Trip's over. Fun's over. At least, that is what i think so. Honestly, i hate coming back from trips because that is when reality hits you. It's just like how it goes when you tripped (literally! you're falling down here!). You're taking a trip. In those mere seconds before you hit "reality", you'd experience a rush of adrenaline, a tinge of fear, a little bit of excitement, frayed pieces of joy-things that you would enjoy when you go on a trip(the holiday kind)- and after that, reality(in the form of the floor or some hard surface) hits you. It hurts, no doubt. Yup. That is how its like for me. It hurts, but i somehow have to get it over with.

Anyway, got to back to work that is long overdue. So how is the post-trip life going to be like? For tuesday, it's 0900hrs rugby coaching. 1230hrs-presentation meeting, 1430hrs-hoping to get some of my work done, 1700hrs-rugby training, 1930hrs-wash up for and have some chow, 2100hrs-finish up my work for today, 0100hrs-head for home.

Hope everything goes according to what i plan. I forsee that it is going to hurt a lot but i shall brace for impact. Same shit, different day

Right now, im supposed to be doing my essay assignment about this movie sepet. But guess what? I somehow forgot what it is all about and so, i have to go and look for the dvd so i can actually get a move on it.

However, i am getting excerpts of the movie here and there so it's kind of helping. But as i am doing this, peacefulness is overwhelming me. I dont know why. I feeling very very calm and at peace. Maybe its the picture. Maybe its the story itself. It's not a chickflick nor the kind of movie guys would like to watch. But guess what? I LOVE THIS KIND OF MOVIES! So yah...nobody understands that. Well, you dont have to understand, just appreciate it. That's all.

Okay, i shall get back to my work but if you guys want to know why i am at peace, go watch the movie. If you have the DVD, quickly lend it to me. I really need to watch it again to do my term paper.

Time is just going past way to fast for me. I feel like it's impossible for me to just sit down and do nothing. Every single second must be filled with an activity else it'll just flow away like that, forever lost. Its like yesterday feels like a million years ago. Memories fleeting away quickly. Not meeting someone for months feels like you haven't met them for years, decades..it feels like they've lived a lifetime ago, in a previous life perhaps.

Time is a damned commodity which we willingly trade in for a little bit of cash to buy us a little bit of happiness. I guess that's how it was intended. The more we work, the more we get to live. Irony CAN be found in that. Sayings like "Working to death" or "Working like hell"are so common that we have to find the humour in it just to relieve ourselves from this daily torture.

Up till now, i wonder. If god intended for us to die, why did he let us live. If god intended for us all to go to heaven, why did he allow us to do bad? Why did he allow for the devil to influence us to do the devil's bidding? Why did he create hell?

These questions can never be answer. As of now, the only thing that holds everything is faith....and yes, cigarettes. I am not questioning god nor his actions. But i wonder, and i hope that the answer becomes apparent.

Armageddon draws near. NO, i am not prophecizing. Rather, its what we see everyday. The signs are showing. The movies are making millions out of this fact...the one thing that everybody fears. Perhaps, this is why people are working harder then ever: the harder they work, the more they are able to live on this world and perhaps get lost in it.

Right now, my mind spins with thoughts of such. But I cover it up with thoughts of humour, of love, of success, of lameness, of everything but what i have just mentioned. Perhaps, this is god's way of testing my faith. If so, then this is proving to be extremely difficult.

NO! I do not deny in the existence of god. I AM NOT AN ATHEIST! Never will i doubt the existence of god. The only existence that i doubt is my own. Fact is, do i really exist? Do we really exist? Try locking yourself up in your home's store room...pitch dark. You dont see anything, you dont know anything...there is no one. YOU ARE ALONE! Then wonder this,"Do i exist?"

There is this one line that has been prominent in my mind. It guides me to the meaning what i am doing-studying. Be it be taken as a form of satire or just another philosophy it has proven to serve me well. That line goes, "Schools are for fools".

Why do we partake in education? Is it because of the paper-chase phenomenon that time and time again has been embedded onto us effortlessly ever since we realized that an education system DO in fact exist? To get ourselves a degree at least so that we will be able to earn so much that we are able to lead decent lives. What is decent? That is up to the individual to decide. I cannot, do not, and will not decide it for you.

