New year resolutions. Rofl. It's always the same.....people want to exercise more. Bleah...bullshit. They arent even doing it in the first place. Tend to come up with some bullish excuses like lack of time and fuck like that....

Its like if u want sex. Exercise should be that way. How much you want to have sex? Very much probably. Well....how much do you want to exercise? Should be the same then! No matter if you have tons of work to do...no matter how late it is...no matter whatever stands in your way. If you can ignore all those so that you can have sex....i suggest you do the same with exercising.. Then you tend to wear the same thing as i do...you wouldnt make it look so ugly by then.

Think i've finally recovered to write again. Keyword here being "think" so im not really so sure if i'll ever recover. Then again...who the hell have nightmares of the bruneian jungles? Not that many. Guess im one of those few. Nevertheless, i made it through...barely though. A lot more of such exercises coming my way. Heard its going to be a tough new year ahead. Back to back exercises which leaves me to do only one thing when i go home for the weekend....sleep and eat aka recovery. There's two way i could look at it. First, i could be thinking, " im in for a whole load of shit". On the other side, i could also say "im in for a whole load of shit....but at least my NS stories might be a bit more exciting than others".

Guess not many have that kind of mentality. Maybe because they're too lazy to think of it and rather think about the shorter one because well....they dont have to think too much or too long to decide on something. At least they could have kept it to themselves. I mean...i noe that its fucked up but you dont have to dampen my spirits even more. That's like dumping me into the ground than piling me deeper all the way into the earth's core. For god sake's! Im a fucking sargeant! Man look up to me. If i dont even have to proper thinking...how are my men going to have one? Me being demoralized or dampened will multiply by the number of men under my command. Yet they still talk to me about how fucked up its going to be. Plz...keep it to yourselves!

In less than 24hours time, i'd be going back to reality. Yeap...that's the army. The reality for me now at this very moment is the army. Weekends at home is like the sweetest feeling that you have when you wake up from your sweetest dream. Just a glimsp. No matter how bad things might be at home, its still a sweet dream that only comes to you only once a week. That's only if you behave and perform. If you're deemed unfit to go home for the weekend, well...life can only get better from there. Like the saying goes, "if you hit rock bottom, you can only bounce back up again".

Well, guess the army has taught me a lot of things so far even though im just about to complete my first year in the army. Might teach me a lot more once im done with it. It taught not to think because if i think, that only means that im not sure. We might not be the smartest of humanity, but we get things done. Each time im confronted by a situation i only do two things. I appreciate and i excute. Seems to make things better for everyone especially me and my men. Besides, the world keeps spinning just fine if what we do doesnt suit to everyone else's taste. Well who cares about everyone else? They're not serving the country. Most of them will never know what it feels like to go thru shit until they serve their national service in the army. No where else can you get this wisdom and experience. I emphasize again, NOWHERE ELSE! Sure you'll be doing real work in the police force or the civil defence force. But in there, you're just carrying out your daily routine only from a different perspective. From the perspecting of the representative of the authorities. That's all. The army. Well....it snatches you away from your old life and make you do a lot of funny things that you might never do or will never again in your normal life. It bonds people way beyond families are bonded. Men become the closest of brothers. Only soldiers understand soldiers. Countries, race, religion, status and everything else that divides mankind blurs down to only one thing. The uniform that they wear. You wear green. I wear green. We're both the same. The only difference is who we side. Or which top monkey do we call "Sir".

Things will never be the same again. I long for the day that i get to see my 15-year old face that's on my IC. See and remember what it was like to be me before i got snatched off from my life. Try to reconnect with my life to see if i really am able to do so. If im not able to, guess the army's for me until some war comes along and rips me away from everything else that hasnt been ripped off yet. Until then...let's hope all goes well for me.

I've been to hell and back. Im fucking glad to say that im still in one piece. The jungle was a total nightmare. To add to that...it was fucking mountaineous as well. Fuck..dont want to talk about it.....think im traumatized.....Good to be back in Singapore!

Alritey then...the eve of my departure. Guess what? The insurance company sent me a letter and asked me to fill up the nomination form. ON THE EVE OF MY DEPARTURE!!! Might not be anything to everyone but to people like me...people who prance around in green fatigue...it's bloody pure bad luck. Its as if the bloody company is expecting to die soon! What the hell...

Okay...this is it. 18 days of pure urm...bullshit? Yeap bullshit inside the foreign jungles. Fact is..i just got back to singapore! And im flying off again. Nxt month..i might have to fly there again for another course. Yea balls...i might as well become a pilot so that the army can save some money by letting me do the flying instead.

This is abit belated but if you all read the papers a few days ago, there was this article about an old couple who lives in a makeshift shelter at Sembawang Beach Park. He fucked up children decided that he wasnt worth it anymore and left him to die....or somewhere along that line. I mean...who the fuck has been taking care of them since they were young? They said they left him because he's too lazy to go find a job. Idiots...dun suppose they started working to support their dad ever since they left their mummy's womb. Bastards. Well...maybe i dont noe half the story. But this is my point of view. So ya..i can be just as rubbish but wthat fuck. Who cares?

Anyway...........the report wrote that they will be referred to the relevant authorities. Fuck. The dude's poor, homeless and starving. By the time they did find the relevant authorities(some dudes with really deep deep pockets) he'd die. Maybe not...but im just stating the worst case scenarios.

And they say money isnt everything....hehs. Those people must be goddamn idiots. Even monks need money. They cant be meditating all the time and not eat. They'd die of hunger eventually. They're humans too you noe. Everyone needs money. Sure the monks dont work for it. That's because they dont have to. People donate money to them. And for the rest of us normal folks who cant be very religious to be a monk...a priest...or anybody religious to say that "money is the root of all evils"...that's because nobody donates any money to us. We'd be working our ass off 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 30 or 31 days a month(depending which month it is. Could even be 28days if u're talking abt February) just so that we can earn some money to pay for our food, pay the bills, pay for our education, our transport and so on......We do not get donations. So if you're one of those religious types who says that money is the root of all evils...screw that thought. You need money to survive. If you think you dont..that's because either you're getting donations or that you're already dead.

The only donations i'd give are to those who really need them. The poor children. Nobody else. Children cant work. If they did, their parents would have been fucking lousy. Yea balls. Kinda got reminded why i wanted to sign on as a soldier in the first place when i was watching We Believe by Good Charlotte. Dun ask how can i fight for those poor children as a soldier. I have a rifle. I have the skills. All i need is lots of money and im all set to settle things. Sounds idealistic? Im an idealist...that's y.

Anyway...be back in 3 weeks time. When they say that santa clause is coming to town...it's really us soldiers coming back home just in time for christmas. ;)

Past few months, i've been listening to a lot of warna lately( thats the malay radio station for those numb chucks out there). Kinda reminds me of what it was like in this house 10 years ago. 10 years ago...hmm....primary school days. Those days are long gone...dont have to worry about at thing at all cept maybe for getting your homework done on time and urm...where you were at in the pokemon world. Yep.

10 years down the road and im wearing green...day in day out. And after a few months of training, im with my chevrons. Not so much pay but a lot more responsibilties lately. I dont mind them responsibilities. Hell....i love it...i think. At least my men are motivated. And that is good enough for me. 10 years and im shoved with a lot of things to think of. A lot....a real big lot. The kind of things that adults do. Not children. And come to think of it...i like being a child for once. Well...maybe that's why some parents are like that to their children. Coz they're cant bear the fact that their children is so happy and carefree and they're not. So they try to even the odds. Sounds like a stupid thing but it could be a very real fact. Who knows? Unless you're a parent, you wouldnt know right? Its like telling someone the dangers of urm..lets say smoking when that person doesnt even smoke or doesnt even noe someone personally who smokes and tat sort of activity actually caused the bugger some sort of a problem. Bleargh...long winded explanation usually doesnt get the point across....Let's summarize it. DOnt critisize coz u do not noe what the hell you're talking abt! Yea balls.

OOoookkay. Adulthood. Instead of something that im evolving into...im being thrown straight into it. Yep. And its unstoppable in singapore. U noe why? WElllllllllll....coz every male singaporean has to go thru National service once they reach a ripe red age of 18. Yep. The buggers who implemented it didnt even have to go thru with this shit and his son...welll let's just say he kinda skived thru everything. Well done! Bugger doesnt even noe that between now and 21....this is when a person gets to enjoy most of his life. He's young. He's more financially independant(not so but still...) and he's able to make choices without much restriction or obstruction of any way. So why the hell am in stuck and not being able to be somewhere else to develop myself so that i can evovle into an adult and not being shotgunned into one?!?!?

I mean that's so much that someone like me can do. ...like continue studying and getting a degree. Yeap. That could work out nicely for me. I could travel the world and see it without having to train for it and only getting it for only 4 days as a form of reward for my ever so dedicating hard working me! I wonder if they're still wondering why male singaporeans are quite immature. Well..there you go! Have fun trying to figure out what i've just said. AAOUAH!

Allrite. Hell week is finally over.....i guess. Finally got the cap badge that we had to suffer for. The week ended in a bang. Literally. Revielle at 0530 was by thunderflash. We had turnout! Funny part was we still had time to run to the toilet to pee before falling in. After that, all hell broke loose. We were rained with all sorts of punishments and a wonderful vocabulary of something something. Hell yeah! Drew arms within 10mins. Ran 5 klicks with SBO, helmet and rifle. Yeap. May seem nothing to some but to us...it was excruciating. This considering the fact that we were still sore from 5BX(times a million) from the past few days. Also, we had nvr ran the distance before. We carried on with casevac, weapon stripping and soc before another casevac. Oh yeah.....it was pain. Lots of it. Hell, i still havent recovered yet! The only way to survive that day was to keep telling oneselve: Nothing Lasts Forever.

The week ahead looks kinda relax...all thanks to the hell that is Brunei that awaits us this saturday. Im flying off....broke. Not very nice. Not very nice at all.

Fuck...all i can talk about is the army nowadays. We suffer the week thru and when the weekend comes, we're too tired to do anything else. Not to mention the amount of responsibilities we now have to shoulder being commanders....Sargeants...we're really screwed. Our men puts pressure from below while the officers puts pressure from the top. We're not screwed...we're squished. Squished Kebab.

Hopefully the nxt 1 year and 3 months will pass on by quickly......dont think i'll ever be the same again....ever.

"Sargeants are the solution to all problems at hand"
-an officer

All right. This is it. This is what i've been training for for the past 21 weeks of my life. To become a leader. Become a specialist. No use having second thoughts about it. It'll only make things even worse. And yes. Brunei. Holy FUCK! Just get it done and over with i guess.

