Micheal Jackson's death shook the world...literally. I bet all the blogs have mention his passing in one way or another. Perhaps, maybe just perhaps, mine would be the only one that is forthcoming in a way that his death is just a mere passing remark of what i am about to write.
His death got me reflecting about how time flew by so fast. I can still vividly remember the day he came down to Singapore. I swore that i could hear people chanting out his name from the balcony of my late grandfather's flat. As i am typing this, i can still remember how every nook and cranny of the house smelled like, felt like, looked like...memories overwhelming me. This was about the time when i was around 3 maybe 4. I had my cousin pointing to the direction of the Swisshotel at me and saying that, " Tengok saner! Nari Micheal Jackson perform kat saner!". Subtitles: Look! Micheal Jackson is performing there today! I can still remember him dressing up like the King of Pop. Jackson fever was an unstopable epidemic.
Everyone looked so young then. My dad, my mom...my grandfather looked sickly and as fate would have it, he passed on a year or two later. My cousins too looked young. One of them passed away a few years back followed shortly by the passing of my grandma a year later. Everyone looks so much older now. My dad just celebrated his 51st birthday and my mom her 48th. I do still rummage through photo albums that have been left to be cobwebbed in one corner of the house to be reminicsed of all the memories i've had since i was 20 years younger.
Alas, time is speeding up. The more i try to slow it down, the faster it spins. Its like all clocks in this world was mean to ticks on faster and faster as days wears on. Its like i do not even have the time anymore to enjoy a single moment of my life. It's depressing really. Age creeps up to me faster then you can even have the moment to think that it is really catching on to me. Right now, my dad is the exact image of my grandad when i remembered him. I hope he wont go so soon.
I cant help it. I know death is eventual. I just cant help it. I simply do not know how to deal with the losses of loved ones and i simply do not want to learn how to. When those 3 people, mentioned earlier, died...i did not cry; i did not even feel as if i had lost someone. I felt numb. Perhaps i did not appreciate them much. Perhaps i do not know them that well. But from what my dad told me, both my grandad and my grandma loved me and my brother (my youngest brother wasnt in the picture yet when my grandad passed away) truthfully. I had not come to know that because my grandad passed away too quickly when i was too young. By then, my grandma was already paralyzed and was not able to speak much less have the ability to actually dote on us. But from what i knew, they loved us with all their hearts(my maternal grandparents couldnt really care less).
I want to love. I want to show that i care. Somehow, i have lost that ability to show it to my parents. Something is wrong with me...i pray that im not to god.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Monday, June 08, 2009
There are only two occasions that will bring friends and family close together to a person: birth(or birthdays) and death. Truly, it is the only occasion whereby you are able to gather your masses to celebrate the existence of you in this world or the passing of your existence into the next. Although sadistic and many of you might disagree by saying that weddings too gathers the masses, it simply no comparison to the above mentioned occasions: both momentous in their own right.
Truly, i will never understand why only at the last moments of a persons life do his/her loved ones gather around just to see the person for the very last time. Only at the verge of death do people wished that they had spent more time with the person. Nobody blames them for it is within our society's system to occupy most of our lives with salaried labour; forcing it through various means albeit most of them are nothing more than noticeable.
I have seen more people shedding tears of grief rather than joy for the person who is passing on. Truly, one cannot regret that the person is passing on but to be joyous(to a limit) that the person has lived a full life- one that the grieving should be happy about. A wise man once said that nobody should be sad for the person is dying but should be glad that the person has led a full life. It does not matter how the person lived it. For it was preordained by the almighty-albeit choices were made, it none the less lead to the same ending: death.
Rather than grieving, why not spend time celebrating the person's existence in this world with whatever time we ourselves can afford to. Afford...pfft. Time has been converted into a commodity. The more we try to obtain it, the faster it runs out. Its like we are hanging from a cliff, struggling to clasp onto the edge. The more we struggle the more inevitable that the fall seems. The more we try to grab, the more we seem to be losing grip.
Do not look for how things end up. No matter what, it will be alright in the end; if it isn't alright, then it is not probably the end yet. Every race can be finished. It does not matter what one does to finish it but what matters is that one will eventually finish it. Instead, enjoy what you are doing, and while you're at it, share it with your loved ones for the only permanence is that all will perish at the very end. Do not bother about that. It is beyond control. Do not grieve. Be glad that you have celebrated live with the loved one. For the dying, do not cry for it will all be over soon.
