It's been days since i ended my 1st year of studies and all i've doing is unproductive work: just lazing around at home, wake up late, gym for awhile, call some people to hang out with...i feel that im getting fatter and fatter as the days goes on by.

Hanging out simply means lepaking under somebody's block and talking cock. Well, it's not the usual mat versh coz that versh does not include topics on how to make money(the honest way of course) or how to save the world(eventually). But it's all rather unproductive i would say. Hopefully i get that job or else my brains will stew in its own filth from this.

I guess the only thing that keeps me sane is riding. Yeap! Even though my bike is kinda small and is not as fast like all others, it does have it's advantages. Mainly, nobody gives a cahoot about it. This means(i really hope so) it wont get stolen or some bastard doest decide to use it as part of his ITE fyp. I really hope not.

Riding is blissful to me. It's especially so on deserted roads where nobody will call me a road-hoagger just for riding slowly...too slow for the bike of my kind to be going. Good thing is, when i want it to go fast, it will =). Hopefully, after it gets serviced, it gets really really fast- faster then i ever need it to be. The thrill is there. But speed is not as thrilling as negotiating through curves and corner. The smoothness of transiting between one bend to another..it's like poetry in motion, with the help of a 150cc engine(i really hope to get a bigger bike soon so that the power of my engine doesnt amuse others).

It's actually like flying a plane. Since i got rejected by the air-force, i guess this is the next best thing. My bike doesnt complain at all. It does give hints that it needs to rest, or that it needs to get well taken care off. But once i fullfill all its hints, its smooth running baby!!!

I really really do hope that the trip materializes because i really really want to experience the ultimate road trip experience. Miles and miles of open road (with friends i hope). Actually, it doesnt matter if im doing it alone but friends do help because that means that there's always somebody else looking out for you(in return for the same thing). Guess a buddy in need is a buddy indeed....that was real cheesy, i know. But buddies are hard to come by like shakespear once said, for those who shed their blood with me shall be my brother..

Finally! It's over! Yet..i dont feel any sense of achievement or liberation for that matter. Some say that its becase we didnt study enough. Too much horsing around they would say. I would say that...i've nvr worked so hard my entire life before. It comes to the point that once i stared at the paper, my mind went blank...4 times!

After each paper, it will be normal for people to be talking about the paper. I really really hate that. To me, what's done is done. I dont really like to bother much about it unless something from that paper bothers me. Lately, i've been getting into the habit of reading my notes at the very last minute even though i know it would not do me any good. Besides, from my PSLe all the way to my A lvls, i have never done it before. So why now? Peer pressure? Maybe.

Ah!! Enough about exams. It's the holidays now. I shall work so that i can save up enough money to go for that bike trip and pay for my insurance. Hur hur...$800 for insurance, im sure thats a whole lot more then what people are paying for for their cars. Nvm...i shall be patient about it and shall progressively(slowly is a Mat word) work on it. Eventually i'll get there. About the bike trip...we'll have to work out the finances according and plan out our route. Shah's grandma lives in Malacca so that's definately our focal point. Like Genghis Khan, we'll conquer the world on our bikes bit by bit. Hill by hill. Mountain by mountain. Continent by continent. One step at a time =)

I just finished a 3 hour session of physics help...cant seem to find my brains anywhere. Sigh...wished i had SOME background to it. Helps a lot you know. This is the result of a school structure so rigid that when you put it on a head-on collision with the school building...the building might just give way.

Education in singapore sucks...truly. Why do we have to sit for exams? What's the point of it anyway? To rate students on their understanding of what has been taught? There is some truth to it since it IS carried out on a large scale basis. But O and A levels...shouldnt it be stopped there? Why carried it all the way into the University level? Wouldnt tests and quizzes(once that pop out of nowhere) be a better measure? I mean, it keeps the students coming to class and also "motivates" them to study consistently. And IF they do not understand a part of that subject/course/module, wouldnt it be easier to spot them so?

This examination system really sucks ass. People who have not been coming to class or put in much effort except on the very very last minute basis (only towards the exams) are reaping the benefits instead of those who have been consistently strriving their best in their everyday life. This is especially so for those "genius" who are able to recall everything that they do at the very last minute compared to those who have been practicing it on a daily basis. After all, isnt each course training each and everyone of us to be what we have signed up for (for a "small" fee of 6-7k a year =D)?