Been meeting a lot of old friends lately. I wonder why. just a an hour ago, i bumped into Rizal. Been school mates ever since primary school all the way till secondary school. And last weekend, Syakir bumped into me online. A few days ago, bumped into ful. Yeap. A lot of bumping into some old friends. Not to mention catching up wif my jc classmates last friday. Life was good....till now. Booking in to fulfil my job as a fucking platoon sargeant. Blearhg. A job is a job that needs to be done properly and excellently. Oh wells....

Still, i could have gone to guards you know.....its just a thought.

That's it. After 21 weeks of Section Leader Course...ive finally passed out as a 3SG. Some say the course is one tough nut. I seemed to have cracked it effortlessly. Sure....sacrifices were made. But...didnt really feel anything. All i was doing was doing what had to be done. Ya balls. Dun want to get fucked was one thing. Getting things done properly only benefitted myself. Sounds selfish but that's human nature. They wouldnt do anything at all unless it would benefit them. Dont believe it, reflect upon yourself. When was the last time you did something as a selfless act? So what if you donated 20cents to some flag day thing? I bet its for you to get that damn sticker and treat it as a form of immunity against hordes of "volunteers" who would come and pester you for some loose change to be dropped inside the tin can.

Sadly, i didnt make it to the elites. Seems like everyone is going somewhere that they dont want to go. Im going to an infantry regiment as a platoon sargeant. Platoon sargeant......hmm...sounds glamorous. But it sure as fuck is a lot of shit. Care for your men comes into priority. Plus, you have to look after your PC as well. Well done FAdzil! What the fuck did you get yourself into? Well...a job is a job tat needs to be done. Hopefully im going to do a good job. Balancing between care for soldiers and letting them step all over me. Its a god damned thin line. One which i will be balancing for the next 1 year and 3 months.

On other news, i just came back from taiwan. Guess what? Im going to brunei on the 2nd. YippeeE!! Im fucked. Its been barely a week since i touched down in singapore and now i have to fly off again for another 3 weeks. This time though, im going as a commander. This brings the next question....i wonder if there'll be any difference for the trip this time around.

Wonder how the previous commander do it. Well...either im going to perform as how they did or do a better job. Hope it'll be the latter part.

Swift & Deadly

IM BACK! IM FINALLY BACK! Can believe it! IM NEVER FLYING AGAIN! NEVER!!! But only if im given the choice lah. NS, not much choice. Fly means fly. Training means training. No two-way about it. Afterwards, it would be land transport for me all the way. Maybe im just being paranoid but i hate flying. Why? Coz its really uncontrolled. I dont fly the plane but even if i did, it will still be uncontrolled. Unless of course i suddenly have the control of gravity and i grew wings instead. Besides im claustrophibic and have a fucking fear of heights. Yea balls. FLying was the only thing that stood between Singapore and Taiwan. Im fine at being at either places. The flying part was a huge turn off.

Taiwan...what about taiwan? We climbed mountains almost everyday(Im supposed to be very fit now...rite..). Its fresher, more relaxed and very unclustered. Heck, i like it there. After 3 weeks being there, i didnt really feel the urge of not being at home. I didnt mind at all. Tat was really really scary. 4 days of longstride was very adventurous? GEtting lost before finding our way out. The view that we kept bumping into consistently during that exercise was simply to die for. Eventually, we were fucked for simply taking it too easy. Hehs. So imagine how much we rushed to make up for the lost time. We ended up overtaking a lot of teams and reaching the end point at a very civilised timing. Lucky sons of a gun we were.

After that was 9 days of warrior. 9 days of balls scratching action. One objective a day. That's how fucking boring being an infantryman can get. Okaylah, we had our share of fun. Moving off 2 or 3 am in the morning to our objective. Take the objective within seconds(most of the time anyway. The last one took us 45mins). Fighting on top of mountains. And on technical break, washing ourselves in some orange plantation. I mean, how many times in your life do you get to run around stark naken in some orange plantation? Chances are never. We were lucky to be able to do so. On one harbour site, we had plenty of oranges to eat. PLENTY! It was nice. AFter the last objective, we had to evac from the place to the LZ. It was supposed to be a helievac. Instead of Choppers, we had tonners waiting for us. How we get there from our objective is pretty much "inspiring". REmember the movie, BLACK HAWK DOWN. When they ran from their last stronghold to their safe haven? Ya. We did the same thing. Running with our wounded and dead. EVERYTHING ON! Pretty cool.

Rnr cam soon after. Well, im too lazy to write it. As soon as i get them online, i'd update u all. HAve to report tmr at 0730hrs. Crap. Back to the regimental lifestyle again. Fucking hate it. Anyways, POP in a week's time. Nxt wednesday, i'd be offically 3SG FADZIL. Dun mess with me. I'm not nice to mess with. Never. Im of a different breed. The rare aggressive kind. My buddies have seen it. My men will soon see it. Good luck to them. Hey-ah Ho-ah Infantry-ah!

Noe what im really afraid of? Dying. Ya. Dying far away from home. That's the only concern that i have right now. I mean, death? Aiya...who's not going to die? Everyone will die eventually.....rite? I hope those freaks no longer exists. The only thing im afraid of is to die after being away from my family for a very long time. Hopefully(really really hopefully) that doesnt happen to me. Coz if it does...it would suck like fuck. Oh wells....Taiwan better be nice to me.

Nearing the end of my course. YA BALLS! Soon, people will be calling me Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgeant! HELP!!! ROfl. Especially recruits. Let's see how my options are...if i go to 4 SIR, i'd be taking 1 year old soldiers. That means, i'll be ORD-ing with them. If i end up with 3 Guards, i'd be training the best. Since they start as recruits. If i fuck up somewhere, i'd end up in tekong. Condemned for life(NS life lah..)

My english has been deteriorating ever since i enlisted. Hell! This is the first time ever that i've been surrounded by so many malays! Thrilled? Possibly. Hell, we malays make the best soldiers! Why? When there's work to be done, we'd do it. And we do it goooooooooooooooood. We're soooooo proud being a soldier that urm....we'd march properly? I dunno...there's a zinc to it. Some sort of an X-factor to it. I mean, who repelled the Japs to almost total annihilation during ww2? The malay regiment! No retreat. No defeat. No supplies. No reinforcements. No chance in hell that the japs were getting thru without getting thru them first. YEap. MALAY SOLDIERS. Wonder y the govt prefers to keep the malays in the low these days.

Maybe it could be because of the M&M syndrome these days. Yeap. Mats and minahs. Well....not all malays are mats and minahs. Not all is bad. That's like saying that all chinese are bengs. And all indians are urm...indian gangsters. Or all middle easterners are terrorists. Well...that's the perception everyone has esp to the middle easterners. Wear a burka and u'll need to liberated. Grow a beard and tat means you're carrying a bomb. What bullshit? Guess its the people who stereotypes who are the ones that are FUBAR than those who have been stereotyped.

And to that idiot who gave the open secret. SCREW YOU! NSF to NSmen...im going to knock the socks off your balls!


Gawd...i need some rugby.....

I juz got mistaken for a student today. Or since its after 072359hrs, yesterday. A year ago, i was mistaken for an NSF. What's wrong with people?!!? Maybe its them. Could be me. Longing to be a student these days. A year ago, i was longing to be a soldier. Grass is always greener on the other side...maybe. Maybe the grass is radioactive. That could a valid and stupidly imaginative reason. K...juz being childish.

Taiwan taiwan taiwan. 4 hours flight+4 hour bus ride+3 week wait+Come back home sweet home+POP= 3SG Mohd Fadzil. The best of the best. Go to unit. Lead my men. ORD. Back to studies. Back to life...

ORD. That reminds me, i need to get a job to support myself. Im thinking starbucks or taxi driver. Barista/taxidriver by night, student by day. Sounds like im going to be some sort of a superhero. A weird screwed up who's only life he's saving is his own. Yea well...start small. End BIG. YEa balls.

Not much to blog these days. Running out of things to blabber about. Cept for the bloody haze these days. But im taking it all out on Welson since he's from indonesia. Wonder how he's taking it. Aiya...the bugger's rich. He could juz pay me to shut up. If only he knew...

Hmm....what else? Nothing much i guess. I miss home a lot more these days. Dunnoe y.

Finally. Home. Been a long week of fighting this week. Didnt really feel it though coz most of the time it was spent fighting or sleeping. Ya. We Singaporean soldiers are damn famous for sleeping anywhere, anytime! Even during parades. So now you know......
Finally, i passed my SOC test. For those oblivious ones, SOC is the shitties test ever to exist that tests our physical fitness in a soldier-y kind of way. 700m rundown. A wall to climb over. Bla bla bla....and finally after jumping off a ramp with barb wires at the bottom its "RUN LIKE HELL OR YOU'LL FAIL IDIOT!!!" for 600m to the finish line. If you've seen the movie Army Daze, you'll know what im talking about. I clock 8.46mins for that. The fastest i did. Time to go for commando standard. Yeah balls!

Okay, what i've done so far, Combat Skills badge. March all the way through the night. Finished it with a day shoot for advanced targeting. Did a few fast marches. Ya. And fasting. And ya. A live firing platoon exercise. Kinda scary when you're the commander for such exercises. You actually see rounds flying past you. You'd have to really have the balls to trust your man not to shoot you in that. Tip of the day, be nice to them! Works well enuff for me to live another day.

Fasting. Making me skinny. But faster. Stronger. And even angrier. Ya. Esp when ppl who are not fasting that do not do their job accordingly. They claim to be tired. I'll kill them if i was holding an appointment. Those buggers have been lucky so far....

Okay, now im out of things to write coz everything that i've written so far, its been quite boring. U think? Ya. Cant wait till taiwan training. Winter training!

Today is the day of all days. This is my last weekend. EVer. Till i come back from ROC. Yeah balls. OTHER ppl have started to use this phrase too. It's supposed to be a golf 3 thing. Oh wells.

TOday is also the day of all days coz its the only day that im really dry for the entire day. The whole week has been a wet week. And to make matters worst, it just had to rain. IT JUST HAD TO! Watermanship was quite a bore. Nonetheless it was still cold and wet. Topo was a dissapointment. First time ever that i could find a checkpoint. We're saved. And guess what? Ya. They made us do area cleaning lower mandai. WTF?! Standby Nature Reserve. They just had to activate us. I mean, there's those OCS brats who could go there and do it. After all, they are going to be doing nonthing but Only Can Say after they are commisioned. Might as well get them to noe what its like to be on the ground(picking things off the ground too). Other than that, i've got nothign to write about.

Nothing political. Nothing nothing. Shisha was a first time. Felt giddy after a few puffs. First time for everything. Hopefully i dont get addicted to these things that ive been trying out lately. Hopefully la. Negative side of life? Hey. Who cares.

