I think this has got to be the best weekend I have ever had in such a long time. Guess now I'm hell bent on getting my own car seeing how convenient things can really get with one. Time to sort my finances out before that can happen I guess.
Well, picking up something new is something (for the lack of a better thing to say). Never thought I would ever do ice-skating in my entire life. Yes yes hence the question, "what have you been doing for the past 23 years of your life?". Honestly, I have no idea. Guess my life had been pretty mundane so far. But this reinvention of myself seems to be working for me- testing out my limits and set out for new possibilities.
But such ambitions do have it's consequnces. Being a worry-what doesn't help that much either. I really can't help it but to think of the consequences of my actions through. It's like an innate thing that dwells within me. Could be a good thing because that would mean me punching every single nincompoop who annoys me(eg walking so slowly infron of me, talking so slowly on the phone and the works).
But at the same time, that could be a bane as well as it prevents me for putting everything I have in it and not caring about if I crash out. Last night would be fine example. And yes, I do envy those kids who are not afraid of falling down or wiping out. Prolly one of the reasons why being childish could be good as well(in a positive connotation that is).
Also, the conversations that happened lately were about one central theme: how do you figure out if the person is the one? How does one determine if that is the person whom you want to be spending the rest of your life with? For me, like everything else, I'd go with my gut feeling. Right now, a song from The Kooks would really come in with strong relevance. Haha!
Anyway, this gut feeling comes to of a great importance for me. After all, if one doesn't feel right with doing something, it might not turn into a right most of the time. On the hindsight, it could a delayed reaction towards getting the "right" feeling.
But how does one differentiate between "the one" and "the next one?". I guess most of us do not have a list penned out or thought off yet. For me, I still think that it has been predetermined. That said, without effort, we can never get to that predetermined destination but rather remain stagnant. As the saying goes, one fill something one needs when one isn't even looking for one at all.
Right now, i've lost my train of thought as the effects of the awesome weekend is dawning on me. I stupidly left my charger in the school, my left knee is hurting and I'm feeling rather sian that that's over. Shall set up for more things to look forward to I guess?
Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
After so many years since I stepped into a club, I finally convinced my friends to go bring me to one. Stepping in into one reminded me why it has been years since I've ever stepped into one: It's just not for me. `I guess I'm kinda uptight and all. A couple of hours in and I decided to go with the flow. Felt a whole lot better after all that.
It was interesting really to notice the crowd. From the haircut, I could tell that the boys are all probably still serving National Service with the highest rank being a cadet. The girls on the other hand are quite something. It was quite dark with light strobes running all over the place so I couldn't really tell about the girls except when we were suddenly surrounded by them.
I can tell I won't be going there anytime soon unless 1) I am dragged into going or 2) There's an event which I have to attend. Loud music is for me to listen when I'm on the road. Last I ever had strobe lights were meant to confuse me so that my shots would be off target. And hmm..I'm just plain uptight.
I need to loosen up a little. 2 more years till I graduate and the grades are still stagnating where they exactly were when in my first semester. And I thought they were supposed to be gradually increasing.
I guess it's a spillover of whatever happened the previous semester. Time heals all wounds is simply rubbish. If anything, it can only make you forget. Other than that, the wound is still there, just no visible enough for us to take much notice of it. But we all manage. But is that really the best that we can do?
For me, I choose to reinvent myself. After all, if I let others plan my life, there's really going to be nothing much going on since they have got nothing much planned for me. I suppose that's why I wanted to go clubbing last night. See if that would suit the "new" me. After all, after 10 years of playing rugby and mix and mash of several martial arts, it is time for me to slacken a little bit and enjoy life's parties.
However, clubbing isn't really for me after all. I guess, I'm going to stick with the chillaxing kind of fun? I still want to drive/bike around the world. Though with restricted finances, it'll probably around Asia at most for now. But in a couple of months time, I'm thinking of taking the train up north and see where the train ride takes me. And no, I am not talking about going to Hogwarts or taking the MRT. That sure does ought to be something.
To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
It was interesting really to notice the crowd. From the haircut, I could tell that the boys are all probably still serving National Service with the highest rank being a cadet. The girls on the other hand are quite something. It was quite dark with light strobes running all over the place so I couldn't really tell about the girls except when we were suddenly surrounded by them.
I can tell I won't be going there anytime soon unless 1) I am dragged into going or 2) There's an event which I have to attend. Loud music is for me to listen when I'm on the road. Last I ever had strobe lights were meant to confuse me so that my shots would be off target. And hmm..I'm just plain uptight.
I need to loosen up a little. 2 more years till I graduate and the grades are still stagnating where they exactly were when in my first semester. And I thought they were supposed to be gradually increasing.
I guess it's a spillover of whatever happened the previous semester. Time heals all wounds is simply rubbish. If anything, it can only make you forget. Other than that, the wound is still there, just no visible enough for us to take much notice of it. But we all manage. But is that really the best that we can do?
For me, I choose to reinvent myself. After all, if I let others plan my life, there's really going to be nothing much going on since they have got nothing much planned for me. I suppose that's why I wanted to go clubbing last night. See if that would suit the "new" me. After all, after 10 years of playing rugby and mix and mash of several martial arts, it is time for me to slacken a little bit and enjoy life's parties.
However, clubbing isn't really for me after all. I guess, I'm going to stick with the chillaxing kind of fun? I still want to drive/bike around the world. Though with restricted finances, it'll probably around Asia at most for now. But in a couple of months time, I'm thinking of taking the train up north and see where the train ride takes me. And no, I am not talking about going to Hogwarts or taking the MRT. That sure does ought to be something.
To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Whoever said that smoking is bad for a person simply has no sense of being. Of all things that can bind people together, two tops the list: over a cigarette or over a drink. That said, I do not mean things literally because doing so might just win you the Jackass of the Year award even though we are only a quarter of the way through the year.
