iced lime tea) RM2
Fags RM7
Gums RM11.20
Experience of riding amongst some lawless riders in the continent Priceless

For everything else, there's malaysian money. hahahaha!

Even though we spent some 1hr plus trying to get in, it was all worth it. And while waiting to clear the checkpoint, there was even entertainment: Woodlands Checkpoint Symphony number 230843010481A in Horn Major, Minor. Hahaha...there was air horn, bike horn, Truck horn, and if im not wrong, this lady even had a bicycle horn because hers really cannot make it. ROFL. (Dont know why she even bothered...idiot).

Hmm...this feels great! I feel like im ready to take the world once again(but first, i have to take on my notes and then the four papers which are going to slaughter me)!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~...hopefully later on today will be much more productive for me...hopefully

Im supposed to be studying right now. But it seems that i have lost all drive to do so. It's became so mundane....doing it for the sake of doing it. It really really sucks ass at this moment. Then again, since im at the bottom, the only way is up! Horrah! Unless of course i dig a deeper hole..then i have no words for that.

Anyway, i've always wondered. How do we end up at this exact spot? What did we do to end up here? Where have we been? When did all this happen? Who made this all possible? It's really quite intriguing if you really think about it. All you need is some brain juice(if its not enough, there's plenty of fruit stalls to choose from in school)and there you go...a journey of stoning. Hahaha!

Hmm...since young, all i thought about was becoming a pilot flying a fighter jet. It's one of the coolest thing one can ever do. REally! I know, i know...those who ARE that will say how mundane it is, how boring it really is. C'mon! Who, in amongst the entire population of Singapore get to do it day in, day out(but since i've mentioned it that way...it does seem kinda mundane to some already. hahaha)? Then it changed...i wanted to become an army officer! wahhhhhhh. No no no...nothing glamorous about it. But the skills that i would have (totally irrelevant to the service, public or private sector) would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I should know better, i experienced the FULL army experience. One that none of our Uni boys would ever(or want to for that matter) experience. It was well worth it...every single second of it.

Not that i want to use that as a perfect excuse(nostalgia is never a good reason for you to do something or worst! being committed to it). Rather, its the skill that i have acquired and the amount of things i have learnt. Somehow, i feel that i belong in the army. AS of now, i feel rather out place. Plus...studying is anal!!!!!!!!

Ever have this nagging feeling that you feel like writing something but am in no means of doing so? It happens to me all the time. Call it unlucky inspiration because you have no means of recording down that one moment of brilliance. Funny thing is that it happens to me whenever im either on the bike or when im running. It's like a million an one ideas comes into your head and by the time you're finally able to write it down, it's all gone! Sucks-ass doesnt it?

Anyways, i just realized something about myself that i've picked up lately. I am able to converse like a true blue mat whenever the need arises. Cool huh? There's mat moto languge(and all its lingo), there's mat-bawah-block langugage, there's kedai-kopi mat language...etc. This didnt happen when i still had the 1 infront of 0-9 on my age. Cant say i picked it up in the army. But i can definately remember that it got to me only after i started school (after 2 years of rewarding break. if you went through what i did in the army, it was rewarding indeed. lucky few bastards thats what we are!).

Comebacks come as naturally as they are. It's like blinking the eye. You dont know you're doiing it but you're doing it alrite. And you can even choose to do it conciously. Amazing!

Another thing that i've discovered (every time an exam looms around, i begin my journey of self discovery...or so it seems), my lameness peaks around exams too. Its like nothing is going into my head...just rubbish that is coming out of my mouth. To those who are suffering from this, i really do hope that there's some entertainment value that you manage to scrape from every experience.