You what they say? There's a time and place for everything. A couple of years back, i thought it was during my JC days. Noooooo. That was the time and place for me to study some more(and actually become smart or follily attempt to) and plan more rugby and enjoy my last two years in a fully rigidly structured education system(ya. I kinda like taking a back seat in life. There are times that i need to become a the driver. But back seat's kinda comfy for me) NS IS THE TIME AND PLACE FOR EVERYTHING! Yea balls! Clubbing. Smoking. Shishaing. Late nights. Doing stuff that i dont normally do. I seem to swear and curse a lot more these days too. Wonder how im goign to cope from nxt sunday onwards. Ya. But, i do tend to make a concious effort not to do it once im in civie. Hmm....aiya. Who cares?

Crap, im still a bit giddy. Lack of sleep or issit hte shisha? Take a breather and eat. Yea balls. EAT!!!! I've got a choice of MEe Rebus or Nasi Briyani. Mom cooked recognizable food this time around. Routine. Jelak. But at least i noe what im eating. Weeeeeee. Giddy giddy giddy. A bit of high. ROC LOR! POP LOR! ORD LOR!!!!!!!!! 1 year 5 months to go!!!

Life in a jiffy. Think i've clocked almost 30klicks of running this week. Running and running and more running. Hell...my calves are still hurting. And ya. I've finally grasped what life is going to be like in the weeks to come. 3 weeks away from homeland. 3 weeks before that away from home. Nxt week will be the last weekend.....possibly ever. War. Hope it doesnt happen. Coz if it does, i'd be shipped out on a one way ticket. Fight and die. That's how dispensable we soldiers are. Fucking sad fact.

On lighter side of life(army life that is), shot two virgin weapons. Ya...one wif blanks one with live rounds. Best weapon ever shot. No stoppages. Juz cant shoot wif the screwed up weapon. Its meant for assault. Not for sharpshooting. Need some more practice to get use to. Heck. I went for the day shoot 3 times before i got it right. Missed 3 out of 16 on the last shoot. Got all 12 at night. Bobo marksman. Right on ballz. Ippt is still a silver. And this story is getting a bit boring.

So on with yesterday. Or this morning. dblO. Nice place. I think. First time clubbing. So ya. Eye opener....more or less. Loud music(retro night). Rofl. So you can imagine the kind of music that was blasting away. Nice. The only thing that still freaks me out a little is how the people there have all the dance move figured out. And they all(most of them anyway) do it with NDP precision. Yeap. NDP PRECISION. Its a 21 and above club. NSF and soldiers are considered above 21.....somehow. Maybe soldiers only. And true to what dharman said, i met a few people i noe. One of them, my buddie......OZ OZ OZ! OIE OIE OIE!. Found another platoon mate. Found my secondary school mate. And i learn a thing or two about clubbing(i tink). 1 is that when someone taps you on the back or on the shoulder, you dont have to turn around coz chances are they want to walk past you. If it was your friend(or wants to be)they would have talkd to you immediately. And...i kinda forgot the rest. Had to act as if i was drinking guiness. Ya. Guiness wif straw. Right on.

Went down to Obar after that. The younger crowd(i tink) RnB was rocking the house. Kinda nice. STood around till 4 girls started dancing infront of me and dharman. But these few short fucks cutitng infront of us. Soooooooooo......we just watched them dance away. Sucks. Everyone seems to be friends there. Thats nice. Smelt of smoke and drinks on the way home. Got home really early.

On the heavier side of things would be the IMF convention. What's up with the wayang? Over exposure? Why cant we just go about doing things as they are cept with the heighten security at the meeting. I doubt they have the time to go shopping. Sight seeing. I doubt they even give a fuck if the service was upped(cept for the other kind of service). Well, the millions that being spent, well, its a waste of people's money. Ya. But the media is going to be carrying someone's balls. It belongs to that person anyway. Ya. Maybe its organic.

9 more weeks to my stripes. Watermanship. FIBUA. Exercise Grand Nutcracking Slam. Exercise Starlight burning my hari raya. Sounds exciting doesnt it?

Eagles with pride we lead! Hoorah!

Im dead.....or dying at least. Juz got home this morning. REgimetnal duties...bleargh. At least let me know in advance or something. Overworked. Underpaid. That's my soldier's life. Fuck...im still proud on being a soldier. Cant take that fact away. And the fact that im now sick. Yeah. Overworked. Undercompensated in pay, rest, food and urm...psychological something somethings.

Anyways, this is going to be the first time im going to spend my hari raya way from my family. The entire two weeks of it. Yup. Hari raya falls on the day i do my section battle course. You people will wake up to the joys of hari raya....food, family, friends and much more. Yeap. The joyous feeling of fasting for an entire month. I on the other hand will wake up to the sound of my instrutor's barking, gun fire, explosions, my heavy breathing and we shouting command to each other so that we only have to do the course only once and once only. Hari raya will be spent fighting and capturing an objective. Im proud to be soldier...but doing this shit on such a day? Fuck...

Anyways, i'd have my brothers to celebrate it with me...well, sort of. Its taiwan and ya. Its taiwan. Winter wonderland. Hoorah!

Last night on my OWN bed. Yeap. In the nxt few weeks, it'll be my bunk bed. The jungle floor. Some mountain in taiwan. Anywhere but my own bed. Leaving my comfort zone. This sucks. Tell me. Who in the world would gladly give up sleeping on their very own bed? If you do, come smack me on the head. But if it is to do what i do day in, day out, come over, i'd freshen your breath.

Block leave....damn nice. WAsnt as nice as my off-in-liew. But okay. Ya. No fireworks on my leave. That makes it less nicer? Going back to the army tommorow night. A 6 klick run in the nxt morning. 8 klick fast march up some hill the day after. Sian. Me talking about it is boring already. Imagine those people who have to read or listen to what im talking about. Bwaaaaaaaargh.

Anyways, i've already set my financial plans for the nxt two years. Planning as in what to spend my money on. Budgeting. Like a lapton which i'd need for my undergrad studies. Plus a motorbike for me to get around easier. Not to mention the money i have to save up to pay for my studies. Y? I dont tink dad saved enuff money for me. Coz the moment he found out that bro was going to study at ITE, he kinda spent a lot. Hmm...comfort spending? Who knows. All i noe that dad has been saving for our uni education. Im going to uni now. Bro isnt. Maybe dad could spend bro's money on my education instaed? Maybe...

Pool is fucked up these days. My pool is getting from bad to worse. Not that im not good at it....ya. I suck at pool. But i simply lost the mood to play. How not to? Every time go out with my buddies, we'd always end up playing pool. Jurong Point shld really come up with something nice to do other than stupid pool and the arcade. Or maybe i shld start going somewhere else during nights out? Maybe....

Today was really lazily spent. Apart from the walk in the heavy rain...everything was pretty lazily done. From waking up. Reading of my comics.(political btw) hmm...suddenly i have a reason to go down to army market more often now. Now im being cheeky...=) Domestic. Yeah ballz.

Back to army in 24 hours......bleahx


BAND OF BROTHERS......YEAH EVEN THE FUCKED UP ONE.

Anybody want to run the standard chartered half marathon? Ya. Half marathon this year. Full marathon the next. Triathlon soon afteR? Maybe...

Its over. It's finally over. Golf Company Platoon 3 40th BSLC has finally come to an end after 10 weeks of hardwork, fun, laughter, suffering and what nots. By far, they were the best bunk mates ever. The best section mates i've ever worked with. Everyone was ready to compromise. Willing to go thru shit. People like those dont come to often. It felt so right to be in Golf company, platoon 3, section 3 since the very first day. Felt sooooooo right. Now, Ecco...urm. A bit akward. Maybe i'll get used to it....somehow. I have to if not, it means troubled times ahead. A few days of adjustment should do the job. Seems like im with the best now. Got to act like one.

On the lighter side of things, today's 10k Sheare's Bridge run was rather refreshing. Didnt feel like a 10 klick run at all. Maybe it was because i spent most of the time weaving in and out of human traffic rather than running. All thanks to walkers from all walks of life. A little bit enjoyable, especially the last part........and a little bit pissed off....because of the walkers during the first 5 klick. Imagine this, i spent 30 mins just to run 5 klick. WTf? It was alright la. Went to eat at BK after that. Bloody packed with soldiers. Yet, they were all understaffed all because it was a sunday morning. *knocks head on wall* A hungry man is an angry man. And a soldier is a man who shoots a rifle. So go figure out what ever there is to be figured out. AFter a game of pool(again....) we all went our own ways. I went to the library to get some comics. Surprise surprise...there were police officers doing security checks on the library users. rofl. All thanks to an Isreali something something. Troublesome bunch of people they really are. Sometimes i think that everyone would be better off and much more happier with them around.

A bit of horlanding after tat. Walked all the way from Bugis to Chinatown to Tiong Bahru before taking the train from there. Bloody tired. Wonder why. Still tired.

Anyways, as a corporal now, i shoulder a bit more shit. Ya. 11 more weeks and i'll be collecting shit. Ya balls. COrporal of the SINGAPORE ARMED FORCES! 10 weeks of shit and fuck to get my chevrons. Not to mention the 28km route march the night before and parade straight soon after. The things that we hallucinate are really really weird. Like how my friend jumped to one side in order to avoid an orange chair in the middle of the road in NTU. Ya. It got that bad. Dont think i've recovered.

Life goes on. EVeryone else is going somewhere better. Supposedly. Well, lets hope it can only get better for me.

This will probably be the last time that i'd be writing in as a Private. As of this Friday, i'd be promoted to the rank of a Corporal! Hoo'ah!

Ya. Guess im getting a bit boring. Nothing but only army stuff comes out from my mouth. Kind of a turnoff but i cant help it....shit. I've got nothing on my mind right now. Emptiness. Anyways, this life sucks. Hope that i'd wake up to 2 years ago at this very time.

Well. This is it. In a few hours time, i'll be back to being a soldier. A military life till the next time i get to be in civilians. The weeklong break was well needed. Changed my life even. Or some aspects of it at least. NDP was a blast. Shopping was nice and refreshing. Soccer and fireworks was energizing. Saturday was...urm...depressing. Yeah. Sort of. And today's....worse? Cant help feeling this emptiness within me. Weird. Hope the week's busy training that lies ahead can help me take my mind of things.

Hope. Such a vague word which can only spell dissapointment.

Anyways, this morning, while playing soccer with some other people, this question was thrown into my face again.
"Are you malay?"
How many times have i been asked this very question. Hell, people have spoken to me in chinese before and to their horror, realized that i wasnt chinese after all. ROFL.
Ya. For convinience sake, i'd say yes to that question every single time. Why not? My IC says that im one. Quite painstaking to explain to them all the time anyway. Besides, my gramps died when i was young and my grandma had a serious illness which prevented her from speaking. Yah. That was my dad's side. On my mom's side....well...i have no idea of who's who. All i know is that im part of everything from the Bugis to Javanese to Indian. The chinese part is to insignificant to make a big hoohaa about it.

