Wah! I thought i havent written anything here in a month. Fortunately, it's only been a week. Phew! Well, whats up? Well, exams are just around the corner ( you know, the kind of corner that you would walk up to and suddenly, a monster just jumps up on you and gives you the scare of your life! ya...that's the kind of corner). Guess what? Im finally getting the jitters. And i have no idea why....haiz.

The last time i ever sat for the exams was in 2005. Yup...the A lvls. That was a relief cause i knew the next step for me would be uni. Ya...and here i am now. Truth be told, i didnt really care about exams. All i did was to put in my best and hope for the best. Like Franklin once said, " If a man already did his best, what else is there to ask for?" Yay FRank! Or was it some other guy??? Hmm...help me out here?

Its been busy studying, busy studying and busy studying. Here's how my routine is like: Wake up at 6.30. Shower, Run errands. I try to be in school by 8.30. Gym for an hour or less. IF there's still time before lectures or lessons, i'd do a bit of my raedings. Maybe get something to eat. YA...Then, at the end of the day (or during breaks, [use when applicable]), i'd eat my lunch before continuing my study (or lessons [again, use when applicable]). At 6, i'd have to leave to fetch sayangg. And hopefully, by 8 ( its a good 2 hour break =) FOR DINNER!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?) i'd be back i in school to continue till 11? ya...that's what my monday to friday is all about. Maybe saturdays too if im not too lazy.

I really dont want to screw this up. I mean, finally, i like what im doing and in the company (only some) of those who do to. I mean, in secondary school, i was surrounded by those who aspire to go to ITEs (hehehe...i was the one who instigated this project because i just didnt want to study. end up, i went to jc while the rest of my sitting-at-the-back-of-the-class-gang went to ite. Err...hehs). In JC, well, some were just plain negative about things. HEck...i played rugby all the way till the weekened before my A lvls started(it was a 2 years break from rugby after that for me =(... ). Ya..i digressed. The main point is, i know i can do this! I just know i can. Perhaps, i could have found my calling?(despite so many times of me feeling this way) I dont...

Well, the best i could do is to do my best like what frank said. Maybe i can now use what i keep telling: Have faith in your training, Hope for the best to happen (or hope that nothing screws up), and glory shall be yours to bask in. I wonder if they ever understood this or even cared...hmm...

Its been a very long time since i wrote anything on this blog. Well, one thing's for sure, my other blog is very much alive (and kicking) probably because its one my weekly assignments. Well, this used to be my daily assignment before i enlisted, during my enlistment and ya...it stops short there. Sucks doesnt it? I used to have funny entries that well...basically talks all the bad things and good things(occasionally) too that are all around me.

One thing i love about this space is, it's all mine (i suppose so). I dont get graded or anything for anything( NO MORE 3 TICKS!!! YESS!!!!). I dont get judge...but even i do, nobody even cares to tell me about it. Kinda like my diary i suppose. Yeah...and anything that i complain about wont get a feedback or cricitized or made fun of eventually....yea...sometimes i need that.

Well...i have about 2 more weeks till the exams and yes...its been a long time since i ever sat in one. The last time i sat for one was in nov 2005...ya..the A levels. Somehow, i didnt quite feel the excitement as what i felt after my O lvls. Perhaps because it was exactly the same as the post o lvl period so there wasnt anyting new for me to look forward to...except a new job that is.

Exams looming over...and ya...i still have other considerations to place that take precedence over my studies. Hmm...study too long...and it stinks...study too short...and im suffering. ya...i've been quite suffering in class lately too. I got a 61% for one of my electives. shucks....gotta buck up on it. And my 102 readings...wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy behind. oh well...better this than that i guess...

Welll...im getting kinda tired...so gtg. hopefully by the next time i write, it would already be the next centure...

i kinda miss the army...

First of all...Selamat Hari Raya everyone. And to everyone a Selamat Hari Raya!!! Yea...that's was lame. But im lame nonetheless. So, its kinda expected of me anyway right?

