A thousand conspiracies that i can talk about. A million more human antics that i can bitch about. But not tonite. Tonite, i'd rather talk about something personal. Something that has made a huge impact on my life so far. Something that has taken up 2 years of my life. Something that will take up once a year for the next 10 to 15 years of my life. Yeap...you've probably guessed it right. Im talking about my national service here.

I can still remember my enlistment on April 8th, 2006. And its already 29th Dec today. How time flew.....I remember that gut wrenching feeling as i boarded the ferry to Tekong. And the gut wrenching only got worst as i said my goodbyes to my cousins. Yeap...my two cousins were the ones to send me to my initial haven for rebirth. BMT went on by without much hiccups. Alas, not everyone from my BMT company is going to ORD. May god accept him...

After that pretty much BOring Military Training, it was on to Basic Section Leaders Course. YEap...it was just a level higher of boringness. But truth be told, it was the only time that i felt that i belonged with a group of people. That was the first time i ever felt that i can talk to anyone in the bunk just about anything. Anything at all. For the first time in my life, i felt at home...We trained hard. We didnt quite play hard but ya...i enjoyed my time there with my bunkmates. After 10 weeks together, we finally went our seperate ways. Artillery, Military Police, Airforce...the works. I went onto farther my infantry proficiency....Advance Section Leaders Course...

ASLC, that was when i learned the many ways our army can kick butt. The different kinds of battlegrounds, the different kinds of battle, the many ways we can come to the fight...I really, truly enjoyed my 11 weeks there with my buddies. Hell yeah...Starlight was one hell of a trip for me. First time out of the country in 5 years. And yes...somewhere foreign too(SEA is considered local to me...=D) That was the highlight of my trainee life. After 21 weeks of that and the 9 weeks before that...i finally was ready to embark the second part of my journey. No longer a trainee but as a commander.

2 weeks after coming back from Starlight, i went on to Lancer with my new unit. It was a weird way to gel into my new unit but yeah...i learnt alot. Learnt alot abt myself..abt my men...and abt the kind operations i was going to be carrying out. Yeah...that was fun...in a sick kind of way. You'd actually have to have the balls to do it all the way coz if not...it's going to kill you- literally.

Taking over command of a section was what i was looking forward to. But that was not to be. Unofficially...i took over the platoon instead. Hence, the present challenge just got more challenging. Highnoon. That really sucked. That one incident....guess i bounced back higher after that.

Honestly, i think that everything happens for a reason. And hell yeah..it was for a god damn good reason. ;) Never been happier in my entire life. IT was the platoon sergeant course for me after that incident. And yeap...it matured me as a soldier first, and a leader second. It deepened my understanding for things military and CV. Its a pity not everyone gets to go for this sort of thing.

Lightning Strike followed suit and 3 weeks of holiday training was enough to get me and my men enthusiastic enough about just anything SAF. HEll yeah it did. But i missed her like crazy. And yeah...seeing her, hugging her at the airport upon touchdown...that certainly chased all the blues away.

Abit of training here and there and im actually done with my CSM course. CAnt believe i went thru HAWK twice. Just one more hurdle to go on the 7 to the 10th. Cant believe its almost coming to an end already. Thinking of that, it actually sends shivers down the spine. And oh ya...that gut wrenching feeling, the very same one, its back again. The transition from Military to CV. Truthfully, i am doubtful. I am scared. I know what i want to do. But how do i get there? Guess i'll just have to take things one at a time now.

I still cant believe im almost at the end................

Another decent break that comes after another decent break. In between is something what we call "chiong-sua". It tires you out physically, mentally, emotionally and ya..medically too. Trust me...it does. Especially when the number of people going to see the doctor increases drastically. Yeah...it always happens. Well, just a few more weeks to the big day of evaluation. That's when things starts to get to a roll. A roll that will inevitably end. Gotta keep that in my mind in order to motivate myself. Need to keep telling myself -"the suffering will inevitably end. It cant stay on forever. Good times are just coming up ahead. EVerything is inevitable in that order." Words of motivation that i keep telling myself for the last year and 8mths everytime i got the worse end of things.

I just sealed my fate just now. Im starting school in august. Give myself a little breathing room to work, earn some money, possibly take a break from everything. Hopefully, it'd be taking a break with a companion. If not, then ya...same old lone wolf break then. Wonder how school will be like. After 2 years of no studying at all...i wonder if my brain is able to sharpen itself to the endless quabbles that i always have with my classmates over any subject of discussion. Hmm...im definately looking forward towards that.

Got a newsflash on my phone in the afternoon. Even in my state of grooginess, i was still angered by such acts. 12 people were killed in a mosque by some suicide bomber. That's sad. REally sad. Considering the fact that aidil adha just passed no more than 24hours ago. And yet, this kind of thing is happening. Muslim against another muslim? VEry likely. What made them fight? Different ideals? Different views of how they want their country to be runned? Fuck....why cant somebody compromise??? Why must people always be in that pursuit for power? And with power, they pursue more power. Wtf is wrong with us humans? Why have we all turned out this way? Wars are no longer fought based on survival. The very fundamentals as to why wars are fought are forever lost. Smarty pants who are overpaid just to talk trash and run the country aground are manipulating the meaning of things. The meaning of words. So much so that it all has become meaningless. Crap....gotta work towards that level where i can make changes...