Family. Ya. DOnt really know much about my family tree. Sucks. DOnt even spend time with my own family much. When it was young, it was because my parents were working really really hard. So i had not much time to spend with them. Then as i grew older, i got busier. At first it was silat. Then it was rugby. Then it was both. Then both got to a higher level which meant more time spent there. So ya. Go figure. Time not spent with my family. Even if i do find the time these days, it would feel kind of akward to spend time with them now. Guess the damage is already done. And i could still remember the time my dad would take the whole family out for corporate functions and stuff. It was nice. It was also a long time ago.

Now, family would be people who pick up their arms and and fight alongside me. People who i dont feel akward spending some time with. Yeah...guess so.

Back to camp in 2 hours time. Fairy tales do come to an end. Crap..

Its been a nice break. NDP, shopping, soccer and chilling out. Making new friends too. Well. This is definately better than the army life. Well, maybe it seems better only because we've been deprived of it for the past few months. Ya. Could be a government conspiracy to make us male singaporeans appreciate singpore a little more. Maybe. Possibly. Quite likely. Who cares. All i know is that i get a break from the army regime of which i really really hate even though i love the idea of being a soldier.

The day started off with me reading a letter from Community Chest. Turns out that they've already started deducting $5 every month from my bank account since july. Cool. That's the least i can do for now to help the needy. Maybe when i earn more, i can contribute more or something. Make a real difference to other's life. Or i could stick to THAT original plan which i had drawn out in sec 4. We'll see how my life will eventually turn out to be.

After that was soccer at LAvender. Nice session. Didnt go for the sake of playing soccer(hell, i suck at it!) but for the company that i had for the day. Its nice doing something different with the same guys sometimes. Not very...urm...regimental? Ya. Not very regimental at all. No time limit, no time given. Own time, own target. Just the way we like it....

Then it was lunch at bugis. Went home. Changed up to go watch the fireworks. Had a sudden change of plan. Bumped into my buddies. Hung out with them. Fireworks was damn cool. The uncool part was the crowd. Yeah. Crowd. Just when i taught i was among the really few who would appreciate this kind of thing, a few(thousand) others turned out to be the appreciative kind too. How wonderful. Anyways, that singaporeans. They can turn out in huge numbers for something quite trivial or even unimportant to them. But why do they still attend it anyway? Well, coz everyone else is doing it too. And they do not want to lose out at all. Oh maybe they just thought it was nice. Yeah. That's a more likely story.

Soon, it'll be back to the army. The ARMY. SAF. Silly Armed Forces. REally sickens me when i keep thinking about the fact that its already the weekend. Come sunday evening, im back in my military attire. Full gear. Ready to assault the enemy once more.....

Anyways, attending the NDP made me realize that training to become a soldier wasnt really a waste of time at all. Because of people like me, Singapore got to waste a few million dollars worth of taxpayers money on funpacks and stupid artistic dancingy thingy. Screw the funpacks! more fireworks!

Dear readers(wonder if i really have any). Sorry to have not updated for the past few weeks. Or issit days? Yeah. Been kinda bz quite lately. So bz that i after booking out, all i want to do is to rest and relax. Blogging requires a bit of thinking and a lot of typing. Hence, that is not very relaxing. Blogging isnt even recreational at all. Its, urm...something something. Got no words to describe it so "something something" sounds fine for now.

Army life is kinda tough. To make things worse, all my instructors say that if i screw it up here, i might be sent back to BMTC after my section leaders course. After all, its been stereotyped that ppl who are militarily unsound will get sent there since they cannot really perform well in their units. Hence, they will be sent to train recruits. Turning young squimish boys into trained soldiers.....well sort of. 3 mths into the army since april, i really didnt quite catch anything that was taught. Really basic stuff there. It sucks. Big time!

Yeap. I think i've been exerting a lot of effort throught out the entire basic section leader course. Test results have been positive so far. Yeah...postive. I got 75.5/100 for my navigation test exercise. That's merely a pass. Yeap. You need to get at least above 70 to pass. Oh maybe that's my company's standard. Who noeS? Best part is to have score 100/100 for my SAR 21 test! Booyah! Sign for me to fight in an urban warfare unit? Maybe. That way, my navigational skills would somewhat wouldnt be tested to its limits. Yeah.

Okay, to the exciting army stories. Yeap. You all can go ahead and log off if u've heard it all b4 orrrrrrrrrrrrrrr you just dont want to hear abt it att all =). First up, urm....Exercise Catwalk. Yeah. Kinda boring. Walk here, walk there. Look for enemies. Kill them. Sort them out later. Comeback home alive(this applies to everybody in the 7 men section). Didnt do the night exercise since i was on guard duty. GOD! I hate guard duty. Back in BMT, i was all to eager to volunteer for one since it was my first time. Well, that's because of all the ghost stories you've heard about tekong and stuff. But now.....it sucks la. Everything is strict. Very regimental. And they wonder why ppl hate the army so much. Stupid bunch of higher-up-ers.

The exercise in tekong was somewhat an eye-opener. The navigation exercise was all find and dandy since i found all the day checkpoints. It only started when we wanted to head back to the day end-point. We werent allowed to walk on tracks sooooooooooooooo, we bashed thru the vegetaion. Thinking i was walking on a path, i just walked on happily. Then, i saw something weird. U still remember Noddy? Yeah. I saw his car....life size model. It was rusting away. There was 2. Behind me was 3 giant tombstones. REally really huge! It could either be that the dead person is a royal of some sort or that dude was really really fat. Or he could be both. God noes. All i wanted to do then was to go back home. So we walked thru swamps, streams, man-high lalangs before hitting a grenade range. Lucky for us, the throwing already ended sooooooo, we walked around it b4 hitting the road. Tt was the high point of my exercise! Yeah. Walked all the way back to the end point only to be sent off for my night navigation. Yada yada yada, we decided to take things easy and just enjoyed the night breeze.

The other exercise was a killer too. It was to simulate a war. And god...how much i hate fighting in a war. Sleep, food, rest is minimal. Work, sweat, blood, injuries and casualty rate is toooooooo bloody high. So's the tension between everyone. Getting thru it all was a painful thing. I decided to take it one meal time at a time. Wake up. And all i look forward to is lunchtime. Between that, we were on a mission. Afternoon mission would be followed by dinner time. After dinner, there would be some work that needed to be done. Taking it all a step at a time really worked well for me. Yeah. I even got used to the terrain. First day, i was really depressed as it was an enclosed area. By that, it was nothing but trees and canopies. You can hardly see the sky. And im claustrophobic. Or used to be. Insect bites, wild boar attacks, superiors hounding on u. Well, we kinda got used to it.

Every single opportunity that i get to "zone out", i would be thinking abt what life was like a year ago that very same day. And at every stand-to, i would be thinking to myself, "how the hell did i get myself into this?" Often, i would be thinking abt life and how fast it has passed by. Heck, i can still remember being a little boy going to kidergarten. Still rmb myself playing in the school band, the school rugby team. Playing soccer with my friends. Studying even. Horrible thought to be thinking of i noe but studying is nice. Given the opportunity, i'd rather be a student for the rest of my life. No worries....cept for my grades. Carefree days are long gone though. These days, careless days have come to rule the day. Everything is a chargeble offence these days. People push responsiblity to other people. So if the thing screws up, the person at the very end of the chain of command will get it big time.

Hell, lets just forget abt work now...and enjoy my off-in-liew! Hell yeah! Hopefully, someone takes over my LSM appt nxt monday.


Wonder where i'll be nxt when i start to thinking abt my own historyl.

Been quite a while since i've written anything sensible. So far, its been signing forms, doing tests, taking down notes and lucky for me, no "signing extra" yet. Basic Section Leaders Course have been trying for me. And im only halfway thru. Not to mention that i still have the Advance Section Leaders Course to overcome somewhere between August and December. In between that will be the fasting month. And somewhere between that will be Hari Raya too. Guess what, its been made known to us that we'll be spending the last days of fasting and the first few weeks of hari raya in Taiwan. How nice of the army =)

For now, lets just forget about how much more im going to suffer and reflect on what i have done so far. The most unforgettable, Navigation Exercise in Lorong Mandai. Horlan aka Holland. When someone even stutters that word, all hope of getting out alive and strong thins extremely. It actually means that you're hopelessly lost. You'll find your way out....eventually....somehow...someway...sometime.

Then there's the life firing. Firing off the grenade launcher was the BEST! You squeeze off the trigger and u watch ur round fly towards ur target. When it hits the ground, you'll see a 5mradius explosion before the BOOM hits you. A totally adrenaline orgasmic experience!

Then there's Section Training. Its really really tiring. Imagine urself training so hard on one day, going back ur bunk really really late sleeping only a few hours and to wake up again later to do the same thing over again. Yeap. Playing enemy was abit easier. But the 4 hour wait for them to come into your trap was bloody tiring. Insect bites, bee sting, heat rash, low blood sugar level black out, dehydration, near heat injury incidents, pissed at some idiot.....everything goes.

Minimum physical training for the week cept for a 4 klick run in under 15mins and the SOC test. Bloody hell. Nvr passed a single test b4 till today. To top that up, i even shaved off 2 minutes off my previous timing! How bloody great is that? Well, as my section goes, the best is never enough. Sounds egoistic but its not what it seems. It just means that we shldnt be complacent with what we have acieve but to go on and achieve as much as we can while we can.

Just seen Road To Guantanamo. Whatever i seen, it pisses me off. People get the same treatment as animals. Hell, i think its a whole lot worst. Muslims are not allowed to be muslims. They are not allowed to pray. Fuck! A guy prayed and he was beaten up. WTF?! Well, the show concluded with the saying, "Well, the world isnt such a nice place after all..." True. Singaporeans would never understand that. They live in an ideal home. Peace and harmony. Heck! We even celebrated Racial Harmony day even though its been historically proven that the racial riots was political and not racial at all. NOT EVEN A BIT!

This place is too ideal for us human beings that we forgot somewhere out there, ppl are really suffering. In singapore, ppl are less fortunate. Key word. LEss. Fortunate. Fuck. They are even lucky to be fortunate cept on a lower level. Anyone knows what's really going on out here? I dont either. But i have a slight idea. People are dying. People a starving. People are dying because they are starving. There's conflict everywhere. Ppl die of that too. God. Its sooo fucking horrible out there that most of us have choosen to ignore it. After all, there is bliss in ignorance.

Fuck....how i wish i got that contract and had the chance to sign on with the army. That way, i can learn my trade, pick up a few skills and fuck off somewhere that i put my skills to better use.


"World PEACE" said Miss Universe of every year. They dont even give a fuck to anything else but peace in their OWN world. PEACE? PISS OFF! My time will come soon and i'll show you what world peace really is.