Anyways...a thousand and one things were running through my mind while i was on the expressway today. Nothing much..just thinking about the past 21 years of my life. Though it isnt quite my birthday, it is still hari raya. To all my muslim friends, im sure this has happened to you too hasnt it? Except for the expressway part maybe. People are getting older. My parents are getting older. The baton will soon be passed to me and my brother? The inversed relationship between parent and child, a normality in all our lives (hopefully so...especially all those infilial bastards), of us taking care of them is almost near. Yet, i cannot help but to reminisce about when i was little fadzil. How my parents doted on us three, how Hari Raya wasnt much but an occasion for us to receive lots of money from my relatives. Yeah...that was fun.

Well, things have changed. And to say it has changed a little is to be a lying bastard. Truth be told, i missed being that small kid. Everything was so much simpler. Everything was so much rosier. Now, im studying sociology and realizing how depressing this world really is and how much so we need that to be present in order for this society to function properly. Well...wish i was blissfully ignorant of all those things. Back to the times of my childhood. Where my parents are young and when i had a full set of grandparents.

You know it's kinda depressing to note that you're parents were once like you: childish, carefree and whatnot...they too had a full set of parents once upon a time. And that their parents are young. And that they might be very well thinking about the same thing that i am thinking off now. Well now, they're the ones that are in their parent's shoes. And im now in theirs. Wish time could just stand still forever. I dont want to be in their positions anytime soon. I really really cant imagine what my hari raya will be like without them...nor the people who are in my life right now. I know that i wont be able to meet those people that have already passed on or left my life for my next hari raya...nor this one. Wish we never have to lose anything that is near and dear to us all....

Its been approximately 5 weeks(i think) since i started school. So far...its been very very okay. Ya...cant quite think of any adjectives to best describe it. Well, it is something that i've been looking forward to since my 2 years in the service of the nation. Truth be told, i kinda miss the army. The times i spent with my buddies. Things were so much simple back then. Even if was suffering, im still comforted by the thought that everything would soon be over. The term, "pain is temporary..." really manifested in everything i did back then.

Best part of my 2 years was that i had company no matter where i turned to. Even when im out on the street, i would pride myself knowing that i am one of those who stand ready by the night to do violence on the behalf of those who sleep peaceably at night. Sigh...those days are long gone. Today, i tried to recall, " is it my left feet or my right that i should bang during drills?" Ya...and im supposed to be a master of that.

The overseas exercises which was greeted by a well deserved RnR after wards was one of the many highlights of my life. Everyday was a brand new day which seemed rather similar to the day before. Challenges were new though. And i actually have something to look forward to.

Now...its just not the same anymore. Its readings followed by more readings. Nobody really cares that im a student at NTU. After all, people are now able to pay their way through for a degree anyway. Its elitism, its prestige just isnt there anymore. But the experience that i had in the army...its simply priceless. No amount of money can buy it unlike degrees that are being bought at sim's.

oh well...life's a bitch anyway...

Ever been to those very unassuming 'mamak' shops under the void deck intending to just get a drink or something but usually ending up having nostalgic flashbacks? Hmm...ya...i love those kind of shops. Reminds me a lot about my childhood: back when i still had one... Hmm, sayangg brought me to her uncle's house yesterday to meet the rest of her family. It went smoothly...everyone treated me as though they have known me for a very long time. Then we got bored and stuff so decided to go out for a little walk. Went to this shop under the void deck because i was really desperate for a can of red bull. So we got it and then sat infront of the shop.

Behold! I saw my all-time favourite snack! Corn crackers which had chicken flavour. Bika! Or was it kaka! i can remember. It's this red packet with a picture of chicken and then the maker had a logo that looked like popeye or something. The snack itself? Its this yellow balls that would just melt away in your mouth if you just let it be in there for quite some time. I also saw a lot of sweets that i used to have everyday till my teeth started to rot back when i was still a small child. Yummmmm....

Kinda reminded me when i was a Gombak-ian. Everyday, after school(kindergarten still..) i would run all the way home (i dont know why but i loved doing it. my parents didnt have to fetch me cept when they really wanted to) and along the way to my home, would be this shop where i can get anything my child-craze-desires longs for. Great isn't it? Toys'r'us didnt do any good. I was into all things foooooooooooooooooooodd.. fact is, i still am. Every time im overseas, i'd find myself broke at the end of the trip but with little or no souvenirs to bring home coz i've prolly spent most of it on food anyway. hehehehes. Ya...i still miss that house though. Very peaceful and quiet. And windy too. I mean, where else can you go kite flying from the 9th floor of a HDB flat huh? We didnt even have to go downstais to the field. Just tossed the kite over the railings and there you go!