Let me paint you a picture of what the system is really like and how it fails every single one of us. You work your ass of for your exams even though you do not even come for a single lesson. You get straaaaaaaaaaaaaaaight A's just because of that. You get hired by a company because of ur grades. They ask you to give a presentation about a particular subject (one related to your source of A). You just stand down there...like a deer caught in the spotlight/headlight/flashlight/candlelight/starlight/lightlight. Yes. Seen those. Heard of those.

The system makes us study for the sake of studying. What's the point? where's the end result? I hate this sense of spurious sense of achievement that everybody gets after receiving their results. There's distance yes...but is there any displacement between what we know now and what we would know in the future?

IT WAS LEGEND...WAIT FOR IT...DARY!!! I just got back from JB and every time i ride there, it never fails to amaze me. It's like going on a short vacation every other weekend. Super short in fact...just a couple of hours and its back to the reality that is Singapore(and exams...shucks!).

Petrol RM16.70
Bike Wash RM8
Chicken Burger RM5
Teh-o-ice-limau (iced lime tea) RM2
Fags RM7
Gums RM11.20
Experience of riding amongst some lawless riders in the continent Priceless

For everything else, there's malaysian money. hahahaha!

Even though we spent some 1hr plus trying to get in, it was all worth it. And while waiting to clear the checkpoint, there was even entertainment: Woodlands Checkpoint Symphony number 230843010481A in Horn Major, Minor. Hahaha...there was air horn, bike horn, Truck horn, and if im not wrong, this lady even had a bicycle horn because hers really cannot make it. ROFL. (Dont know why she even bothered...idiot).

Hmm...this feels great! I feel like im ready to take the world once again(but first, i have to take on my notes and then the four papers which are going to slaughter me)!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~...hopefully later on today will be much more productive for me...hopefully

Im supposed to be studying right now. But it seems that i have lost all drive to do so. It's became so mundane....doing it for the sake of doing it. It really really sucks ass at this moment. Then again, since im at the bottom, the only way is up! Horrah! Unless of course i dig a deeper hole..then i have no words for that.

Anyway, i've always wondered. How do we end up at this exact spot? What did we do to end up here? Where have we been? When did all this happen? Who made this all possible? It's really quite intriguing if you really think about it. All you need is some brain juice(if its not enough, there's plenty of fruit stalls to choose from in school)and there you go...a journey of stoning. Hahaha!

Hmm...since young, all i thought about was becoming a pilot flying a fighter jet. It's one of the coolest thing one can ever do. REally! I know, i know...those who ARE that will say how mundane it is, how boring it really is. C'mon! Who, in amongst the entire population of Singapore get to do it day in, day out(but since i've mentioned it that way...it does seem kinda mundane to some already. hahaha)? Then it changed...i wanted to become an army officer! wahhhhhhh. No no no...nothing glamorous about it. But the skills that i would have (totally irrelevant to the service, public or private sector) would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I should know better, i experienced the FULL army experience. One that none of our Uni boys would ever(or want to for that matter) experience. It was well worth it...every single second of it.

Not that i want to use that as a perfect excuse(nostalgia is never a good reason for you to do something or worst! being committed to it). Rather, its the skill that i have acquired and the amount of things i have learnt. Somehow, i feel that i belong in the army. AS of now, i feel rather out place. Plus...studying is anal!!!!!!!!

Ever have this nagging feeling that you feel like writing something but am in no means of doing so? It happens to me all the time. Call it unlucky inspiration because you have no means of recording down that one moment of brilliance. Funny thing is that it happens to me whenever im either on the bike or when im running. It's like a million an one ideas comes into your head and by the time you're finally able to write it down, it's all gone! Sucks-ass doesnt it?

Anyways, i just realized something about myself that i've picked up lately. I am able to converse like a true blue mat whenever the need arises. Cool huh? There's mat moto languge(and all its lingo), there's mat-bawah-block langugage, there's kedai-kopi mat language...etc. This didnt happen when i still had the 1 infront of 0-9 on my age. Cant say i picked it up in the army. But i can definately remember that it got to me only after i started school (after 2 years of rewarding break. if you went through what i did in the army, it was rewarding indeed. lucky few bastards thats what we are!).

Comebacks come as naturally as they are. It's like blinking the eye. You dont know you're doiing it but you're doing it alrite. And you can even choose to do it conciously. Amazing!

Another thing that i've discovered (every time an exam looms around, i begin my journey of self discovery...or so it seems), my lameness peaks around exams too. Its like nothing is going into my head...just rubbish that is coming out of my mouth. To those who are suffering from this, i really do hope that there's some entertainment value that you manage to scrape from every experience.

