Finally am able to break away from work which is getting rather monotonous. Ironically however, my job requires me to handle a variety of situations- keyword being variety. Basically I am to "unfuck" the fuck-up.
Krabi has been rather dull to say the least. The first day was mostly spent with a bit of walking around with the first hour seeing me doing the walking by myself along AoNang (also known as Ao Phra Nang). The flight here has been rather eventful with a terrible turbulence hitting us on the landing. Hitting a turbulence on the flight is one thing; hitting one during the landing is actually rather disastrous. Most of the flight accidents are due to planes hitting some sort of a turbulence either during take off or landing- according to nat geo anyway.
But other than that, I feel the heavy burden of the "responsible one" especially during this trip. Playing tour guide means that I am the one who has to know where we are, where we would be going, what we're going to do, when we're going to do it and how we're going to get there to do it. Suffice to say, it feels just like I am actually on a mission, not a holiday. Guess there aren't much perks about growing up when you're the "responsible one".
Turning 26 is actually quite a daunting, freeing yet depressing task. Even though it happened about 4 months ago, I am still haunted by the thoughts of it happening. The only coping mechanism that I have is that it has already happened and that I should try to forget that it has actually happened. I just try to live my day by shrugging off the fact that there are many implications resting heavily on my shoulders. Implications- more like responsibilities.
At this age, I am nowhere near marrying. Even though chubs has been quite worried about it, marriage is the last thing on my mind right now. Right now, I am more concerned about getting to do things that I haven't got to do during my youth- things that chubs has already done. Perhaps this is why I am a late bloomer and sooner or later, she is going to get frustrated with the wait as she is already into the next phase of life. I am still at least one phase behind. Perhaps that is why girls rather go for older guys- they seem to match up in the phases of life. Well, that is a rather worrying thought to say the least.
Somehow in this disaster I call life, it does have its moments. Moments come fleeting by when I am out doing random things- something that majority of the people I know find hard to appreciate. Chubs, you are included. But yes, though that screams disorganization in my life, that is the basis of how life is organized- a series of random events which somehow creates a coherence if you are willing to let it. We often fight that and try to make life as how we want it to be and if it doesn't, we are quick to judge it as being incoherent.
Alas, when we step into the world of another it is all going to seem extremely incoherent very quickly. But the avid traveler will know better than to judge- they immerse themselves into the brand new world. Instead of judging, they appreciate and attempt to understand. Sure a shoe might be too big to walk in at first- but that is why we are given this god-given talent called growing. A big shoe can be good because it leaves us room to grow. But one cannot immediately start running it in after putting it on- you'll just end up with blisters that will scar you for life. Instead, slowly walk in it and feel the space within. Even after growing we find that it is still a tad too big for us, that's when we get thicker socks. Socks are the aids that helps us fit into the shoe better.
On a different note, I discovered that I might be someone who's an avoidant affectionate. There are 3 types- the other two are securely affectionate and devoid affectionate. What does this mean to be an avoidant affectionate? Well, it simply means that any rage that I feel, any protests towards an external being or event simply gets suppressed. More to come on this fact as soon as I am better aware of what it all means.
Till then, it feels good to be writing again. Writing for the sake of pleasure. These days, I have been writing way too much reports.