The good ol' times.....yeah....

Well, since i last filled up on a new entry, life has been preeeeeeeeetty good for me...i suppose? Just a couple more days and it'll be back to school after 2 years of chiong-suaing(still have 10 more years of that to go...) Hmm..sociology. What the hell do we study there?? All i know that somehow, somewhere we will be able to shape the future of our society based on our past. Yeah..i have 4 years to get that Degree and hopefully, by then, i would at least have a fair idea what sociology is all about.


FUCK! I sound like a bloody nerd who's blogging his life away. To begin with, im just a normal regular jackass who blogs about things he see's, feels, discovers(is this the theme for Singapore Discover Centre?)all from the very own pace of his perspective. But ya...really, life has really been kinda good for me lately.

Last week was THE BOMB!!! Went up to KL to participate in UiTM's 3rd International Sports Fiesta(kinda like drop ball fiesta) with NTU(fuckers typo-ed us as NUT). Hohoho..and i have yet to even start studying there. But it really felt more like a rugby camp than a 7s tourney. Felt like going back to the army...just with rugby. Plus...its been more that 15 years i think since i've last been to KL. The last time i went there was with my family and my uncle's family in a van. Yeah...i think i was only 4 or 5 that time. Cant really remember when. So...in all my vainest attempt, i thought that we'd be able(or at least me) to go visit places that i've been to before. You know, landmarks that postcards are made of when you're talking about malaysia, or at least KL. Ya...that didnt happen. Guys wanted to do something different, and it was pretty late anyway so...ya....hmm...Im seriously thinking about riding up there(solo or with a buddy) to explore those places. You know...the history and everything. Because before matathir, there was malaysia. With mathathir...everything became like the Chinese's cultural revolution. WEll...pretty much. Well, at least things are looking up for them now.

Seriously...i think qing yao shares this feeling with me...im wasnt quite done yet with KL. Well...at least we werent.

Hmm...it must have been ages since i've written anything on this space of mine. It used to be a regular thing that i used to do to express my thoughts about the world that i live in. Yeap...Singapore and just about everything else that i can see, hear and feel. Things have been a little bustling lately. School's starting in a couple of weeks time. Yeap...after 2 years of no school, im finally coming back to the world of curriculums, professors, lectures, tutorials, projects, bla bla bla and bla bla bla. Oh yes! I forgot! RUGBY!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (everyone who's reading this is supposed to do the Kallang Wave. If you're not, you're breaking the pattern. C'mon. You know you want to ;) )

Just had a wonderful day of riding with sayangg =) Going to places that used to be troublesome to get to without that bike. Nowadays, everything is almost a kickstart away(or maybe a throttle away, or a litre of petrol away. I dont know, you decide which one will humor you the most.) Places that we've been to lately: Romantic spots in Singapore that would have otherwise seemed impossible to get to, makan places all over the island, her house, my house, everywhere =). Yeap, things are kinda fun lately. However,(yeap, here comes the bloody horrifying suspenseful plot twist) i still cant believe what i did to her 8 maybe 9 years ago.

She came into my primary school halfway thru in primary 4. She was sooooooo cheerful and bubbly. Suffice to say, she made everything around her feel warm. Mary poppins kind of warmth =) And i had to bloody opportunity to sit next to her all the way throughout the entire last year in that school!!!! =) =) =) Heck, truth be told, i kinda liked it when some of the boys teased me to being with her. Yup. But good ol' fadzil had a plan. It was a very good plan! I tried to make her not notice me. Why??? Well, because i was a pussified shy little bastard. Ya...sayangg could testify to that too. I hardly spoke a word to her even though everyday, from 7.30am till 1255pm, i was merely inches away from her. DAmn!!!!!!! And when she got posted to another school, i was actually relieved.....HOW SCREWED UP CAN ONE GET?!?!?!?!?
For the next 8 years, not a day goes by without me thinking of how different things would be if i would have actually grown a dick back then(more maybe just an adam's apple). Me and my wishful thinking right? Well, guess god decided that good guys should get another chance =). And right here, right now, more than a year later, not a day goes by without me being grateful to having her in my life again(despite her being such a pms queen. Well, if i cant handle her at a worst, what makes you think i deserve her at her best? Hell yeah i rock her world =p). I love you sayangg. I really really love you sayangg....

