Wah! I thought i havent written anything here in a month. Fortunately, it's only been a week. Phew! Well, whats up? Well, exams are just around the corner ( you know, the kind of corner that you would walk up to and suddenly, a monster just jumps up on you and gives you the scare of your life! ya...that's the kind of corner). Guess what? Im finally getting the jitters. And i have no idea why....haiz.

The last time i ever sat for the exams was in 2005. Yup...the A lvls. That was a relief cause i knew the next step for me would be uni. Ya...and here i am now. Truth be told, i didnt really care about exams. All i did was to put in my best and hope for the best. Like Franklin once said, " If a man already did his best, what else is there to ask for?" Yay FRank! Or was it some other guy??? Hmm...help me out here?

Its been busy studying, busy studying and busy studying. Here's how my routine is like: Wake up at 6.30. Shower, Run errands. I try to be in school by 8.30. Gym for an hour or less. IF there's still time before lectures or lessons, i'd do a bit of my raedings. Maybe get something to eat. YA...Then, at the end of the day (or during breaks, [use when applicable]), i'd eat my lunch before continuing my study (or lessons [again, use when applicable]). At 6, i'd have to leave to fetch sayangg. And hopefully, by 8 ( its a good 2 hour break =) FOR DINNER!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?) i'd be back i in school to continue till 11? ya...that's what my monday to friday is all about. Maybe saturdays too if im not too lazy.

I really dont want to screw this up. I mean, finally, i like what im doing and in the company (only some) of those who do to. I mean, in secondary school, i was surrounded by those who aspire to go to ITEs (hehehe...i was the one who instigated this project because i just didnt want to study. end up, i went to jc while the rest of my sitting-at-the-back-of-the-class-gang went to ite. Err...hehs). In JC, well, some were just plain negative about things. HEck...i played rugby all the way till the weekened before my A lvls started(it was a 2 years break from rugby after that for me =(... ). Ya..i digressed. The main point is, i know i can do this! I just know i can. Perhaps, i could have found my calling?(despite so many times of me feeling this way) I dont...

Well, the best i could do is to do my best like what frank said. Maybe i can now use what i keep telling: Have faith in your training, Hope for the best to happen (or hope that nothing screws up), and glory shall be yours to bask in. I wonder if they ever understood this or even cared...hmm...

Its been a very long time since i wrote anything on this blog. Well, one thing's for sure, my other blog is very much alive (and kicking) probably because its one my weekly assignments. Well, this used to be my daily assignment before i enlisted, during my enlistment and ya...it stops short there. Sucks doesnt it? I used to have funny entries that well...basically talks all the bad things and good things(occasionally) too that are all around me.

One thing i love about this space is, it's all mine (i suppose so). I dont get graded or anything for anything( NO MORE 3 TICKS!!! YESS!!!!). I dont get judge...but even i do, nobody even cares to tell me about it. Kinda like my diary i suppose. Yeah...and anything that i complain about wont get a feedback or cricitized or made fun of eventually....yea...sometimes i need that.

Well...i have about 2 more weeks till the exams and yes...its been a long time since i ever sat in one. The last time i sat for one was in nov 2005...ya..the A levels. Somehow, i didnt quite feel the excitement as what i felt after my O lvls. Perhaps because it was exactly the same as the post o lvl period so there wasnt anyting new for me to look forward to...except a new job that is.

Exams looming over...and ya...i still have other considerations to place that take precedence over my studies. Hmm...study too long...and it stinks...study too short...and im suffering. ya...i've been quite suffering in class lately too. I got a 61% for one of my electives. shucks....gotta buck up on it. And my 102 readings...wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy behind. oh well...better this than that i guess...

Welll...im getting kinda tired...so gtg. hopefully by the next time i write, it would already be the next centure...

i kinda miss the army...

First of all...Selamat Hari Raya everyone. And to everyone a Selamat Hari Raya!!! Yea...that's was lame. But im lame nonetheless. So, its kinda expected of me anyway right?

Anyways...a thousand and one things were running through my mind while i was on the expressway today. Nothing much..just thinking about the past 21 years of my life. Though it isnt quite my birthday, it is still hari raya. To all my muslim friends, im sure this has happened to you too hasnt it? Except for the expressway part maybe. People are getting older. My parents are getting older. The baton will soon be passed to me and my brother? The inversed relationship between parent and child, a normality in all our lives (hopefully so...especially all those infilial bastards), of us taking care of them is almost near. Yet, i cannot help but to reminisce about when i was little fadzil. How my parents doted on us three, how Hari Raya wasnt much but an occasion for us to receive lots of money from my relatives. Yeah...that was fun.

Well, things have changed. And to say it has changed a little is to be a lying bastard. Truth be told, i missed being that small kid. Everything was so much simpler. Everything was so much rosier. Now, im studying sociology and realizing how depressing this world really is and how much so we need that to be present in order for this society to function properly. Well...wish i was blissfully ignorant of all those things. Back to the times of my childhood. Where my parents are young and when i had a full set of grandparents.

You know it's kinda depressing to note that you're parents were once like you: childish, carefree and whatnot...they too had a full set of parents once upon a time. And that their parents are young. And that they might be very well thinking about the same thing that i am thinking off now. Well now, they're the ones that are in their parent's shoes. And im now in theirs. Wish time could just stand still forever. I dont want to be in their positions anytime soon. I really really cant imagine what my hari raya will be like without them...nor the people who are in my life right now. I know that i wont be able to meet those people that have already passed on or left my life for my next hari raya...nor this one. Wish we never have to lose anything that is near and dear to us all....