I mean sure it can be detrimental to your health. Then again, what isn't? Even something as "healthy" as going for a walk can be detrimental if you overdo it. I am not suggesting moderation here nor am I not not suggesting it. I am not suggesting anything. All I am saying that too much of something kills, too little of it kills too. Find the perfect balance (of High and Low).
That said, I made a couple of new friends over smokes (while waiting for my friends to arrive to watch Ro Bin Hood). A stranger asking for a light ended up in a light conversation of how the system is screwing PRs like him. A few minutes later, another uncle came and ask for a light. And the conversation picked up from there. In the world of smoking(or drinking for that matter), there are no such thing as strangers.
What is a stranger? A person that you don't know? A person that doesn't know you? Truth be told, nobody knows every single person that lives on this island country of ours. WE just assume that there are over 5million people living here. We are so certain of this that we do not stop to ask ourselves, "Are there really 5 million people?". We just assume that they exist though we have NEVER (and it'll probably stay that way) that there are indeed 5 million people.
If so, what if we met someone for the first time but can be engaging in a conversation as if we've known them for years on end. It was as if that the meeting was just like the previous ones even though there are no previous ones. How does one explain that? I am curious about that myself.
On a different note, I've been having rather strange dreams lately. It's recurrence is so high that it is not strange to me anymore. Every night its the same thing over and over again. I'll be either fighting something or someone. But last night's was particularly weird. Everything was so vivid. The pain of getting shot felt real. The weight of the pistol I carried felt real. So was the recoil of each shot. And the pain of losing the people that I truly care about felt real too.
It was like this: during the conflict, I lost track of my family members. So I accessed the database to search for them. Each search yielded the exact response: KIA. WTF! Everything felt very real. I saw the faces of the people in my dream. Even the most veteran soldier that I know of in the SAF was in it. The exasperated look on his face says it all: All hope is lost.
I don't know why Im writing all of this but yeah I am. hahahaha! Okay, apparently, I have lost track of what I really wanted to say so yeah.
If all is not lost, then where is it?
I mean sure it can be detrimental to your health. Then again, what isn't? Even something as "healthy" as going for a walk can be detrimental if you overdo it. I am not suggesting moderation here nor am I not not suggesting it. I am not suggesting anything. All I am saying that too much of something kills, too little of it kills too. Find the perfect balance (of High and Low).
That said, I made a couple of new friends over smokes (while waiting for my friends to arrive to watch Ro Bin Hood). A stranger asking for a light ended up in a light conversation of how the system is screwing PRs like him. A few minutes later, another uncle came and ask for a light. And the conversation picked up from there. In the world of smoking(or drinking for that matter), there are no such thing as strangers.
What is a stranger? A person that you don't know? A person that doesn't know you? Truth be told, nobody knows every single person that lives on this island country of ours. WE just assume that there are over 5million people living here. We are so certain of this that we do not stop to ask ourselves, "Are there really 5 million people?". We just assume that they exist though we have NEVER (and it'll probably stay that way) that there are indeed 5 million people.
If so, what if we met someone for the first time but can be engaging in a conversation as if we've known them for years on end. It was as if that the meeting was just like the previous ones even though there are no previous ones. How does one explain that? I am curious about that myself.
On a different note, I've been having rather strange dreams lately. It's recurrence is so high that it is not strange to me anymore. Every night its the same thing over and over again. I'll be either fighting something or someone. But last night's was particularly weird. Everything was so vivid. The pain of getting shot felt real. The weight of the pistol I carried felt real. So was the recoil of each shot. And the pain of losing the people that I truly care about felt real too.
It was like this: during the conflict, I lost track of my family members. So I accessed the database to search for them. Each search yielded the exact response: KIA. WTF! Everything felt very real. I saw the faces of the people in my dream. Even the most veteran soldier that I know of in the SAF was in it. The exasperated look on his face says it all: All hope is lost.
I don't know why Im writing all of this but yeah I am. hahahaha! Okay, apparently, I have lost track of what I really wanted to say so yeah.
If all is not lost, then where is it?
Monday, May 24, 2010
I don’t know what to say, really. Three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives. All comes down to today, and either, we heal as a team, or we're gonna crumble. Inch by inch, play by play. Until we're finished.
We're in hell right now, gentlemen. Believe me. And, we can stay here, get the shit kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb outta hell... one inch at a time. Now I can't do it for ya, I'm too old. I look around, I see these young faces and I think, I mean, I've made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make. I, uh, I've pissed away all my money, believe it or not. I chased off anyone who's ever loved me. And lately, I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror. You know, when you get old, in life, things get taken from you. I mean, that's... that's... that's a part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losin' stuff. You find out life's this game of inches, so is football.
Because in either game - life or football - the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow, too fast and you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They're in every break of the game, every minute, every second.
On this team we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when add up all those inches, that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying! I'll tell you this, in any fight it's the guy whose willing to die whose gonna win that inch. And I know, if I'm gonna have any life anymore it's because I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch, because that's what living is, the six inches in front of your face.
Now I can't make you do it. You've got to look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes. Now I think ya going to see a guy who will go that inch with you. Your gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team, because he knows when it comes down to it your gonna do the same for him. That's a team, gentlemen, and either, we heal, now, as a team, or we will die as individuals. That's football guys, that's all it is. Now, what are you gonna do?
-From Any Given Sunday
And I'll be here by the ocean
Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every waves drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours
Just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?"
With a tear in His voice, He said, "Son, that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
Boredom got the better of me as I googled my night away after a rather awesome day with my secondary school mates. Things just never gets old with them. Anyway, I was searching for meaning of things and I decided to google the meaning of my name as well. I don't know how accurate it could be but on certain points, I kind of agree with what it says. Let's see.