Week 3 in SISPEC is over. 7 more weeks to complete my Basic Section Leader Course before getting promoted to a corporal. Now i really dont mind about being a section leader. Hell! Im getting the hang of it. SOC is beginning to be a breeze to me. Even though i may not be able to become the best trainee and make it for the crossover to OCS, one thing's for sure, i now am really sure what im really good at. Shooting. Realising that, im gunning for marksmanship. This is even despite of the fact that im getting to use shitty weapons like the SAR21.

The Singapore Assualt Rifle 21. Yeap. Bulpup design. 1.5x scope. Laser pointer. Flashlight. YEah. Looks pretty cool with the plastic magazine too. Rofl. That weapon is a bloody joke. Laser pointer is to be used in close quater battles. Even if we do urban warfare, we'd juz spray at hip level. All soldiers do that. Why? Because we can. And it saves a lot of trouble(that being time and the lives of our soldiers). And the flashlight??? What happen to being tactical. Sheesh.

That's the SAF. Silly Armed Forces. They do things for the sake of doing things. They juz want to be cool and stuff. They juz want to be well known in the region as the best of the best so that no one will attack this country that i love so. Yeah. I will fight the war if Singapore's being invaded. But not with the stupid plubicised stuff that they make me carry. But with my personal favourite prefrence. THE M16A1. Hoo'ah!

Then there's my second point to make. People tend to be stupid at times. Well, im not denying that fact that im stupid too at times, but they tend to go overboard with it to the displeasure of everyone. Worst is, those buggers do not even realise it. Like the saying goes,There is no such thing as a stupid question. Only stupid people who asks them. I dont noe what those buggers are thinking. And while they are at it, they are wasting valuble precious time. Bloody idiots dont even have the EQ to know that at all. They're wasting our time. Wasting our efforts. And they're wasting away our tolerence, or what's left of it anyway.

Cant write much about everything else around me cause everything else around me is currently nothing but the army. Hell, this bloody neighbourhood looked different when i reached home yesterday. But the feeling was as bad as to when i was confined in camp for training. Hell, when i got home, it felt as if i just got home from a war or something. Everything looked really really different. Me and my buddies even forgot what Burger King food tasted like. I wonder if they would really happen if i did go to war. Hell, i wonder if there would still be any Singapore left of or would be just a part of my memory.

Booking out to see the outside world really pisses me off. First of all, from soldiers we all now face Singaporeans. Well, im a Singaporean too but im proud of it for other reason. What im not proud of is the attitude that everyone has. Singaporeans always must have something first. They must be the best in everything that they do. And if they know that they're not good enough, they'll juz get plain ol' ugly. An ugly incident happened to me yesterday in the MRT. Its about an ugly ol' auntie. And its not because of how she looked like, i mean, she really was ugly. But i dont give a fuck if she's ugly. She is an auntie anyway. It was her attitude. Hell, i got into the train. Went to the centre of the carriage so that ppl behind could squeeze in into the train as well. Partly it was also because there was a cute girl sitting down there too. But that's not the point. Me and my buddy was walking towards the centre when from the corner of my eye, i saw this auntie dashing in; trying to get a seat. Fuck. There were still a lot of seats inside the train. I boarded at Jurong East btw. Yet, she just had to rush for 1. She end up banging into me and almost get me to knock her down.( I stood tall and stiff. You cant knock a soldier down. Only soldiers are able to do that to one another) I gave her the stare and pissingly told her "Auntie! Why the rush? There's still a lot of seats left. I was thinking of sitting but you can have my seat. Happy?" Yeah. That felt really good. Feels bloody good to tell someone off. Well, that's just one classic example which you can notice about Singaporeans. Try obeserving them closely. And guys, dont be afraid to tell them off. If they want to whack you, well...just whack back! Other than that i cant do much coz most likely i'll be in camp training away to become a Combat Spec.

EVERYTHING IN THE SAF IS RESTRICTED. EVEN A BLANK PIECE OF PAPER

Life's moving a little too fast for me. Well, currently, i dont really mind that coz im at the shitty point of life. Yeap. Undergoing a tough course. It's not physically that tough, but its just that mental thing. We only get ot go out for 24hrs. Yeap. 24hrs a week. That's not even enuff for us to enjoy ourselves. Not abit anyway.

Anyway, life's a fuck.

School of Infantry Specialists. SISPEC. Fondly the acronym for Suffer in Silence, Please Endure and Control. Urm, some truth to that. But who's complaining? We're there to train to become junior leaders. Yeah. I've finally accepted the fact that all im going to become is a Sergeant in the army. Yup. The psycho-ing that they did to me didnt affect my judgement. It was my mere reflection of the good that i could do as a Sergeant. As the saying goes, " The sergeant IS the army". Without us, wars cannot be fought. 1 person cannot command 27 soldiers effectively without someone like us to guide them effectively. We are the link between them and the warriors. We are the link that will decide whether victory is ours or not.

Well, suprisingly, there are still people who tries to wayang. Very suprising indeed. I dont really see the point of them doing that. I mean, you dont become a good sergeant by showing off in front of ur superiors. You do it by earning the respect of your men thru your leadership, your fighting spirit, your fitness and by being a soldier first. I cant accept the fact that people do not think of the bigger implication our training has on us. Firstly, we're soldiers. That means we're the guys who fight wars. We kill fuckers who try to invade our island. We make sure people who do the same do not get killed. We win the war. Plunder is ours. Also known as spoils of war. Yes. That's what we're supposed to do. Not, " I want to go to OCS!" For fuck!? The fucker cant even give a good reason to why he wants to go to OCS. WEll, i can think of a few. It does make ur resume look good. BUT FUCK! We're soldiers!

If you cant operate as a soldier and train as a soldier, what's the use of NS. You're not there to play im-the-best-and-not-you-all-coz-im-an-officer-and-ure-not-so-piss-off-fucker. This isnt some fucking school camp. This is real. War might come anytime soon anw. So might as well train to fight a war. Not get-gold-for-ippt-and-sub9.30-for-soc-so-that-i-can-go-to-ocs-and-sign-on. Fuck. That was what i wanted to do. Sign on as an officer. Why? Because i believe i can contribute more to society as a soldier. Why an officer? Well, i believe i have ideas on how the SAF can fight a war more effectiveyl. That's y i want to go there. Yes. But his? Fuck. Just so that he can look good.

Why god? Why do you create such people? Is it so that we will know what tolerance is? Well, if it is than thank you. But tt fuse my just break anytime soon. If it does, the fucker's in for a jolly good ride.

WITH PRIDE WE LEAD.
HOO-AH!

Basic Section Leader Course. Yeap. Back to basics. As a leader. More swearing. More cursing. More sweating. More learning. More leading. Hopefully there will be no wayang-ers down there. Or else....

SISPEC. Fucking SISPEC. What the fuck?! I wanted to sign on with the SAF. And they send me to SISPEC?!?! WTF is wrong with them?!? And they keep wondering why is it that they have a shortage of manpower at all times. Becoz...PPL LIKE ME WHO WANTED TO SIGN ON AS AN OFFICER GETS TURN DOWN WHILE PPL WHO DONT WANT IT AT ALL GETS OFFERED A PLACE TO SIGN ON. THEY DO NOT EVEN WANT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. SO WHY OFFER IT TO THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE??? OFFER IT TO PPL LIKE ME YOU DUMBFUCKS!

Tommorow is the day of the reckoning. Either i go OCS or SISPEC, i shall know tmr. OCS and i'll really sign on. SISPEC and urm...well, carry on for remaining time of my national service and then fuck off. Study. Get a job and laugh about my time serving the country. Well, maybe i'd sign up with some Private Military Contractor and see the world as a pro-soldier. That'd be the experience of lifetime, provided i dont get killed first. That'll be the day.

Crap, im out of things to write about. Maybe i'll write again later when im a little bit pissed. Yeap. That's about the right mood for me to write.

The magical word that starts with an RRRRR! RUGBY! The best thing that ever happened to me...yet. Its the only place for me when the world stops for 40mins at one time. I dont care what is going on outside. All that matters is me, my teamates and where the ball is. YEap. Rugby.

Ever since i started NS, i missed out alot on rugby. No. Ever since i finished school. Or maybe ever since the tourney ended last year. Yeap. The feeling sucks. I'd give anything...ANYTHING to play rugby for my school again. ANYTHING. Anything at all. Sian. Saw them on video when they played the final. I dying for that moment again. DYING! Schoolmates cheering you on. Everyone is so hype. And the prize is already within sight. At that point of time, the moment is yours. The field is yours. The game is yours. The world has it's eyes fixed onto you. Well, maybe a small portion of it. But heck...that's all you'll ever need.

Bad news is that i found out that i got bad at rugby. Havent touched the bloody oval ball for months. And now....i suck at it. Maybe a little bit rusty. After all this is done, maybe i shld pick up rugby again...who noes. Might lead me somewhere.

Its here again. The feeling of directionless. Life of no direction. I hate it so fucking much. Why? Well, i've really got nothing to do. Great. BLOCK LEAVE! Yeah. I wish there was something to do. 6 years ago it would be going to school in the morning. Training in the afternoon. Another training at night. Homework after that. Sleep. And the process would start all over again. In between would be fun and a bit of slacking. A BIT of slacking. The right dose of slacking can help someone relieve from all the stress of being a singaporean. But too much?! Fuck la. Do you what happens to soldiers that have a bit too much time on their hands? Mayhem. We play pranks on each other. Heck, history has showed us what soldiers are capable of when they are fucking bored. Crap....

Writing has become such a chore. Nowadays its the case that i blog every weekend. Only when i have the mood and time to do it. Usually the mood will be pissed or else i have no inspiration to write about something. Right now im pissed because i have written in quite awhile. Hence, there's inspiration...I think. More like motivation.

Past 9 weeks has been "enriching". I learnt how to take responsibility...well sort of. How to get things done right away when there's things to be done. No more procastinating. How to be confident in whatever i do. Even though it may seem wrong at first...just realize it and keep going with a little bit of adjustment here and there. Yeah. Improvise. And conditions are never ideal. You get what you're given and make do with what you have. Squeeze out the best results even from the most shittiest situation. That's the army. =)

9 weeks passed so bloody fast. We didnt realize it was going to be that fast. We kept bitching and moaning and how grate we would be once we get out of Tekong. I hate more reasons because i live so bloody far away from it. Every weekend i take more than an hour to go home and go back to tekong home. That's the only bitch factor for me. Other than that, trainings fun, tiring, and sometimes things are done quite ridiculously dumb. Maybe im the only one to realize it. Or maybe im the only one to voice it out. Either way, thats the pissing factor of my BMT.

