Captaining a team at this level is really hard. So hard that I'm actually taking my time to sort things out even though there tons to be done. I miss those days when being the captain of the team simply meant that I was one of the better players in the team. Right now, I think I'm quite a distant away from even being a decent player. Honestly, I am still shell-shocked from te day they told me that I was going to be made captain of the team. I thought it was a joke or something but as it turns out, it was no joke at all. Well, even if I was hoping for a leadership post inside the team, the most would be vice-captain since I wasn't even one in the previous seasons.
some men desire greatness, but little do they realize that greatness often gets thrown to those who least expects it; much less even desire for it
That said, it's not a declaration of my resignation or anything remotely possible along those lines. But yeah, it was a lot easier in secondary school and JC when the teacher ran the show while I simply led the team on the field. In uni, I am to lead both and off the field. Right now, what I have to settle with the other unis is the date for this year's Singapore University Games tournament. They want to play on the Hari Raya weekend(WTF?!). I mean, try playing a tournament on the 2nd day of CNY or even a day after Christmas or on the New Year itself. If we can have tourneys on those days as well, that I'll gadly adhere to those dates set instead of making a big fuss about it. Till the, I'm going to be making one he'll of a noise.
Another thing that's giving me a headache is the player's commitment to the team. It seems that the older we get, the more childish we become. I mean, with the tourney date so near, why can't people just make their social plans around the days that we train. I didn't know twice a week of training is so hard to commit to. And the excuses(not reasons) that they come up with are simply intolerable. I mean if it's something that involves a problem in the family, that I guess that there isn't much of a choice. Bit still, if one was dedicated enough, they would have actually take the pains of planning if around training hours(which are really precious due the faggot YOG which makes the hours really limited). If they were me, they would have been ignorant of any other plans other than training. But they're not me and I'm not them. So, I'd have to (soon) suffer from high blood pressure thinking of sorting out these miscellaneous qualms that these babies come up wtih. I can't help but to think of myself kore as a baby sitter than a Rugby captain.
If there's one thing that I fear is that I fear i might be losing myself as player. The absence of a coach(has since been rectified) meant that I had to pull up the slack and take over. That also meant that I couldn't train. Well, I hope that all thaws blows over soon(quickly please) so that I'd be able to enjoy myself again with this game which I had picked up ever since I crossed the line of puberty.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Being perfect is not about that scoreboard out there. It's not about winning. It's about you and your relationship with yourself, your family and your friends. Being perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye and know that you didnt let them down because you told them the truth. And that truth is you did everything you could. There wasnt one more thing you could've done. Can you live in that moment as best you can, with clear eyes, and love in your heart, with joy in your heart? If you can do that gentleman - you're perfect!
Wise words from something which people deemed to be just another game. It's from the movie really- Friday Night Lights. So far, there has yet to be another sports movie that kept me glued to the screen unlike this one. Well, if it is enough to spur me to write about something, I'd say it is one damn good of a movie. If it was in the theaters, any movie that doesn't put me to sleep is one that is worth your money.
You just-you ain't gettin' it. You don't understand. This is the only thing you're ever gonna have. Forever, it carries you forever. It's an ugly fact of life. Donnie, hell. It's the only fact of life. You got one year, one stinkin' year to make yourself some memories, son. That's all. It's gone after that. And I'll be damned if you're not gonna miss it.
No game is just a game. It is in fact, a fact of life. Nobody but the people in the team, or in the sport, can understand that. Spectators just don't get it. Nobody else does. Those teachers who would wonder why I'd be so upset about losing "just a match". Well, not just teachers, my friends as well. My family don't even understand why I keep doing it. I know it hurts for my parents to see their son coming home all injured after every game. Well, I'm still injured from last season but I am trying my best to cover it up and show them that I can be perfect.
I still remember all the important matches that I've lost. 2005, PJC vs CJC for the Plate Championship. It was crunch time and I just did not bring it into the game. The pressure was just too overwhelming. I looked in the faces of my team mates and they all gave me the same look- they were looking to find hope in me. I looked to the crowds to see any familiar faces that might calm me down- I found none. So, I crumbled that day- the day which I can never forget.
People around me kept telling me, that it's alright. It was just a game; life goes on. Fact is, how do you look into the eyes that you have failed and telling them the same thing? For many, that was probably the last time they played any rugby. Sure as hell wasn't a good way to mark a chapter of your life by crapping out at the finals. I have yet to be at peace with myself with that game. I don't know why when the pressure builds up, I am just not there when everyone needs me the most. I am not there myself when I need myself the most. It didn't help that I lost whatever I've trained over the months to some random illness just 2 weeks before that day. It's like this fucking daze that I'll be in and no matter how much I try to shake myself out of it, it just doesn't go away.
That daze put me on the spot twice last season. During the Singapore University Games, at the finals, the last few moments of the finals, I crapped out again and found myself in a daze. I tried to shake myself out of it, to be there for my team mates, to be perfect- but the more I shook, the dizzier I got. I was fumbled. We lost that one. That same night, I got dumped.