Well, i really intent on that Bike Road Trip with the rest of the P-plate club. Singapore-Negeri Sembilan-Malacca-KL-JB-Singapore. But i really am looking forward to that dirt bike rental in Malacca that Shah promised. Its like me coming back to mountain biking (last i did so was in 2003) only with an engine on the bike (hopefully this bike wont suffer the same fate what my mountain bike did...rolling down the side of Bukit Timah. hahahaha). Hopefully it will come around to be a success so that it can be a stepping stone for further trips when we get bigger bikes (SUPER 4 people! No DRZ!!! After that...AFRICA TWIN!!! WOHOO!!!)

Im out of things to write about. Take care now, bye bye then

im supposed to be asleep right now but i cant. maybe i shld be studying? hmm....nah....nothing's going through my head(perhaps i have thick skull hence the stuborness to all advice far and wide). Oh well...hmm. What shall i be kao-pei-ing about? How about errant and irresponsible dickies who drive?

I hate them. Truly i do. Imagine almost crashing into them at a rate of almost once every 10-20mins. Ya...maybe because they cant see us. Maybe because they dont really care. hmm...hate them...

Haiz...even this little activity of mine seems kinda pointless at the moment. Im basically writing about nothing. NOthing...hmm...that's an interesting topic to talk about. Nothing-ness.

Anyways, i thought of a great idea of how to create money(really need it for my planned road trip on me bike!!! Wohoo!). It struck me and as i quote from those who were unfortunate enough to be around me, "he's really talking nonsense but his sentences do correlate". Well, it started with the spotting of a tree covered by newspapers infront of S3.1. I thought...why not write the word HAUNTED on it to see if anyone would believe it. Shahul...in all his greatness, said that why not just put an alter there? Why not?! It sure would scare the hell out of me(thus making me heavenly...i hope. ROFL). Then...i thought, just like the monkey tree incident, i could make money out of it. In all my fucked up thoughts...i upped the ante by thinking...why not i place it at one of the benches? Surely ppl will think that there might be something wrong with it...or................it could be HOLY!!!! Bwahahahax. With the exam period and all...i could trick the ah tiongs into thinking that by donating to me to sit there for just 5 mins, they could be scoring As!!! Imagine that!

Prolly right now, you readers (are there even any???) are already judging me. Right? Right? Right? Yes yes...i know i sound like a bastard. Then again, a bastard is really a bastard when he isnt even trying to be one. Hmm...doesnt make sense does it? Ah...dont worry...it's just one of FAdzil's daily dosage of philosophy.

What is philosophy? Well...it's somethign that is sooooooooooo deep in meaning and sounds very nice yet totally unneccessary to anyone for that matter. Its basically making things more compicated. And those things are already complicated to begin with.

All this blabberring is getting me nowhere. I caught myself reading my previous entries starting from those from DEC 2005. Wow! 3 years(almost) and going? I used to be able to talk soooooooooo much about anything and everything. Damn...STUPID EXAMS! GIVE ME BACK MY ARMY DAZE!!!! I feel like i belong to wearing green(new stupid uniform included) better then to be buried in books. Honestly, i'd rather be taking a degree in Defense Strategies and....(damn, i forgot what was the name of that course they offer at West Point). Oh well...........How i met your mother was nice =)

Okay! Here we go. It's been a million years (almost, in spongebob-land time anyway) since i have ever written anything here. It's been here. It's always been here. I just choose to chuck it into one corner like how we always do to our memories. I guess, the analogy works here too. I mean, when was the last time you did anything that you used to love doing as a kid? When was the last time you went down the slide? When was the last time you had a game of "block-catching" with your neighbours running away from the ever-revengeful captors no slippers, no rules...just pure imaginative fun.

I guess most of us would give the reason that we are to busy with our daily lives to do anything of that sort. Then, there would be the rest who would say that it is to childish...GROW UP! That's what they would say. Well, in our pursuit of growing up, most of us eventually lose ourselves to the pleasures, pain, the comfort, the dreadfulness of life. From the little kid that has a million hopes and goals to a monotonous droid whom ploughs through the fields of paper and fax machines just so that they can carry on living.