Life is a pleasurable, death is peaceful. IT is the transition that is bothersome and painful. Do not celebrate just for the live of the newborn. Celebrate for the dying too for he was once a newborn too and at one point, somebody has celebrated that matter. To grief and regret is to do the same for his existence.
Truly, i will never understand why only at the last moments of a persons life do his/her loved ones gather around just to see the person for the very last time. Only at the verge of death do people wished that they had spent more time with the person. Nobody blames them for it is within our society's system to occupy most of our lives with salaried labour; forcing it through various means albeit most of them are nothing more than noticeable.
I have seen more people shedding tears of grief rather than joy for the person who is passing on. Truly, one cannot regret that the person is passing on but to be joyous(to a limit) that the person has lived a full life- one that the grieving should be happy about. A wise man once said that nobody should be sad for the person is dying but should be glad that the person has led a full life. It does not matter how the person lived it. For it was preordained by the almighty-albeit choices were made, it none the less lead to the same ending: death.
Rather than grieving, why not spend time celebrating the person's existence in this world with whatever time we ourselves can afford to. Afford...pfft. Time has been converted into a commodity. The more we try to obtain it, the faster it runs out. Its like we are hanging from a cliff, struggling to clasp onto the edge. The more we struggle the more inevitable that the fall seems. The more we try to grab, the more we seem to be losing grip.
Do not look for how things end up. No matter what, it will be alright in the end; if it isn't alright, then it is not probably the end yet. Every race can be finished. It does not matter what one does to finish it but what matters is that one will eventually finish it. Instead, enjoy what you are doing, and while you're at it, share it with your loved ones for the only permanence is that all will perish at the very end. Do not bother about that. It is beyond control. Do not grieve. Be glad that you have celebrated live with the loved one. For the dying, do not cry for it will all be over soon.
Life is a pleasurable, death is peaceful. IT is the transition that is bothersome and painful. Do not celebrate just for the live of the newborn. Celebrate for the dying too for he was once a newborn too and at one point, somebody has celebrated that matter. To grief and regret is to do the same for his existence.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Work is taking the best out of me. Then again, it wont feel like work unless you get tired out of it. Imagine this, the best times to do anything gets taken up by work. I cant even go to the library to borrow books that i can read during the slow periods because they only open from 1100-2100...and that is how my shift is like too.
On the hindsight, it does get enjoyable at times. It's amazing just how much you get to learn about someone or about something in a very short period of time. All it takes is the "Madagascar Penguin Method" to get it all started (just smile and wave boys...just smile and wave...). But ones it does, i can get them to share their live stories and all this is happening without me saying a single thing. I just smile and nod. They do occasionally ask me a few things like urm...how i am getting paid. haha. Ya, other than that, it's just me listening to whatever they want to talk about.
One thing that i have observed about hospitals is that it is a great place to have family gatherings. Before you go on to say what a BASTARD i am to say such a thing, let me explain. Firstly, i have experienced it myself. My uncles and aunts are busy with their own lives so its kinda hard to have family gatherings. But as my late-grandma got sicker, she was constantly being admitted into hospitals. Being the children they are, my dad and his siblings would go down to visit my grandma. Naturally, their families would tag along too. Dare i say it, it was a great way for everyone to catch up on each other: seeing how their nieces and nephews are all growing up quickly, how each other are doing...things sort of like that.
It seems like the best way to bring people together would be grief. Death and illness seems to bring the best out of humanity. Not talking about just how everyone would pay their last respects to the person how has just passed on.It is up to the point that i had no idea who 70% of those who came down to my grandma's funeral- Friends, family, relatives...most of them i have never seen before. But my dad and his siblings were comfortably chatting with them so i assume that its someone familiar to them.
ROFL. When i digress, i really digress! Anyway, back to the hospital. There seems to be a lot of old people there. Some already a century old! Imagine if i could get them to tell me about their live stories. I could be writing hundreds of biographies or maybe a compilation of their live memories. The best part is, before this, i have never even knew of their existence. And to those who are reading this, you can only imagine of their existence- face, names, height, weight or even personalities are all imagined because you all have never met.
