In secret places, we don't fight fair

It's SAF day again. It seems like its a really big deal this year with a massive on going PR campaign everywhere. 

 

Ever since 2006, I've always had such immense pride whenever I put on the uniform. In about 2 more years, that pride would have lasted for 10 years. How time flies. 

I remember the first time we put on our uniforms, that feeling was simply indescribable. And to be wearing it in public could only intensify that feeling. Sadly, the public viewed it differently as they often left my buddies and I an entire train carriage to ourselves. 

Aside from pride, it has also given me courage many times over. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is the presence of that that brings it about. Without fear, there can be no courage. It all happens in a split second when we decide a situation is either a flight of fight. Often, I had chose the situation to be the latter. Sadly, it's often so difficult these days for me to choose the situation to be that of a fight. I shall overcome this. 

That said, I still remember clearly what happened on the 12th of February 2007. 28 of us we situated on a hill to fight off a sizable enemy. What we thought was a 100 men turned out to be at least 4 times more of our assumption. But we held on to the very last man; to the very last bullet. 

We eventually took revenge by capturing the entire 400 off guard. We won. We ruled the day and we conquered the night. It may have been just another exercise. But we fought hard. We weren't going to give up. That was when that I knew, that we were all a unit. 

Felt good to tell that story. But what does my 2 years mean to me?  Well, I picked up a lot of skills which I still use till this day. I am the unbeatable contender in my own unit. I picked up smoking, which really helped me in making loads of friends. Alas, I have stopped. And I am not making sense in any way right now. Seriously, this writing is not coherent at all. My kind is a jungle right now. 

Reveille 0530hrs

It's almost a week since my last reservist and slowly everything is back to where it was. It was a hectic 1 week with little sleep but yet, I was bounding from one issue to another with boundless amount of energy. It is something I love to do- soldiering.To be able to run from bound to bound, buildings to buildings just to fight.

By the time we captured the objective, day 4 of reservist, I was running on empty. I had nothing left in me. So I took a moment from all that chaos to just slump against a wall and just zone out. I used to have a cigarette lit up in those moments but since last December, I decided against that. The temptation to do so, however, was very strong. Yet, despite zoning out, I had to fight that urge even though I am already running on empty.

It was in that moment that I realized that I had so much more left- athletes call it 'second wind'. That is when you realize that if you dug deeper, you realize that you can actually push even more. It is reaching a whole new level for yourself. So after I found my 'second wind', I got up and decided to do what I do best, boss around the company. That bossing around got everyone food, drinks and some more energy that they'd require to get them back home quickly.

On a side note, I guess my efforts got recognized as I was given a medal for it. No parade, no ceremonies, no walking up on stage- just my RSM walking up to me and passing it to me discreetly. That is what we are all about I guess, to do good for the betterment of others and seek that as a reward in itself. The medal was just an affirmation that someone had recognized my effort. I was truly overjoyed and I showed it through my stoic expression.

As we parted ways, some of the men told me, "See you next year Encik/Sergeant/ Sergeant Major/ Fadzil/etc". I can't help to feel like I wouldn't. Past few cycles I had men coming up to say that to me. Yet the ones that do, don't quite make it back to the next reservist. They are only with us in spirit as we remember them by their valiant and courageous actions that I have personally observed. God has decided that they have did all the good that they had to do on earth and it was simply time for them to come back home.

I guess the one that I remember the most was the one guy who was in my platoon back in my old unit. We hugged as we parted ways - a private and a Sergeant, both Singaporean sons. We promised each other that we will meet again during our reservist days knowing that that is how the system works. I told him to take good care of himself and his parents. He told me likewise. However, after a semester in school almost 9 months later, I found out that he has passed away. People saw the bad in him- robbing, drugs, etc. However, all I saw was a soul that simply needed to saved. His parents health was robbed and his family was failing. He simply needed an escape. Everyone does.

May his soul rest in peace.

We are the few that do so much for the many.