To a certain(no wait, a great, no wait, a certain...im kind of undecided here. Then again, you decide what its really like for you) extent, that is true. After all, living in the 10th Most expensive place is no easy feat.

Never the less, i still love growing up. I still have a lot to learn. And i bet, so does everyone else. Why? Because the day that you start growing up is the day that you return back to the earth in whatever forms your religion permits you to. I guess The Ataris's "In This Diary" has really stuck on onto me. Being grown up is as just half fun as growing up after all...

Wah! I thought i havent written anything here in a month. Fortunately, it's only been a week. Phew! Well, whats up? Well, exams are just around the corner ( you know, the kind of corner that you would walk up to and suddenly, a monster just jumps up on you and gives you the scare of your life! ya...that's the kind of corner). Guess what? Im finally getting the jitters. And i have no idea why....haiz.

The last time i ever sat for the exams was in 2005. Yup...the A lvls. That was a relief cause i knew the next step for me would be uni. Ya...and here i am now. Truth be told, i didnt really care about exams. All i did was to put in my best and hope for the best. Like Franklin once said, " If a man already did his best, what else is there to ask for?" Yay FRank! Or was it some other guy??? Hmm...help me out here?

Its been busy studying, busy studying and busy studying. Here's how my routine is like: Wake up at 6.30. Shower, Run errands. I try to be in school by 8.30. Gym for an hour or less. IF there's still time before lectures or lessons, i'd do a bit of my raedings. Maybe get something to eat. YA...Then, at the end of the day (or during breaks, [use when applicable]), i'd eat my lunch before continuing my study (or lessons [again, use when applicable]). At 6, i'd have to leave to fetch sayangg. And hopefully, by 8 ( its a good 2 hour break =) FOR DINNER!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?) i'd be back i in school to continue till 11? ya...that's what my monday to friday is all about. Maybe saturdays too if im not too lazy.

I really dont want to screw this up. I mean, finally, i like what im doing and in the company (only some) of those who do to. I mean, in secondary school, i was surrounded by those who aspire to go to ITEs (hehehe...i was the one who instigated this project because i just didnt want to study. end up, i went to jc while the rest of my sitting-at-the-back-of-the-class-gang went to ite. Err...hehs). In JC, well, some were just plain negative about things. HEck...i played rugby all the way till the weekened before my A lvls started(it was a 2 years break from rugby after that for me =(... ). Ya..i digressed. The main point is, i know i can do this! I just know i can. Perhaps, i could have found my calling?(despite so many times of me feeling this way) I dont...

Well, the best i could do is to do my best like what frank said. Maybe i can now use what i keep telling: Have faith in your training, Hope for the best to happen (or hope that nothing screws up), and glory shall be yours to bask in. I wonder if they ever understood this or even cared...hmm...

Its been a very long time since i wrote anything on this blog. Well, one thing's for sure, my other blog is very much alive (and kicking) probably because its one my weekly assignments. Well, this used to be my daily assignment before i enlisted, during my enlistment and ya...it stops short there. Sucks doesnt it? I used to have funny entries that well...basically talks all the bad things and good things(occasionally) too that are all around me.

One thing i love about this space is, it's all mine (i suppose so). I dont get graded or anything for anything( NO MORE 3 TICKS!!! YESS!!!!). I dont get judge...but even i do, nobody even cares to tell me about it. Kinda like my diary i suppose. Yeah...and anything that i complain about wont get a feedback or cricitized or made fun of eventually....yea...sometimes i need that.

Well...i have about 2 more weeks till the exams and yes...its been a long time since i ever sat in one. The last time i sat for one was in nov 2005...ya..the A levels. Somehow, i didnt quite feel the excitement as what i felt after my O lvls. Perhaps because it was exactly the same as the post o lvl period so there wasnt anyting new for me to look forward to...except a new job that is.