Well, i really intent on that Bike Road Trip with the rest of the P-plate club. Singapore-Negeri Sembilan-Malacca-KL-JB-Singapore. But i really am looking forward to that dirt bike rental in Malacca that Shah promised. Its like me coming back to mountain biking (last i did so was in 2003) only with an engine on the bike (hopefully this bike wont suffer the same fate what my mountain bike did...rolling down the side of Bukit Timah. hahahaha). Hopefully it will come around to be a success so that it can be a stepping stone for further trips when we get bigger bikes (SUPER 4 people! No DRZ!!! After that...AFRICA TWIN!!! WOHOO!!!)

Im out of things to write about. Take care now, bye bye then

im supposed to be asleep right now but i cant. maybe i shld be studying? hmm....nah....nothing's going through my head(perhaps i have thick skull hence the stuborness to all advice far and wide). Oh well...hmm. What shall i be kao-pei-ing about? How about errant and irresponsible dickies who drive?

I hate them. Truly i do. Imagine almost crashing into them at a rate of almost once every 10-20mins. Ya...maybe because they cant see us. Maybe because they dont really care. hmm...hate them...

Haiz...even this little activity of mine seems kinda pointless at the moment. Im basically writing about nothing. NOthing...hmm...that's an interesting topic to talk about. Nothing-ness.

Anyways, i thought of a great idea of how to create money(really need it for my planned road trip on me bike!!! Wohoo!). It struck me and as i quote from those who were unfortunate enough to be around me, "he's really talking nonsense but his sentences do correlate". Well, it started with the spotting of a tree covered by newspapers infront of S3.1. I thought...why not write the word HAUNTED on it to see if anyone would believe it. Shahul...in all his greatness, said that why not just put an alter there? Why not?! It sure would scare the hell out of me(thus making me heavenly...i hope. ROFL). Then...i thought, just like the monkey tree incident, i could make money out of it. In all my fucked up thoughts...i upped the ante by thinking...why not i place it at one of the benches? Surely ppl will think that there might be something wrong with it...or................it could be HOLY!!!! Bwahahahax. With the exam period and all...i could trick the ah tiongs into thinking that by donating to me to sit there for just 5 mins, they could be scoring As!!! Imagine that!

Prolly right now, you readers (are there even any???) are already judging me. Right? Right? Right? Yes yes...i know i sound like a bastard. Then again, a bastard is really a bastard when he isnt even trying to be one. Hmm...doesnt make sense does it? Ah...dont worry...it's just one of FAdzil's daily dosage of philosophy.

What is philosophy? Well...it's somethign that is sooooooooooo deep in meaning and sounds very nice yet totally unneccessary to anyone for that matter. Its basically making things more compicated. And those things are already complicated to begin with.

All this blabberring is getting me nowhere. I caught myself reading my previous entries starting from those from DEC 2005. Wow! 3 years(almost) and going? I used to be able to talk soooooooooo much about anything and everything. Damn...STUPID EXAMS! GIVE ME BACK MY ARMY DAZE!!!! I feel like i belong to wearing green(new stupid uniform included) better then to be buried in books. Honestly, i'd rather be taking a degree in Defense Strategies and....(damn, i forgot what was the name of that course they offer at West Point). Oh well...........How i met your mother was nice =)

Okay! Here we go. It's been a million years (almost, in spongebob-land time anyway) since i have ever written anything here. It's been here. It's always been here. I just choose to chuck it into one corner like how we always do to our memories. I guess, the analogy works here too. I mean, when was the last time you did anything that you used to love doing as a kid? When was the last time you went down the slide? When was the last time you had a game of "block-catching" with your neighbours running away from the ever-revengeful captors no slippers, no rules...just pure imaginative fun.

I guess most of us would give the reason that we are to busy with our daily lives to do anything of that sort. Then, there would be the rest who would say that it is to childish...GROW UP! That's what they would say. Well, in our pursuit of growing up, most of us eventually lose ourselves to the pleasures, pain, the comfort, the dreadfulness of life. From the little kid that has a million hopes and goals to a monotonous droid whom ploughs through the fields of paper and fax machines just so that they can carry on living.

To a certain(no wait, a great, no wait, a certain...im kind of undecided here. Then again, you decide what its really like for you) extent, that is true. After all, living in the 10th Most expensive place is no easy feat.

Never the less, i still love growing up. I still have a lot to learn. And i bet, so does everyone else. Why? Because the day that you start growing up is the day that you return back to the earth in whatever forms your religion permits you to. I guess The Ataris's "In This Diary" has really stuck on onto me. Being grown up is as just half fun as growing up after all...