A thousand conspiracies that i can talk about. A million more human antics that i can bitch about. But not tonite. Tonite, i'd rather talk about something personal. Something that has made a huge impact on my life so far. Something that has taken up 2 years of my life. Something that will take up once a year for the next 10 to 15 years of my life. Yeap...you've probably guessed it right. Im talking about my national service here.

I can still remember my enlistment on April 8th, 2006. And its already 29th Dec today. How time flew.....I remember that gut wrenching feeling as i boarded the ferry to Tekong. And the gut wrenching only got worst as i said my goodbyes to my cousins. Yeap...my two cousins were the ones to send me to my initial haven for rebirth. BMT went on by without much hiccups. Alas, not everyone from my BMT company is going to ORD. May god accept him...

After that pretty much BOring Military Training, it was on to Basic Section Leaders Course. YEap...it was just a level higher of boringness. But truth be told, it was the only time that i felt that i belonged with a group of people. That was the first time i ever felt that i can talk to anyone in the bunk just about anything. Anything at all. For the first time in my life, i felt at home...We trained hard. We didnt quite play hard but ya...i enjoyed my time there with my bunkmates. After 10 weeks together, we finally went our seperate ways. Artillery, Military Police, Airforce...the works. I went onto farther my infantry proficiency....Advance Section Leaders Course...

ASLC, that was when i learned the many ways our army can kick butt. The different kinds of battlegrounds, the different kinds of battle, the many ways we can come to the fight...I really, truly enjoyed my 11 weeks there with my buddies. Hell yeah...Starlight was one hell of a trip for me. First time out of the country in 5 years. And yes...somewhere foreign too(SEA is considered local to me...=D) That was the highlight of my trainee life. After 21 weeks of that and the 9 weeks before that...i finally was ready to embark the second part of my journey. No longer a trainee but as a commander.

2 weeks after coming back from Starlight, i went on to Lancer with my new unit. It was a weird way to gel into my new unit but yeah...i learnt alot. Learnt alot abt myself..abt my men...and abt the kind operations i was going to be carrying out. Yeah...that was fun...in a sick kind of way. You'd actually have to have the balls to do it all the way coz if not...it's going to kill you- literally.

Taking over command of a section was what i was looking forward to. But that was not to be. Unofficially...i took over the platoon instead. Hence, the present challenge just got more challenging. Highnoon. That really sucked. That one incident....guess i bounced back higher after that.

Honestly, i think that everything happens for a reason. And hell yeah..it was for a god damn good reason. ;) Never been happier in my entire life. IT was the platoon sergeant course for me after that incident. And yeap...it matured me as a soldier first, and a leader second. It deepened my understanding for things military and CV. Its a pity not everyone gets to go for this sort of thing.

Lightning Strike followed suit and 3 weeks of holiday training was enough to get me and my men enthusiastic enough about just anything SAF. HEll yeah it did. But i missed her like crazy. And yeah...seeing her, hugging her at the airport upon touchdown...that certainly chased all the blues away.

Abit of training here and there and im actually done with my CSM course. CAnt believe i went thru HAWK twice. Just one more hurdle to go on the 7 to the 10th. Cant believe its almost coming to an end already. Thinking of that, it actually sends shivers down the spine. And oh ya...that gut wrenching feeling, the very same one, its back again. The transition from Military to CV. Truthfully, i am doubtful. I am scared. I know what i want to do. But how do i get there? Guess i'll just have to take things one at a time now.

I still cant believe im almost at the end................

Another decent break that comes after another decent break. In between is something what we call "chiong-sua". It tires you out physically, mentally, emotionally and ya..medically too. Trust me...it does. Especially when the number of people going to see the doctor increases drastically. Yeah...it always happens. Well, just a few more weeks to the big day of evaluation. That's when things starts to get to a roll. A roll that will inevitably end. Gotta keep that in my mind in order to motivate myself. Need to keep telling myself -"the suffering will inevitably end. It cant stay on forever. Good times are just coming up ahead. EVerything is inevitable in that order." Words of motivation that i keep telling myself for the last year and 8mths everytime i got the worse end of things.

I just sealed my fate just now. Im starting school in august. Give myself a little breathing room to work, earn some money, possibly take a break from everything. Hopefully, it'd be taking a break with a companion. If not, then ya...same old lone wolf break then. Wonder how school will be like. After 2 years of no studying at all...i wonder if my brain is able to sharpen itself to the endless quabbles that i always have with my classmates over any subject of discussion. Hmm...im definately looking forward towards that.

Got a newsflash on my phone in the afternoon. Even in my state of grooginess, i was still angered by such acts. 12 people were killed in a mosque by some suicide bomber. That's sad. REally sad. Considering the fact that aidil adha just passed no more than 24hours ago. And yet, this kind of thing is happening. Muslim against another muslim? VEry likely. What made them fight? Different ideals? Different views of how they want their country to be runned? Fuck....why cant somebody compromise??? Why must people always be in that pursuit for power? And with power, they pursue more power. Wtf is wrong with us humans? Why have we all turned out this way? Wars are no longer fought based on survival. The very fundamentals as to why wars are fought are forever lost. Smarty pants who are overpaid just to talk trash and run the country aground are manipulating the meaning of things. The meaning of words. So much so that it all has become meaningless. Crap....gotta work towards that level where i can make changes...

But i gotta start small. Did 24hours manning of the guardroom yesterday. Yes...i did guard duty the day before. And ya...as always, i take the opportunity to talk to my men. Finally, i managed to understood why my men turn out the way they are in the present stage. Its because of their past. What ever happened to them....it definately didnt benefit them at all. They are atoning for the sins that they didnt do. Sins that others have commited willingly and unknowingly caused the butterfly effect onto these individuals that i today make contact with. I think...maybe just maybe, i've found my calling...

You know, sometimes i really do wonder "Why am i sooooo proud to be wearing green???"
I haven't came back from any war in it. I haven't saved any life in it. And i don't think any actions of mine have made any huge impact on any body's life. So why am i proud? I haven't killed anyone, survived combat, saved a dying buddy or made a huge impact on the headlines. Don't get me wrong, im not looking for fame or fortune here, but i am dying to do something which i am supposed to do in the first place. A soldier- A killer. A savior. A leader of both.

My peers have been asking me a lot of times "Dude, why are so into this kind of thing?"
I'd only have one thing to answer back to them, "Aren't we training for war? So why not take everything seriously?" The only response i would get from them is me being ridiculed by the masses. Sure Singapore isn't going to war anytime soon but that doesn't mean that it isn't going to happen at all. But that doesn't give them any fucking excuse to take things likely because i am training to defend whats near and dear to me. My family, my lover, my friends. All of that. I simply cannot afford to lose any of them.

I lost track of myself. Oh..no i didn't. It made me prove the point even more as to why i wonder if there is any pride at all in wearing the green. I haven't been killed yet or about to be killed yet in anytime i did my service. My chances of survival wouldn't be very much anyway since the kind of training i have received are haphazard anyway. Thank you soooooooo much instructors. The basics of soldiering are gone. Then again, what are the basics? Well, it is killing and combat and avoiding to be killed in combat. Sure...you've taught us how to lower the possibility of being killed by artillery fire by digging trenches. You taught us to take cover so as to prevent being shot. But, did you actually ever taught us how to kill before? Practically, every soldier that i know of doesn't know how to kill. They know how to shoot their rifles. But they still don't know how to kill. That immediately reduces their combat survivability. Something has gotta change.

Hmm...its been quite awhile since i last wrote anything. Time have been pretty tight lately with the CSM course. By the time i get back home on saturday afternoon, i'd be too drained out to do anything but to sleep. And yes, its deep sleep we're talking about here. The kind of sleep where you thought you just had your eyes closed for a second and the next thing you know, you open your eyes to the sight of the clock showing that 3-4 hours of your life is gone. Lost to the deep mysteries of sleep. Hmm....And sundays is spent with me sayang =D. Cant compromise that for anything eles in the world. I mean, if you only get to spend one day of your week with someone, who would rather it be? For me, it's definately her. =D

Well, it finally came and gone. SummEX. Thank god its over. Cant really release the details but hell yeah, it had it funny moments. Truthfully, this was the best course i've ever attended. The people made it the best. Time passed on effortlessly with them around. TOo bad i dont really have this kind of thing back my unit. They were all an ideal bunch of people to work with. Damn right they are.

Been reading the papers this morning and kinda got into a subtle shock for awhile back there. This year's Miss Universe Singapore had to fork out almost everything for her expenses just to represent guess who.......? IT'S......................... SINGAPORE! And this being one of those arena where singapore could actually stand a chance. But nooooooooooooo...none. No sponsorship, no recognition. Nothing. Where did all those money that the taxpayers go to? Well, one of the channels it went to is the silly thing called soccer(to call it football is simply politcally incorrect but that is for another time). And what have that resulted in so far?? Well, nothing much really. Just a few wins here and there and lots and lots of dissapointment. When are they going to realise that Singapore's time in soccer is long gone? It gone away with the start of S-League. It gone with the likes of Fandi Ahmad, Malik Awab and the other legends retiring from pro soccer and started to coach or something like that. REALISE IT YOU NITWITS!!!

Nowadays, soccer is just nothing but a mere vehicle for gambling. Well, at least it is legal gambling. And so all the suicides, killings, roberries, frauds and what not that resulted from this must be legal too right? I dunno, it seems to rather lean that way to me. I could be wrong. But then again, nobody's right like the saying goes, the end of any war doesnt determine who's right, it just determines who's left(its alrite, take your time to understand this). Hmm...i think i just smacked myself in the head. No wonder they invested soooooooooo much is soccer. Its for the money. And the soccer players? Nothing but mere subjects and the matches as vehicles for the money booming sessions. DAmn....they're smart! Okay....so it took me this long to realise this. But at least i did. So we've got of smart-assed-cheeky buggers running this country. Hmm...wish i had a part of this too. Then i can go everywhere giving off my "best-public smile" for publicity sake and then go around smiling cheekily to the public without anyone realizing what a stunt i've pulled! Hell yeah!!! Down right i am to say that it sure sounds like a lot of fun.!

