I'll stop the world and melt with you

Most of the time, whatever that I have planned out in my head, doesn't always come out right. Like speaking or writing for instance- it's all beautiful and smart and basically everything nice when it's in there but when it comes to communicating it, well, it just gets lost in translation.

The weekend saw me staying up for more than 24 hours. After giving up from trying to settle into the night, I decided to surf around youtube. The stuff that you can find in there can be pretty amazing. Apart from the usual retardness that you can find, you can actually find entire movies if you're lucky enough. Lucky because they usually get taken down pretty quickly.

And so, I found this documentary about the war in Afghanistan. It's a pretty complex and delicate situation which many of my friends have simply and narrowly-mindedly resigned it to as the war against terror. Then there are others who thinks of it as just a war for oil.

Well, let me educate you all one thing about life- war generates the economy. And it is a pretty damn good generator I must say. Look at World War 2 and the Cold War. The drive for war machines saw numerous people gaining employment and businesses everywhere booming. What we now enjoy are the fruits of technological advances that came about with those two wars. Then, in the 90s, there were hardly any wars and we suffered several economic crisis. 2001 saw another war "invented" out of necessity. It actually saved the deteriorating economy. Well, that is also subjective thanks to mr.inflation.

So anyway, that's one of the main reason why they went to war. And that poor country is being used as a poor scapegoat because face it, nobody likes an extremist or hardlined government. And being who they are, it's just like taking candy from a baby. But that's only in respect to the fact that they are and will not retaliate an offensive by bringing it to their doorsteps. Because they simply can't afford to do so. Anyway, more than 10 years later, the Americans are still at it while the homeboys are still carrying the huge "FUCKOFF!" banner.

So after making one big oompahloompah round, I shall come to my point. I was watching this documentary titled "Invasion of Marjah". Never heard of it? Well, it was Obama's trick-play to drum up support for the war efforts in Arff-Gun-Knees-Stun. Well, if you have the time to watch it, you should. I know many will bitch and moan about how it is just another propoganda film. But then, many have never been to war so many will never know what it's like to be in one. This is especially the case for this kind of war. Ever since World War 2, wars have never been fought in some distant battlefield but right in the homes of many. Well, history shows that this sort of war is actually the sort that has been fought all along. The difference is that nowadays, we really try not to kill the civilians. And if we do, we actually punished for it. Gone of the days of plundering and looting the city in the total war strategy called fuckall.

So yes, because I couldn't sleep, I found such an interesting documentary which has led me to another one which I will definitely watch soon. By the time I realized that I actually needed to sleep, it was already 7am (the documentary lasted an hour and a half) and I had to get ready for RT(read Ranger Training). I realized that if given enough push, I could actually get a decent timing for my 2.4km run to actually get Gold standard. In other words, that $400 money prize could actually be mine. Unfortunately, I tend to run faster and train better when there's somebody pushing me to do it. In army lingo, we call it, "kena fuck!"  I guess it is kind of nice to be coming back into this sort of envinronment. Everyone is bounded together through suffereing. I've been meaning to write about how the greatest force or power on earth isn't love but hate but I just haven't had the time to do so. I really hate it that I do not have time to do things that I love.

Perhaps that day will come soon. Right now, there's only two things to concentrate on- Rugby and FYP. Saw how I prioritize my things? Yep...I am indeed screwed. But hey, it is my last season. And having missed the last one, I was actually extra careful(read lazy) in all my club matches. It's finally time. After years being in the team, it's finally coming to an end. Honestly, I think I have to find something else pretty quickly to fill up this new found void. The last time this happened, after finishing my last season of rugby in secondary school, I actually put on 10kg worth of mass from all that weightlifting. After JC rugby, I actually grew one size up, again from weighlifting. Those were the days that an L size shirt actually fitted me rather snugly. I honestly wonder what will come out of this after the 27th of March. I guess, just like any other thing, I'll have to wait and see.

You're my number one...

It's been awhile since I've done balls-to-the-walls training and I can't help but to feel good about myself afterwards. I feel good and hungry! But I shall discipline myself not to snack on anything for the moment to lose this tubby tummy of mine. Right now, I can't help but to feel like a telly-tubby with this tummy of mine. In fact, I am pretty much convinced that everyone is watching it like a TV. I think I'd like to be Po- at least I get to be cute too!