Well, hard times are gone. We move on. They'd become mere memories and we try desperately to stay connected to one another. I doubt everyone will do that. Only a certain few. The certain few who doesnt really care what others are like. But how much of a company they can provide. You give and take. You give in before you make others take in. You dont make them take what you give. Yeah. It'll never work that way.

Goodbye Cougar Company. Stay in touch soldiers...

Things you learn in the army will shock you. It even changes you forever. The way you look at life and at everything else in the world becomes different. No longer do you see yourself as a dependant of someone but a provider of something. Your importance in society is immediately elevated as everyone sees you now as an adult and no longer a teen or a youth but someone who is to be taken seriously. However, that's not how society reacts to soldiers. They see us as a nuisance. Why? Well, once every week, we get to get back to society to comform to the way of life that we are used to for the past 18 years of our lives. This is a pest to them as we fill up the trains and buses and restaurants and shopping centres with green fatigues and that jungle stench. Children see us and they run away, often in terrible fright. Yes, we might be training to be killers. But we do not kill our own citizens. Yes, we do smell. But its not because we want to. We do know how to take care of our own personal hygiene. Dont you think we know that we smell? We even hate to smell. But its not within our power to not sweat. Heck, not sweating might even mean certain death for anyone. We do what we can and those that we cant, we compromise. We do not do this because we like it. It's because we have to. We're not forced to. We're obliged to. Its an obligation that will last for the nxt 2 years. The only thing that keeps us going is each other.

Alrighty. I've finally made my decision to take sociology in ntu. Yeap. NUS fass? Nah...i want to study. Yeap. I mean it's an honors course that ntu's offering me! Plus, its a smaller class size. And its so much nearer to home. What's there not to like? Then again, i am trying to convince myself to take ntu's offer. Just like when i first picked up rugby. I was on that mundane path of hoping to join the NCC. Yeap. So when i got rejected, i joined rugby. I tried convincing myself to like it. I got hooked after the first training. 7 years later, im still hooked! Lol. These days, the mere mention of the R word would set me of ranting like machine gun on steroids. Ask me about the military, ill still be a little bit composed. But rugby? All hell will break lose.

However, i have still no idea what sociology is really about. Just like the interview went. The prof asked me," So Fadzil, what do you know about sociology?" "Well sir, it's the study of society." "okay, what else do you know?" "the study of society into comformity?" "well, something like that. besides that?" "i know nothing more than that sir" lol. And i thought i was screwed up. Well...others were more screwed up that i was.....i hope. hehs. He immediately asked me to take a brochure about the course. Well...there was a lot to read on the brochure. So i just glanced through and guess what's there? Sociology of food! YEAH! Foooooooooooooooood!!!!!!!! lol. ya. Besides that, i dont really remember much. ANY SOCIOLOGIST CARE TO EXPLAIN MORE TO ME!!! Explain to me what is sociology. How can it be used. How much im going to get paid to be a sociologist. What kind of job...bla bla bla....yea. Something like that.

K. Few more hours till i have to go back to camp. This sucks. Just one night out and the nxt day, i have to go back. WHAT HAPPENED TO 5 DAY WORK WEEK!?!??!!? Liars. And they expect me to vote for them in 2 years time!?!?! Blearghs. You have got to make a better offer you whities! Lol. Whities. White from top to bottom. Whities. Not forgetting that blue and red stain somewhere. Yeah. Im going to call them whities from now on! And im not being racist. Even if i was, it wouldnt matter. Yeap. The story dates back from the time that they were the ones being racists, elitist, tits. Time to fight back. How? Well, we have our own people to be racists, elitist and tits these days. That's good enough of a come back. But we have got to think of a better come back than that in the near future! Period.

3 more weeks before i pass out with the rank of a Private. It's not much, but its still better than being a recruit. Ya. I tink. Anyways, what's with time flying past. Everytime we're doing something, we find ourselves running out of time. Every single day,we find ourselves rushing to wait, waiting to rush. And im not just talking about life in the army. It goes to life everywhere. A few years back, when i graduated from Unity Sec, i was in a daze as sec 1 seemed like only the day before. In just one blink of an eye, i was graduating from an instituition of 4 years. One of the best years of my life. Those of you who are still in school, treasure it. And im not refering to the eduacation part. Im refering to the time you all spend in school whether it's studying or playing or just plain hanging out. Why? COz you dont have to worry about anything at all! Plus, if you did your homework just fine, there really isnt anything to worry about at all! Yeap. The carefree days.

By the end of sec 4, i felt as if i wasted 4 good years of my life by not spending enough time with my schoolmates. Heck, i didnt even had time to reflect on it until i started jc 4 months later. During the time period in between, i worked. I experienced the adult working life. That's when i found out how you're really being treated like a person. I was actually taken seriously by adults and people around me! Ya. That also meant that i had to be serious about my work. But that's besides my point. My point is i decided that im going to fully utilize my time to spend it with my schoolmates. Yeap. I really utilized it alright. ALmost everyday, i reach home after 9. On some training days, i reach home after 10 and on club trg days, midnite! Talking about really enjoying my moment.

Enjoying a moment in life. That's what we soldiers always do. If someone was to give you a 20mins break, you would complain that its too short and all those sort of crap right? Well, we live for the moment. 20mins of rest is heavenly enough for us. Heck, we can do a lot of things withing a period of 20mins. Within 20mins, we would have enough time to shower, change, pack our stuff, chores, read, talk and then move out for our next whatever. Yeap. That's how we spend our 20mins. It only gets better when we book out. If 20mins is heaven, then book out is the heavenly king. How? Well, we have all day to do whatever we want, whenever we want! Ya. But that only lasts for 24 hours. After that, regimentation. So.......we really really really utilize whatever time we have. Living for the moment. We do not care whats going to happen to tomorow. We dont really care about the consequences of our actions. We just do what we like while we still can. YEap. That's y soldiers can be rowdy at times.

Rowdy? huhur. Maybe except for the SAF. I dunnoe y, but they seem to be coming up with all the weird stuff lately. Instead of turning us into lean mean fighting machine, they make us sing all the stupid stuff, henceforth pussifying the army. Well, at least we have our own "haka" which is really following the tune of "we will rock you". lol. Maybe that acts as a counterbalance. But its bullshit nonetheless. Who the heck came out with all these ideas anyway? Stupid bugger.

Yay! Next saturday is college day! YEAH! Going back to get an award. Ya. But that isnt the main point ;) yeap.

Looks like today was well spent after all. Hung out talking cock with Ying Han and Melvin from last nite till this morning. Kinda fun. Then gymed a little. Watched abit of TV. Went out to shop for my army supplies. Went towning. Went Chinatowning. Walked here. Walked there. Its good to feel like a civilian every once in awhile. At least from there, you'll know how to reconnect to ur life as a civilian. It makes things easier as compared to seperating us from the rest of the society for months, or maybe years before letting us rejoin it. It'll take a lot of effort for us to do so. Y? Because soldiers are essentially unruly, uncivilised and we certainly do not mix well with civies. Y? Well, its because we are working our butts off to defend this country while the rest are just...well...taking it easy! Yeah, you can never be grateful about what you have until u go thru hardship in life. Being a soldier is one of those things that helps us to appreciate life better.

In Chinatown today, i saw a malay family. But that's not the point. The point was, their child was living quite a comfy life. His parents, well, they look like the kind that works hard. We all know that our mom had to endure a lot of pain while giving birth to us. I dont know about old moms but i bet(notice the words I BET! they might not be 100% true. its up to ur own judgement. this is mine=) ) that modern moms think that the pain that they have to bear during childbirth was the greatest pain they'll ever have as a mom. Little do they noe that the pain that god made them experience was to prepare them with the pangs of pain that having a child will bring them in the future as their children grow up. And the joy after childbirth. That's the same joy that they'll feel once their child is all grown up and that child will become a parent himself. Im pretty sure that the mom will feel a sense of relieve too as she thinks tat the bad part(child labour) is now over. Even though she may in the grave, that's what mothers exactly feel when their child passes away. Abit of grieve yes. But its more of a sense of relieve. Especially if her child had led a long and fulfilling life. Y? Well, its because she noes that her child ceased experiencing the pain that life brings about. The torture, the harassment, the terrible terrible someting. She is relieved coz her child does not have to suffer anymore. That's 3 different emotions.

The 3 emotions got me a little sidetracked. I once red this little poem about how we treat our moms. Kind of a sad truth actually. Well, the family at chinatown. They dont look like they're well to do at all. Yet, the child was really living a comfy life. Do u noe how much sacrifices his parents has to make in order for him to lead a comfy life? A whole bloody lot. Now, im not arrowing him as an irresponsible son of a gun. Im just using him as an example. By saying that he lives a comfy life is my way of saying that he looks kinda carefree. HOw does he do that? Well, his parents sacrificied a lot for him. I bet ur parents do the same. For example, the school starts asking for more money. What does ur parents do? Put in more overtime work in order to pay for the schools demands. Btw, if school starts asking for money, it really begins to show that the govt isnt giving the school enough money. Yet we pay the same amt of tax every year. What are they doing with the money??? I wonder.... Back to track. Ya. Overtime. They'll just get tired. Then out of a sudden, the school wants more money ASAP! If the boy does not hand over the money ASAP, he will be dealt as a disciplinary case. ya. WTF? What does the parent do? Yeap. Sacrifice. They will hand over whatever money they have left so that the child will not get into trouble in school. Meanwhile, the parents have to skip lunches and on top of that, they have to work overtime. So now, they are both tired and hungry. Yet, they never do complain. Everyday, they put up a strong front. EVen after working long hours with little to eat, they'll keep doing it just to put us thru school. Y? Becoz they want us to have a better life. Some of those children will realize it sooner or later and will not waste their parent's sacrifices. They work hard, get a good education and later on in life: a good job.

Then, there's the total opposite. Generally they are know as brats. I have another word for them. But its just to vulgar for me to spell it out. Just get the idea okay? So what am i trying to say here? Well, our parents have suffered enough. Period. It's time we repaid them of their generosity without question, just as they had done earlier. Willingly. No second thoughts.

I just dont know why everytime i look at a parent, i'll think about how much he or she had went thru to raise their child. I'll think about it. Think about the hardwork, the sacrifices, the everything. It just makes me sad and mellow. Makes me think more. Dont know y.

Well, tmr's mother's day. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY MOM! Yeah. Think i'll take the whole family out for early dinner or something b4 i get thrown into the prison known as tekong serving 2 years for commiting a crime known as National Service. It has to be done. Infact, im thinking of doing more than 2 years. Only time will tell.

You know what i miss the most about life before NS? School. Life as a student. I had fun. I studied. I fooled around. I played rugby. Life was carefree. I was happy....I miss my old life. Why do i hate to grow up so fast?