Exams looming over...and ya...i still have other considerations to place that take precedence over my studies. Hmm...study too long...and it stinks...study too short...and im suffering. ya...i've been quite suffering in class lately too. I got a 61% for one of my electives. shucks....gotta buck up on it. And my 102 readings...wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy behind. oh well...better this than that i guess...

Welll...im getting kinda tired...so gtg. hopefully by the next time i write, it would already be the next centure...

i kinda miss the army...

First of all...Selamat Hari Raya everyone. And to everyone a Selamat Hari Raya!!! Yea...that's was lame. But im lame nonetheless. So, its kinda expected of me anyway right?

Anyways...a thousand and one things were running through my mind while i was on the expressway today. Nothing much..just thinking about the past 21 years of my life. Though it isnt quite my birthday, it is still hari raya. To all my muslim friends, im sure this has happened to you too hasnt it? Except for the expressway part maybe. People are getting older. My parents are getting older. The baton will soon be passed to me and my brother? The inversed relationship between parent and child, a normality in all our lives (hopefully so...especially all those infilial bastards), of us taking care of them is almost near. Yet, i cannot help but to reminisce about when i was little fadzil. How my parents doted on us three, how Hari Raya wasnt much but an occasion for us to receive lots of money from my relatives. Yeah...that was fun.

Well, things have changed. And to say it has changed a little is to be a lying bastard. Truth be told, i missed being that small kid. Everything was so much simpler. Everything was so much rosier. Now, im studying sociology and realizing how depressing this world really is and how much so we need that to be present in order for this society to function properly. Well...wish i was blissfully ignorant of all those things. Back to the times of my childhood. Where my parents are young and when i had a full set of grandparents.

You know it's kinda depressing to note that you're parents were once like you: childish, carefree and whatnot...they too had a full set of parents once upon a time. And that their parents are young. And that they might be very well thinking about the same thing that i am thinking off now. Well now, they're the ones that are in their parent's shoes. And im now in theirs. Wish time could just stand still forever. I dont want to be in their positions anytime soon. I really really cant imagine what my hari raya will be like without them...nor the people who are in my life right now. I know that i wont be able to meet those people that have already passed on or left my life for my next hari raya...nor this one. Wish we never have to lose anything that is near and dear to us all....

Its been approximately 5 weeks(i think) since i started school. So far...its been very very okay. Ya...cant quite think of any adjectives to best describe it. Well, it is something that i've been looking forward to since my 2 years in the service of the nation. Truth be told, i kinda miss the army. The times i spent with my buddies. Things were so much simple back then. Even if was suffering, im still comforted by the thought that everything would soon be over. The term, "pain is temporary..." really manifested in everything i did back then.

Best part of my 2 years was that i had company no matter where i turned to. Even when im out on the street, i would pride myself knowing that i am one of those who stand ready by the night to do violence on the behalf of those who sleep peaceably at night. Sigh...those days are long gone. Today, i tried to recall, " is it my left feet or my right that i should bang during drills?" Ya...and im supposed to be a master of that.

The overseas exercises which was greeted by a well deserved RnR after wards was one of the many highlights of my life. Everyday was a brand new day which seemed rather similar to the day before. Challenges were new though. And i actually have something to look forward to.

Now...its just not the same anymore. Its readings followed by more readings. Nobody really cares that im a student at NTU. After all, people are now able to pay their way through for a degree anyway. Its elitism, its prestige just isnt there anymore. But the experience that i had in the army...its simply priceless. No amount of money can buy it unlike degrees that are being bought at sim's.

oh well...life's a bitch anyway...

Ever been to those very unassuming 'mamak' shops under the void deck intending to just get a drink or something but usually ending up having nostalgic flashbacks? Hmm...ya...i love those kind of shops. Reminds me a lot about my childhood: back when i still had one... Hmm, sayangg brought me to her uncle's house yesterday to meet the rest of her family. It went smoothly...everyone treated me as though they have known me for a very long time. Then we got bored and stuff so decided to go out for a little walk. Went to this shop under the void deck because i was really desperate for a can of red bull. So we got it and then sat infront of the shop.