The University Championship, I crapped out again. Dazed as ever when all season, all I ever wanted to achieve was perfection. Which I did! I've never felt so good about myself (only to be brought down every now and then by some emotional guilt trip that I'll be put under) as each game I blazed through and surpassed all expectations. But in that finals, I just couldn't find it in me to be perfect. So I dug deep. It was only when I was deep enough that I found myself again. Alas it was all too late as the final whistle blew to seal the fate of that game.
Somehow, I was looking to find a familiar face in the crowds to comfort me. I just don't know why I did it but I did. My team depended on me, and I crumbled as I depended on a familiar face which couldn't be found.
Nobody can truly understand this because you have yet to go through such a moment. Any games involving sticks belongs to the nursery room. At most, a pool table. Rugby; football(American football that is) are the only games that can ever ignite anyone's emotions, feelings and even intelligence(give a professor a boxing glove and I'll be able to beat hip good with my bare hands). Besides that, it's because I have went through it time and time and time again.
Those are the moments which one never forgets. Because I know that I won't be playing this game forever. And some point, I will be stopping. My knee and shoulders are already begging me to stop. But I cant go out like this. I have 2 more years to make some damn good memories of this game. I've got to remember how it felt like to be champions just like in 2001. I need to be addicted to that feeling. My days are numbered. I wonder if my team mates realize that.
We're in the business of winning.
Wise words from something which people deemed to be just another game. It's from the movie really- Friday Night Lights. So far, there has yet to be another sports movie that kept me glued to the screen unlike this one. Well, if it is enough to spur me to write about something, I'd say it is one damn good of a movie. If it was in the theaters, any movie that doesn't put me to sleep is one that is worth your money.
You just-you ain't gettin' it. You don't understand. This is the only thing you're ever gonna have. Forever, it carries you forever. It's an ugly fact of life. Donnie, hell. It's the only fact of life. You got one year, one stinkin' year to make yourself some memories, son. That's all. It's gone after that. And I'll be damned if you're not gonna miss it.
No game is just a game. It is in fact, a fact of life. Nobody but the people in the team, or in the sport, can understand that. Spectators just don't get it. Nobody else does. Those teachers who would wonder why I'd be so upset about losing "just a match". Well, not just teachers, my friends as well. My family don't even understand why I keep doing it. I know it hurts for my parents to see their son coming home all injured after every game. Well, I'm still injured from last season but I am trying my best to cover it up and show them that I can be perfect.
I still remember all the important matches that I've lost. 2005, PJC vs CJC for the Plate Championship. It was crunch time and I just did not bring it into the game. The pressure was just too overwhelming. I looked in the faces of my team mates and they all gave me the same look- they were looking to find hope in me. I looked to the crowds to see any familiar faces that might calm me down- I found none. So, I crumbled that day- the day which I can never forget.
People around me kept telling me, that it's alright. It was just a game; life goes on. Fact is, how do you look into the eyes that you have failed and telling them the same thing? For many, that was probably the last time they played any rugby. Sure as hell wasn't a good way to mark a chapter of your life by crapping out at the finals. I have yet to be at peace with myself with that game. I don't know why when the pressure builds up, I am just not there when everyone needs me the most. I am not there myself when I need myself the most. It didn't help that I lost whatever I've trained over the months to some random illness just 2 weeks before that day. It's like this fucking daze that I'll be in and no matter how much I try to shake myself out of it, it just doesn't go away.
That daze put me on the spot twice last season. During the Singapore University Games, at the finals, the last few moments of the finals, I crapped out again and found myself in a daze. I tried to shake myself out of it, to be there for my team mates, to be perfect- but the more I shook, the dizzier I got. I was fumbled. We lost that one. That same night, I got dumped.
The University Championship, I crapped out again. Dazed as ever when all season, all I ever wanted to achieve was perfection. Which I did! I've never felt so good about myself (only to be brought down every now and then by some emotional guilt trip that I'll be put under) as each game I blazed through and surpassed all expectations. But in that finals, I just couldn't find it in me to be perfect. So I dug deep. It was only when I was deep enough that I found myself again. Alas it was all too late as the final whistle blew to seal the fate of that game.
Somehow, I was looking to find a familiar face in the crowds to comfort me. I just don't know why I did it but I did. My team depended on me, and I crumbled as I depended on a familiar face which couldn't be found.
Nobody can truly understand this because you have yet to go through such a moment. Any games involving sticks belongs to the nursery room. At most, a pool table. Rugby; football(American football that is) are the only games that can ever ignite anyone's emotions, feelings and even intelligence(give a professor a boxing glove and I'll be able to beat hip good with my bare hands). Besides that, it's because I have went through it time and time and time again.
Those are the moments which one never forgets. Because I know that I won't be playing this game forever. And some point, I will be stopping. My knee and shoulders are already begging me to stop. But I cant go out like this. I have 2 more years to make some damn good memories of this game. I've got to remember how it felt like to be champions just like in 2001. I need to be addicted to that feeling. My days are numbered. I wonder if my team mates realize that.
We're in the business of winning.
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