Your first name, Fadzil, makes you independent, resourceful, practical, and patient.
This could have some truth to it. But I guess only others could tell if I really am like that? Independent? My parents seems to think so since they trusted me with the most dangerous thing that any parent wants their child to do: Own a bike. Resourceful? Perhaps. People have found out that they don't really need to know how I do it, just that they have to request for it and there is a high possibility that they might just get it (:. Practical? Sometimes I can not be practical about things. But most of the time, I'd do things if they are within my means. If not, screw it! Patient? Hmm...it really does take A LOT to piss me off (even just a little).
You could be inventive along scientific or technical lines
I really should have taken that offer by NP 7 years ago. Who knows, I might be in MIT right now or something hehs. Well, I do tend to improvise on things rather quickly. Can be quite handy around the house but only when I'm in the mood for it.
Although you are not naturally spontaneous in musical or artistic expression, you can develop technical proficiency along these lines
I think I CAN pick up on things rather quickly. Just a little bit of time and a little bit of patience and I can learn new things quickly. Hmm..maybe I should consider acting? HA!
You are fussy about details and seek perfection in whatever you undertake
Information is what runs everything. But I'm not sure if I really am a perfectionist. I mean, I'll take pains and measures not to let something screw-up whatever I have planned. But a perfectionist? Though I have received comments that I am quite a perfectionist, I have doubts on that myself.
Being somewhat wilful and skeptical, you learn best through your own experiences and seek proof though facts
In other words, I can be very stubborn on somethings. I don't take what people advise me on rather easily. If it's trouble that I am heading towards to, I'd rather head towards that trouble just so that I can really feel the full effects of the consequences.
In other words, I can be quite distrustful of people as well. When there's something that needs to be done, I'd rather do it myself. I guess that's really a bane for me.
You work best alone, making your own decisions, and learning from your own experiences
In the Army, I have demonstrated quite a number of times that I work best alone. A one man army, The Unit Man, etc. In JC, I took the running of the team into my own hands- relegating everyone else from running it. I felt that the outcome was still rather good. Isn't this kind of the same as the previous point?
Despite your loyalty to friends, your communication at times is stilted, too candid, and frank
Does this mean that people do not take me seriously at times? Maybe because they're my friends that I am like that because when I am serious, nobody will like me. Seriously. Even I don't like myself when I am serious. I am dead serious about this! Hahah
The name Fadzil creates the urge to be creative and original, but we point out that it limits your versatility and scope, tuning you to technical details
Am I really that niau? Like I said, I don't want anything to screw up. Not if I can help it.
This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses centring in the head, and in the stomach and intestinal organs
A psychology professor told me the same thing before! Exactly the same thing! He says that when I'm out to achieve something, I tend to neglect everything else; everything else being my own health and stuff like that.
Well, I don't know how true this all could be. Then again, it takes someone to know me well enough to actually be able to say anything about this. Well, if you ever want to try it out, do visit www.kabalarians.com (: Maybe that will give you an insight to your own name. DO share it with me once you've find out.
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where the should be. Now put the foundations under them
Just waiting for proof that there's sunsets and silhouette dreams
All my sand castles fall like the ashes of cigarettes
And every waves drags me to sea
I could stand here for hours
Just to ask God the question, "Is everyone here make-believe?"
With a tear in His voice, He said, "Son, that's the question."
Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?
Boredom got the better of me as I googled my night away after a rather awesome day with my secondary school mates. Things just never gets old with them. Anyway, I was searching for meaning of things and I decided to google the meaning of my name as well. I don't know how accurate it could be but on certain points, I kind of agree with what it says. Let's see.
Your first name, Fadzil, makes you independent, resourceful, practical, and patient.
This could have some truth to it. But I guess only others could tell if I really am like that? Independent? My parents seems to think so since they trusted me with the most dangerous thing that any parent wants their child to do: Own a bike. Resourceful? Perhaps. People have found out that they don't really need to know how I do it, just that they have to request for it and there is a high possibility that they might just get it (:. Practical? Sometimes I can not be practical about things. But most of the time, I'd do things if they are within my means. If not, screw it! Patient? Hmm...it really does take A LOT to piss me off (even just a little).
You could be inventive along scientific or technical lines
I really should have taken that offer by NP 7 years ago. Who knows, I might be in MIT right now or something hehs. Well, I do tend to improvise on things rather quickly. Can be quite handy around the house but only when I'm in the mood for it.
Although you are not naturally spontaneous in musical or artistic expression, you can develop technical proficiency along these lines
I think I CAN pick up on things rather quickly. Just a little bit of time and a little bit of patience and I can learn new things quickly. Hmm..maybe I should consider acting? HA!
You are fussy about details and seek perfection in whatever you undertake
Information is what runs everything. But I'm not sure if I really am a perfectionist. I mean, I'll take pains and measures not to let something screw-up whatever I have planned. But a perfectionist? Though I have received comments that I am quite a perfectionist, I have doubts on that myself.
Being somewhat wilful and skeptical, you learn best through your own experiences and seek proof though facts
In other words, I can be very stubborn on somethings. I don't take what people advise me on rather easily. If it's trouble that I am heading towards to, I'd rather head towards that trouble just so that I can really feel the full effects of the consequences.
In other words, I can be quite distrustful of people as well. When there's something that needs to be done, I'd rather do it myself. I guess that's really a bane for me.
You work best alone, making your own decisions, and learning from your own experiences
In the Army, I have demonstrated quite a number of times that I work best alone. A one man army, The Unit Man, etc. In JC, I took the running of the team into my own hands- relegating everyone else from running it. I felt that the outcome was still rather good. Isn't this kind of the same as the previous point?