Ya ya ya...not really like me to get all mushy right? Hmm...3 more days to KL. Yeah...Rugby in UITM. After that, there's going to more rugby for me =) =) =) So i got 3 loves in my life right now. Sayangg, Rugby and my new motorbike =) Hoooooraaaaaaaaahhhh!

Im sure at some point in our lives, everyone had wished that they could turn back the time somewhere, somehow. They wished that everything that was said and done could be unsaid and undone. The really wished that the ugliest moment of their life right at that very moment would not had happened if it wasnt for something stupid that they just had to do because they felt that they had the right to do so. Well, guess time cant be changed(cept if you manually change the time on the clock yourself but that doesnt really count does it unless you could really go back in time by doing that).

Sometimes, that folly actions of their's had cause something that they would inevitably regret for the rest. Then, they just realized: they had actually taken things for granted after all; they actually lost themselves after all these while and forgotten why they had actually set out to do it in the first place. They regrettably had burnt down the bridge that they have carefully crafted. One that they had wanted a very very long time to set out to build. It took them just moment of folly(or two) to just burn in all down in a moment's notice.

Only then would they realize: OH SHIT! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!??!?! So they dig deep into their imagination and think of ways(not neccessarily creative methods) that they can rebuild the bridge that has been burnt. Hope is something that constantly feeds their desire to dish out the burning bridge. Eventually, they might succeed. Or it could go south from then on. Hmm...that would really sucked if it did.

Hope. There was once this saying(im quoting from Flight of the Pheonix), "Everyone needs to be loved; if you cant give them that, then give them something to hope for; If you cant give them that either, then just give them something to do."

Hmm...just hope this moment of ugliness wont last forever

Its been a really long time since i've written much lately. Hmm...it used to be everyday that i just had to write about something. Well...lately, im not so sure myself why im doing this. Well...guess its the procastination villain in me that is overcoming myself. Partly because i havent really observing the world around me much...sucks doesnt it? Well, safe to say, the world is still quite the same. Singapore is still very much the same. Same ol' habbits and what nots...

Hmm...doesnt leave me much room to write much now do i? Hmm...i'll write tonite then. Time to get inspired i guess...

Guess nobody else knows boredom like i do. It's kinda like waiting for death to come or something...well, 2 more months of this and i guess that wont be such a prominent thing in my life since i might probably be sooooo hectic with my studies that i can hardly have any time for myself. Is that so uni people??? I dont know...this is only base on assumptions which derived from my interaction from those type of people.

Guess what i did today? Hey! I went to the gym!! WOW! Yeah..that's all about it. That's as interesting as it gets. Other than that, its just me rotting away at home. I was even hardly on the phone! Hmm...supermassiveblackhole. I think that's what this really is. Things have been kinda slumpy for me lately. I wonder why. The past few weeks, the school that i always relief at hardly called me. Is it because of the times i told them i could not make it? Well...friday surely pissed them off. They called, i told them yes. 10 minutes later, i told them i could not cause i thought i had to go all the way down to the east side of this island to get something that was really important for later that day. Oh well....

Well, sitting at home all day surely sucked like hell. Guess i really missed the army. Hell, i missed the army even before i enlisted. How about that? Anyways, i got this letter sort of thing from Community Chest. It's about this disabled boy(if you were to call them special, then i guess those OTHER special children are sort of disabled too?). He wants to be a soldier. WEll...what can i say about this boy? He only wants to know one thing and experience it for himself. Honour. Yes. Honour. I mean, how many people ever wanted to be a soldier when they were little? Its just like aspiring to be a murderer or something of that sort. Might as well call them twisted lil' bastards cause thats what they probably are. WEll, except that when they kill its for their country, their countrymen and blah blah blah...yada yada yada. Thats same old song again...Shittles, i digressed again...hmm, where was i? Oh yeah, that kid wants to know what honour feels like.

Honestly, if you were to serve, you couldnt find it anywhere. Trust me. Everyone's in it for the wrong reason. There are those few who are in it cause their personal believes. But yeah...Its just a tiny little fraction out of the thousands and millions of gigantic bastards. That's how we fare my little boy....

Hmm.....what the hell am i even writing about? Guess boredom plus blogspot.com sure is a great way of snoozing thru things.