Hmm..i wonder what its really like to be like them. Superscale G!!!

Im not really in the mood for writing...but i'll write anyway. That's because when i do write, its because im either pissed at something or im just deep in my train of thoughts. Of which, im neither state right now. Well, maybe because i've been quite happy these past few months =) Well, dear readers, if you'd be in my shoes right now, i think you'd be exactly the same right now.

I've recently watched this movie, Stranger than fiction. And ya, it set me thinking abt how life can be seriously stranger than what we read in books or seen at the movies. Then again, fiction is the depiction of real life. Reel life mimics real life. But ya...guess we kinda forgot abt that by blaming the tv for everything stupid mistakes that we do. Taking them for baddddddddddd influences on us. There is no such thing as bad influence. Nor is there such a thing as good influence. There's just influence. Nothing more than that. Its just what we make up out of it.

There's input and then there's the output. What happens in the output is affected by what how we process the input. Input is just input. Its how we process that input. For a perfect example. An actor smoking on screen. That's the input. The output? People started smoking. If that was the case, then everyone coming out of that damn cinema hall would be ligthing up wouldnt they since they got very bad influence afterall.... WEll, it's really how we process that input. Like people seeing that smoking is actually nothing more than well...smoking? Ya...nobody gives a damn about the person who's smoking. For the girls...they just might be oogling at that damn actor. But for the guys, they just want to be riveted by the storyline, the plot, the characters maybe. They just want to be entertained. But why do people still pick up smoking? Well...that's because they want to. Nothing more than that.

Hmm...me using that as an example am seeming as if im revolving whatever im writing about around smoking. Hell no....no no no. This is not what im talking about(or writing for that matter). Im just saying that blaming something else for what we did is pure bullshit. So those people who wrote the khutbah yesterday...READ MY BLOG!!!

Lots of time, i've been asked, what kind of music do i listen to. I mean, really listen to. And yah...sayang, you've asked me that to. On the general scale, i'd listen to any kind of music. But the ones that i'd really like to listen to....it'd definately be punk rock! MPXP, NOFX, Bad religion, The Offsprings, Goldfinger, Mest, bla bla bla...(those of you who tink you noe music better, i am in no need of you to comment of how wrong i put those band's music under the wrong genre. At the end of the day, its still under punk rock!!!)

Why would i? Hell...y wouldnt i? Punk rock is politically inclined. They talk nothing about life and ya..the truth about things. Other genre...well...love? Hmm...nah. Too selfish. Talk nothing about themselves and things like that...nvm...i'll pass. But punk rock..hmm. I'd especially like this very prominent line by the offsprings in their song Have You Ever which goes

when the truth walks away,
everybody stays
cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay

Well, there's a negative but really true perception of life. Crime does pay..in a fucked kind of way. The bad guys always wins but guess what, the good guys finish last. And hell yeah, we always do. Then there's another line by MXPX in the song It's Alright

Its alright, its alright
its alright we can travel by the moonlight
Its alright, its alright
Its alright we can travel through the twilight

And hell yeah, that is god damn true too. Well, whatever you make of it, i make of it my way. And yeah, like the line in Stranger than fiction goes, i do want to life my life like how it's sung in punk rock music. If i only have the means too....I would have. Life would've been so much god damn better that way....

But first, we'd have to eradicate them bastards first...good guys finish last, and the race is almost up. Its about them we're finishing....

Damn...its been over 10 days since i last wrote. Everything's been kinda hectic lately...well. It kinda died down recently. Hoorah! A week of leave. That's more like it. Yeah...time for me to recuperate from all that work and just chill. Hit the gym a little bit more. Settle my school thingy. And ya...the most important thing! Spend more time with my sayang. =) And that's how the cookie crumbles...

Gotta catch up with a few buddies of mine to. Yeah. Going out with my jc classies later. No idea where but im sure it'll be interesting. Or at least, i can try to make it so. It's been quite a while since i last met them. Hmm...come to think of it..it's been quite some time. LAst i met them was i think in..urm...january or something? Yeah. After Ex Lancer. Somewhere there. Wonder how they're all doing. Hmm...

And yes. There's tmr too! Hmm...jalan2 raya. With my primary school mates. Its been a long time since i last met them all. All except for one *wink* *wink*
Wonder how tmr will really turn out to be like.

ROFL. DAmn my blog looks like it belongs to some teenage girl's. ROFL. But seriously. There's nothing much for me to talk about lately. Hmm...i wonder y. Perhaps its the lack of things for me to observe within our society coz most of the time i have is spent in camp.

Hmm...perhaps this one week of leave spent on the "outside" world might open my eyes a little for me to comment on our imperfect "perfectionist" society? Perhaps. We'll see if it might fill up my blog a lttle.

Damn...its been a loong time since i wrote anyting in this godforsaken place. Been bz perhaps? Or maybe i cant find anything to bitch and moan about maybe/possibly/most likely/normally/usually(and im out of probabilities to write about) ive been very very happy these past few months. =) (im beaming!!!)

And yah, i dont usually write when im happy. because when i do write, i usually bitch and moan....Then again, i am bitching and moaning because ive got nothing to bitch and moan about. DAMN! Hmm...i need my muse.

Sayang printed out a whole stack of whatever i wrote about since dec 2005 and has been reading it since. Damn...i have absolutely no idea abt half of those things ive wrote then. Well, maybe i've forgotten about them? Yeah...that's a likely case. One things for sure tho...i miss my rugby. I miss my oval ball. I miss whacking people without having to feel guilty about it coz they're not the usually pussies who'd die or get knocked down when you do. I miss having to squeeze my brain just to figure out how to get from where i am to the try line all this done while running at my top speed. I miss all of those things.

Hmm...rugby. Guess the only reason i miss my rugby is because its the only thing i can do to ever feel alive. I mean...no one would be crazy enough just to play a sport all the way till a major exam unless its RUGBY! And hell yeah..just as i was getting better at it, i got called up into the army...damn. No matter...hopefully i would have some time to do that when i go back to school next year. So it'd be studies, sayang, part-time job and rugby. It's a great juggle i'd be making there. But if i can manage all of those with little or not hiccups....life years down the road shouldnt be any problem at all.

WEll...just a few more hours to the rugby world cup finals. Springboks vs England(what are the fondly known as anyway? rossies just because its like their national symbol of some sort? or pussies coz they really play like one...) Hopefully i'd still be awake to watch a little bit of that match...

Till then........

Finally...the day ive been waiting for. TGIF!!! Thank god its friday! This friday is a little bit different from the usual fridays...urm. Maybe except for last friday. And ya..lots of fridays actually. Okay fine, only different from the fridays that i dont get to see my sayang. Hehs.

Thank god that stupid evaluation exercise is over. Im done with it. The next one will be coming in january. Haiz...that'll be the bomb. 4 days of fighting? Oh god...wonder how the men are going to cope. Shit..i did 9 days of straight fighting with my buddies and ya...it was extremely tiring but we extremely enjoyed withing alongside each other.

Hmm...last day of ramadan already. Doesnt feel like long does it? Perhaps of the fact that i was super busy with the evaluation exercise. But thank god its hari raya tmr!!! Yea...been waiting for this day since last year. Last hari raya was spent in taiwan. Never tot i'd say this but im really really looking forward to have it with my family tmr. Hell, i cant believe over the past years ive been trying to get away from it by giving excuses like exams and shit like that....haiz. LAst year, i actually got away from hari raya and i felt really really miserable. Noway is that going to happen again.

Cant wait to see my sayang later tonite. =)

Tried to apply for a scholarshop with the Public Service Comission board. Seems to take a lot longer that i anticipated. Oh well, i'll do it when i get home this coming wednesday i guess. Hmm...hopefully i'll get it. Kinda like the idea of working in the public sector. Rather civil service. Yeah...its not really the money but the kind of thing i get to do. Or rather can do.

Yesterday's night with sayang was a blast. Except for the intial part. Break fast at 2hot cafe at esplanade. It was terrible!!! Firstly, we got chucked away at some corner...yeah. Tat wasnt very good at all. The table was even set yet!!! So what are you all trying to say? That we're unexpected??? ARent you supposed to expect the unexpected?!?!?!? Idiots....that's what managing a restaurant is about isnt it??? Well, for the better bulk of it at least. AS if that wasnt insulting enough, i had to wait for a whole damn long for the food. If they made me wait for 10-15mins, i wouldnt mind at all. But a whole half an hour??? Damn....its not as if you were trying to dish out a gourmet meal or something. It was just somehting damn simple. And there were only a few dishes that i could order. And half of it isnt even available!!! So what went wrong? The service. Terrible service staff you've got there. And when a waitress did finally brought my food, she did nothing but to just stand there and smile at me when i made some remarks to show how disgusted i was. Wtf?!?! Is she stupid or something??? She was supposed to say something like "sorry for the terrible service. Is there something complimentary that we could offer you for the nuisance that we've caused you?" Nah....she just stood there, bewildered at my temper and then walk away quickly hoping to not get involved in anything. DAmn....

Sayang, im sorry you had to see me on my bad side. I cant promise you that you wont see any more of it but i promise that it will be as least as possible. And trust me, it wont be directed towards you. Im sorry i scared you with my temper. Something seems to make me angry lately. And yeah, my men has been getting the worse end out of it. What could i do? I was indeed am pissed off at them for their selfishness. Now...im going to direct my anger at a few outstanding personnel that's the root of all the problem. You selfish bastards are going to die!!!!!

A few more days to raya. Hmm...cant wait for that. Especially the part where my sayang said about going to geylang with her on malam raya. Jalan2 kat bazar...hmm...that sounds interesting considering the fact that i've never been there at such a time. And also the fact that i get nauseous in such a big crowd. But with her around, it makes it all worth it. =)

Gtg to camp now. Stupid evaluation exercise.........