Despite your loyalty to friends, your communication at times is stilted, too candid, and frank
Does this mean that people do not take me seriously at times? Maybe because they're my friends that I am like that because when I am serious, nobody will like me. Seriously. Even I don't like myself when I am serious. I am dead serious about this! Hahah
The name Fadzil creates the urge to be creative and original, but we point out that it limits your versatility and scope, tuning you to technical details
Am I really that niau? Like I said, I don't want anything to screw up. Not if I can help it.
This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses centring in the head, and in the stomach and intestinal organs
A psychology professor told me the same thing before! Exactly the same thing! He says that when I'm out to achieve something, I tend to neglect everything else; everything else being my own health and stuff like that.
Well, I don't know how true this all could be. Then again, it takes someone to know me well enough to actually be able to say anything about this. Well, if you ever want to try it out, do visit www.kabalarians.com (: Maybe that will give you an insight to your own name. DO share it with me once you've find out.
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where the should be. Now put the foundations under them
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Everything happens for a reason doesn't seem to stick well with many. I used to believe it with such furor that I was fatalistically fatalistic. But over time, as naivety wore off, I grew a lot wiser (though still no wisdom teeth). I guess, whatever is happening over the past few months have made me someone different. Like I've said before, I am reinventing myself. Some might not like it because to some, it might be because they can never have what I want to have- a really good life.
It's really not fair for someone to instigate the whole thing and then having to blame someone else for it just so that they don't feel so bad to begin with.
And once again, I've digressed. Anyway, everything is to be taken with a pinch of salt because if you grab a handful, you're just going to die of high-blood pressure. In other words, it's going to kill you from the inside. I remember in JC when friends ask me, "Why are you so uppity most of the time when we are all stressed (from studying for the A levels)?" My answer was classic. I told them that everything happens for a reason. Whatever happens was probably meant to happen anyway. IF I was meant to pass my A levels and head on to JC I definitely would. If I wasn't supposed to head off into that direction, no amount of effort can change that. Not even if I cracked my head a thousand times over. Not even if I had to stay in JC for four years. Not even if re-took my A levels many times over. In that way, I believed that life has been pretty much scripted. We are merely passengers going along for the ride.
It also provided for a good excuse to be continue playing rugby all the way till the last match which was on the weekend before the first paper *sniggers*
That said, fatalism used to run deep within me. Army changed all that for me. It was only at that point of time when I was in SISPEC that I learned that I had to use effort to grow. Fatalism didn't run well with the instructors. Though feedback came hard and dry, I could see that my effort affected the lives of others. It somehow made life bearable then. For those who have no idea what SISPEC means: Suffer In Silence Plus Extra Confinement. Yeap! But effort on my part and everybody else's really made life bearable and even enjoyable then. When I went into my unit, I transferred that into my men as well. I don't know if I am the only Sergeant who punished his men for taking their own sweet time to book out. But I really pressed them into putting in effort as well and then help them translate that effort into rewards.
Oh, by the way, that only started in SISPEC because in BMT, I would work my butt off everyday but I still(like many other hopeful young boys), were not selected for OCS.
I could still remember the disappointment that my platoon mates expressed when I told them that I wasn't going to be joining them at OCS
So university started and I thought, lets try it here as well. Despite the naysayers who's been continually telling me that it was really no point that I try so hard because at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. I guess, naysayers are all part of life. Then again, I do get a sense of satisfaction from wanting to prove others wrong. So far, that has worked out pretty well for me.
Then again, everyone is treading between the two extremes: not trying at all and trying too hard. Just doing enough is hard. This has nothing to do with doing everything within moderation but putting in the right amount of effort to effect change. Too little or too much, and you might just end up with how Bangkok is right now- in a state of emergency.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Everyday, we are just rolling with the punches and deal with changes the best we know of. That said, it is not all that bad. Because if whatever is meant to happen, happens then I can assure you that it happens for a good reason. Sometimes, our mind and heart is too convoluted to see that reason at the moment. But, not everything comes at once. It's been weaved into our lives one at a time. Like what George Bernard Shaw once said, "Time is this thing that prevents everything from happening at the same time." I don't think anyone is able to handle that. Imagine having stomach ache and feeling hungry at the same time. I wonder how that feels like.
to be believed, make the truth unbelievable
It's really not fair for someone to instigate the whole thing and then having to blame someone else for it just so that they don't feel so bad to begin with.
And once again, I've digressed. Anyway, everything is to be taken with a pinch of salt because if you grab a handful, you're just going to die of high-blood pressure. In other words, it's going to kill you from the inside. I remember in JC when friends ask me, "Why are you so uppity most of the time when we are all stressed (from studying for the A levels)?" My answer was classic. I told them that everything happens for a reason. Whatever happens was probably meant to happen anyway. IF I was meant to pass my A levels and head on to JC I definitely would. If I wasn't supposed to head off into that direction, no amount of effort can change that. Not even if I cracked my head a thousand times over. Not even if I had to stay in JC for four years. Not even if re-took my A levels many times over. In that way, I believed that life has been pretty much scripted. We are merely passengers going along for the ride.
It also provided for a good excuse to be continue playing rugby all the way till the last match which was on the weekend before the first paper *sniggers*
That said, fatalism used to run deep within me. Army changed all that for me. It was only at that point of time when I was in SISPEC that I learned that I had to use effort to grow. Fatalism didn't run well with the instructors. Though feedback came hard and dry, I could see that my effort affected the lives of others. It somehow made life bearable then. For those who have no idea what SISPEC means: Suffer In Silence Plus Extra Confinement. Yeap! But effort on my part and everybody else's really made life bearable and even enjoyable then. When I went into my unit, I transferred that into my men as well. I don't know if I am the only Sergeant who punished his men for taking their own sweet time to book out. But I really pressed them into putting in effort as well and then help them translate that effort into rewards.