If that was the case, then education has failed us all. For it one was to earn so much money, one would not partake in the act of being educated but merely have to work for when you work, you'd earn, money.

Perhaps this is the reason why people study. When you study, you are merely putting yourself into a situation of alienation. You study so that you can earn big bucks. You'd mug so that you'd be able to achieve good grades but throughout the entire semester, you'd put in minimum effort towards your work as you do not see it beneficial in serving you good grades. You would only pick and choose topics out of the entire textbook; ones that would serve you well into getting you those grades. Education thus, has failed you miserably.

Rather, in order for education to succeed you, you do not study but you learn. The distinction between the two is as fine as the strain of your hair after it has been sliced across a dozen times. But the fact is, there is a distinction. To study is to absorb knowledge and use it for the sake of using that knowledge. To learn is to appreciate what a lesson will be teaching you. There is no right or wrong answer for the right answer is the one that you have managed to learn and have convinced others that it is in fact correct.

As what our mothers have always told us when we have made mistake, regretted it and intend to make amends, "So, have you learnt your lesson?"

They do not go, "So, have you studied your lesson?" Perhaps, the down-brining of our education system is that we all want to study. It's not in the fault of our educators but the flaw is in the system itself. The paper chase phenomenon.

To learn is to appreciate a sense of lacking that all have inbuilt. We do know all for if we did, then it would be at our expiration as there is nothing else to learn for us: we have learnt what we need to.

So, are schools for fools? You decide.

Im am damn bloody exhausted from the morning's training. Well, exhausted and dissapointed. But they kind of balance out one another so, i guess, there was some value-addedness to the training.

Let's talk about being dissapointed first. Hmm..to begin with, there was only so many people who turned up. I have no idea what happened to the rest! I mean, if you say you have something on, do make it a general information to the whole team about what is it that you have on. I mean, this is the only way to curb out any sense of prejudice by the rest. I mean, if it was really important, we would understand. I mean, we have lives too dont we?

The dissapoinment doesnt stop there unfortunately. Because they did not turn up, they are going to be deadweight to us all. I mean, instead of us being able to progress, we would have to start off where we started off TODAY and get those who were absent on par before we could actually move on further.

This is extremely exhausting. It is exteremly demoralizing. It comes to the point that i see no point to come down for training because i wont be learning anything new there. It'll just be the "same shit different day" phenomenon occuring over and over again. I mean, its less than 4 weeks to SUNIGs. All of us have something to prove to ourselves, our peers, our team mates, our school mates and to our opponents. Hopefully, just hopefully, everyone has this mentality. Even if it isnt everyone, majority would do.

So basically that sums up everything. And oh yeah, its exhausting also because im fasting. But i cant let up just because of that. That's a really poor excuse one can ever use- fasting. Hiding under your religion just so you can escape abit of hardship? Well well well...isnt that what fasting is all about? Experiencing a little bit of hardship? Else, why did God made us fast for one month in a year? He has his reasons...we have to find it too. Even if we cant, we can always find our own reason to do so. Most of the time, his reason lies within us- we just have to keep searching. It's there...

It's been one hell of a week(maybe weeks) for me. Well, one presentation down! But then, there's at least 2 more presentations to go! Sian.

Let's talk about my view on life. Life is one big parody if you think about it. Well...are you thinking? No? See! That is exactly what i mean. In a sense, it really is stranger than fiction. Things that you never thought would happen ('cause you've never seen it happen before either on TV or in the movies) really happen! I cant think of any solid examples right now because i havent seen one happening to someone. Damn...im talking in circles! If there was a crop field right now, people would think that some alien invasion was about to take place judging from the circles i've made on the crop. Either that, or the farmer would be so pissed that he decided to become a farmee! Hahahahahahax. Ok...im really talking nonsense here.

I really have no source of "inspiration" right now. Usually, moments would inspire me to write about something. Most of the time, it would come to me when im riding (my bike! tsk tsk. what were you thinking?). Then, by the time i get home or reach my destination, i completely forgot what was it that struck me. But im pretty sure it wasnt a big-ass truck or some car driven by some faggot fag!

Anyway...i've found this awesome website! No, its not youtube...its www.punoftheday.com With puns like "The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran." and " The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference." im sure to crack even more lameness that by the end of it all, you wont be able to walk! hahaha...

I really should stop this nonsense right now. Noodles!