Toodles!

Wow! Its been a long time since i've written anything. A month or so? Yeah..guess so. The last entry was on March 28. Yeah...that is a very very long time.

So what have i been up to? Well...practicallly the same thing i was up to before the army. Im practically aimless...clueless...yeah, without a doubt about it. Well, maybe there is some consolation to that. Im attending rugby training(on-off thingy) and getting my bike license pretty soon =) Yeah, cant wait for that. Im teaching too(giving tuition and SOMETIMES doing relief teaching). Most of the time, im with my sayang. =)

I've been kinda missing the army lately. Guess there's this big empty void that i need to fill up. 2 years ago, the army did just that. While everyone bitched and moaned about it, i relished every single moment of it. It has its ups and downs too. But its because of the downs that i bounced up to the ups even higher and enjoyed the fruits of it(it tastes much more sweeter). 4 overseas trips in just 2 years. Damn...the only overseas that i ever went to before that was just across the causeway. And that's about 5 years ago before the army. See how pathetic that is???

Well, im not patronizing the army or anything but i really had fun and i miss that. The challenge, waking up every morning know that you have something to do, knowing that you would always have enough and the experiences that you gathered, i gathered. It was amazing!

Now, there's rugby to fill up that void(the one about the challenge and thrills). But ya...i've got to learn how to better manage my time now. Guess not everyone understands why im so...hmm...(i cant think of any good words to use right now so im just going to go with obsessed) yea obsessed with rugby. Before that was the army and the things that i do in the army. Its within my comfort zone. There's challenge, there's thrills and there's loads of other people who are in it because they want to be in it.

Hmm...how i wish this knee of mine would get better sooner. Its kinda frustrating to just sit around. Well...maybe this aimlessness feeling that im getting wont be so prominent when i start school....hopefully it wont.

Hmm..its been a long time since i've wrote. To those who's been coming to my blog religiously to check whether i've written anything new, i would like to apologize. Procastination is mainly to blame for. And time spent away from the computer is something that's not true. Yeah...games, games and more games. Trying to take like as slow as i can for now. Bout' 4 more months till i enroll into NTU. 4 years(maybe 5 if masters withing reach) and im done with proper education. Hmm..wonder how that would feel like. Sayang's already experienced that. Job hunting's a bitch to begin with. Hopefully, she'd get a good job soon and end all worries =) Dun worry ya, one is on the way sayangg =)

Teaching has been really demanding actually. You're juggling between educating, disciplining, politics and what nots. Damn...like i've said before, its just like being in the army. All except that my men are now children. I dont wear green. And i dont have to associate myself to any superiors(many times have the principals of the schools came into my class without me recognizing them or their authority. Hehs. Sorry guys). But many people still wonder, why are there endless supply of teachers? There's quite a few of peers who didnt seem to quite make it for their A lvls. When i asked them what's next? They would say "NIE lor....what else is there?" Hmm..it got me wondering, is teaching a last resort for many? Issit because they got nowhere else to go that they decided that teaching is their forte? Is the govt really taking on people like this? If so...that means our new batch of teachers are nowhere near the standard that they should be? I know, i know. Im making a fucking biased statement here. But it was just what i was thinking you know? Im sure all of you have got your own sets of thinking so dont be a bitch about what i've said, okay? It's just an opinion. Wont hurt anybody, im damn sure of it(unless the govt decided to peek into what i've wrote and seriously considered what i said. Then, im sorry guys)

Well, one things for sure, lecturers at universities surely arent cheap shots that were hired off the streets. Coz if they were, then the fees that im paying are simply outrageously ridiculous. Im seriously hoping for knowledge nirvana(in other words, learning new things at a stressful pace that i become numb to any sort of pain). Oh well, lets just take it as it is...

Hmm...cant wait for the rugby match tmr. hehehehehehes

By now, i would probably be one of those 'netizens' to bitch about this mas selamat character. What a colourful character he is? Of all countries...he decided to terrorize singapore. Dumbass!! What could he possibly hope to achieve by doing so? I dont see any gains from it. Monetary gains? Hahahhaa..nonsense. One step closer to wiping out "infidels" like what his leaders are preaching to him? Hohohohoho....how i wish he really knew what was going on. They gain wealth..shit, they have a shitload to begin with anyway. What about dumbasses like this selamat fella? His family have barely anything to eat to begin with! And yet, he's partaking in such activites that not only harms the society but his very own family to begin with!