Oh, by the way, that only started in SISPEC because in BMT, I would work my butt off everyday but I still(like many other hopeful young boys), were not selected for OCS.
I could still remember the disappointment that my platoon mates expressed when I told them that I wasn't going to be joining them at OCS
So university started and I thought, lets try it here as well. Despite the naysayers who's been continually telling me that it was really no point that I try so hard because at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. I guess, naysayers are all part of life. Then again, I do get a sense of satisfaction from wanting to prove others wrong. So far, that has worked out pretty well for me.
Then again, everyone is treading between the two extremes: not trying at all and trying too hard. Just doing enough is hard. This has nothing to do with doing everything within moderation but putting in the right amount of effort to effect change. Too little or too much, and you might just end up with how Bangkok is right now- in a state of emergency.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Everyday, we are just rolling with the punches and deal with changes the best we know of. That said, it is not all that bad. Because if whatever is meant to happen, happens then I can assure you that it happens for a good reason. Sometimes, our mind and heart is too convoluted to see that reason at the moment. But, not everything comes at once. It's been weaved into our lives one at a time. Like what George Bernard Shaw once said, "Time is this thing that prevents everything from happening at the same time." I don't think anyone is able to handle that. Imagine having stomach ache and feeling hungry at the same time. I wonder how that feels like.
to be believed, make the truth unbelievable
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Heroes get remembered; Legends Never Die
Training starts now. Rugby season is just around the corner. On top of that, I've got reservist coming so I've got to be in tip top shape. It's just too bad that I'm just a part time soldier (although, it really seems that I'm a part time student instead), because being full time soldier can only mean consistent top shape for me.
Reading, listening, watching about special soldiers has only made me crave more to be part of that special group. Someone special. That's all that I want to be. Train with the best, fight with the best and therefore, I will be the best. I just got to find out that they do accept applications from NSmen. Guess I'm going to ramp up my fitness and try to apply again. Hopefully, my application goes through this time around. After application, then I can think about selection and so on after that. Sure the money isn't that good. It's a chance of a lifetime. And I only have one opportunity at everything. Then again, I could always try to live forever OR die trying.
Injuries that I've incurred over the past season seems to be following me into this season. Dislocated shoulder(the other one almost dislocating), knee injuries, a squashed foot (no it is not a fruit juice), a strained hip flexor and probably a million and one things are still haunting me. It really sucks because that means I am not able to put in my maximum effort without fear that my body might just give way. However, being the stubborn kid I was(still am), I shall push through and smash through. After all, A life lived as a sheep is a life not worth living. A life lived as a Lion is a life worth living no matter the consequences
I am no hero in what I do. But I shall be a Legend
Training starts now. Rugby season is just around the corner. On top of that, I've got reservist coming so I've got to be in tip top shape. It's just too bad that I'm just a part time soldier (although, it really seems that I'm a part time student instead), because being full time soldier can only mean consistent top shape for me.
Reading, listening, watching about special soldiers has only made me crave more to be part of that special group. Someone special. That's all that I want to be. Train with the best, fight with the best and therefore, I will be the best. I just got to find out that they do accept applications from NSmen. Guess I'm going to ramp up my fitness and try to apply again. Hopefully, my application goes through this time around. After application, then I can think about selection and so on after that. Sure the money isn't that good. It's a chance of a lifetime. And I only have one opportunity at everything. Then again, I could always try to live forever OR die trying.
Injuries that I've incurred over the past season seems to be following me into this season. Dislocated shoulder(the other one almost dislocating), knee injuries, a squashed foot (no it is not a fruit juice), a strained hip flexor and probably a million and one things are still haunting me. It really sucks because that means I am not able to put in my maximum effort without fear that my body might just give way. However, being the stubborn kid I was(still am), I shall push through and smash through. After all, A life lived as a sheep is a life not worth living. A life lived as a Lion is a life worth living no matter the consequences
I am no hero in what I do. But I shall be a Legend
Monday, May 17, 2010
What seemed like a dingy weekend turned to be quite swell. Taking chances and just being rand can actually turn out to be a really good thing afterall. That used to be my mojo. Slowly but surely, I guess I am rediscovering that once more. It's pretty no holds bar this time around. Even though there were no wild parties involved, I think I'm rather pleased with all that has happened so far. Well, actually, it's a 3 months and 2 weeks weekend for me due to the extended summer vacation thanks to some YOG thing going on. I'm not complaining, well not yet anyway since I haven't gotten to the point of a shortened Christmas/New Year break yet. The bitchin' and moanin' has yet to arrive.
I think I've found the weekness of my wallet: books. I can beleige I actually spent over $70 for some books which I could have borrowed from the library. Then again, I guess it's all part of the grand plan to build myself a library consisting of books which I will probably never read again once I'm done with them. Hell! I don't think I would even be willing to spend that much on textbooks! Most of the textbooks that are required for my lessons are mostly photocopied. Hehs.
Today was no different from yesterday. Being bored out of my skull can drive me to do random stuff. So, I packed up all my library books and headed down to the library next to JP thinking that it was going to be empty. Turns out, the place was crawling with kids studying for their O levels. Hahaha! The urge to tell them that I didn't have to study for my O levels and am still where I am right now. But that could be detrimental to them so I eventually didn't hehs.
The sights and sounds that I got while at the library was somewhat rather interesting. I had an old lady walking pass me with a can- farting every step of the way. You remember those pesky squeaky shoes that you wore when you were younger just so that your parents know where you are? I guess it's the same for her: so that her maid knows where she is. (btw, if you had a lot of kids wearing those damn squeaky shoes, you can slip out from your parents sight and then do whatever you want. That's what I did. Let's hope my kids won't do that to me should I ever have any)
As if that wasn't enough, an old man was caught scratching his crotch as he stood next to me. Kinda makes me wonder why I attract such people. Hahaha! Anyway, he gave me THE STARE when I chanced upon his act of relieving himself. If I had a warrant card, he'd be giving me THE STARE behind bars. And no, it's not the kind that you can drinks from.