Behold! I saw my all-time favourite snack! Corn crackers which had chicken flavour. Bika! Or was it kaka! i can remember. It's this red packet with a picture of chicken and then the maker had a logo that looked like popeye or something. The snack itself? Its this yellow balls that would just melt away in your mouth if you just let it be in there for quite some time. I also saw a lot of sweets that i used to have everyday till my teeth started to rot back when i was still a small child. Yummmmm....

Kinda reminded me when i was a Gombak-ian. Everyday, after school(kindergarten still..) i would run all the way home (i dont know why but i loved doing it. my parents didnt have to fetch me cept when they really wanted to) and along the way to my home, would be this shop where i can get anything my child-craze-desires longs for. Great isn't it? Toys'r'us didnt do any good. I was into all things foooooooooooooooooooodd.. fact is, i still am. Every time im overseas, i'd find myself broke at the end of the trip but with little or no souvenirs to bring home coz i've prolly spent most of it on food anyway. hehehehes. Ya...i still miss that house though. Very peaceful and quiet. And windy too. I mean, where else can you go kite flying from the 9th floor of a HDB flat huh? We didnt even have to go downstais to the field. Just tossed the kite over the railings and there you go!

The good ol' times.....yeah....

Well, since i last filled up on a new entry, life has been preeeeeeeeetty good for me...i suppose? Just a couple more days and it'll be back to school after 2 years of chiong-suaing(still have 10 more years of that to go...) Hmm..sociology. What the hell do we study there?? All i know that somehow, somewhere we will be able to shape the future of our society based on our past. Yeah..i have 4 years to get that Degree and hopefully, by then, i would at least have a fair idea what sociology is all about.


FUCK! I sound like a bloody nerd who's blogging his life away. To begin with, im just a normal regular jackass who blogs about things he see's, feels, discovers(is this the theme for Singapore Discover Centre?)all from the very own pace of his perspective. But ya...really, life has really been kinda good for me lately.

Last week was THE BOMB!!! Went up to KL to participate in UiTM's 3rd International Sports Fiesta(kinda like drop ball fiesta) with NTU(fuckers typo-ed us as NUT). Hohoho..and i have yet to even start studying there. But it really felt more like a rugby camp than a 7s tourney. Felt like going back to the army...just with rugby. Plus...its been more that 15 years i think since i've last been to KL. The last time i went there was with my family and my uncle's family in a van. Yeah...i think i was only 4 or 5 that time. Cant really remember when. So...in all my vainest attempt, i thought that we'd be able(or at least me) to go visit places that i've been to before. You know, landmarks that postcards are made of when you're talking about malaysia, or at least KL. Ya...that didnt happen. Guys wanted to do something different, and it was pretty late anyway so...ya....hmm...Im seriously thinking about riding up there(solo or with a buddy) to explore those places. You know...the history and everything. Because before matathir, there was malaysia. With mathathir...everything became like the Chinese's cultural revolution. WEll...pretty much. Well, at least things are looking up for them now.

Seriously...i think qing yao shares this feeling with me...im wasnt quite done yet with KL. Well...at least we werent.

Hmm...it must have been ages since i've written anything on this space of mine. It used to be a regular thing that i used to do to express my thoughts about the world that i live in. Yeap...Singapore and just about everything else that i can see, hear and feel. Things have been a little bustling lately. School's starting in a couple of weeks time. Yeap...after 2 years of no school, im finally coming back to the world of curriculums, professors, lectures, tutorials, projects, bla bla bla and bla bla bla. Oh yes! I forgot! RUGBY!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (everyone who's reading this is supposed to do the Kallang Wave. If you're not, you're breaking the pattern. C'mon. You know you want to ;) )

Just had a wonderful day of riding with sayangg =) Going to places that used to be troublesome to get to without that bike. Nowadays, everything is almost a kickstart away(or maybe a throttle away, or a litre of petrol away. I dont know, you decide which one will humor you the most.) Places that we've been to lately: Romantic spots in Singapore that would have otherwise seemed impossible to get to, makan places all over the island, her house, my house, everywhere =). Yeap, things are kinda fun lately. However,(yeap, here comes the bloody horrifying suspenseful plot twist) i still cant believe what i did to her 8 maybe 9 years ago.

