A story. A man fires a rifle for many years. and he goes to war. And afterwards he comes home, and he sees that whatever else he may do with his life - build a house, love a woman, change his son's diaper - he will always remain a jarhead. And all the jarheads killing and dying, they will always be me. We are still in the desert.

Last night I dreamt about doing some of the things that I want. Play tennis, go for a beach vacation at this really beautiful beach, went dirt biking and hanging out with good company. But most importantly, I my dream, I could actually breath.

I'm so far gone now, I've been running on empty

Nowadays my favorite thing to do is to go to the gym and stand on the balancing board for a long time. I do nothing but stand perfectly still while trying to find balance. My mind clears up and I actually feel at peace. Whenever a thought comes to my head, any thoughts, I'd lose my balance.

I like it - standing perfectly still doing absolutely nothing n

I still see them, all of them. Falling in for first parade in front of the company line. Everyone so young with their full lives ahead of them. Although they can't wait for the next book out, all they could think about right there and then is about each other.

The jostling, the jokes, the suffering, the pain, the joys, the glory- I could still see all of that in them. Every single one of them.