Haiz..how screwed up can he be? How screwed up can we humans be? Hmm...ever heard about the book of relevations? Doesnt matter which religion you're in, every single book(there's 4 to begin with okay?) says that the world will eventually come to an end. But then, in our great arrogance, we decided that whatever god throws at us, we will always have a solution to it. damn....gotta reconsider things. Gotta...urm...damn...i forgot the right word to use! Shit..getting old.......

Speaking of which, time really flies past. Me and my buddy..we caught up last night...in the middle of a road, literally. Sitting on a bench in the middle of the road....we just realized just how fast time rreally really flew by. DAmn...2 years of my life gone just like that! I still rmb him mocking me in sec 1. Got back at him every other year. Hehehehs...i goddamn evil, i noe....sometimes i wish i was just turning 13. IM 21 already!!! 9 more years and i'll be 30! shit!!!!

Oh well, lets do what im good at then...go with the flow........

It's been quite awhile since i last wrote anything. Been meaning to write but whenever i can think of something to write, i am nowhere near any computer. When i am at one, i am nowhere near anything to write about. Damn...maybe i should get myself a laptop or something that i can lug around everywhere i go so that when something does come out at the very last moment, i can just write about it without having to make the effort to retain whatever inspiration i have. Yes...it is extremely hard to do so...

Days into this relief teaching thing. Im kinda getting the hang of it. Half a day of work..educating and moulding our young. The other half with sayang. Not a bad deal after all. So far, it's been quite a refreshing journey. Yeap. However, i do crave to hold a gun once more. But not doing what i've been doing for the last 2 years of my life. ITs booooooooooooooring!!!! Kinda crave to do things that special forces do. But then, i've been told time and time again im nowhere near their standard...in terms of physical fitness that is...and not to forget about the race thingy. Yeap...

I don't know why, but i really really like everything and anything that has got to do with the second world war. Be it the movies, the documentaries, the books or the games. Was everything mentioned? It was a time of great suffering. Yes...it was terrible to experience war. Especially for those who did not take up arms to fight but still suffer the collateral damage that it has. I sometimes wished that i had fight it in...among the victors that is(nobody likes to be on the losing end anyway. That's why when someone calls you a loser, it triggers off suicidal thoughts like what has been portrayed on the news these past years). I am not sure why, but i would think that to fight and survive one, it would somehow impact my life greatly. I guess i would really appreciate what i have even more after being deprive of it for years on end. Especially being away from home....

I would be doing my very own part to help mankind. Im not craving for glory or any sort of nonsense. I just feel that if i was fighting in one, im contributing to humankind....I don't know...i just kind feel that way......

Have you all ever noticed lately? The kind of movies that they have been making. Independence Day, War of the Worlds, The Day after Tomorrow, Cloverfield and the list goes on and on....Its all about one general genre. Not the ones that you all refer to but by this: End of the World. And it really got me thinking...the end of the world really is going to come soon isn't it? I mean, where do all these people get their inspiration from? The tell-tale signs perhaps? Religious books which have stressed out about the end-of-the-world-is-coming-and-we-should-behave-our-best-so-that-we-can-get-to-heaven point? Damn...that is scary you know...the end of the world thing. Kinda like REM's song "Its the end of the world and we know it, and i feel fine......" Hahahaha, how can anyone feel fine about it? Damn man..im pissed scared out of it. Hmm....maybe i should appreciate more that i have been lately. I already appreciate that special someone in my life right now =) hehs. I already appreciate my family. Maybe i shld really really appreciate them even more. No...its not a maybe anymore. It's a definite must do! Act upon it. Execution of the plan it shall be =)

2 days of doing relief teaching has gotten me craving for more. Seriously, i don't find any difference in between being a sergeant in the army and a teaching in urm...MOE? It's practically almost the same thing. I shape, i mould and i teach. Yeap, TEACH!