Anyway, being random has it's perks too! The Losers was simple awesome!!! I have came up with a theory: the lesser hype the movie recieves, the better it actually is! That's what happens fo Rocket Singh where I was the only "other" while the entire theatre was fillled with Indians. Hahaha!
Taking chances and making anew
I think I've found the weekness of my wallet: books. I can beleige I actually spent over $70 for some books which I could have borrowed from the library. Then again, I guess it's all part of the grand plan to build myself a library consisting of books which I will probably never read again once I'm done with them. Hell! I don't think I would even be willing to spend that much on textbooks! Most of the textbooks that are required for my lessons are mostly photocopied. Hehs.
Today was no different from yesterday. Being bored out of my skull can drive me to do random stuff. So, I packed up all my library books and headed down to the library next to JP thinking that it was going to be empty. Turns out, the place was crawling with kids studying for their O levels. Hahaha! The urge to tell them that I didn't have to study for my O levels and am still where I am right now. But that could be detrimental to them so I eventually didn't hehs.
The sights and sounds that I got while at the library was somewhat rather interesting. I had an old lady walking pass me with a can- farting every step of the way. You remember those pesky squeaky shoes that you wore when you were younger just so that your parents know where you are? I guess it's the same for her: so that her maid knows where she is. (btw, if you had a lot of kids wearing those damn squeaky shoes, you can slip out from your parents sight and then do whatever you want. That's what I did. Let's hope my kids won't do that to me should I ever have any)
As if that wasn't enough, an old man was caught scratching his crotch as he stood next to me. Kinda makes me wonder why I attract such people. Hahaha! Anyway, he gave me THE STARE when I chanced upon his act of relieving himself. If I had a warrant card, he'd be giving me THE STARE behind bars. And no, it's not the kind that you can drinks from.
Anyway, being random has it's perks too! The Losers was simple awesome!!! I have came up with a theory: the lesser hype the movie recieves, the better it actually is! That's what happens fo Rocket Singh where I was the only "other" while the entire theatre was fillled with Indians. Hahaha!
Taking chances and making anew
Saturday, May 15, 2010
As I waste my Saturday away in front of my TV, I am left listless and at the same time clueless as to what to do. It seems that my days can be quite boring and my nights? Well, I tire out too fast :S. So what the hell right?
On the ride home from work, I had a couple of thoughts about knowledge. Remember that stupid kids show about knowing it all, yeah, I can hardly remember the name of the show but what I do remember is their tagline- "Knowledge is power!" I couldn't agree more. The lack of it could only mean the lack of power.
So, while sinking in the sea of boredomness, I shall share a teeny weeny bit about how to ride a bike. Bike as in motorbike not a bicycle(already, I can hear all the environmentalist going "Nooooooo!! Well, you are using your computer to reading this jackass! So that makes you a hypocritical environmentalist! Ha!).
Firstly, having the right type of bike is essential. If yours is in the under 200CC category, act like it. No point having a real nice design if it makes your bike unnecessarily heavy. It just makes it slow, unstable and idiotically expensive (all thanks to extra body parts. Should you washout, if it lands on you, it's going to hamper your recovery. Plus when you send it for repairs, the bulk of your money goes into fixing out the cosmetic damages despite it having no effect on the performance of your bike.
Secondly, having the right kind of tire affects the way you ride too. I can only recommend Battlax Bridgestone tires. That sonofabitch sticks to the road like glue. I can make corners at speeds in excess of 80km/h. At that speed, cornering really scares the shit out of you. I'm lucky I've never soiled my pants before. Having it at the right pressure helps too. Too deflated and your turns will be all floppy and unstable. Too inflated and your stability on a straight would be just as bad. So it's really a game of trial and error.
That said, the bike only makes up for less than 40% for its performance. The other 60-80% comes from the rider itself. The pillion only makes up for less than 1% of how the bike performs. It's about choosing the right line. Nothing should be done abruptly. Like drifting, its connecting a series of banking that helps you get out alive. But if you have a really big head, nothing is going to help.
A conversation with a new friend whom I've made at a bike shop truly enlightened me as to how I should ride and all. He taught me everything that I needed to know more. Getting my bike fixed up has never been so entertaining. Hehs.
Again, what seems like a good thing to write about has faltered halfway through. Damn..
SOMETIMES ITS THE SMALLEST DECISION THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER
On the ride home from work, I had a couple of thoughts about knowledge. Remember that stupid kids show about knowing it all, yeah, I can hardly remember the name of the show but what I do remember is their tagline- "Knowledge is power!" I couldn't agree more. The lack of it could only mean the lack of power.
So, while sinking in the sea of boredomness, I shall share a teeny weeny bit about how to ride a bike. Bike as in motorbike not a bicycle(already, I can hear all the environmentalist going "Nooooooo!! Well, you are using your computer to reading this jackass! So that makes you a hypocritical environmentalist! Ha!).
Firstly, having the right type of bike is essential. If yours is in the under 200CC category, act like it. No point having a real nice design if it makes your bike unnecessarily heavy. It just makes it slow, unstable and idiotically expensive (all thanks to extra body parts. Should you washout, if it lands on you, it's going to hamper your recovery. Plus when you send it for repairs, the bulk of your money goes into fixing out the cosmetic damages despite it having no effect on the performance of your bike.