Well, so much for being at home hoping that maybe my family could be eating together to break fast today....That's the only reason that i happen to be at home today. The week that passed by happened to be goddamn hectic. So guess what? I only got home at 2 in the morning last night. And ya, the whole night, i was smiling coz you noe what? I was thinking "yes, finally i get to break fast with my family!!" That didnt happen. Hell, i only did that once with them so far this year's ramadhan. Quite sad huh? Shucks....

I was reading the papers particulary the section where some singaporean gets to bitch abt his/her week to rest of the nation. Guess what? This idiot was complaining abt his lunch being ruined coz a bunch of kids got rowdy. Guess where he had his lunch? Rofl...some prata shop. Crap, he still called it a prata restaurant making others believe that it is actually a real restaurant with real service....C'mon. Who the hell are you trying to kid? And the best part was that the subheading was actually somewhere along the lines of being in a first world country. Mr.Crappyidiot even went on to compare the situation to the one in japan where everyone ate quietly out of respect for others. Hahahha. Japan is an asian country you moron and asians are not as loud as westerners. They are rather reserved. And i think that the first world coutnry thingy that you are referring to are the ideals of a westerner. But have you actually ate at one of those? And im not talking abt swensens and shit im talking abt a real american diner. Or restuarant for that matter where it is actually runned by one. Owned by one. And ya, patronized by them lot. It's actually kinda rowdy. And guess what? Singaporean thinking of first world is one of the western ideology.

Crap...this guy really confused himself. He actually wanted to sound refined, intelligent and courteous, but all he did was to tell people that he is actually, really, usually and normally DUMB! And yeah, thanks for telling that to the world Mr.Larry Quah Chai Koon. Damn...i cant wait to start on my sociology degree. With that kind of credibility, i can proof to others that people like you are really really dumb. And u noe what, that could be actually a professional service of mine! hehs.

God...its been awhile since i wrote anything. The last time i wrote? Sept 2nd. And its already the 22nd. 20 days exactly. Dont really have much to write or the time to write it anyway. Well, except the boring day to day affairs of mine. Well, it can be summarized into a simple simple phrase: same shit, different day. Routine, mundane and quite boring. Damn, wished we were training like the americans. Everyday's a different day. Okay, they do use the same phrase. But its on a bigger scope on a sense of training to go to way kind of shit. But they way they train....it keeps me captivated.

Anyways, what im trying to say that things back in camp is pretty hectic. And things can only get even more hectic for me. Ever find a normal national fulltime serviceman doing the job of regulars....yeap. That would somehow fit into my bill. Yet somehow, i get thrown to be an outcast because the rest of the nsfs SGTs dont see things i see things. Dudes, i too want to get it over and done with!!! And guess what, i'll be done sooner than you guys!!! And what you guys are doing is terrible. Its as if you guys end it next month or something like that. Crap...and you wonder why we get that kinda treatment? Im not being "siow-on" or anything like that. Im just acting my rank for the sake of the corp. And i suggest you guys better do the same too. If not, whatever bits and crumbs of respect the men have for our ranks, will be obliterated. All im saying is, we got a job to do, and we just have to do it right....

Key issue that's been lingering on my mind lately -selfishness. Its the kind of thing that pissess me off big time. People can always say, they can choose not to do things that they dont want to. God...that's fucked up kind of upbringing they've got there. What have their parents been teaching them anyway? Yourself before others????Be first or you'll die???? If so, we as a singaporean society are fucked! There isnt much we can do to salvage or situation. I've seen that kind of attitude in my men. God...wish i was there to square them our during their basic training. I've seen it in the public....nothing i can do to square them out. I can just fumingly comment about it to them right into their goddamn faces. Just a few days ago, my sayang was taking the bus. The usual rush hour crowd. She was standing next to a pregnant lady...she's about urm 8mths late? Yup. And surprise surprise, none of the those dickheads decided to give up their seat to her. Hell, most pretend to fall asleep. PEOPLE!!! I NOE YOU'RE TIRED. GUESS WHAT? WHEN YOU'RE SHAG, YOU'RE NOT ALONE!!! TRY BEING PREGNANT DICKIES!!!

Well, that's singaporean in a nutshell. My sayang was the one who gave her seat when she finally got one to that lady. Hmph...this stinks. Why do people act this way? Is it because of their upbringning by their fucked up parents? Probably...the pressure that they're getting at home? at work? So much so that they finally switched off their human side of them and decide that its only the survival of the fittest from now on(nonetheless, i still can outrun any of you office fatties!! mwahahahahahah!) and everyone is being more of an animal than human. PEOPLE!!! GOD GAVE US A BRAIN AND A HEART FOR AN EXTREMELY GOOD REASON! So that we can think about others and feel what others feel. Well, yeah, that's one of the reasons why. But its an extremely good reason not to be selfish and act more like animals than humans...

Haiz...thankfully, there's still a handful of people who are not like that...utopia has yet to be found.

but i've found mine! and i think she's still asleep right now. hehs. still, i get to be with her later tonite. cant wait for that =) (im grinning goddamn big right now)

I might sound like a pussy after this for writing this but....who cares? Writing something on my own blog is well, kinda like talking to someone else..only that i can do it better. Yeah...i can write better than i can talk.

Oh well, its sunday already. Yeap. Usually, i'd be looking forward to sundays. Why? WEll, that's coz i get to spend my day with my sayang. That's why. But today's an exception. She's got a couple of functions to attend to. Yeah..family functions. So i guess yesterday was a trade off for today huh? Coz usually, she wont be around on saturdays...this time around, its today. Oh well...

The past few days have been great. Hell, describing them as great would be a big understatement. Ever since i got back to Singapore, all i wanted to do was to spend all my time with my sayang. Even if it meant that i had to wait till she knocks off and ya that time spent with her is the journey back home, it was worth it. Every single second of it was worth it. And yesterday...yeah, couldnt be more pissed. I had my saturday carefully planned out. And then, BAM! a meeting at 9?! And ya...so much for 9 to 12. It streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeched all the way till 1 plus. It's like one of the last opportunity that i get to spend time with her and all they want was to suck every single minute of my time. AND THE NXT FEW WEEKS IS GOING TO BE FUCKING HECTIC!!! WEEKENDS ARE GONNA GET BURNT!!! Goddamn!

Yesterday...despite the little time available..was great. Again, an understatement there. Makan, movie and urm...neoprints. And yes, that neoprint was for you sayang. If anybody else asked me to do it, no chance in hell am i going to do it. But since you asked, i had to give in to my sayang. Yeap. The only part i liked in that movie was having my arms wrapped around her. hehs. Truth be told, i wasnt concentrating on the movie at all sayang. Not even the slightest bit. I was concentrating on you. Yup, throught the entire movie. How i wished yesterday didnt have to end. Yeah. The part when we reached your home was the part i hated the most. I hate goodbyes...even tho i noe that we're going to go out again soon enough sayang....

Haiz...

And for those regular readers, i have not turned gay neither am i a softie. I still punch like how i used to punch. I just miss my sayang alot. A whole damn lot....So if you think that i have indeed gone pussy, well, gimme a call. We'll set a place and time. And you'll then realize how much of a pussy i am not alrite?

Alrighty then. Im back in singapore...cept that this time around, it doesnt feel that i've been away much. Dont see much changes compared to when i went overseas a couple of times ago. Cept maybe for the weather. I was coming home half-expecting to see it being all sunny and stuff, but all im looking at now is the gloomy skies. DAmn....

Alaska was nice. Training there was rather enjoyable, even tho it was a little bit tiring(then again, if it werent tiring, then it wasnt training). I enjoyed myself immensely training with em' americans. They had the right attitude, the experienced war themselves and hell yeah, they are preparing for the right thing. WAr actually. And because they are perparing to go to war, they actually took their training seriously. Not like what we have here. Its all half-a-dust kind of shit that we've got going on here.

But being back here, it feels great! At least im not thousands of miles away from my sayang. hehs. And i've got my family here too. Well, that's the only reason as to why i still love being in singapore. Other than that.....im not so sure. I hate the singaporean attitude. Yeah...always wanting to be first in this and that. And if your not(even if you're second) you actually get mocked at, criticised, ostracised...we're lucky we dont get circumsiced just for not being first in something. WE'RE KINDA LIKE CHINA ALREADY!!!!!! WHY?!?!?!?!?!?

Issit because we're small, that's why we have to be super super competitive just so that we can survive? Maybe...probably...most likely. Well, i'd understand that as a work ethic...but in everyday life??? Omg...i came back to singapore, reading a local news saying that parents are queuing overnight just for a place at some school. GAWD!!! Wtf is wrong with these people???? Yes, i understand that its a good school. But dont they realize just how ridiculous they look just by doing that. DOnt they realize how ridiculous they're making the rest of us look like to the rest of the world???? Why are people acting as if we are the only ones on this goddamn planet???
Somebody better come up with something fast. And btw, mr.goverment, incase you're wondering why the young people are packing their bags for other countries, its not really abt the jobs, or the money...its really because of singapore, and singaporeans. Expensive housing, expensive cars, obnoxious people, stupid people, ridiculous people...yeap. That's the reason. If you want to keep us in, you either keep those things out, of the good ones will be the ones going out. Either keep the good ones in and the bad ones out, or vice-versa. That's the way things work.

I mean, i noe why something things are the way it is...but some things surely can be figured out for a better solution right?

And ya, i noticed something really really ridiculous abt singaporeans. Dont they find it fucking hot here??? I mean, i can be wearing just a polo-t and berms to go out, and im already sweating like a fucking god damn pig. Yet, i see them wearing jackets walking around as if it is actually cold here. Seattle was windy, people wore jackets for that reason. Alaska was cold, people wear jackets for that reason too. Fuck....a majority of the people there do not wear jackets because it was actually cold in a nice way. And ya, they wear jackets just so that they'd feel warm and toasty. I seldom wore one when i was there. So why they fuck are singaporeans wearing em' goddamn jackets in a fucking hot and humid place and walking along the streets??? Yes...it bothers me! IF they say that the jacket looks nice, they jsut have to put it on...they'd i'd say you're vain. IF you say that it gets cold inside and aircon room, they yeah, by all means. Or better yet, remove the air-conditioning and just put in the fans to work. You'd save energy too you know. Other than that, you seriously need a check with the brain doc to sort things out....