Right now, my legs can't help but to tremble in fear from not wanting to be strained anymore than it already is.  I miss those days where parts of my body actually can't function properly after a session. There was just once I fell sitting down on the stairs of CCK stadium. Instead of panicking, I simply laughed it off with my then-gym buddy and sat there for 5 minutes in full view of curious passer-bys who must have thought that we were just crazy. I also remember the time that it took full effort of whatever motor function I had just to press the button of the lift. Animalpak.com used to give great inspiration then. Nowadays, time is of the essence- I do what I can, when I can. Damn school..

Turning a quarter of a century has been pretty amazing. First, I got "kidnapped" to go for a trip. Not knowing what I was going to be doing, chubs had to constantly command me on what I was going to pack. But once I was told to pack my gloves, I knew that the weekend was somehow going to get awesome-er! Being the annoying sonnaofabitch I am, I whined all the way till they let me drive IF I shut up. Well, that seemed to shut me up for awhile especially when I somehow "got lost" along the way. We eventually end up at our destination after a bout of being part of the (say it quickly!) wherethefuckarewe tribe. 

Day session ended up in tragedy as chubs actually did a mini somersault upon jamming her front brakes at a upslope U-turn. I actually thought I was going to deal with a twisted knee and a broken ankle! Thankfully, it was all an illusion because the shoe came off partially. Phew! Afternoon session was quite a bore because everyone went extra slow all because it was a big group! And also, almost everyone else, except for the guide ,mr.musclemania and myself, had 90cc pit bikes. But the view was breathtaking nonetheless. Sure it's just Malaysia. But if you got to the top of a mountain on a bike, I think you'd pretty much be impressed of yourself as well.

Well, the day had to end but it sure ended in the sweetest video I have ever gotten thus far. It doesn't take much to make me well up but it sure is hard. But if you pushed the right buttons, you're definitely in store for some waterworks. Unfortunately, I can be quiet a private person especially when it comes to this kind of things. I have to actually trust you THAT much for you to be able to see this because you know...I hate to be ridiculed. Yep, the irony of that; the amount of ridicule I dish out is simply unacceptable. I should be nicer to people.

Well, there's still a long way to go. Right now, there's 3 things that I have to deal with- 1) finish school (fyp included) 2) find a job 3) finish my rugby season on a high!

Turning Japanese

There's simply no words that I can use to describe what happened the last 48 hours. It has all been one big blur of perfection. I guess, I know how a perfect moment really is like right now after so many affirmations.

Turning 25 has truly been an awesome event in my life.

Thank you chubs. (:

                                           "For you a thousand times over"

Five for fighting

I'm fifteen for a moment
Caught in between ten and twenty
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are 


I'm twenty two for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars 


Fifteen there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
Fifteen, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got hundred years to live 


I'm thirty three for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm of age
A kid on the way
A family on my mind 


I'm forty five for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life 


Fifteen there's still time for you
Time to buy, time to lose yourself
Within a morning star 


Fifteen I'm all right with you
Fifteen, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got hundred years to live 


Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
Sixty seven is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on


I'm ninety nine for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are 


Fifteen there's still time for you
Twenty two I feel her too
Thirty three you're on your way
Every day's a new day 


Fifteen there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey fifteen, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got hundred years to live

When you've only got a hundred years to live

I still can't believe that in a couple of day's time, I'll be turning a quarter of a century. 25 years have passed by really fast for me. In 6 hours time, I'll be taking my last IPPT as a Category X candidate. That's for those who are under the age of 25. After that, I am Cat Y1 candidate. Holyfuckingshit time passes by really quickly. In another 25 years, I'll be 50. Another 25, I'm 75 although I highly doubt I'll be able to reach that age since my dad's side of the family has a history of dying young. As of now, I am thankful to God for he hasn't taken my dad away from me yet. Although I never say this out verbally before, I do need him as I do need my mom. I am so old yet I still need them, perhaps more than ever.