This reminds me of the time in my Secondary school days when i was constantly dragged to old folks home as it was part of my CCA(i got tricked into it because they said we were firstly prefects/councilors etc.) But when i think about it, i really ridicule those people who go to such places only to mock the old(by prancing around on stage or singing). I think they get enough entertainment just by watching television or listening to the radio. Or better yet, they get 2 of those types of media and much more with the internet! Really! So......(in order to refocus, one has to go out of focus...hahahahha!) ya, back to what i was saying. What they really wanted was some company. Someone to share their live stories with. And with each visit, i would take the time to sit down and listen to them talk for hours on end about how they lived their childhood days, how their teenage years were cut short due to the war (there was even a world war 2 veteran!) how they sloughed through their entire lives just to bring up their children(and sometimes how ungrateful those bastards can be after all these years). Like i said, i could be writing biographies from them. Its amazing sometimes to listen to them. Its kind watching Big Fish over and over again except this time, the characters are different and so are their live stories.
So much talk about old people...i shall leave with this:
A reporter was interviewing a women celebrating her 104th Birthday for the news:
Reporter: So, madam, what is the best thing about being 104 years old?
Old Lady: No peer pressure
On the hindsight, it does get enjoyable at times. It's amazing just how much you get to learn about someone or about something in a very short period of time. All it takes is the "Madagascar Penguin Method" to get it all started (just smile and wave boys...just smile and wave...). But ones it does, i can get them to share their live stories and all this is happening without me saying a single thing. I just smile and nod. They do occasionally ask me a few things like urm...how i am getting paid. haha. Ya, other than that, it's just me listening to whatever they want to talk about.
One thing that i have observed about hospitals is that it is a great place to have family gatherings. Before you go on to say what a BASTARD i am to say such a thing, let me explain. Firstly, i have experienced it myself. My uncles and aunts are busy with their own lives so its kinda hard to have family gatherings. But as my late-grandma got sicker, she was constantly being admitted into hospitals. Being the children they are, my dad and his siblings would go down to visit my grandma. Naturally, their families would tag along too. Dare i say it, it was a great way for everyone to catch up on each other: seeing how their nieces and nephews are all growing up quickly, how each other are doing...things sort of like that.
It seems like the best way to bring people together would be grief. Death and illness seems to bring the best out of humanity. Not talking about just how everyone would pay their last respects to the person how has just passed on.It is up to the point that i had no idea who 70% of those who came down to my grandma's funeral- Friends, family, relatives...most of them i have never seen before. But my dad and his siblings were comfortably chatting with them so i assume that its someone familiar to them.
ROFL. When i digress, i really digress! Anyway, back to the hospital. There seems to be a lot of old people there. Some already a century old! Imagine if i could get them to tell me about their live stories. I could be writing hundreds of biographies or maybe a compilation of their live memories. The best part is, before this, i have never even knew of their existence. And to those who are reading this, you can only imagine of their existence- face, names, height, weight or even personalities are all imagined because you all have never met.
This reminds me of the time in my Secondary school days when i was constantly dragged to old folks home as it was part of my CCA(i got tricked into it because they said we were firstly prefects/councilors etc.) But when i think about it, i really ridicule those people who go to such places only to mock the old(by prancing around on stage or singing). I think they get enough entertainment just by watching television or listening to the radio. Or better yet, they get 2 of those types of media and much more with the internet! Really! So......(in order to refocus, one has to go out of focus...hahahahha!) ya, back to what i was saying. What they really wanted was some company. Someone to share their live stories with. And with each visit, i would take the time to sit down and listen to them talk for hours on end about how they lived their childhood days, how their teenage years were cut short due to the war (there was even a world war 2 veteran!) how they sloughed through their entire lives just to bring up their children(and sometimes how ungrateful those bastards can be after all these years). Like i said, i could be writing biographies from them. Its amazing sometimes to listen to them. Its kind watching Big Fish over and over again except this time, the characters are different and so are their live stories.
So much talk about old people...i shall leave with this:
A reporter was interviewing a women celebrating her 104th Birthday for the news:
Reporter: So, madam, what is the best thing about being 104 years old?
Old Lady: No peer pressure
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