Other than that, im just happy to be back in singapore where my sayang is =)

Hmm...just a few more hours and i'd be flying off to some forsaken place to train for the army. YEa....for the greater good. Guess, im going there for a reason. Guess everything happens for a reason. Hopefully, its for a good reason.

So, sayang's really really upset coz im flying off later. Who wouldnt be? But ya, this would be a real test for us i guess. Let's see how the distance would actually make us stronger...make u stronger sayang. I wont be gone for long. I'll be back sooner that you actually realize it. And when im back, the first thing im going to do is to call you and let you know that i've touched down in SINGAPORE.

Alaska...hm...guess i would have to make the best of things. HAve to be optimistic and positive in such situation and make the best of things. With the right attitude, even the longest of years can seem short. But ya, that doesnt mean that i wont miss you sayang. That doesnt mean that i wont be thinking of you all the time. It only means that i dont show it so that i can be strong for the rest.

Concentrate on what's on hand k sayang? Time passes by faster that way. WAy fast...so fast tat i'd be back even before you realize it.

Hmm....

All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go
I'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up
To say goodbye

But the dawn is breakin'
It's early morn
The taxi's waitin'
He's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome
I could die

(So) kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

There's so many times
I've let you down
So many times I've played/(fucked) around
I tell you now
They don't mean a thing

Every place I go
I think of you
Every song I sing
I'll sing for you
When I come back
I'll bring your wedding ring

(So) kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

Now the time
Has come to leave you
One more time to let me kiss you
Then close your eyes
And I'll be on my way

Dream about the days to come
When I won't have
To leave you alone
About the time
I won't have to say

(So) kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh, babe, I hate to go

I'm leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh babe, I hate to go


Feeling a little bit mellow now..Okay. For once, lets not talk abt the general public. Or public with General in rank. General Public..hhohs...Leader of some private army. Contradicting little prick.

But ya...im not talking abt that. Why am i mellow? Well, this is the first time im leaving someone back in singapore to go to other countries. All this while, i've only left my family behind. The difference? My family has got each other to comfort whilst im gone. They can talk to each other about me if they want to( out of which, i really really doubt they'd do that. Haha...my mom actually loves it when im not at home anyway coz i dont noe y. My dad hates it coz im much much smarter than he is and being outsmarted is something that my family doesnt like. It runs in the family. MY brothers coz i wont be annoying them or irritating them). So ya....

The last time i didnt talk to sayang for a few days, i went crazy. Honest. Even for the littlest of mistake got reprimanded harshly by me. And they were all coursemates. Hahahahaha...wish my men luck.

But ya...me missing my sayang alot(even at this very moment) proves one thing right? I dont take her for granted. Not even a bit. Everyday, i thank god for making me bump into her again. Pure coincidence i tell you. Nothing was planned or prearranged...not by me anyway. God has his tricky tricky ways...

I still remember 8 years ago. This is the very same girl whom i sat next to the entire year in pri school. THE ENTIRE YEAR!!! hhahaaha...i didnt even looked at her and muttered the words " hi. how are u?" People change with times dont they? Funny story. No...great story for the children! yea....Fadzil's versh of "How i met your mother"

Even up to this day...the thought of me meeting her still makes me nervous. I dont know why. Maybe i dont show it...but ya...i am actually. My training thought me not to show it. Training proved to be goooooooooooooood. But yes...i actually am..every time. Guess that's what happens when u're about to be with that special girl eh? Happens to evryoe i guess....unless im the odd one out, that ya, it just happens to me.

Read this and rmb it people. Fadzil's blog is not meant for the mushy stuff. So appreciate this coming from me not that often. Those who think you know me, think again....=)

This is probably the first weekend i have at home in weeks...maybe a month or so. God...have it been so long? First it was the course. Yup. Done through with that. Then, i had the weekend duty..fuckers thought it was only fair since i was away on course for soooooooooooo long. YEap. Thanks wankers! Then, it was the ops standby duty. Crapped up week it was. Followed by another weekend duty. They just love to torture me dont they? Guess what, this is probably the last weekend that i get to spend at home coz coming next week onwards, its hello USA! Then after that, it'll be "Hello, Charlie, this is SGT Fadzil. What do you want?"

Nonetheless, it was quite a good weekend...even though it was all boring and stuff..but my real chance to just slack around and do nothing...really nothing at all! Yea...being the lazy lazy slacker that i was way back then. I remember those kinda saturdays. WAke up to saturday morning cartoons( cartoons just got crapier nowadays with tons of anime. I mean, it was already brainless and mindless crap...they didnt have to turn it any crapier as it is...I LOVE MY CRAP!!! Yeap..just the way it was) followed by some gym then some lunch, some afternoon movie on tv, some malcom in the middle, some simpson, some saturday night movie and then some sleep after that. YEap...im a total couch potato on saturdays...ask my friends. It takes a real effort to get me out of my house on a saturday.

That was that till rugby came along. Yea...every saturday evening or afternoon was match day. Loved playing rugby for my club. Things got sooo intensed, that i got bored with playing rugby at school. YEap. BEing greedy there. But i got better so playing rugby against other schools seemed a little easier...right? Haha..not if people whom you played with in the clubs also played for the schools that you played against. They came in a group. I came alone. DO the math. Go fish!

But yesterday...hmm...yesterday was plain lazy. I was even too lazy to think( can you imagine that? Too lazy to think...dont ask me how, but im very very capable of that. In a good way though. It relaxes the mind...and body..and...urm...everything else?) DAys like that, they hardly come along these days...not esp when u grow older. There's always something for you to do. Yeap. Even the ah peks and nyonyas have something to do. The ah peks have to go to coffee shop in the morning and bitch about just anybody they can think off...laughing away, smiling coz they think they're one bunch of smartasses(despite their teeth all falling away). In the afternoon, they just laze around, doing just about the same thing again...then when the night comes, they become his chikopeh beings, roaming around geylang...looking for some loooooooooooooooooooooooooove. Oh yea baby!!! rofl.

The nyonyas...hmm...they do this every single day. They jsut love to do it. It's like they will die if they dont do it. What issit that im talking about? WEll, they love to stink up the market and just practically everywhere they go. Dont they even bother to shower or wash their wrinkly faces at all coz they know tat at some point in the day, they're going to make contact with other people who can actually tell just how bad they stink! God...its not as if the market wasnt stinking enough(or maybe they're the ones who did it....maybe one or two died there or something just to stink the place up little? You know, just for the ambience?)

Well...my point is, as you grow older, you end up with more and more things to do. Crap...i miss being that small little boy again who's job is to practically annoy my parents(when they were around anyway) and ya...do practically nothing but to slack around, play alot and just being a little boy. Life would be more fun that way wouldnt it?

I've been wondering...why do people watch scary movies? What's the point? What "kick" do they get from it? Is it for just pure entertainment? Or they want to be scared? Or maybe, just maybe, they want to dwell for just a moment in a killer's mind.

If its for pure entertainment, well hell yeah! Go ahead people! Our boring lives need to be filled with something. So why not fill it with horror? Its not as if our lives are not horrifying enough anyway.

And that brings us to point number 2! Getting scared. Just link it to point number 1. It explains itself.

Point number 3? Dwelling in a killer's mind for just a moment. Hehs. I dwell in one every single day of my life. Its never nice to kill. The moment you kill, you just made some poor bastard an orphan. Or if it was a child you're talking about, you just took the life of some bastard's offspring. That bastard will then go off the spring. YOu must be wondering right now...how come I dwell in the mind of a killer every day. Well...dont have to be a killer to dwell in one do i? I just have to be trained as one. Trained to kill. And yes...im not talking abt some mambo jambo shit like the army teaching us to kill. We only learn to pretend to kill. And in pretending to kill, we all pretend to be hurt. So to sum it up, nobody knows pain for sure....cept maybe i do.

Pain. That's one bitchy thing one can ever feel. Too bad i dont feel like writing anymore for now. I want to watch my tv first. hehs

Why do people smoke? Hmm...funny im asking this question since im one of those people. Part of the smoking population eh? So, this question could be very well directed at myself. Doing some soul searching on the world wide web? Perhaps...or maybe it just struck me. Why am i smoking???

S-T-R-E-S-S. Yeap. The number 1 reason people give as to why they smoke. Its understandable lah. I mean, you need an outlet to release some of that tension right? And among all the things that you can do, smoking is the least harmless. Shocking statement? Let me explain...
Imagine you get involved in a stressed induced conflict. Let's say, you decided that you dont like that guy's face and you would really love the pleasure of rearranging it. You could get hurt, he could get hurt...and there's still the collateral damage worth mentioning.
Then, there's always you talking too much. God...how much trouble you're going to get yourself into.
And lastly...you can always go boozing. Crap man. It's instant death if you happen to be driving.
See my point here?

Medical reasons states otherwise saying that its the nicotine in your blood from all that cigarettes that's actually causing the stress. Gee, i didnt noe every single tom dick and harry smoked cause everybody's facing some sort of stress. Smokers simply choose to smoke as an outlet. But yes, i agree that nicotine induces uneasiness among smokers. WE need the nicotine to feel all comfy. Its called an addiction. But its not as bad as the addiction to drugs, caffine, sex, alcohol and plenty of other things that might seem normal to you and others, but my opinion differs. Not just a bit, but by alot.

Right now, i know i might sound as if im promoting smoking. Im not. Im just stating facts here. Im just saying why people smoke. Why? So that we can actually understand the problem first before we can search out for the solution. Hasnt the army taught any of you that? Appreciation of Situation ppl!!! For those in the SPF or SCDF, you're not excused. Policemen fight baddies off the streets, Firefighters fight fires on the buildings along the streets. U still need to do AOS before you can actually solve the problem right?

So now i've identified the problem...comes the solution. Quiting!

