Alrighty then. Im back in singapore...cept that this time around, it doesnt feel that i've been away much. Dont see much changes compared to when i went overseas a couple of times ago. Cept maybe for the weather. I was coming home half-expecting to see it being all sunny and stuff, but all im looking at now is the gloomy skies. DAmn....

Alaska was nice. Training there was rather enjoyable, even tho it was a little bit tiring(then again, if it werent tiring, then it wasnt training). I enjoyed myself immensely training with em' americans. They had the right attitude, the experienced war themselves and hell yeah, they are preparing for the right thing. WAr actually. And because they are perparing to go to war, they actually took their training seriously. Not like what we have here. Its all half-a-dust kind of shit that we've got going on here.

But being back here, it feels great! At least im not thousands of miles away from my sayang. hehs. And i've got my family here too. Well, that's the only reason as to why i still love being in singapore. Other than that.....im not so sure. I hate the singaporean attitude. Yeah...always wanting to be first in this and that. And if your not(even if you're second) you actually get mocked at, criticised, ostracised...we're lucky we dont get circumsiced just for not being first in something. WE'RE KINDA LIKE CHINA ALREADY!!!!!! WHY?!?!?!?!?!?

Issit because we're small, that's why we have to be super super competitive just so that we can survive? Maybe...probably...most likely. Well, i'd understand that as a work ethic...but in everyday life??? Omg...i came back to singapore, reading a local news saying that parents are queuing overnight just for a place at some school. GAWD!!! Wtf is wrong with these people???? Yes, i understand that its a good school. But dont they realize just how ridiculous they look just by doing that. DOnt they realize how ridiculous they're making the rest of us look like to the rest of the world???? Why are people acting as if we are the only ones on this goddamn planet???
Somebody better come up with something fast. And btw, mr.goverment, incase you're wondering why the young people are packing their bags for other countries, its not really abt the jobs, or the money...its really because of singapore, and singaporeans. Expensive housing, expensive cars, obnoxious people, stupid people, ridiculous people...yeap. That's the reason. If you want to keep us in, you either keep those things out, of the good ones will be the ones going out. Either keep the good ones in and the bad ones out, or vice-versa. That's the way things work.

I mean, i noe why something things are the way it is...but some things surely can be figured out for a better solution right?

And ya, i noticed something really really ridiculous abt singaporeans. Dont they find it fucking hot here??? I mean, i can be wearing just a polo-t and berms to go out, and im already sweating like a fucking god damn pig. Yet, i see them wearing jackets walking around as if it is actually cold here. Seattle was windy, people wore jackets for that reason. Alaska was cold, people wear jackets for that reason too. Fuck....a majority of the people there do not wear jackets because it was actually cold in a nice way. And ya, they wear jackets just so that they'd feel warm and toasty. I seldom wore one when i was there. So why they fuck are singaporeans wearing em' goddamn jackets in a fucking hot and humid place and walking along the streets??? Yes...it bothers me! IF they say that the jacket looks nice, they jsut have to put it on...they'd i'd say you're vain. IF you say that it gets cold inside and aircon room, they yeah, by all means. Or better yet, remove the air-conditioning and just put in the fans to work. You'd save energy too you know. Other than that, you seriously need a check with the brain doc to sort things out....

Other than that, im just happy to be back in singapore where my sayang is =)

Hmm...just a few more hours and i'd be flying off to some forsaken place to train for the army. YEa....for the greater good. Guess, im going there for a reason. Guess everything happens for a reason. Hopefully, its for a good reason.

So, sayang's really really upset coz im flying off later. Who wouldnt be? But ya, this would be a real test for us i guess. Let's see how the distance would actually make us stronger...make u stronger sayang. I wont be gone for long. I'll be back sooner that you actually realize it. And when im back, the first thing im going to do is to call you and let you know that i've touched down in SINGAPORE.

Alaska...hm...guess i would have to make the best of things. HAve to be optimistic and positive in such situation and make the best of things. With the right attitude, even the longest of years can seem short. But ya, that doesnt mean that i wont miss you sayang. That doesnt mean that i wont be thinking of you all the time. It only means that i dont show it so that i can be strong for the rest.

Concentrate on what's on hand k sayang? Time passes by faster that way. WAy fast...so fast tat i'd be back even before you realize it.

Hmm....

All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up
To say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin'
It's early morn
The taxi's waitin'
He's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome
I could die

(So) kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

There's so many times
I've let you down
So many times I've played/(fucked) around
I tell you now
They don't mean a thing

Every place I go
I think of you
Every song I sing
I'll sing for you
When I come back
I'll bring your wedding ring

(So) kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time
Has come to leave you
One more time to let me kiss you
Then close your eyes
And I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have
To leave you alone
About the time
I won't have to say

(So) kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go


Feeling a little bit mellow now..Okay. For once, lets not talk abt the general public. Or public with General in rank. General Public..hhohs...Leader of some private army. Contradicting little prick.

But ya...im not talking abt that. Why am i mellow? Well, this is the first time im leaving someone back in singapore to go to other countries. All this while, i've only left my family behind. The difference? My family has got each other to comfort whilst im gone. They can talk to each other about me if they want to( out of which, i really really doubt they'd do that. Haha...my mom actually loves it when im not at home anyway coz i dont noe y. My dad hates it coz im much much smarter than he is and being outsmarted is something that my family doesnt like. It runs in the family. MY brothers coz i wont be annoying them or irritating them). So ya....

The last time i didnt talk to sayang for a few days, i went crazy. Honest. Even for the littlest of mistake got reprimanded harshly by me. And they were all coursemates. Hahahahaha...wish my men luck.