But i gotta start small. Did 24hours manning of the guardroom yesterday. Yes...i did guard duty the day before. And ya...as always, i take the opportunity to talk to my men. Finally, i managed to understood why my men turn out the way they are in the present stage. Its because of their past. What ever happened to them....it definately didnt benefit them at all. They are atoning for the sins that they didnt do. Sins that others have commited willingly and unknowingly caused the butterfly effect onto these individuals that i today make contact with. I think...maybe just maybe, i've found my calling...

You know, sometimes i really do wonder "Why am i sooooo proud to be wearing green???"
I haven't came back from any war in it. I haven't saved any life in it. And i don't think any actions of mine have made any huge impact on any body's life. So why am i proud? I haven't killed anyone, survived combat, saved a dying buddy or made a huge impact on the headlines. Don't get me wrong, im not looking for fame or fortune here, but i am dying to do something which i am supposed to do in the first place. A soldier- A killer. A savior. A leader of both.

My peers have been asking me a lot of times "Dude, why are so into this kind of thing?"
I'd only have one thing to answer back to them, "Aren't we training for war? So why not take everything seriously?" The only response i would get from them is me being ridiculed by the masses. Sure Singapore isn't going to war anytime soon but that doesn't mean that it isn't going to happen at all. But that doesn't give them any fucking excuse to take things likely because i am training to defend whats near and dear to me. My family, my lover, my friends. All of that. I simply cannot afford to lose any of them.

I lost track of myself. Oh..no i didn't. It made me prove the point even more as to why i wonder if there is any pride at all in wearing the green. I haven't been killed yet or about to be killed yet in anytime i did my service. My chances of survival wouldn't be very much anyway since the kind of training i have received are haphazard anyway. Thank you soooooooo much instructors. The basics of soldiering are gone. Then again, what are the basics? Well, it is killing and combat and avoiding to be killed in combat. Sure...you've taught us how to lower the possibility of being killed by artillery fire by digging trenches. You taught us to take cover so as to prevent being shot. But, did you actually ever taught us how to kill before? Practically, every soldier that i know of doesn't know how to kill. They know how to shoot their rifles. But they still don't know how to kill. That immediately reduces their combat survivability. Something has gotta change.

Hmm...its been quite awhile since i last wrote anything. Time have been pretty tight lately with the CSM course. By the time i get back home on saturday afternoon, i'd be too drained out to do anything but to sleep. And yes, its deep sleep we're talking about here. The kind of sleep where you thought you just had your eyes closed for a second and the next thing you know, you open your eyes to the sight of the clock showing that 3-4 hours of your life is gone. Lost to the deep mysteries of sleep. Hmm....And sundays is spent with me sayang =D. Cant compromise that for anything eles in the world. I mean, if you only get to spend one day of your week with someone, who would rather it be? For me, it's definately her. =D

Well, it finally came and gone. SummEX. Thank god its over. Cant really release the details but hell yeah, it had it funny moments. Truthfully, this was the best course i've ever attended. The people made it the best. Time passed on effortlessly with them around. TOo bad i dont really have this kind of thing back my unit. They were all an ideal bunch of people to work with. Damn right they are.

Been reading the papers this morning and kinda got into a subtle shock for awhile back there. This year's Miss Universe Singapore had to fork out almost everything for her expenses just to represent guess who.......? IT'S......................... SINGAPORE! And this being one of those arena where singapore could actually stand a chance. But nooooooooooooo...none. No sponsorship, no recognition. Nothing. Where did all those money that the taxpayers go to? Well, one of the channels it went to is the silly thing called soccer(to call it football is simply politcally incorrect but that is for another time). And what have that resulted in so far?? Well, nothing much really. Just a few wins here and there and lots and lots of dissapointment. When are they going to realise that Singapore's time in soccer is long gone? It gone away with the start of S-League. It gone with the likes of Fandi Ahmad, Malik Awab and the other legends retiring from pro soccer and started to coach or something like that. REALISE IT YOU NITWITS!!!

Nowadays, soccer is just nothing but a mere vehicle for gambling. Well, at least it is legal gambling. And so all the suicides, killings, roberries, frauds and what not that resulted from this must be legal too right? I dunno, it seems to rather lean that way to me. I could be wrong. But then again, nobody's right like the saying goes, the end of any war doesnt determine who's right, it just determines who's left(its alrite, take your time to understand this). Hmm...i think i just smacked myself in the head. No wonder they invested soooooooooo much is soccer. Its for the money. And the soccer players? Nothing but mere subjects and the matches as vehicles for the money booming sessions. DAmn....they're smart! Okay....so it took me this long to realise this. But at least i did. So we've got of smart-assed-cheeky buggers running this country. Hmm...wish i had a part of this too. Then i can go everywhere giving off my "best-public smile" for publicity sake and then go around smiling cheekily to the public without anyone realizing what a stunt i've pulled! Hell yeah!!! Down right i am to say that it sure sounds like a lot of fun.!

Hmm..i wonder what its really like to be like them. Superscale G!!!