Yes. Q-U-I-T-I-N-G. It takes more than just self-discipline to do that. Smoking has bcome part of the habits that i do from the time i take flight from lala land to the time i land back into lala land. Its not a good habit. But then again, most of the habits that i have arent exactly that good either. Unless you call cursing a good habit. Or eating a lot good too. Or a thousand other things that i'd be doing good.

So how do i do it? Simple. I just spend more time with the ones i love. And in order to increase the chances of that happening, you'd have to take steps and measures right? Smoking increases the chances of death(along with the everyday things that you people do). So...quit smoking. Simple. No smoke, no sickness, more time with my sayang =). A+B=C. ( those math geeks out there, pardon my maths. I have no interest in your opinions in my formula. U see, u bitch about me all you want but in the end, this is an english language blog. Not a math blog. You can do all tha bitching to the rest of the math geek's blogs in the world but not mine. Im not one you)

Need more help? Call 1800-QUITLINE. But this is only for those losers fighting a losing battle. YOu morons shld be more disciplined!!!

I AM THANKFUL FOR THE WIFE WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT, BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

FOR THE HUSBAND WHO IS ON THE SOFA BEING A COUCH POTATO, BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.

FOR THE TEENAGER IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME, NOT ON THE STREETS.

FOR THE TAXES I PAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE.

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING, WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING, AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .

FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM WARM.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES AT THE END OF THE DAY BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN >>CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE PEOPLE WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.


The way is see, there's two ways you could take a peek at life. Positively or negatively. Yah, i know this might sound like cliche, but ya, there's no other way that i can put it. Its simply the way that it is. Even tho the world's isnt that much of a nice place to live, but yah, lets take a peek at the positive side and it might just be bearable. I noe i noe, it gets worst as u grow older. When was the world a nice place to live in anyway? Oh yes...when we were young little boys and girls. The only toys that we know off would be ones known as Little Tykes, Playdoh, micromachines and well, much much more. Things change as u grow older. The only thing that doesnt change would definately be the likes of Transformers. They just get cooler is a grew older. What?!?! It's a great movie!! Hell yeah! Sad to say tho, i dont play with i used to play with. Now i'd play with toys with badass names...nothing wholesome about them. They'd just put holes in you instead. Wanna noe them? Sure.....they come in many shapes, sizes and ya, weights too. They have names like the M203, M18A1 and soooooooooooo much more. Yup. Mean toys....sad isnt it?

Im straying off topic tho. Yes. The only reason that the world isnt as nice as it used to be is because one of thing and one thing only. One word to sum it all and in the darkness, rule them all! Kinda ala lord of the rings isnt it? Yeap..."RESPONSIBILTY". I mean, which kid had to responsibility to take care of himself anyway(thats the basic responsibility anyone could ever have). Coz if the kid did, then it'd be very very scary just to think of it. Imagine, u having a collegue of 3 years of age. Kinda rubbish isnt it? Sad part is, it might just become a reality in the not so distant future.

Again....im straying off again!!! Crap......What was i talking about? Oh yes...y the world isnt such a nice place after all. Look around you...the 7 deadly sins are all around you. Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed and Sloth. Religious or not, its just human nature. Best we could ever do is to not do it excessively i guess. Overdoing something is just as bad as not doing it in the first place. Cept that, not doing any of the above 7 things is never a reality( it will never be!! trust me)

But that's not my point. I was just pointing out how bad life really is. But you can go along living live moping all the way till u actually pass on(at this juncture, i just imagined everyone dragging their faces on the ground as they walk. Dont ask me why, but i find this hilarious). Gotta think positive. And those subculture thingy...screw em'. They want to think that everybody sucks because we all dont agree to their opinion. Well, this is mine. U and ur opinion suck. I dont care what you think about my opinion coz i just cldnt give a flying fuck about yours either. So there...we're even now see? Ha! Subcultures and their opinion about ppl....can u just imagine what they're thinking? This is what they actually think "Everybody sucks because they dont understand what im thinking..." Who can actually understand a thought that is very very fickle and esp when you dont want to talk abt it and just remain angry coz nobody cares................Subculture ppl...WAKE UP UR FUCKING IDEAS!!!!! Hahahhaa...im just plain wicked arent i?

Crap...gone off track again. Urm...nothing makes sense now does it? Hence the blog name...blabberbutt =) Read it and weap.........(hopefully it'd be tears of humour tho)

Its been a long time since i've wrote. Guess im kinda in a mood to write right now...
Past week has been really really trying. Honestly, i thought i was going to have a breakdown at any time. Being on high alert for 24hours a day, 7 days in one week....it sucks u noe. Tiring mentally and physically. Glad thats all over now...even tho its just not quite yet. Sian.

Crap...the moods gone. Maybe i'll just write another day then.

There's a big problem with jc kids. They sometimes talk too much.....way too much perhaps. They talk before they even think. They talk without even consulting. Yeah..i noe im going to be hated after this but ya...im just telling u the truth. If you can accept this fact...than dont hate me just yet. Take a second to sit down and think about it. Fuck...im a jc kid myself....rather i was a jc kid.

Where did i get this conclusion? Well, from the course i went to. Yeap...those people should noe whom i talking abt. I shall not name names...im already specific as it already is. Ya..i do talk a lot myself...and not just to defend myself, i try to think about what i have to say before i say it. Yeap...keyword being "TRY". And this takes place most of the time...the rest of the time, i just shoot off and then wait for the consequence to drop on me. Yeap...that means getting shot back at.

Do you actually realize or even hear what's coming out of your mouth sometimes??? Hah....can you like let us noe the objective of accomplishing a mission? Crap...they make crappy soldiers too sometimes. People from my unit, not to worry...we make kickass sargeants!!! Ya......talk way too much but when it comes down to the execution phase...what do you get? Close to crappy results...might as well put me in for a permenant appointment holding and give me the bloody plaque. Looks nice with the rest of my medals anyway.....

Hmm...and yes. Im a jc kid too just to remind the rest whom have terribly short memory....(even tho i just wrote it). Haiz...and this is coming from ppl who came from JCs...imagine those who are still in them. They complain all day long.....but ya, nothing productive actually comes out of it...unless of course they actually wants to produce enough fertilizers just so that more trees can be planted, well growned and hopefully someday, the global warming situation can be handled just because they talk a lot. hmm...might be a sound plan.

And ya...what's so good to be in a jc anyway? It only shows that you cant do shit with your hands...u can only think of something, visualize it and ya...it stops there. Yet, these buggers go around the place wearing their school uniform proudly telling ppl they are from jc so fuck off! HAha...ever thought that when you actually fail ur a lvls...u're no different from the dude studying in ITE?(not that im bringing down ITEs...the society already did that. I didnt. Im not society. Im Fadzil. Thats...F-A-D-Z-I-L.(and to those crappers who cant pronouce or spell my name proper, go shit in your pants okay?)

Kinda lost track as to what i was writing about....bt who cares when i didnt rite? Hmm....maybe gopal or mary or johnathan or ahmad does...but the tom,dick and harry that i noe doesnt. Hehs...fuck. i better stop.......

Its over. Its finally over! 154th Platoon Sargeant Course has unofficially ended with the end of Ex Hawk. Think i have gone over the edge with this one. But ya..who cares? All i care about is what my men are going thru right now with the other shitheads taking charge of them.

Why do shitheads exists in the first place? What is their purpose here? Oh ya, btw, the defination of a shithead is a fucking selfish person who wants nothing to do with society cept those things that can benefit him coz he is incapable to the society but yet he exists. Everyone noes that a shithead is useless, baseless, and doesnt noe shit about shit. In short, he is a person with a lot of shit inside his head. Courtesy of the dicitionary of Fadzford.

Why did god put these people on earth? Issit to make lives like mine more difficult? Issit to make normal people look like extraordinary people(kinda like that show a decade back Extraordinary aka Kau Istimewa). God noes. Maybe god is playing a trick on us all or maybe he's just testing us. Like saidm god works in mysterious ways.....i would certainly love to find out which way it would be so that maybe just maybe i could work just the same. If not, i'd just take the expressway.

Nevertheless, a lof of things to settle once i get back to my unit from my course. A lot of shit needs to be flushed. A lot of people needed to be sorted out. In short, more work, less me. That sucks. CAnt believe it that im actually eager to sort the mess out. BE PREPARED SHITHEADS!!! IM COMING FOR YOU!!!

ahahaha....something about the course. Cant believe how much of an agressive person i can be. Issit the stress? Issit the frustration? Issit the fatigue? God noes. Perhaps its a combination of all three. Ive reprimanded people old enuff to be fathers. HEck...i've reprimanded fathers. A 20year old boy giving a 29 year old father the battering of the harshest words he could ever receive. Yeap, that was me.

I was literally a living, breathing animal thru out the entire summary exercise. I eat when i was hungry, smoked when i wanted to, reprimanded becoz i was angry, slept coz i was tired. Not caring about anyting else in the world....cept for my few brothers who are going thru the same thing with me. I kept telling all of them..."dengar-dengar skarang Platoon Sargeant Course ader melayu jer...." Yeap.....fuckers all the rest.

Nvm...its all over now...end of one suffering, the beginning of another. My life could get any better can it? Crap.....

Do you know how much i hate myself right now for not be able to do something which im doing right now years ago? Why didnt i? Gutless? Probably. So probably im full of guts now? Perhaps. God noes...

How i hate myself for being able to figure things out before things are said. And even worse that im able to figure it out correctly...how do i do it? I have no idea...somehow i am able to do it...effortlessly too. Crap. Sorry if i dont seem to react when im told...i have already reacted.

It takes effort for me to show emotions. Emotionless. I rarely get angry. I never got sad. I never cried. I try not to. Shows where im weak. And ego is a terrible monster that fights with emotions. I never cried when my cousin passed away. I never cried when my grandma passed on. I never cried nor felt sad not even a tinge when i found out that it was somebody i knew who died in that tragic incident. And death is something that someone would cry for coz that person wont be coming back...ever.

Perhaps its all the conditioning that ive gotten ever since young. The terrible trainings and all. The fear that's being taught to be suppressed. FEar. The key to all emotions. FEar of death. Fear of losing something. FEar of unknown. Fear if what you might noe. The sum of all fears.