It really felt like going to war. Made me rethink about war altogether. What is war? Well, war is hell. That's basically about it. What's so hellish about it? A lot of things. One thing's for sure is that you do not get to keep in touch with your loved ones. The other thing is that its bloody tiring. And yeah, it can be frustrating at times. Im sure i swore and cursed the most in the platoon. Nobody seems to think so though. Oh wells. Urm what else? Oh yeah, in war, SOLDIERS STINKS ALOT! Rofl. Well, yeah. We do not get to shower....maybe except when we get pulled out from the front. And it'll last only for a few seconds. I dont even noe y they can even call it a shower. Horrible superiors. But yeahh. We're recruits. We have no say in anything. Even though i know what's going on. Guess what i get for voicing out? Yeah. More punishment. Guess its their way of telling me that me, whom of have no rank at all for the moment, is supposed to be really really stupid. Yeah. Grammatically incorrect statement there because im a recruit. Well, i suppose its for a purpose. We are supposed to be ever-learning. 3-G soldiers i suppose.


What worries me the most is that my ever-fading chance to make it to Officer Cadet School. Yeah. Its a very selfish thought. But god! I signed on! Yeah. Im hoping to get that Local Study Award. This is despite my poor results. Hehs. Nevertheless, i've already secured a place in NTU. Im going to do SOCIOLOGY!!! Yeah. I dont tink im going for the NUS FASS interview. Guess i'll have to study psychology the sneaky way. Hope it works. Oh maybe i could just take A maths! Maybe. I havent done any maths for the past 2 years save for the math section of my SAT. Yeah. I did kinda well for that section. I screwed up my verbal. Wasnt suprised that SMU rejected me. =). Oh wells, the future is still quite uncertain for me. Yeah. Part of me wants to do my family proud by becoming the first undergrad and hopefully a bachelor of something in the entire family(including all my relatives). Then there's another part of me that wants to fulfil my wishes b4 i die; tour the world as a soldier. Yeah. If i can get the LSA, i can fulfil both. The best part of it is that i will be financially sound with it. If not....yeah. That's when the dilemma starts. This sucks.


Well, at least i have bigger worries at the moment right now. Not making it into OCS at all! Yeah. That's the biggest worry of all. Worries of all worries. Y am i worried? So far, i havent excelled in any of the major events. My shooting was screwed up. While my night shooting was close to perfect, my day shooting stunk! I kept missing the target. It was sooooooooooo bright. And it was only 100m away. Yet i missed! I just had to miss. Even my Platoon Commander is amused that i can shoot best at night but am a bobo shooter in the morning. Everyone else was the total opposite. I just needed to do what i did b4 to get that perfect score and get company best shot award. I walked away with nothing. IPPT, dont really want to talk about it. Chin-up, Standing Broad Jump, Shuttle Run and Sit-ups are my favourites coz i can all 5 points for each of the stations. But when it comes down to my 2.4k run, i suck! I hate running. Even though im forced to do it, i still hate it. I sprint. I dont really keep running for more than 30secs. My best timing for my 200m was 23.8 secs. It's relatively slow, but that's just about how long i can run. Other than that, im just struggling thru. Yeah! But if u want me to run a leisure 10k run with ppl running with me and enjoying the view at the same time, i'll gladly do it under an hour. As they say, sibeisian. lol.

Next up is my Situational Test. I really really really have to perform here. I screwed up this morning's granade throwing. Instead of landing and rolling towards the target, my grenade landed and rolled back towards the pothole. Plus, i was really really clumsy. Dont know y. I need gym. I need food. I need rest. I need to be taught the proper way. I need to train some more. I need more practice. Give me that and hell yeah, i'll outperform anyone. ANYONE! Selfish words since im in the infantry at the moment. But yeah. OCS.....

welcome to the suck

Yesh! Finally! THE LONG AWAITED LONG WEEKEND! That's the best part. The bad part is that i have to book in tommorow nite. For those of you who doesnt noe, booking in is the not-wellliked thing to do in the army. We're talking abt training and torturing and all those stuff not like when you book in into a hotel or a chalet. Very different. VERY VERY DIFFERENT!

Today passed by too fast. Yesterday, we only got to book out at 1900hrs! That's 7pm in civie terms. That sucks. And yes, we're among the first few to book in tmr!!! Where's the fairness in that?! Nevertheless, i have to keep reminding myself on why we have to do this. That's the only thing that keeps me going. If not, i'll just suffer a breakdown. Y? Well, there's almost the lost of the existence of a social life. The freedom to do anything i want at anytime is lost forever(i signed up to join the army. shit). What else? Lost my hair? I like getting it done at the saloon. Now, it's going to be barber all the way. Supposedly, it'll make me look smart. What rubbish. Time at the gym isnt going to exist anymore either. This sucks. But then again, im not supposed to be selfish and think abt me. Im supposed to think about others. That's y we serve.

To all those ppl who are fucked up beyond all recognition as to shun us, laugh at us, despise us...let me tell you one thing: FUCK YOU! UNDERSTAND?! What's wrong with you people? Just because we sweat doesnt mean we stink like fuck! Yeah, we stink a little. But we do notice it. It just cant be helped. Try marching a few klicks before even getting a chance to board that ferry home. And im still not refering to even boarding that ferry yet! There's still this very small chance that our superiors might make us stay back if we screw up somewhere! IT's just hope that we have! After we make it back to Singapore safely, then we can heave a sigh of relieve. By then, we've already sweated. So ya, we stink a little. I've noticed it. So is the rest of my buddies. We're people too you know. Human beings like everyone. Cept that we've got dicks instand of pussies coz we're men. That's the only difference between us and everybody else. WE've got dicks and our rifle is ready to show that we've got them! So the nxt time you see a recruit or any other soldier for that matter of fact, dont shun them away. Dont leave a gap in between urself and that soldier. What's wrong with u?! That's the guy who's going to protect you and ur family when malaysia or another other countries that's close enough(and angry enough at us) attacks us u dickheadS!

Nevertheless, my grandparents got that proud look on their faces when i came over. Yeah. Im the first son in the entire family to be in the army. And when i mean entire, i really mean the entire family. That means my extend family too; relatives and all. So everything i do inside, im doing my best. Even if i screw up sometimes, im still doing my best coz im only human. Stab me, and i'll bleed after im done killing u. Punch me, and i'll bruise after im done whacking u uncouncious. Mock me, and i'll be embarressed but not after i humilate u infront of the entire world. See! That's how human i really am.

Guess how happy i am right now? Quite happy! Im finally getting recognize for my rugby efforst in my JC. Im accepted into the Sociology course at NTU! Urm...what else? Oh yeah! Im finally getting to experience how it feels like to suffer like a real soldier does! Nothing to be happy abt that though, but once that is done, i'll noe how to move, feel, smell, talk, hear and think like a soldier. It's the experience that im after. The rugby part...well...i rather have a trophy but an award for a recognition will do.

Rugby was the best thing that ever happened in my life! yeah. Taught me a lot of things. Skills, teamwork, leadership, toughness and yada yada yada. It taught me that if someone hits you, u return him with a bigger hit! Sounds uncivilied but ya, that's how things are actually done cept that its now done secretly. Ya. Go figure that one out. If you were never in a rugby team, ure life is a shitty one. You can try to make it look like u've had a fun and fulfilling life but ure only lying to urself. It's really really shitty. seriously. Y? Well, u're nvr really be open minded. U're a bigass pussy. ure one big dumbfreak. and u're going to look stupid. ya. Life is all about rugby. The greatest instituition of life.

Confinement week is over. All hell will break lose from tmr onwards. Oh wells. Sgt Effendi gave me words of comfort which sounded like, " The week onwards will pass by very very fast". Yeah. I hope so.

I now really begin to value freedom. Hell. All of us did. After 2 weeks of running around like mad dogs doing things that we werent really sure we were doing correctly, we finally get to breath in civilisation. REally REally good for the mind of a soldier. Yes. Freedom. Something that everyone has that we soldiers dont. The people outside only know about being a soldier from the movies they watch, by the stories they heard, lies by the frontmen of every governmental organization. Nobody noes what's really going on behind closed doors. I mean c'mon! If they really do noe, what's the use of putting up fences, barb wires and having sentries around? What's the use of having confidential files? Ya. Get what i mean?

Shit, i sidetracked. Freedom. Freedom is the will to do anything you desire as and when you like. If you want to sit there all day and talk and do nothing productive, you are free to do so. We only have a few minutes of that each day. Sometimes none. Ya. But you noe, the world isnt a fair place. The only reason some of you get to do as and when you like is because people like us sacrificed our time and personal lives to train and defend this country. Ya. That's the only reason why we sometimes get motivated to carry on with our training.

I just watched the incredibles on disney channel. Ya. Rmb that part when Mr.Incredible thought he lost his family? Ya. No man ever wants to feel that way. A man's family is his entire life. He devotes his entire life into taking care of his family. He makes sure that his wife is safe from other chikopeh if she's damn hot. He makes sure that his family has enough to eat. He makes sure that his family is safe from all threat elements. He makes sure that his children gets enough education.
If you dont believe me, ask your father. Or better, ask your grandfather how he took care of your mom or dad. Ask what kind of job he did. Whether he liked it or not. How was it. Ultimately, feel his answers. Seek to feel his emotions when he answers.

So what the fuck are doing wearing green uniforms and stomping through the jungle even though we've got nice comfy beds waiting at home? Protecting our families from any harm. WE make sure that no harm ever comes to them. We make sure that they DO NOT have to take arms and defend this country cause we are the ones that are doing that.
Yes. This is me trying to motivate myself into carrying on with the rest of the 7 weeks left. Ya. 7 weeks left. This week is live range week. The weekend that comes will be a long one. =) The week after will be field camp. and then SIT test. And then route marches b4 our 24k route march. And than its POP after that! Coolness. It's not that long. I hope. Ya. Once we start going outfield, i'll feel less like a prisoner and more like a soldier. I need an adventure. A great one. ASAP!

This is the recruit whose wait is over,
His days has begun,
Reveille at 0530,
Fall in at 0545,
Lights out at 1030.

This is the recruit whose days have started,
Marches,
Doubles,
Every destination he heads.

This is the recruit whose days continues,
Rifle with everywhere he goes,
The heat barely bearable,
The shouting he has to content with.

This is the recruit whose days will shine,
Willing to die, to serve, to excel,
Whose ambitions are only weeks away,
Will never fail no matter the conditions.

This is the recruit whose days will die out soon,
He no longer is a boy,
Nor a student,
Nor a civil man,
This recruit is now a soldier.

This is it. The day of days. I've been waiting for this day since i could ever remembered. Enlistment day. The waiting got turned into months from years. It got turned into weeks from months. It got turned into days from months. The wait now has turned into hours. 1130hrs sharp. That is the time that i have to report to Basic Military School 1 at Pulau Tekong. National Service. The time when boys get whipped into men. It used to. Now it's the time when sissy boys get whipped up into tough boys. They never grow old. Never. They still grow though. That's all that matters.

