you stole my heart but I had it first

Today's opportunity was definitely mine to lose. If I had the opportunity to do it all over again, I would do it very differently. I guess this happens when I over-think things. Then again, I really do not mind the opportunity to serve in the Special Forces community as a sergeant. Given that I would now be a Staff Sergeant by now if I had signed that paper 5 years ago (and a Warrant Officer before I am 28), I guess if I do take up that scheme, would give me a comfortable life. But on top of that, there is much pride in being among the elites. But given the choice, I would definitely strive to being an officer because I strongly believe that I would be able to contribute more effectively as one.

If given the chance again, this is how I would have done the interview...


So tell me something about yourself.
.....................................................................

Tell me something about your army life...your time as an NSF..
.......................................


Why do you want to join us?
Have you ever heard of this phrase, "Never dress up how you like to work but rather dress up to the work that you like?" Well, this is one of the biggest reason. Not a day goes by without me itching to put on the uniform again. Besides the fact that I look really good in green, I feel an immense side of pride whenever I don green. The organization has given me nothing but a sense of purpose and direction in my life.

On top of that, I would certainly have a say in Singapore's defence and deterrence policy. Many do not realize that it is because of a strong organization as this that Singapore is able to function the way it does. Many of those whom I know in the Police or the Civil defence claim that my time spent in this organization is a big waste because I am merely "running around in the jungle playing war" while they deal with real life. I do not blame them for such short sightedness as they have been living the life of comfort while we provide them with a strong sense of security by "running around in the jungle playing war". If it wasn't for us, the country would have long been overrun. Without us, there is not Home Affairs for them to deal with. It is sad for them to think in such a way and think that they actually play a big role in creating, maintaining and sustaining what is Singapore when they actually don't. But we do.

That said, one more reason for me to join is so that I have an actual say in the defences of Singapore. Knowing that what I do is what keeps my love ones safe, that is one of the biggest satisfaction that I can get from this job. I do this so that others don't. I do this so that people can sleep peaceably at night while rough men like me, stand ready to do violence on their behalf.




What did your family say to your decision of wanting to join us.
I say that they are happy for me and am actually proud that I want to do this. It has indeed been a life long dream for me. Something that I dreamt about doing ever since I was a child.


What if you don't get it. What would you do?
Granted that there are other jobs waiting for me out there but the satisfaction as well as the fulfillment that they would give me simply couldn't match up to the one that this job would give me. I have indeed asked myself this question many times over. Truthfully, I do not want to really think what I would do if I do not get this job. However, what I have done is to prepare a contingency plan. I am 100% committed into taking this job and all I ask for is for you to give me the opportunity for me to prove to you that I am all that that you will never regret on selecting. Ever.

From here on, he goes on to tell me about the things that I will have to do...


So there you go, if I could travel back in time, I would certainly prepare myself to answer these questions and impress him. Alas, the moment is gone...all I have to do now is to pray that I get to the next round.

*Don't want to get into trouble. So if you missed out the first 2 parts..it's just too bad*

Sometimes..

Sometimes...when you cry...no one sees your tears

Sometimes...when you are worried...no one sees your pain

Sometimes...when you are happy...no one sees your smile













But fart just one time.......

Anticipation has a habit to set you up for disappoint

How I am is akin to how a duck swims. Everything looks very calm on the surface...try looking under the water.

So I will run...until my feet don't touch the ground...

Yesterday was probably one of the best days of my life. Officially, I am not longer a patient of NUH as my physiotherapist released me from further rehabilitation sessions. Finally! It's been 6 months since my knee was operated and for the last couple of months, being able to even walk again is indeed a blessing. 6 months ago, even being able to bend my knee was a challenge. Walking was an impossible feat which I achieved within 2 weeks of the operation. Being able to ride again took just as long. In fact, I was able to ride again while still wearing the leg brace! It's just like learning how to fly before you even know how to walk.

It's also been 9 months since I last played any rugby. 31st January 2011 was the last time I played the beautiful game (soccer is just a copy of it) and the urge to play again, to be fully part of a team again, is as strong as ever. In fact, it has never waned. On the day of the injury itself, the physio on site was bombarded with questions like "How long will I take to recover?" or "Will I be able to play as usual again?" and also "Is there a faster way to recover?". Each time I asked such a question, he will only tell me to take it easy. This sentiment was shared by many people. My imagination got the better of me as I actually googled for the possibility of a leg transplant (healthy ones of course) or even a bio-mechanical pair. Childish and nonsensical I know.

This probably explains why I am so pumped up about this Saturday. If I do actually play instead of just being at the sidelines, it will only mean that I have never missed a 7s competition in my life! The first time I played such a format was in secondary school. In JC, we got to play at the SCC side of the Padang. I nearly scored against RJC in that if not for my generous mood of wanting to let someone else score after I broke through their defenses through sheer individual footwork. I played 7s during the fasting month of 2008, reached the finals the year after and completely washed out last year. This year, shall be different. I am playing for the 2nd team now. But it's alright since I am just coming back from a career ending injury. Thankfully, with the marvels of modern healthcare, I am able to go back to playing.

I can't however say that I am back to full strength. Gone are the days where I can do a 200lb single leg press or 10 full single leg squats or kick someone across the match ring with any style of kick- be it a round horse kick, back kick, front kick or side kick. But I'll get there. I'll get back to the point that I can sidestep an entire team of ugly hungry-looking rugby players (I despise the term ruggers) or clock 23secs++ for my 200m sprint. Soon, i'll be able to clock a sub 8mins timing for my SOC again. Running fast has always been an integral part of me. I wasn't born fast, but for the past 15 years of my life, I've been training to being able to do so.

And so...I will run until my feet don't touch the ground.

I am so fucking sick and tired of everything- including being fucking sick and tired.

another turning point a fork stuck in the road

Once again, another chapter of my life closes. 2011, which I originally thought was going to be a good year is only proving itself it the form of tires. Other than that, things are what it is and what it is going to be.

Yesterday was the last time I saw my KR150. It's kinda sad knowing how this bike has served me well. Yet, all good things have to come to an end. It saw me through one relationship. Had my first pillion on the first day I got my bike- even had to ride through heavy traffic on that same day with a pillion. Proved to be a great companion for all those night rides when that relationship ended. Got my first accident on that bike which led to me spending the morning of National Day 2008 in the hospital. It basically gave me a pair of legs which are long enough for me to go anywhere at anytime.

Finally, FT8938R is off to it's final resting place. I guess, that event is the manifestation of things changing for me- of another chapter closing while another one begins. Things are never meant to last forever. Not even love. But if you can find someplace where love is eternal, then you are either dead or you are really lucky. But if you don't believe in luck, you could very well believe in death. If that sentence is confusing, all I am saying is that that love is going to last even through death.

Since I am not making any more sense right now, I shall end it off with my trademark quotes.

If you like someone, say it. Don't spend your time fantasizing about something that could be reality.