How do you go about doing something when every corner, ever option is a restriction. Do you play the game? Do you come out of the game and umpire it instead, making your own rules as you go on just so that you can win it? We'll see how it goes...time to call in some favors. Guys if you're reading, i might be calling you guys soon enough....

Just so you know....

While waiting for my sayang to tell me that she's awake and ready...i wasted time away on friendster. Ya...its the place that people waste their time away...in a good sort of way. I was reading all the testimonials and comments that ive gotten over the years. Seems like JC was really the best 2 years of my life. Probably....i rmb the fun i had. Yeah....FUN! Funny Unorthodox Nonsense.

Hmm...sure had a lot of friends back then. And sayang...if only you knew my friends, u would have a totally different impression of jc students. True that the whole elitism thing exists in JCs...but they quickly get dissed off by people like me and my friends. I think my JC is more like a kampong JC of some sort...hahaha.

Wished i had made more friends back then. But ya...still quite happy with the friends that i actually have. I will never trade those 2 years for anything else. Thx for the memories guys. Stay cool and hope that someday somehow, we'd be reunited to save the world.....err...ya. Hehs.

Well, this is it. My last entry(somehow it feels like it) before i go for my Platoon Sargeant Course. Sucks big time man...A month ago, i would have taken things differently. But now, it seems that the world has been un-skewed. Yeap. Un-skwed. Ya i know that there's no such word but thats how i can only describe things for now. Un-Skewed.

A month ago, i was an eager beaver for this course. Well, for one my ROA is guarenteed even though im just serving my liability years. And yes, it actually excites me to go for this course. Hell, i wanted to take on Airborne, Ranger or any other fuck course the SAF can offer. Truth be told, i wanted to join the British Paras as a ghurka since i dont see much that i can do or have in Singapore. Well, that was my mentality months ago. Things are quite different now.

How can things be different? They say that when people fall in love, they lose track of what they really want. Why? Coz they cant think properly bla bla bla. FYI, im very very rationale at doing things. No matter what. You can never anyone else being so cool and clear minded after commiting a fucking serious offence in the army. Yeap, that's me. =) So am i thinking rationally now? Hell yeah! Now, i just hate what im doing. I hate what im going to do for the nxt six weeks. And i hate the fact that for this is going to last for the next 7 months or so. Ever since i left DB, things have changed. For the better. A fucking whole lot better i must say!

Yeap, there happens to be a girl in this story. Not ashamed to admit that. Why? Coz im truly in love with this one. Life has never been better. And im not being hypocritcal about it. Im being very very sincere about what ive been saying. Hell, ive been sincere about what ive been writing in this portal! And me not wanting to do what ive been dying to do months ago....im sacrificing it all. Why? Coz they dont matter much to me now anymore. It used to. But now, there's someone who matters to me more than anything i could possible procure in this world. Ranger, Airborne, Jungle Confidence....ya sure they could make me a highly decorated soldier...but for what it's worth, i'd rather spend more time with my sayang.

Haiz...i just wish the next 6 weeks would just zoom on by. 6 weeks of pure mental, physical and emotional torture. For the next 6 weeks, im being refrained from feeling....just like how one expects a soldier to be. Im expected to execute orders, carry out orders and give orders without remorse, without guilt....without being lovesick. Cant help it though....just cant help it. Can try to minimize it....but that's all i can do...

Everything sucks when you're gone....

=)

So much for TGIF. Suddenly everybody from the army are bad people. Ya...its called a 2 years liability btw. Not as if i had a choice of where i want to go. Or how i have to be like. Crap...this sucks biggie.

Well, what can i do about it? Nothing at the moment. Maybe in the future things might be different. I hope it'll be different, hopefully. So that means that one thing is definately for sure...conversion to officer is a big no no. Well, sorry to dissapoint you army people.

Ya, maybe i could find other ways to achieve my means of helping those poor kids. Someday i would help them get out of their poor state, somehow. Well, maybe i'd part with whatever skills the army has taught me and then i'd find another organization that could use skills like mine? Hope so...

To sayang if you're reading this...HELLO!!! And if the dude sitting next to you happens to be reading this too...YOU"RE DEAD!!.......X_x

Ok..lets get back to bitching about the society. Saw a really horrendous sight today in the MRT. Yeah...might be common to many of you, but i still dont understand why nothing is being done. What am i talking about? A pregnant lady standing throughout the entire journey. WTF?!??! Btw, i was standing. Im always standing. Let women and children sit first, followed by the bapoks and fudge peckers followed by the weaker ones. None of them is there? Then i sit down. AH PEKS!!! YOU DONT COUNT! YOU'RE NOT WEAK! YOU'RE EXPERIENCED! YOU STAND!!!!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAX! ROFL. Gone nutters there.
But really, ignorance maybe be bliss to some, but it simply is hell to me! Fucking hell....

Think i want to start one of those revolution like the ones that i've studied about. HAHAHA...i'll take Changi Prison as the Bastille. And urm...somebody's gotta Louis. Or maybe like the one in Fight Club? Yeah. Project Mayhem. Terrorism? Nah....just a little bit of chaos here and there. Hmm...nvm those revolutions. Hopefully Singaporeans are changing for the better. Maybe i shld enter politics? Then i can pass laws which can benefit everyone. AAAAAAh....there's only the better way rite?

K...getting very very tired now. Gotta slp now. Toodles world.

I used to be a huge fan of autobiographies of ex-soldiers who have served in the different armies of the world. Either be it the French Foreign Legion, the British Para or even some Indonesian Commandos. Their lives unfolding...its voyuerism you noe. And voyuerism is wrong...is it? Well, it is deemed morally wrong. If not, peeping toms would get away with murder cause those caught by the police cant be dealt with squat without the existence of laws to banish the people of their kind.

Anyways....just came out from a hell hole and ya..it sucks like fuck. Boring as hell and it isnt a nice experience. Got my head shaven and myself humiliated. Seems like i got a heroes' welcome back. Well, maybe to me lah...but ya. Glad that episode of my life is over. Cant be bothered to stay low. Gotta get on with my life...my army life at least. Traumatised by that experience? Hell yeah! Never ever want to go back in there so gotta watch myself more now. Told my men abt it and yes...told them to watch their back as much as ive got their backs covered. Now i can speak from experience. No more bullshit like what other sargeants and officers keep telling them. I went through it. I experienced it. I have the right to tell them. Y? Coz my story is more believable at least if not sincere.

Well, one hell hole to another. Going for my PS course soon. And shit...from all the horror stories that ive been hearing from those whom have gone thru it all....well, lets just say i'll survive it all with as little damage as possible. Lets hope that the month when im doing the course passes by quickly, pass the course, get the rank and ya....hopefully i qualify for the next course. Ranger will have to wait. hehs.

Its almost been a month since my last writing. Been kinda lazy to write again. Lost touch of it maybe? Lots of things on my mind lately. Those of you who are well aware of what happened to me in ROC...well, im still waiting for it to be resolved. Oh wells...what happened was probably meant to happen anyway. My favourite kind of line. Bums shld be glad that such a line exists. The kind of line whom ppl who always for things to happen can always use when other people comment or question if they are ever going to do something about their lives. The reactionary kind of life. Semi-charmed kind of life. Well...flail to all bums! Im going to become a revolutionary. Not the revolting kind. The action kind? Not the reaction maybe. Yeah...that's a fulfiling life.

The world is turning itself inside out these days. People are always dying...well slower this time. Good things is they are not dying crudely like they used to be back when terrorism was at its height(its not like it died. Prolly taking a rest right now). Well...people are now becoming the victim of modern times. Thank you modern western values! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Im too lazy to type everything out now but maybe i'd just give examples. Examples like premarital sex. Examples like consumerism. Im am really lazy to show you how it causes people's demise. Well...some other day maybe.

Lots of maybes there. Wonder if i'll keep to it....

Damn...didnt get to climb the mountain like the other time. The view of the city at night was awesome but didnt get the opportunity to photograph it coz we had to keep moving. Plus...we had to be cautious so as to not reveal the troop's position. Damn...wasted opportunity. Did get other pics from another mountain though. Thank god its all over now. Last few days have been really really tiring.

Well, one thing down...another one to go. This time around...i am going to be the one fighting. A long week for pure mental, physical and urm...something else kind of torture. Enemy's a bitch too. Fight pro soldiers. Men are not quite up to the standard or the occasion either. And im not sure of my condition either. Fighting in the mountains? Urm...ya. Kill them all and let god sort them out later. Sort who out? That's the big surprise that im not keen off. If my men dies...tat means tat im a failure. If they do...then im not a failure...nt a success either. It does however give me a leverage to what courier tat i might be taking on in the future. Hopefully tat i do get the job of my choice cos frm my point of view, leaders of men in this army are effectively uneffective. Like the saying goes about the war fought from 1914-18, "fought by heroes, lead by fools". Hopefully, whatever happens nxt can changed that fact coz rite now, im feeling very very vulnerable about our country's stand. If they cld pay for my education...id be really really grateful to do the country's armed forces some good. Some real good.

Then again, people would be asking me y? Why take up a shity job like that?? Well, first of all, its not really abt the money. Financial wise, i've got support from my parents. Ya. I noe, im already so old yet im still depending on my parents. WEll, its because of the country's system thats y im like so. Challenge? There is also a lot of chanlleges elsewhere. Im not looking for challenge. But, i am looking to help people. So far, tats most of the things tat ive been doing. But i dont quite find that fulfilling. But if u look at africa, middle east and a lot of other countries, u'd find orphans and the poor and dying and damn. Kinda like MCR's song. But no...my dad did talk to me abt such things before.