For the next two years, my life will be on the mercy of the government. After that, im thinking of signing on if everything permits it. Yeah. Been getting good luck wishes from everyone. Rahmat just reminded me of how eager i am of it: Soldiering. Now, the rest of the family is sending me SMSes. Yeah. Recruit M Fadzil.

A few more hours and im in. Good luck with your lives people. This might be the last read in a long period. I hope the rest of the reads were good ones. If not, i'll write again when i have time and access to a computer. If not, CURAHEE! And god bless.

1 last day before i exchange my Pink IC for a Green Ez-link card. Yeah. Doesnt really add up. But it's for convenience sake. Now im wondering whether i should top up my ez-link card since im only going to be using it for tommorow! Rofl. After that, i have to top up the other ez-link card. Shldnt be worrying too much since im only getting to use it 7 days from enlistment day! Hahaha! It's going to be a good friday on the nxt! Yeah. That means...BOOK OUT! Weehoo! Rofl. Hopefully that's what going to happen because in this world there's a country called Singapore. And in this in country, there is a lot of chinese. And a lot of these chinese are christians. And christians celebrate Good Friday. Sort of. So, they cant leave the malays all alone on an island with lots of weapons and ammunitions right? haha. What better way then to give everyone a break! Dont listen to a word i just said. It's rubbish. Hence the website, blabberbutt.blogspot.com. ;)

Finally finished my Band of Brothers marathon for the how-many-times-already. It really got me thinking. Im going to become a soldier soon. And soldiers go to war. In war, there's killing. There's dying. There's mayhem. There's chaos. There's basically nothing nice about it at all. If you count camradarie, then there's a slight chance of a war being good for someone. Then again, without fighting in a war, one cannot fully enjoy and appreciate life. It's true you know. Right now, lots of people are complaining about stress. They are complaining about leading a hectic life. They are DYING not because they are wounded from bullets but from their own bloody agendas which they cannot possibly manage. Try fighting in a war then you can talk to someone about stress and hectic lifestyle and chaos and dying. Yeah. If not, go deal ur own fucking problem without imposing them onto others! WHINNERS!

On a heavier note, the game today ended with a victory to our side. 20-3. Yeah. So the guys are making it into the finals. Im not sure whether they realize this but they're playing against the same team they played a couple of years back. Same people. Same match. RI. 2004. Plate finals. RI. 2006. Plate finals. This time around, each team is much bolder. Much matured. Much stronger. See who will come out on top. I'll be damned if THE NEIGHBOURHOOD school team does. Why? well first of all, our budget is virtually non-existent! Yeah. Coaching? Jeff manages with the B boys while i help out as much as i can on the 14s and 13s boys. On some days, they do their own training, or try to. Morale is up high every single time. They brushed aside every other team in their past matches except ACS baker which i still think that the officials intentionally wanted Unity to lose to Barker since we are a neighbourhood school and they are the rich boy school. It would be quite shameful if a rich boy school was to lose to a neighbourhood school. Ya. So we had to be fair sometimes even if it is not to our liking. Like we have a choice. Im pretty damn sure that the same thing is going to happen again. Pretty damn sure. But hey! There's 3 u16 national players in our team with 1 going away soon to train with a welsh club. Maybe that will even the odds by a little. But if its going to be that pondek ref who's a bloody bastard drunkard...then all hope is lost. PJ and those who knows me....you know who im talking about. And yes. CJC was a bloody fluke. Play against my team any time and we will still trash them. PERIOD!

Im beginning to have second thoughts on the NS thing. I spent 19 years eagerly waiting for it. Now, in a couple of days time, i'll be doing it! YEah. EAGERLY! How eager? Bloody eager. just like a beaver. Go ahead and ask anyone i know about me and they would have prolly said the same thing. yeah...But that means i have to grow up! No....im already growing up. That means i have to be a GROWN-UP! Start acting like one, talking like one, look like one, feel like one, BE LIKE ONE! In the wise words of the Ataris in their song "In this Diary" "Being grown up isnt half as fun as growing up" Yeah. Prolly true. Gawd! I hate this. A few years back, i couldnt wait to grow up! Yeah. Then i reached 16. And soon came the after O-lvl period. You know what that means? That means i have to go out and earny myself a living! Yeah. That means part-time jobs! I DIDNT EVEN NOE HOW TO GET A JOB MUCH LESS WORK ONE!!! I eventually got settled into CASA(s) PTE LTD thanks to my friend. All i did was to get driven around the country and assisting in TV repairs plus a few other electronic devices llike the DVD player and stuff. It was nice. I think i grew older from doing that job. Soon i was 17 and studying and playing rugby in PJC. That's when me and my friend decided that we didnt want to grow up anymore! Partly it was because each of us was having fun at where we were. The other part was because we know how working life is actually like. REally REally exhausting! Seriously. Plus the social circle actually shrinks. Thankfully, me and some of the guys i've graduated from unity with are still in close touch. Yeah. Great company. Easy company.

Adulthood next. I already know what it's actually like. What im wondering is how im going to turn out to be like. BIg question there. One step and a time i will take. First step will be NS. See where i'll end up after that. =)

Right now, Miss AEP is deciphering pictures that i've snapped. ROfl. Never knew i pictures could have so much of a deeper meaning. Usually ppl would go,"wah! Nice picture!" and..ya. That's about it. This time, my pictures actually became a topic of conversation. Yeah!! Haha. Hopefully, i'll get enough money soon to buy myself a digital SLR. Those things costs a bomb! Bloody hell. Some of the lenses costs as much as the camera itself! Yeah, its a nice hobby if you've got lots of cash to burn. Not really great if you have to save up for it every now and then. But then, when the picture turns out great, it'll be great! A little bit contradicting but who cares?

2 days of freedom left. Tommorow. The day after tommorow. After that, it's enlistment! Yup. Recruit Fadzil. Hopefully and maybe, just maybe it'll be Officer Cadet Fadzil. If not, maybe it'll be Sergeant Fadzil. Yeah. A world of possibilites to become either an Officer or a Specialist. I dont really mind either but Officer would definately be real nice. Why? First of all, im the first son in the entire family to go into the Singapore army. Yeah. None of my uncles did it. My cousin did. But he was only in Pes C. Meaning the service side. Im going in onto the Combat side. Yeah. Riffles. Grenades. Shooting. Lots of shooting. Those kind. =) Do my family proud! Do my country proud! Do myself proud! Haha. Everyone's going to be proud. Lion's pride.

Past few days have been nice. When was the last time i wrote? Cant remember. I've been too lazy to do so. Partly is because ive got nothing really solid to write. Hopefully, this one will be a good read. Comments on the tagboard please! Hahahaha. Yeah. Past few days. Real nice. Touch Rugby on Sunday was really really tiring. The moment i got home, i just slept! Seriously! Me and Alex didnt even bother going to Al-Azhar to eat! Just went our own ways and bombed out at home. Monday was rugby at PJ. It was nice. Nothing good happened there. Tuesday was watching rugby. Wednesday, today, was rugby at PJ.

Shit! I really have nothing to write!!! Ahahahhax. All my ideas and thoughts all gone! Damn. I'll shall write again tmr when i receive thoughts from heaven!

Yeah. Recruit Fadzil. =)

I just realized i've got a whole collection of the Goo Goo Dolls!!! How cool is that? Prolly only to Goo Goo Doll fans of which im not really a member of. Hehs. I just like their sound. It's rock. A branch of it. Cant really decide which one. Oh wells.

6 days left to enjoy my freedom. Enjoy it while it lasts! Run amock says someone. Yeah. How do i do that? She has yet to tell me. Plus she still owes me!-puts on a brave face- yeap. She does. Im the one who's going to lose my freedom and virginity to the army in 6 days time and she's the one who's taking things one day at a time instead. I shld be doing that! Guess what. Monday to Thursday is going to be spent on rugby! Coaching specifically. CAnt really call it coaching coz im not really a coach. Im just a person who noes abit of something and is very willing to pass it on. Why? That is because i cant bear to see people play bad rugby. Its just embarrasing especially when you tell your associates, " I used to play for that school!" The embarrasing response would be something like, " Ouh? They're not too bad." For some of you, when someone comments that something is not bad, they assumed they've done well. Yeahs. You've done well. But only amongst the bad ones. Yeah. You still suck. But not as much as the worst ones. You get what i mean? I can bear that kind of insult. Call it pride. Call it being egoistic. But seriously, who can really bare that kind of shame? Not even you i bet! Yeah. Want to put money on it?

6 more days. Well. At least yesterday was well spent. Yesterday till this morning. I really like the idea of getting home in the wee hours of the morning. Hehs. I shld really go for driving lisence. Cant be too lazy from now on! I shal go for lessons every weekend! Yeah! Motorbike or car? Let's see. On a motorbike, you'll feel more freedom. In a car, you'll feel invisible. Seriously. In a car, you can knock down a bike. On a bike, try banging into a car. You'll still be the one who gets knock down. hurhur. Yeah. Decisions decisions.

Damn, i digressed. URm. Yeah. Let's get to the uninteresting part of my what-happened-yesterday-life. Urm...bbq with my family. The whole bunch i mean. All at West Coast park. The place was nice. One bloody big open field. You could practically play rugby there! hahahahhax. Yeah. It was quite inaccesable by bus. So you either gotta own a bike or a car. Food was fine at first. Till it got dark and there's only 1 pathetic lampost at our pit. SO! Yeah. SO, could really see what we're cooking till it was too late! Blackened chicken anyway? Went to my cousin's place after that. Talked abt his army times and stuff. Talk and talk and talk till it was midnite. THEN! chey. THEN! We headed for pool at Bukit Timah. Hahaha. Didnt noe the place closes at 3am. I have this impecible assumption that all pool halls nvr closes. WhY? Well, its a dirty kind of place in the first place. No matter in the right mind would want to play pool unless they've got nothing better that is eventually fruitful to do. Not for the religious ;) You get what i mean? Yeah. But this one closes at 3am! Got quite a shocker when the dude told us it was our last game. I think i lost that one too. No game...left it somewhere, somehow.

Well, today's going to be exciting! There's going to be Touch Rugby!!! Yeah. With the veterens of my club at Ngee Ann Poly. They're real good. I suck real good too! So, learn from the best! Yeaps. That's all i can do. Oh yeah, there's a couple of cute girls playing too. ;)

I just noticed something real sad for everyone else. My life revolves around rugby. hehs. 6 days left!!! That's inclusive of today. Exciting? Yeah! Anxiety? Hell yeah!!! And urm...urm...DOUBLE HELL YEAH!!