Maybe I am already reaching my mid-life crisis. In a couple of month's time, my best days in school will be over for me. There's no more looking forward to going to back to school as I once did during my NS stint as well as when I was doing my internship. How did I end up where I am right now? God knows. How did I become who I am now.

How did I become from this....

...to this??

Well, if you must know, that was me at 3?4? And then me again about 20 years later. 20 years is enough to change me into a form that the young me wouldn't be able to recognize. Physically, everything is different. HOW THE HELL DID I BECOME SO DARK AND HAIRY?! Guess my grandma's North Indian fairness didn't get passed on to me. But the hairy part sure did follow me.

Character wise, I think several factors have shaped it into how it is now. I can still remember that I actually had the fear of talking to girls when I was 13. It carried on all the way throughout secondary school. This is was especially so with the Malay girls. I guess right now, I am playing catch-up. In fact, I have been playing catch-up ever since JC. I don't really know what caused the change. But if you were to ask me to talk to a girl back when I was 13, the amount of sweat that I would have built up would be enough to fill up an olympic -sized swimming pool. But right now, it is as though I've never had that fear before. Well, that's how it seems anyway. Guess I am, as of now, a closet introvert.

I suppose the biggest influences on me would have to be music and movies. Though I really do think that I have an eclectic taste, I still think that punk rock would be the genre that I like the most. I remember saying to myself once, when I was in JC, when I was caught in the rain, "Punk rock music will keep me warm and dry". Well, it kind of did as I was transported into a whole different place even though I was soaking wet when I reached school. But I did learn a lot from Punk Rock. And honestly, that is sometimes how I live my life. I would really love to live my life like that- without cares or worries, hakuna matata style. But age catches on and you somehow wound up with a ton of responsibility on your hand. In another 25 year's time, I'd prolly be watching my kid going through the same thing as I did. The only difference from me that that kid is going to get is that he has my full support in whatever (productive) that he or she chooses to do. I am not saying that I am going to spoil the kid. Hell, I am going to whoop that kid's ass just like how my mom whooped mine. I turned out to be perfectly awesome.

If I was to pick my all time favorite movie, it's definitely Bigfish. If you haven't seen it yet, go watch it! What are you waiting for?! Don't even read the next sentence until you've finished watching it. By then, the screen would probably be blurry from the tears. For those who already have, congratulations, you're going to be awesome.

I guess that show gets me. Or rather, I get it. I remember "escaping" remedial just to watch that movie at GV Yishun. Love that place. Still do. For all the trouble I got myself into for escaping, I'd say that it was definitely worth it! As a secondary school kid, I never expected myself to understand such a film but I did. That was when I realized that I was only going to be a secondary school kid once in my life and if I did not make it worthwhile, I could only look back in regret.

So, I played throughout the final year of my secondary school life. Almost asked a girl to be my girlfriend too! Guess that was a bit overwhelming for her as it was for me. I honestly wonder how things would actually be like if she had said yes instead. But yes, I enjoyed my sec 4 and my JC years immensely! It came to the point that everyone thought I was going to flunk my O and A levels. They even gave me the "looks". The kind where they are judging me and saying "He is probably going to fail the O/A levels very very badly!" Well, guess who's laughing now! Half of them ended up taking  private degrees with the other half, having no other choice, pursuing a degree in NIE. Those who did not judge have done pretty well for themselves. But for those who didn't, well, I am truly sorry that things didn't quite work out for you...yet! I always believe that if things are not great for you yet, they will soon! Everyone will reach their peak sometime in life! I just know it. Have faith my friends!

In 25years time, the 50 year old me would probably read this and think about how much he wants to bitchslap the 25 year old me for the incoherence and grammatical errors. I do not know what the future holds for me. But based on how the past 25 years have been for me, I know great things await! I am not sad that I am getting older, I am just sad that I have to get older so soon. I still remember how young my parents used to look. Well, if there was anything I could give for time to be reversed, I really would. But it's not for the reason so that I can do things differently. I mean, there are things that I wished I would have done differently. But no, if i could be reversed and I get to live my past 25 years of live again, I would gladly go through it all over again. Including the bad parts...like going to DB. I mean how many of us, in uni, have ever sat inside a jail cell before? Honestly...I think I am pretty badass!

Your hand in mine