Helping people. Yea...children especially. Why? Well, tats coz they are the people of the future. So far, ive been unable to do a thing about it. Even as i serve my Ns, i was demoralized when i was told becoz of my status, i was unable to go out for peacekeeping missions. Peacekeeping? Well, only regulars cld do it. And if i was a regular, well, i'd be one step closer to be able to do help those poor kids. Their parents cld be..urm...overlooked. Ya. Coz they did all they cld and id say its simply not enuf coz they were already like their children to begin with. And they are dying. They are hoping however that someone does come and help finish off their job as a parent to provide for coz they were unable to. They are already in that condition. The inferior position to fulfil their roles as parents effectively coz their parents were also like them. Help the children, help the others. The multiplier issue here.
Some other time then.













Well, exercise is coming. Like what my ex-OC said, "when it starts, it starts to end". Hopefully, there's a lot of truth to it.

going to climb a moutain later...

Yes...finally. Moving out to do what i came here to do. Wish i was going out for some sort of operation instead of just "playing war". What's the use? You dont train for tourneys with more training. You do it with warm-up games. Followed by friendly matches. And usually the starting of the season, u usually start off with the easy teams to pick on. Well, that is an exception to most teams but tats how it basically works. Rugby is simple. Rugby is life. Rugby is war....without the gore.

Anyway, last few days is urm...rather mudane. Same shit, different day. Cept for today where we went thru some bit of training for the coming general activity. A lot of walking but who gives a flying fuck. Im going out with great enthusiasm. Something like this doesnt happen. Especially if ure in my position. But rite now, everything seems like one big vacation and im enjoying every single bit of this shit. No me, no worries excpet for myself and my collegues. Simple shit. Different pace.

Tat's what bores me tobe where i am. Its nothing but exercise. Operation is reserved for those extra extra special people. Fucked up. Foreign army maybe?

i am fadzils friend and i think he is abang body.

3rd day and its still nothingness. Spending the whole day in camp sleeping, eating, smoking and the occasional trips to the toilet. Fuck...this is killing me.

２ｎｄ　ｄａｙ　ｉｎ　ｔａｉｗａｎ　ａｎｄ　ｉｔ　ｆｅｅｌｓ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｉｖｅ　ｂｅｅｎ　ｈｅｒｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｔｈｅ　ｅｎｔｉｒｅ　ｏｎｅ　ｍｏｎｔｈ　ａｌｒｅａｄｙ．　Ｔｈｅｒｅ　ｉｓ　ａｂｓｏｌｕｔｅｌｙ　ｎｏｔｈｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｄｏ　ｈｅｒｅ　ｅｘｃｅｐｔ　ｔｏ　ｍｏａｎ　ａｎｄ　ｇｒｏａｎ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｔｈｅ　ｆｕｃｋｉｎｇ　ｃｏｌｄ　ｗｅａｔｈｅｒ　ｈｅｒｅ．　Ｗｅｌｌ．．．ｅｘｃｅｐｔ　ｔｈｅ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｔｈａｎ　ｏｃｃａｓｉｏｎａｌ　ｓｌｅｅｐ　ａｎｄ　ｔｈｅ　ｒｕｎｓ in the fucking cold morning wind and maybe soccer. Other than that, well, maybe a trip to the town near camp and that's that.

Exercise wont be around for another 5 days tops. Till then, its nothing but wake up, run, breakfast, sleep, lunch, sleep, dinner and more sleep. Eat sleep, eat sleep. It gets pretty dead around camp.

Nite's off in camp is urm....just as dead? But we are surrounded by the taiwanese civilians. WHERE ARE THE CHICKS????? It only makes it more dead. Only during this time do people wait to actually go out into the field even if it means no hot shower, no hot food, no warm bed to tuck into for the next few days. But yah. The soldier in me wants to go out there. Just to pass the time? Maybe. To gain experience? Possibly. A more likely reason would simple be: because i can. Time to enjoy my sex on the beach and some salad now.

This is the last write before i fly off to taiwan tonite. A mth of taiwan. Weehoo...that's abit of an extended stay isnt it? Well...duty calls. Have to answer it. No arguement to be made.

How i wished i had went there by ship instead. Flying simply scares the balls out of me. Imagine this while sitting down in an aircraft the next time you fly. Underneath your feet is the floorboard. Underneath that will be millions of wires and cables followed by the fuselage. Underneath it all is nothing but 30,000ft of air. Imagine falling thru 30,000ft of nothingness. Ground is coming up fast into your face. Yeah...scary isnt it? I suppose that's what aircraft entertaintment's for. Keep your mind out of things like that.

Well. Orders are for me to take the plane to taiwan. No choice given there is it? Hopefully everything goes smooth sailing.

I'd like to write more but gotta pack. Yeap. Till nxt mth then!

Week's been great. I think. Imagine coming back to work on a weekend because some topper fucked everything up and u just had to be at the receiving end. Fuck! Really fucked. He cause unimaginable logistical nightmare. If he was at the receiving end...then he'd know how everyone else feels.

Major exercise coming and guess what?! Im holding a major appointment! fuck! Two ways to look at it. Im going to fuck up big time or........im going to learn something new and in the process make a name for myself. NOT INTERESTED in both!! Well...learning something new...maybe. Making a name for myself!? Nope. No thanks. Im not in it for fame or fortune. Im in it so that i can help my men get thru 2 years of shitty life. My life itself can get pretty shitty at times because of this. But who cares?! Im loving it! Except for certain times. And for certain leadrship.

Cant really talk abt something to get ur brain thinking coz im sort of in a rush. CAnt really talk much coz it might get me into trouble with the army too! rofl. Life's a bitch.

Rugby....yeah rugby. Getting the feel of it again. Can feel the fire re-igniting again. 7 years of rugby. Hope it goes on and on and on. Rugby's out smoking's in. When i get to play it again...rugby's in smoking's out.

The frequency of me writing in has getting lesser. Nothing really to talk about.
Well...there are somethings.

Incompetent officers.
Screwed-up organizations.
Kanchiong boss.
Me being overlyambitious(Think i'll make it into Special Forces?).
A nice girl that i got to know off over the net who takes killer photos.
My bro performed at Ngee Ann City Kid's Central Big in the City(wasnt tat good compared to the last one).

What else is there? Oh yes....incompetent people whom im surrounded by. Thankfully...they are the minority.

Do what is right because it's right



That's the quote im damn sure i'll be able to remember vividly thru my life. It's from Letters From Iwo Jima. Its not just another war flick. Yup. I noe ppl already started moaning and groaning "why another one?!?!". Well, it certainly had the cinemas filled up(i got a ticket 3 rows from the front and i got the ticket more than an hour before the show), it had good reviews, it certainly didnt have much hype than any other movies that were released this month(they all proved to be a huge dissapointment) and it certainly had a connection with me. Or my life at least at this very moment.

War. It's a terrible thing. Again...everybody can say that they noe that war's a bad thing. But do they? Do they even have the opportunity to even come close to war like situations? Nah...they just believe what they see on tv. They dont noe what goes beyond the tv screens. The actual human emotions. Our hopes and aspiration actually dies when we go to war. Nobody's coming home alive. People simply go to war and die. Cept' for generals who claim to fight wars and able to come back alive. Those bastards are simply sitting in some air-con room planning on how we soldiers eventually die. Whether we die on the enemy's left flank or the right. Whether it'd be death by small arms or huge guns. The list actually goes on. All we can do to stay alive is to look out for each other. Nevertheless, there will still be death. And im not only referring to our side but the other side as well.

NOticed that im not calling them the bad guys or enemies? Well...while our own forces may seem to be referred to as friendly forces to our people, we are also referred to as the enemy to their people. Vice-versa for the other side. See...that's war. Everybody dies. Everybody loses. Nobody gains. Nobody's right. You dont win for being right. You win cause you're left. You're the only one left. That's how you win a war. There you go...more sadistic truth about war.

It isnt just about people dying. Not about destruction or the lost for others. Its so much more than that. A lot more. Some lost in translation. Others just unspoken of. Think i might change my own perspective about going to war as well. Nothing glamourous. Nothing great. If someone tells you, "Congrats! We're going to war!!" or somewhere along the line, be sure to give the fucker a boot to the face cos he aint thinking straight. You simply do not congratulate people to die. You simply dont...

Oh wells. A year has gone. 20 now. Guess what i did on my birthday? That's rite...i lit up a candle...yes...yes. And then.......i started to dig my own shellscrape. Followed by inspecting my men's shellscrapes and attended orders. Yeap...the birthday of my life! So the exercise went along uneventfully. First time i led my men to a fight. First time i led anyone into a fight. 20 something men versus 51 men and we eventually overcame them. HHAHAHA! WE're good!!! Auuwah!

Okay...enuff with that bullshit. Its getting old. Back to real life. Well...that's what it is to most of us anyway. What is deemed as real life by many is only temporary to me and many men like me. So what is real to many? Well...i suppose what they read in the papers is what's real to most of them. And by them im referring to people of all ages, religion, race and sizes whom resides in this bloody island. Hmph...im getting nowhere with this.

In the papers a few days ago(the newpaper actually) i've read a really really sad story. It's about an old lady who got kicked out of her own house by her own son just because her bitch-in-law couldnt accept the fact that she works as a cleaner. BRAVO! Bravo bitch...u dont even take a second to even realize that its because of her dirty job that she's able to put her son thru medical school and he's eventually able to earn at least 200k a month. She said tat she's ashamed that her mom-in-law was a cleaner. WTF?! If she's ashamed that my feelings that i have for her would be undescribable. Disgusted? Horrified? No...that would still be an understatement. Hell..it would still be an understatement to call it an understatement. Reminds me of the malay folklore "tanggang". The son and the wife eventually got turned into stone. Wonder what they'll get turned into this time. Oh! Oh! I noe!!! They already did! Well..not literally but they're practically stone with what they're doing to her.

On other news(seems like im reporting the bloody news now) OUR MPs are doing a hip hop routine for the chingay parade this coming weekend! AS if they cant make a fool of themselves anymore, they decided to come up with this sort of bullshit! Their aim- to foster ties and understanding with the youths of singapore. Word of advice: you're old people. Doesnt matter when u were born. You're already old people. A few more years and you would be qualified for the purple ez-link concession pass. SO START ACTING YOUR AGE OLDIES! So what if you're born after indepence? So did most of the people i noe. But are they acting like a bunch of yuppies? Nope. They're acting their age like most adults should be. Want to act young? Head down to a club on weekned. Dying for some old school music to remind you that you were young once? There's DbLO with their satuday's mambo night.