Secondly, having the right kind of tire affects the way you ride too. I can only recommend Battlax Bridgestone tires. That sonofabitch sticks to the road like glue. I can make corners at speeds in excess of 80km/h. At that speed, cornering really scares the shit out of you. I'm lucky I've never soiled my pants before. Having it at the right pressure helps too. Too deflated and your turns will be all floppy and unstable. Too inflated and your stability on a straight would be just as bad. So it's really a game of trial and error.
That said, the bike only makes up for less than 40% for its performance. The other 60-80% comes from the rider itself. The pillion only makes up for less than 1% of how the bike performs. It's about choosing the right line. Nothing should be done abruptly. Like drifting, its connecting a series of banking that helps you get out alive. But if you have a really big head, nothing is going to help.
A conversation with a new friend whom I've made at a bike shop truly enlightened me as to how I should ride and all. He taught me everything that I needed to know more. Getting my bike fixed up has never been so entertaining. Hehs.
Again, what seems like a good thing to write about has faltered halfway through. Damn..
SOMETIMES ITS THE SMALLEST DECISION THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER
Thursday, May 13, 2010
A bike ride a couple of nights ago got me to thinking: What should I do after I graduate? Frankly, I don't know. I want to be a solider but the local one doesn't seem too keen on hiring me. I guess it's all thanks to that teeny weeny black mark that I have in my records. Then again, if you can give criminals a second(sometimes, third or tenth) chance, I'm sure they are able to give me a second chance to prove to them what the best stuff are made of.
A meet-up with a couple of JC buddies got me to realize. Why DIDN'T I major in economics. I can sure as hell explain what it is all about. Writing about it is a different story altogether though hehs. I reasoned that I really wanted to study psychology. But since I didn't get that, sociology naturally as a second choice as they are kinda related. Well, I've already taken the leap. Now all I can do is to land a perfect 10 landing.
I was also thinking about what to do when I graduate. A couple of things that I have thought off.
1) Taking a Private Pilot License which would cost me no more than 30k. But first, I'd have to figure out a way to make that much money.
2) Take up skydiving. A full certification would cost me less than 4k.
3) Ride/Drive around the world. That would cost me an entire year and also at least 10k. Perhaps, I could get sponsorship and turn it into a TV show ( oh no!! not another one!! right?).
I have yet to think of number 4 onwards. Maybe, just maybe, I can accomplish everything? It's seemingly impossible but if i can squeeze 3 weeks worth of equipment and clothing into just 2 duffel bags, I'm sure that could be possible too. Yes, I am certainly aware of the difference in significance in terms of the analogy used. But I think you catch my drift.
First, I've got to find a way to at least triple what I earn on a part-time basis before I graduate. That ought to give me a cushiony head start.
A meet-up with a couple of JC buddies got me to realize. Why DIDN'T I major in economics. I can sure as hell explain what it is all about. Writing about it is a different story altogether though hehs. I reasoned that I really wanted to study psychology. But since I didn't get that, sociology naturally as a second choice as they are kinda related. Well, I've already taken the leap. Now all I can do is to land a perfect 10 landing.
I was also thinking about what to do when I graduate. A couple of things that I have thought off.
1) Taking a Private Pilot License which would cost me no more than 30k. But first, I'd have to figure out a way to make that much money.
2) Take up skydiving. A full certification would cost me less than 4k.
3) Ride/Drive around the world. That would cost me an entire year and also at least 10k. Perhaps, I could get sponsorship and turn it into a TV show ( oh no!! not another one!! right?).
I have yet to think of number 4 onwards. Maybe, just maybe, I can accomplish everything? It's seemingly impossible but if i can squeeze 3 weeks worth of equipment and clothing into just 2 duffel bags, I'm sure that could be possible too. Yes, I am certainly aware of the difference in significance in terms of the analogy used. But I think you catch my drift.
First, I've got to find a way to at least triple what I earn on a part-time basis before I graduate. That ought to give me a cushiony head start.
Sunday, May 09, 2010
It's been days since I've finished my 2nd year of univeristy and it seems as though the days just drags on by. It's as if I am looking forward towards something although I am still not quite sure what that something really is. Either that, or there is nothinguch to look forward to. It's just do something if it ever comes up. If not, there will just be nothing for me to look forward to as there really isn't anything for me to do at all.
Well I guess this time around, things are just going to be different. Way different than it used to be. Let's just say that the 22nd and 28th of
May are just dates to me now which brings no significance to anyone else(even if they wanted
to). Guess that's how life is(very cheesy I know). Oh well, life is also a series of tongue biting parades. Most of the time, I find myself in tha situation- not being able
to say the things that I really wanted to say. Can't blame anyone on this. It could be because somethings are just worth mentioning- or so I tend to make others think. Perhaps I just don't want to be ruining the lives of others more than I have already did. Having my moves and what I say(even here) scrutanized only makes things
worse. Hence, I can only do one thing and one thing only - biting my tongue just to
get me by.
NOT SAYING THE THINGS THAT I WANT TO SAY
On the whole, I just feel that my sophmore year has been pretty lousy. Bridges have been burned and I've been such a lousy person on the whole. My covering-up act
has been so succesful that I've even managed to
bluff myself that I am okay. It's not just one thing that is leading
me into this melanchonic state but a whole lot of shitty factors that's reponsiblr
for this. I guess the holiday merely intensified it.
ANTICIPATION HAS THE HABBIT TO SET YOU UP FOR DISSAPOINTMENTS
I just wish that I didn't have any obligations to
serve or a contract to keep. I just feel like flying
over to England and stay with my relatives for the summer. Ahhh! The ideal
mind isn't idling after all. But like all
other relatives, I really do not know what to talk to them
about other than the usual qna session about school and stuff like that. Then again, a change of environment could do some good me.