She came into my primary school halfway thru in primary 4. She was sooooooo cheerful and bubbly. Suffice to say, she made everything around her feel warm. Mary poppins kind of warmth =) And i had to bloody opportunity to sit next to her all the way throughout the entire last year in that school!!!! =) =) =) Heck, truth be told, i kinda liked it when some of the boys teased me to being with her. Yup. But good ol' fadzil had a plan. It was a very good plan! I tried to make her not notice me. Why??? Well, because i was a pussified shy little bastard. Ya...sayangg could testify to that too. I hardly spoke a word to her even though everyday, from 7.30am till 1255pm, i was merely inches away from her. DAmn!!!!!!! And when she got posted to another school, i was actually relieved.....HOW SCREWED UP CAN ONE GET?!?!?!?!?
For the next 8 years, not a day goes by without me thinking of how different things would be if i would have actually grown a dick back then(more maybe just an adam's apple). Me and my wishful thinking right? Well, guess god decided that good guys should get another chance =). And right here, right now, more than a year later, not a day goes by without me being grateful to having her in my life again(despite her being such a pms queen. Well, if i cant handle her at a worst, what makes you think i deserve her at her best? Hell yeah i rock her world =p). I love you sayangg. I really really love you sayangg....

Ya ya ya...not really like me to get all mushy right? Hmm...3 more days to KL. Yeah...Rugby in UITM. After that, there's going to more rugby for me =) =) =) So i got 3 loves in my life right now. Sayangg, Rugby and my new motorbike =) Hoooooraaaaaaaaahhhh!

Im sure at some point in our lives, everyone had wished that they could turn back the time somewhere, somehow. They wished that everything that was said and done could be unsaid and undone. The really wished that the ugliest moment of their life right at that very moment would not had happened if it wasnt for something stupid that they just had to do because they felt that they had the right to do so. Well, guess time cant be changed(cept if you manually change the time on the clock yourself but that doesnt really count does it unless you could really go back in time by doing that).

Sometimes, that folly actions of their's had cause something that they would inevitably regret for the rest. Then, they just realized: they had actually taken things for granted after all; they actually lost themselves after all these while and forgotten why they had actually set out to do it in the first place. They regrettably had burnt down the bridge that they have carefully crafted. One that they had wanted a very very long time to set out to build. It took them just moment of folly(or two) to just burn in all down in a moment's notice.

Only then would they realize: OH SHIT! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!??!?! So they dig deep into their imagination and think of ways(not neccessarily creative methods) that they can rebuild the bridge that has been burnt. Hope is something that constantly feeds their desire to dish out the burning bridge. Eventually, they might succeed. Or it could go south from then on. Hmm...that would really sucked if it did.

Hope. There was once this saying(im quoting from Flight of the Pheonix), "Everyone needs to be loved; if you cant give them that, then give them something to hope for; If you cant give them that either, then just give them something to do."

Hmm...just hope this moment of ugliness wont last forever

Its been a really long time since i've written much lately. Hmm...it used to be everyday that i just had to write about something. Well...lately, im not so sure myself why im doing this. Well...guess its the procastination villain in me that is overcoming myself. Partly because i havent really observing the world around me much...sucks doesnt it? Well, safe to say, the world is still quite the same. Singapore is still very much the same. Same ol' habbits and what nots...

Hmm...doesnt leave me much room to write much now do i? Hmm...i'll write tonite then. Time to get inspired i guess...