Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Lackluster. That's probably the best way to describe myself right now. I guess there's really nothing to look forward to anymore. It's a routine really. School, readings, assignments, rugby, tuitions,gym...my friends told me that i needed to break out of my routine; That I looked burned out. I feel burned out. But then, most of the time, I feel that there is this one level that I have yet to reach. I guess the thought of getting there has yet to appear appealing me.
The thought of being somewhere on time has also not rubbed into me. I am perpetually late these days. Like right now, I have already planned to be late for lessons and take my own sweet time to do things. I'm changing- but not necessarily for the better. It's like my pre-enlistee days but even then, I had something to look forward to. That something that I looked forward to did not disappoint me at all!
I guess it's my own wanting of being committed to something now. Pangseh-ing, ponning, skipping training or simply just being late for anything does not seem so hard for me to do anymore. It just does not matter to me anymore.
I need to break out of this. Im a fighter. Was one, still am. I can't just go down like this. Im whining too much! Bleagh!!!
you have been weighed you have been measured and you have been found wanting
Friday, February 05, 2010
My cat is pissed cold from a shower it was given.
Funny that he's choosing my notes to roll under/lie on/roll around on to keep warm instead of a warm and fluffy towel I tried to wrap him with.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
The week has been pretty moving for me. Well, not in the sense of readings and the work(the load keeps piling up) but rather in how I feel towards certain things. So far, three things have affected me. Children Full of Life( A Japanese Documentary), Funny People(you actually have to force yourself through the 2 1/2 hours) and The Blind Side.
These three shows got me thinking about what I really thing I am here for. Well, what my passions really are. It got me to realize that perhaps children are my passion. Well, not exactly those of my own but IF i have them in the future, then them too. Here I am referring to that of others. The unprivileged; the poor; the forsaken.
I believe that EVERYONE should be given a second chance in life. Especially children. It truly breaks my heart that a child's opportunity to success in life gets robbed away even before he is even able to comprehend the real meaning of opportunity or chance.
If it's one thing that I have benefited from my 2 years of REAL university education so far is that everyone's life chances are not the same. It sucks. But like a friend once said, Q: If God is so Al-Mighty, why are there still poor people in the world? A: The poor is a blessing for the rich, the rich a blessing for the poor. That is Mercy. Right now, my entire faith in the higher power rests on that belief.
But that doesn't mean that we just sit around and mope about it. Worse still, we do nothing about it and pretend it isn't even there! Just like what my secondary school principal always say:
There are 3 types of people in this world. Those who make things happen, those who wait of things to happen or worse, those who wonder what happens! He would normally associate them to an eagle, a vulture and a chicken(my school's mascot was an eagle btw so go figure).
For me, I am a rational idealist. That itself is an oxymoron(if you don't know what an oxymoron is that YOU'RE an oxymoron). But yeah. I'd like to fight for the children. It's really the only way for the whole world to start over. To bear arms to protect the innocent. I'd fight under the banner of Humanity and IF I die doing my duty, I'd rest in the Halls Of Valhalla and pride myself shamelessly as I would have done my duty as a human being(at least). Like I said, it's too ideal but I WILL find a way to achieve that so that when I'm my death bed, I'd go away easily knowing that I have done something good.
That said, I am not going to be some kamikaze soldier of some sort. The very least, hopefully some NGO would take me in. If not, i'd start my very own. Right now, I'd like to set my priorities straight: finish right, earn a lot so that I can actually show people a better way to spend their money- not on themselves but others.
Hope for courage and try for honour and maybe even pray that the people telling you what to do have some too
Monday, February 01, 2010
The damn cat keeps disturbing my sleep. I guess it's really out to get me-whenever I fall asleep in the living room, that's where it'll annoy me; whenever I am asleep on MY OWN BED, it'll have it's out zookout/rockclimbing fiesta/singapore idol/etc. in my bedroom. Guess in return, i'll disturb whenever that fatty falls asleep in the morning so that it'll be too tired at night to annoy me. Hehs. THAT IS, if I am even at home.
School is a real pain. I just don't feel like going to school anymore. Not like what I used to. I actually have no reason to go to school except for one-to study. That is a real stupid reason. No one goes to school to study. I believe that everything that you do has got 2 reasons: a good one and a real one. So to go to school to study (classes and whatnots) is a good reason. But the real reason runs deeper than that. And lately, Im lacking of (a) real reason(s) to go to school.
The only thing that gets me moving lately would be rugby. Alas, i am plagued with injuries. Let's list down what I have.
-My shoulder popped out and in 3 games ago so it's on the verge of doing so anytime soon. IT hurts even for me to be writing something on the whiteboard.
-I've got shin splints so it hurts for me even to walk sometimes. It's prolly due to the ankle injury that I've sustained..urm..god knows when(last season probably).
-My hamstrings keeps screwing me up. It cramped up when i tried to bring my legs up just to attempt a hurdle run.
-My wrist still hurts. But it's good in a sense that I really have to watch my form whenever I'm attempting a push action in the gym.
-My face still hurts from the knock i received from that 150kg gorilla whom i've called Botak Jones.
-My wound has yet to heal and I AM looking forward to the day when the scabs are dry enough for me to peel them off without it hurting (disgusting i know).
Guess that's about it. The list only gets longer and longer. But yeah, rugby does keep me going. I just wished that each side could see that when I am not training with them, it's because I am training with the other side and let me play every Saturday because I KNOW that I AM THAT GOOD! Heck, sometimes I feel that I am better than all of them put together. But then, there are days that I don't even deserve to be in the team.
I just hope that they will call me down for an interview real soon. The pay that they're giving is seriously not bad. Probably will be able to afford my own car after a year or so with them. Hehs.