But ya...me missing my sayang alot(even at this very moment) proves one thing right? I dont take her for granted. Not even a bit. Everyday, i thank god for making me bump into her again. Pure coincidence i tell you. Nothing was planned or prearranged...not by me anyway. God has his tricky tricky ways...

I still remember 8 years ago. This is the very same girl whom i sat next to the entire year in pri school. THE ENTIRE YEAR!!! hhahaaha...i didnt even looked at her and muttered the words " hi. how are u?" People change with times dont they? Funny story. No...great story for the children! yea....Fadzil's versh of "How i met your mother"

Even up to this day...the thought of me meeting her still makes me nervous. I dont know why. Maybe i dont show it...but ya...i am actually. My training thought me not to show it. Training proved to be goooooooooooooood. But yes...i actually am..every time. Guess that's what happens when u're about to be with that special girl eh? Happens to evryoe i guess....unless im the odd one out, that ya, it just happens to me.

Read this and rmb it people. Fadzil's blog is not meant for the mushy stuff. So appreciate this coming from me not that often. Those who think you know me, think again....=)

This is probably the first weekend i have at home in weeks...maybe a month or so. God...have it been so long? First it was the course. Yup. Done through with that. Then, i had the weekend duty..fuckers thought it was only fair since i was away on course for soooooooooooo long. YEap. Thanks wankers! Then, it was the ops standby duty. Crapped up week it was. Followed by another weekend duty. They just love to torture me dont they? Guess what, this is probably the last weekend that i get to spend at home coz coming next week onwards, its hello USA! Then after that, it'll be "Hello, Charlie, this is SGT Fadzil. What do you want?"

Nonetheless, it was quite a good weekend...even though it was all boring and stuff..but my real chance to just slack around and do nothing...really nothing at all! Yea...being the lazy lazy slacker that i was way back then. I remember those kinda saturdays. WAke up to saturday morning cartoons( cartoons just got crapier nowadays with tons of anime. I mean, it was already brainless and mindless crap...they didnt have to turn it any crapier as it is...I LOVE MY CRAP!!! Yeap..just the way it was) followed by some gym then some lunch, some afternoon movie on tv, some malcom in the middle, some simpson, some saturday night movie and then some sleep after that. YEap...im a total couch potato on saturdays...ask my friends. It takes a real effort to get me out of my house on a saturday.

That was that till rugby came along. Yea...every saturday evening or afternoon was match day. Loved playing rugby for my club. Things got sooo intensed, that i got bored with playing rugby at school. YEap. BEing greedy there. But i got better so playing rugby against other schools seemed a little easier...right? Haha..not if people whom you played with in the clubs also played for the schools that you played against. They came in a group. I came alone. DO the math. Go fish!

But yesterday...hmm...yesterday was plain lazy. I was even too lazy to think( can you imagine that? Too lazy to think...dont ask me how, but im very very capable of that. In a good way though. It relaxes the mind...and body..and...urm...everything else?) DAys like that, they hardly come along these days...not esp when u grow older. There's always something for you to do. Yeap. Even the ah peks and nyonyas have something to do. The ah peks have to go to coffee shop in the morning and bitch about just anybody they can think off...laughing away, smiling coz they think they're one bunch of smartasses(despite their teeth all falling away). In the afternoon, they just laze around, doing just about the same thing again...then when the night comes, they become his chikopeh beings, roaming around geylang...looking for some loooooooooooooooooooooooooove. Oh yea baby!!! rofl.

The nyonyas...hmm...they do this every single day. They jsut love to do it. It's like they will die if they dont do it. What issit that im talking about? WEll, they love to stink up the market and just practically everywhere they go. Dont they even bother to shower or wash their wrinkly faces at all coz they know tat at some point in the day, they're going to make contact with other people who can actually tell just how bad they stink! God...its not as if the market wasnt stinking enough(or maybe they're the ones who did it....maybe one or two died there or something just to stink the place up little? You know, just for the ambience?)

Well...my point is, as you grow older, you end up with more and more things to do. Crap...i miss being that small little boy again who's job is to practically annoy my parents(when they were around anyway) and ya...do practically nothing but to slack around, play alot and just being a little boy. Life would be more fun that way wouldnt it?

I've been wondering...why do people watch scary movies? What's the point? What "kick" do they get from it? Is it for just pure entertainment? Or they want to be scared? Or maybe, just maybe, they want to dwell for just a moment in a killer's mind.

If its for pure entertainment, well hell yeah! Go ahead people! Our boring lives need to be filled with something. So why not fill it with horror? Its not as if our lives are not horrifying enough anyway.

And that brings us to point number 2! Getting scared. Just link it to point number 1. It explains itself.

Point number 3? Dwelling in a killer's mind for just a moment. Hehs. I dwell in one every single day of my life. Its never nice to kill. The moment you kill, you just made some poor bastard an orphan. Or if it was a child you're talking about, you just took the life of some bastard's offspring. That bastard will then go off the spring. YOu must be wondering right now...how come I dwell in the mind of a killer every day. Well...dont have to be a killer to dwell in one do i? I just have to be trained as one. Trained to kill. And yes...im not talking abt some mambo jambo shit like the army teaching us to kill. We only learn to pretend to kill. And in pretending to kill, we all pretend to be hurt. So to sum it up, nobody knows pain for sure....cept maybe i do.

Pain. That's one bitchy thing one can ever feel. Too bad i dont feel like writing anymore for now. I want to watch my tv first. hehs