It's not like its everyday that you do this. Well, for me it isnt coz im really just a relief. It's kinda like doing relief work for the sick teachers and children who are sick of teachers. Hmm...i kinda feel sorry for the kids coz of what they have to go thru. But hey, i went thru it before. I was a kid before...(i think, therefore i was) i know what its like to get all the homework that keeps piling up with every procastination attempt(you can practically break the guiness world record just by scaling that mountain) or the constant blarring from the teachers that you'd get. I eventually learnt to shut that out and ya...just learn. Hell, i've been to hell and back and look where i am right now? Waiting for august to come just so that i can pay ppl to get that treatment again from uni lecturers. Wohoo!! Im soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!

But then, as a relief, i've also seen the plight of a teacher. Can you imagine just how many things a teacher has to do just to keep that job? There's sooo many job that one has to do that they eventually forgot what they were supposed to do in the first place...TEACH. INSPIRE. MAKE THEM ASPIRE TO DO SOMETHING WITH THEIR LIVES!!! And im talking abt the children here now...They are sooooooo burdened that they practically hate that job. The most honorable job one can ever do. Hell...its no longer a job, it becomes a responsibility. It becomes a pride. But in singapore, its no more than just another thing that puts a roof on your heads, a full stomach and a head full of aches.

I mean, c'mon! What's the deal man? Seriously, something has to be looked into this matter. Children are getting unmotivated to learn because the teachers are slowly but surely losing their motivation to teach. Damn....

Ever felt that you have so much to talk about or write about whilst you're out somewhere...isolated from the nearest pen and paper or maybe civilisation. But then, when you do get to where you desired to be, it all becomes a blank. You've lost whatever topic that you have conjured on the way to the nearest medium. Writer's bloc? Possibly. But what a person like me? Im not a professional writer. Im just...urm...writing for the sake of enjoying it. A hobby perhaps. A pastime maybe. Can i have the honor of experiencing a writer's bloc? Am i considered a writer? An amateur perhaps?

Well...i tend to get alot of those. Not just lately...but all the time. But then, slowly, one by one they flood my mind again and once more, i am ready to blabber to my heart's content! =)

Hmm...having diarrhea is a terrible thing to have. Last week...or maybe the week before, i practically spent my entire weekend in the toilet. Whatever was supposed to come up from my butt didnt really come up in the right form. It's supposed to be solidified, instead, it was pure liquid(i apologize for being disgusting here. But i just have to add what it feels like to have such thing!) Yup...minutes after you've just come out of the toilet, you feel like you just have to go back in again, and again and again and even until you've got nothing left to give, you just keep going on for more! Yeap...that's diarrhea.

But the thing is, i didnt want to be kept home even with diarrhea. I still went out with sayang. And ya...boy, singaporean male are just pure idiotic disgusts! DONT THEY EVER AIM?!?!?! THEY DONT EVEN BOTHER TO LIFT THE TOILET SEAT UP! Seems to me like they were trying to put out a fire with their pee or something because it really is ALL OVER THE PLACE!!! Hence, with a cramped up face and a determination of steel of not to lose it inside my pants, i ran about the shopping mall trying to find a nice decent toilet which toilet seat wasnt previously "on fire".

Maybe, just maybe the government should educate singaporean males on how to pee properly. Ya...i know. Old folks are just plain used to having that long urinal to pee at(and possible compare whose pee-pee is bigger or smaller than the other). They are just used to the luxury of spraying it all over the place without considering to aim coz in the end, its going to end up at one same place. Well, well, well....WELCOME TO THE PRESENT!!! AIM GODDAMIT!!! AIM!!! Its just pure disgusting...plus the amount of trouble you've just caused me...(im just lucky to have the guts of steel to last me the run from one toilet to another)

Maybe we should have those posters again? The aiming ones? Ya...or better yet, educated those buggers....

With people like these...i still wonder how the heck singapore got the best toilet award....

15 more days till the day finally comes. The day when i finally get to see the thing which i was so eager to rid of 2 years ago. Well, 1 year at 10 mths ago actually. Guess i had this mental picture of what the army was going to be like. Too bad reality tarnished all that's fantasy. No, no, no, it didnt tarnish it, it destroyed it! BMT was a snore, SISPEC was alright especially when you have your buddies with you, 4SIR was enriching. But ultimately, i learned little about becoming the ultimate soldier and everything about becoming even more human....