WEll...i've got nothing else to write right now partly because my comp is laggging like hell. So some other time i guess

A few more hours before i really turn 20. Oh yeah...its the age where u grow old to join the group of twenties ppl yet you do not get the privileges that they get after they turn 21 or even 23. Dont get me wrong...im not in a hurry to grow older. Well...i used to but found it quite dissapointing. Being a child was still the best time of my life. No cares. No worries. No money.....but who cares? No job. No responsibilities.

Look at me now. Take care of 6 men...some of them actually older than me. Some babies on the way and all sorts of something going on in their background. That's like being shotgunned minus the wife. Sorta. But its all good. Going out to fight on my birthday tmr! Yeah. What a way to spend the day i got brought into this world. Training to take someone else's life from this world. The irony of it is so great that i have difficulty expressing it in a way that everyone understands.

Oh wells...happy birthday to me!

I went to watch my brother perform at the grand finals yesterday(ya...go watch it on tv) and i suddenly had a question to ask my self. What am i good for? My younger brother seems to have it all. He joined silat and fought his way to being a champion. He picked up the guitar only a couple of years ago and he won more than a thousand dollars. He's doing alrite in school. Hmm...my elder brother seems to receive a lot of care and concern from my parents. He picked up smoking and my parents jumped to his case. Counselled him and all till he stopped. He wants to learn how to drive...and my parents gave him all the financial support when he need them. And when his studies stunk...my parents jumped too.

What did i get? Hmm..i picked up smoking and my parents treat it as if it was all normal. No nagging. No scolding. No counselling. Nothing. I went to play in a rugby finals...they didnt come. They didnt even want to see my medal or trophies that i've won in subsequent tourneys. My studies were alrite and they didnt take notice. When my studies werent alrite...they couldnt care less. No..dont get me wrong here...im not complaining nor whining or whatever adjectives that you can creatively come up with to describe my situation here. Why? Well...coz u're not creative enough being the singaporean you are and im really not whining. Jealous? A little bit. But not for the attention that i lack of. Im loving it! Yeehaa! But for the achievements that both my brothers have made. Whatever they are capable of..im lacking of it. I cant play the guitar nor really be smart in a sensible way(coz i only like to study and be smart in something which everyone else isnt interested in). Im just not musically inclined i guess. YOu could try to get me to play the trumpet coz i used to play that instrument. Guitar was urm...to mat-ish for me. Im not being racist here...im just being a dickweed. ROfl

Anyway...my brother's band was really rocking'. They did a cover versh of a song which was really really refreshing. For those who watch the show on kids central...you'd have to wait for that episode. And at this very moment...im listening to it again and again. Kinda hooked onto it. If only they choose to record it or something...yea, they could practically quit school and do some heavy rocking full time. But this being singapore...that's a really stupid thing to do. It's different yes, needs a lot of courage yes, with a bit of luck they might be able to make it after all yes but its still really really stupid. Trust me on this one. Whenever a decision is deemed stupid, i'd be able to recognize it being that im in command of men who have made stupid decisions in their lives. So there you go...

And yes...back to camp with 2 swollen ankles(got them from jumping off a certain heightened carpark after the performace). At least my "policeman heel" thingy doesnt hurt as much now. Chinese pain theraphy really works this time around. I can run now!! wohooooo! But my ankle just got more swollen so i think im going to take a bit of time off from all the running with my men. And that's how the cookie crumbles....

i noe this is kinda belated but it seems like the bestest of all time to talk about it. remember the yellow ribbon project last year? Yeap..the one with the cheesy song(nxt time come up with something original. doesnt have to catchy. simple will do. as long as it gets the message across) and the overkill of the message. Yeap. Give the ex-offenders a second chance. Sure..the goverment has been encouraging private companies to give them a second chance and hire them. Some of them eventually turn out to be outstanding employees. Bravo! The project was a success! Hahaha...not in a long shot. Now that im a sargeant in the army...ive been blasted with lots of new things. Things that as a young boy, im too naive to know. Too...carefree. No..not carefree...maybe careless because im still carefree now but i couldnt careless then. Project was a a total flunk. More of a parody if it really was to become of something.

Still...i have my role and responsibility as a leader, a brother and a soldier. Everyday...men will share with my an insight into their life, their hopes and dreams. At first glance, most of them are quite intimidating. Tattoes, foul language, body language....and just their presence. Fuck all that. They're still human beings. They breathe. They eat. They bleed. They get hungry. They feel. They cry. They smile. They....need i say more?

Still...what second chance do they get? Where issit coz i dont see any. Men have came up to me and talked to me about joining on the army as a regular. However, they were rejected on cases such as criminal history, poor education levels...and so on. Those fuckers dont even know that when the bullets starts flying...politics, ur education, ur status and everything else goes out the window. But what do they care. Bullets wont be flying over their heads soon. They've got pikachus to do it for them while they rest in the comfort of air-con, food and their own loved ones. While we will be out there fuckingly uncomfortably...dont noe when will be our next meal if there's any or if we will ever come back to see our loved ones. We dont noe. We can just hope for the best but expect the worst to happen at the same time.

Yet...no matter how unselflessly my men put their lives on the line...they still do not get any attention. No..im not asking them to be rewarded. I myself could do that. Another private could do that. Im talking about helping these poor buggers to realign their lives. Trust me...they want to make things better. They're just not given the chance or the choice to do so. So if they dont repent and repeat their mistakes who's fault is it? Theirs? NO fucking way......

Food for thought. Why would someone want to rob a bank? Is he in dire need of money? Maybe. Does he have an agenda? Could be. Is he crazy? Crazy enough to do it. But those kind of answers wont suffice. Why did he rob the bank? Well...because he can.

Another weekend coming to an end. The one i had this week isnt like the one i had the other week. Oookay...i had fun at sentosa and all....but it could have been better. Not really sure where i had gone wrong...no point pushing it anyway.

Anyways...commanding has definately been a challenged so far. Yet..i have yet to go out and fight the enemy with my men following me. Problems they shared was definately far worst than what im having(if i am) at the moment. NS is where people from all walks of life come together. Yeap. The people from the top class become the officers. The middle class become the sargeants while the lower class become men. What the fucked up mixture. People from all walks of life come together just to do what they routinely do as always. The only difference is that they wear uniforms.

Still...my men have taught me a few things. Got a problem? Laugh it off. Dont think too much about it as it would only dampen ur spirits. Kinda like what they're saying.

Trainings getting tougher by the day. The only easy day was yesterday. That line is quickly becoming quite catchy. Hate it though. Miss the tough training nonetheless. Its what makes us Sargeants different than the men and the officers. We live for this kind of thing. Well..most of us are. This is judging from what we did at sentosa yesterday =) That acjc girl should noe about it.

Back to camp. 2 guard duties in a week. Life couldnt get any worse than this i think....

The first weekend of the new year is coming to an end. How does this weekend compare to the one i had a year ago. The other one had me waiting tables. This one on the other hand has kept me wanting of more adventure like the ones that i've been thru. They might be great adventures but they're still adventures.

In the other weekend i was a civilian. In this one...im just another soldier. Uniformly equal cept for the rank maybe. 3 stripes. 6 men under my charge. Might not be the best but they will be soon enough.

I know i said that i wanted to bitch about singaporeans....but not really in the mood to do it. But i am in the mood for 1. Just 1 singaporean. The typical over-ambitious, low EQ-IQ, steps over-everyone else fucker. Quite a lengthy adjective but its still not complete. The words that i just used to describe him is simply an understatement. Seems to me like the dude whom made my life(along with my other mates life) a living hell has just been reincarnated. Maybe they're cousins? If they are...there must be seriously one fucked up family somewhere on this island. Whoa...scary thought. But im just un-fuckingly-lucky to end up with an idiot like him. Hurhur...i noe im being evil and such...but ya. People who piss me off eventually will suffer terribly. Direct confrontation is punishable. So let's get political shall we? ROfl...he's still wondering why the army rejected him when he wanted to go on with the army full time. ROFL...even at a lower level when collegues already resent him...how can some starry fella not do the same?

Anyway...in case u're ever wondering why i ever even thought of signing on...well.....a picture speaks a thousand words doesnt it?



Well...further explanation can only be done orally. Further explanation to the pictuer, to my decision and to everything else...

Two boys were boasting about
their own father during a party.
"My father can beat yours!"
"Big deal! So can my mother!"

My very first post of the new year. Yeap. Its already 2051hrs....but who careS? Not really anyway. The new year started off with me going off for a a 12 klick run. Not a new year resolution. Exercising is never a new year resolution for me. It's just to bullish. Im not old. Im not middle-aged. So to hell with people who make exercising sound bloody impossible.

It was an interesting 12klick run actually. Ya....running on an upset stomach. So i had to stop in the middle of the run to run real quickly to a toilet before i continued. Nothing interesting about that. Comedic...maybe. Maybe not...at least its not a resolution u fat assess!

Anyway...people were quite friendly today. Another resolution of the general public maybe? Be a little bit more friendly. And by people..im talking about expats. If i was talking abt locals...i wouldnt be calling them people...i'd call them singaporeans. Majority of them put on a sour face everytime the step out of the house only to change it when they have linked up with other familiar faces. Me? I put my face into neutral. Why? Coz if i put it into friendly...two things would happen none of which i want to experience. One would be people start to approach me with tin cans or forms or any other shitfucks that's possible. The other thing that could happen would be that i'd be labelled as a crazy bugger. Possibly an alien. Yeap..that's singaporean in a nutshell. Im lying there's actually more. Why cant we change??? Maybe that should be THE new year resolution. All the aunties and people like them shld be brain washed. Oh! Their children too coz they've already absorbed too much from their mommies. Hmm...maybe i'd talk about the singaporean personality some time in the future....think that shall be my next post?