Being posted to Pioneer Sec is not such a bad thing after all. It was funny at the fact that they thought I was late just because I couldn't find the exact class to proceed to as I roamed hopelessly around the ENTIRE school just to look for that particular classroom. Hehs.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side
Friday, January 29, 2010
Starryeyed surprise is real smooth. Yes it is! It used to be one of my favourite songs just before I set off for a match. I remember those days. Everyone would be quiet on the bus-all plugged into into their ipods. Mine was a purplish-pink one. Hehs. It was indeed the center of attraction in the school canteen. But yeah. It would calm me down real good as I put through the paces of what im going to do during the game and how Im going to break the heart of my opponents when I score against them and when we win the match.
I guess reading my previous posts did bring back memories. Yes, I know that my English was very bad back then. Guess now I know why I got a B4 for my GP. Anyway, those were indeed happy days. I can still remember the feeling of working in Delifrance. It was real nice indeed. It didn't matter that there are days when I had to do both opening and closing. It didn't matter that I had to be under the charge of some asshole because the fact remains that wherever you go, there will always be one. Well, all that didn't really matter.
Those people were like family to me. Hell, it was the first time that I ever celebrated my birthday-on the day itself. Well, I got creamed, and puffed and feullite-ed (okay i forgot how to spell it and fine, its basically the same thing) and baugette-ed. Yeah..whatever you can think of. But, the fact that the celebrated it, it was really something. I got a Spongebob card too from a friend named Kelly(I wonder how she's doing now). Everyone was real nice there save for a few. Working there was one of the best time of my life right before i was enlisted.
Well, life was much simpler then. And being at Orchard Road at 6 in the morning was something too. It was real nice and peaceful-imagine the irony of that all. Back then, I didn't need anything else. I guess, I miss that feeling.
Well, I just wish that i could erase memories of whatever happened over the recent years because it's really detrimental to me and my studies. Right now, I just don't feel like studying or going to school for that matter. i guess i'd have to find someways to motivate myself to continue doing this. Or else, it'll just consume me whole. Got to find a reason to wake up in the morning, look forward to something and live it.
Extreme sports is real easy considering the fact that it's activities are all heavily assisted by gravity
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
so deep, that i didn't even get to scream fuck me!
I never thought I would be able to have that much fun again but last night proved otherwise. Lido Classic has got real cool and comfy seats. I didn't want to get off the chair after the movie ended. Like my cousin said before she landed her ass on the chair, "Ahhhh...this is the life". Whatever that was supposed to mean. Invictus was really awesome-minus the "duh!" dialogue that they had.
Dinner(treat) after that was nice too. If it wasn't for the couple seating next to us. Hehs. Stupid girl kept giving me the smirk. Whatever that was for. Do it too often, and it might be permanent.
Apparently, this girl has got many problems with many guys. Unwanted attraction I suppose. It happens. Really. And with malay guys, it happens way too often that it should. WELL, you can't call me racist because I am one officially. But yeah, I suppose they want something tangible or something that they can actually see there and then. If it's too far off into the distant future, or something ambitious perhaps, they wouldn't really stick to it. Well, I can't help but to laugh at the fact that her mom is pressuring her to get married.
Well, whatever it is, I hope that she would be able to accept my "advice" about guys- especially the ones that she is trying to avoid. Hehs. Now I know that Kinokuniya closes at 9.30 on weekdays.
Rugby today was extremely disappointing. I guess the team isn't really quite ready yet. It was a feeling of betrayal that I felt that me putting my heart and soul into everything wasn't reciprocated or mimic by the rest of the team. Bad calls, bad decisions, bad tackles...bad bad bad! The list goes on really. And yes, I don't know how I am going to recover in time for saturday's game. Right now, i'm just feeling real crappy about myself and the game. Well, as long as others have some faith in me, I'd guess i'll be able to pull through.
If you're going through hell, keep going
Sunday, January 24, 2010
I feel like hell right now.
Partly mostly from the match yesterday. Well, we lost but I sure did have a whole lot of fun playing it. Hehs. Well, the morning didn't start out as good. In fact, it was as PCB as the week before. Those people better get it together. They're just wasting my time of going down only to be at the risk of getting sent back home again.
Well, rugby made up for everything. This is despite the fact that I went down with a terrible headache(shouldn't have slept in the afternoon). So it took me quite awhile to reboot my system. A ciggie didn't help much. So did the redbull. I was still groggy. Well, the sun did quite help a bit. Honestly, I didn't feel like playing that day. The coaches saw it. But they slotted me in anyway. Guess that is how much faith they have in me. Couldn't disappoint them could i? Well I didnt.
At least 3 Ang mohs who's weight tipped over the 100s went home with after a tackle which they will never forget. I was damn lucky that my right shoulder didn't pop out again this time around. Phew! Hehs. The first awesome tackle that I made resulted in the guy going, "AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrghhhh!". He subbed out at halftime. The second guy, whom I have fondly gotten to call him botak jones went, "FUCK!!!" because he thought he was going to score. Hehs. He kneed me in the face and now I have an extra-perky right cheek. The 3rd guy who looks really like Samwise Gamgee went, " OH SHITTTT!!!" as he went over the top before I slammed him into the ground. Yeahhhhhh. Well, sad to say, the 4th guy went down fighting as he took that slight window of opportunity to actually stomp me in the knee. It's as swollen as hell right now.
Well, the trip to school today wasn't much fun either. After a whole morning wasted on my Xbox, i had to drag myself out to actually get some work done. Lo and behold..my bike wouldn't start. Soooooooo...i had the wonderful opportunity of having a go at running start. Hehs. I thought I had just completed a short run with the amount of sweat i was producing.
Well, there you go. Trivialities of my life..or rather, my weekend. I think i should get down to work now.
but would you risk the broken bones, just to call this place home