Hmm...i've learned that not everyone is like the way you perceive they are. SOldiers. That very one word puts a thousand pictures into my head. Gung-ho "superhumans" who charge fearlessly into the heat of battle; thru the gunfire that rattles around them threatening to take them away from their loved ones at anytime god wants to. Hmm...that wasnt to be. Soldiers are your very classmate, neighbours and friends whom you've been with for the past years of your life. The very person who cannot run, thinks sports is too demeaning on them and that im simply a war-junkie. That very person is the kind of person who is going to defend our island nation when the need comes to(they keep saying when the button is pressed. When the button is pressed. Where the hell is that button!?!?!? I wanna find it and put it in some lift so that it can be pressed a lot more times and be fully utilised). That is your buddy there, your subordinates or your superior. People who simply think that NS is a bloody waste of time(i didnt say i totally disagree with them...ehehehehs)

Its when they come to you, to confide in you...that lets them know that you're really there for them. Cause if that cannot happen in peacetime, what makes you think that you're actually going to come back for your buddy, who's been shot up, under the rattling of the machine gun. It takes balls of steel to do something like that. But it simply takes the relationship you and your buddies have formed up over the years to substitute for balls of steel. So far, i've learned more about managing people and handling any sort of situation that they have. I learned more PR skills that Soldiering skills. Its more about handling what they want, and what i want out of them. Its a fine balancing game that puts you at the edge of your seat.

Set aside all that, 1 year 10 mths has already passed and yes, that is what i've learned so far....

Hmm...yesterday's short trip to jb was really astonishing. Ya...its been 7 years since i last been there. So dont mind if i really sound lost or just like a frog in a well. Its not that i've never been out of country, its just that i havent been there in a very long time. Well, not just jb, but the entire of malaysia actually. Thanks sayang, for making it worthwhile for me. =) That was one of the nicest thing this girl has ever done for me. Damn..how much luckier can i get??? I hope more. But whatever it is, i still want her to be by my side as the good times come rolling ahead....

By the way, how do you spell ordinary???

O-R-D-i-n-a-r-y

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I was really in the mood to write this weekend after i book out...or so i thought. Well, at least i really was. A million and one things to write and talk about. A million more to really bitch pure nonsense about. But out of that million, i guess i've gone overboard. A million and one perhaps? I really have no idea on what to talk about. 'Cept maybe for what happened over the past week.

Yup....the evaluation is over. And ya...while me and my men(the whole 90 of us) did pretty well...it took just a bunch of 103 idiots to screw it all for us. Home of the braves...puhlezzzzz. More like home of the 'busuks' or 'beraks' or 'berterabur' and probably a thousand of other more names to name 'B' Company. To sum it all up, they suck to the core. Which core? Apple core? Core of the earth? My corp? Your corp? God knows...and they still have the cheek to be happy about what they have achieved which is practically nothing...nothing at all.

Well...2 years of my life is gone just like that. Dang that whizzed by pretty fast. I didnt even realize that it was going to be over in a few months time just a few months back. It seemed to have lasted forever. Well...the memories will. The least. 2 years...i could say that i've accomplished a lot more than i could i have ever imagined. I was a godamned condemned recruit. But look what i've achieved so far. So those people who call themselves my BMT sargeant or PC...u guys no nothing cept to scream and shout at me. you wanna fuck me for no reason. Made me do countless numbers of pushups and crunches for every little small mistake that i've made. Look and where the fuck i am now you nitwits! You couldnt even possibly imagine what i've accomplished as a soldier.

I would say that i've experienced as a soldier is an all-rounded experience. I've gone thru all level of courses as a specialist. Went to 3 different countries. The farthest one being the most painful one(first time i went overseas with a girl waiting for me back home ((BEAMING!!!!)) ) and to the land of the small-eyes twice. Shopping was simply fantastic over there. I went in the depths of hell simply known as temburong once. And i was severly punished once. And guess what? Im still a commander. Im still working towards my projection. Im still going strong. Heck..i've never felt soooooooooooo good in my life before.

Well, in 3 weeks time, booking in and out of camps would be nothing but the past of what i used to do. Sleeping with a bunch of bunkmates, cleaning up the filthy toilet together..making it squeaky clean(clean enough to join some toilet competition =)), waking up early in the morning just to do pt, spending time to light up a fire so that we can cook in the jungles...yeah...the whole lot. That was fun...real fun memories...

And it all feels like as tho it was only yesterday that i just enlisted. ....

Again...yesteryear felt like yesterday again...

DEJAVU