Well, along the way to somewhere, I guess that I have lost my faith in my religion, people and even myself. People who saw how quiet I was after the finals thought I was just dissapointed about losing that game. Fact was, I didn't want to play rugby anymore. I was
just doing it in hopes of maybe somebody would actually show up. Alas, in the saw of faces, I could not find any familiar face that would actually
comfort me enough for me to give that game
my all.
Well, so much so for me being uppity and all. I'm just another dick
on the pond.
Well I guess this time around, things are just going to be different. Way different than it used to be. Let's just say that the 22nd and 28th of
May are just dates to me now which brings no significance to anyone else(even if they wanted
to). Guess that's how life is(very cheesy I know). Oh well, life is also a series of tongue biting parades. Most of the time, I find myself in tha situation- not being able
to say the things that I really wanted to say. Can't blame anyone on this. It could be because somethings are just worth mentioning- or so I tend to make others think. Perhaps I just don't want to be ruining the lives of others more than I have already did. Having my moves and what I say(even here) scrutanized only makes things
worse. Hence, I can only do one thing and one thing only - biting my tongue just to
get me by.
NOT SAYING THE THINGS THAT I WANT TO SAY
On the whole, I just feel that my sophmore year has been pretty lousy. Bridges have been burned and I've been such a lousy person on the whole. My covering-up act
has been so succesful that I've even managed to
bluff myself that I am okay. It's not just one thing that is leading
me into this melanchonic state but a whole lot of shitty factors that's reponsiblr
for this. I guess the holiday merely intensified it.
ANTICIPATION HAS THE HABBIT TO SET YOU UP FOR DISSAPOINTMENTS
I just wish that I didn't have any obligations to
serve or a contract to keep. I just feel like flying
over to England and stay with my relatives for the summer. Ahhh! The ideal
mind isn't idling after all. But like all
other relatives, I really do not know what to talk to them
about other than the usual qna session about school and stuff like that. Then again, a change of environment could do some good me.
Well, along the way to somewhere, I guess that I have lost my faith in my religion, people and even myself. People who saw how quiet I was after the finals thought I was just dissapointed about losing that game. Fact was, I didn't want to play rugby anymore. I was
just doing it in hopes of maybe somebody would actually show up. Alas, in the saw of faces, I could not find any familiar face that would actually
comfort me enough for me to give that game
my all.
Well, so much so for me being uppity and all. I'm just another dick
on the pond.
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Guess my second year in University is over? Like how I reacted after i ORD-ed, I have this question hanging over my head- Now what? I guess having free time is good. But like everything else, too much of something could be kinda detrimental. It's not like I'm not working or anything like that.
I guess this super-duper-long vacation that I am going to be enjoying over the next three months or so is indeed going to be something new. I am back at status quo for all those who are wondering. For those who do not know what I am talking about you could either keep on wondering OR come and ask me about it. Hehs.
It's going to be a much needed break for me after a hectic and crazy semester. Heck, it's been a crazy year for me! So much intense drama has taken place that whatever is showing on TV can be considered mild(again, you could keep on wondering or...).
Let's use this break to reinvent ourselves. It'll be something new, something refreshing perhaps.
Never dwell on it
That's what an officer in the Second World War told his men before he got shot by a sniper. I guess, life could be a metaphorical war as we combat with our inner demons on a daily basis. Freedom of choice doesn't really exist. It's just either this or that. Well, unless you have tons of money. In this contemporary world, everything and anything could be bought. Yeap! ANYTHING! So, I guess I shall aim towards that too.
Not that I am being too materialistic(keyword being too), but without any of that, sustenance would be a pain in the ass and Marslow would be bitching about his theory not applicable in the normal lives of others(perhaps self actualization brought him his demise).
As I've mentioned before. Rugby, Army, Teaching. Those three will be taking a lot of my time. Other than that, I guess i'll be spending my days lazing around at home or outside with my friends(considering that I'm lucky enough to still have any despite the things that I've put them through) or just getting myself back in shape. I am SO out of shape right now that I'm beginning to look like Buzzlightyear-FAT and UGLY!
We'll see what the coming days will bring me. For now, I'm going to be wondering to that same old question- Now what?
History is a guide to navigation in perilous times. History is who we are and why we are the way we are
I guess this super-duper-long vacation that I am going to be enjoying over the next three months or so is indeed going to be something new. I am back at status quo for all those who are wondering. For those who do not know what I am talking about you could either keep on wondering OR come and ask me about it. Hehs.
It's going to be a much needed break for me after a hectic and crazy semester. Heck, it's been a crazy year for me! So much intense drama has taken place that whatever is showing on TV can be considered mild(again, you could keep on wondering or...).
Let's use this break to reinvent ourselves. It'll be something new, something refreshing perhaps.
Never dwell on it
That's what an officer in the Second World War told his men before he got shot by a sniper. I guess, life could be a metaphorical war as we combat with our inner demons on a daily basis. Freedom of choice doesn't really exist. It's just either this or that. Well, unless you have tons of money. In this contemporary world, everything and anything could be bought. Yeap! ANYTHING! So, I guess I shall aim towards that too.
Not that I am being too materialistic(keyword being too), but without any of that, sustenance would be a pain in the ass and Marslow would be bitching about his theory not applicable in the normal lives of others(perhaps self actualization brought him his demise).
As I've mentioned before. Rugby, Army, Teaching. Those three will be taking a lot of my time. Other than that, I guess i'll be spending my days lazing around at home or outside with my friends(considering that I'm lucky enough to still have any despite the things that I've put them through) or just getting myself back in shape. I am SO out of shape right now that I'm beginning to look like Buzzlightyear-FAT and UGLY!
We'll see what the coming days will bring me. For now, I'm going to be wondering to that same old question- Now what?
History is a guide to navigation in perilous times. History is who we are and why we are the way we are
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