Decided to endure the sleepiness for a bit more just to have breakfast even though I'm so tired and yet have someone to be angry with me. Seriously??

Maybe I should just be an asshole

Organized a dinner for my family and they've been keeping me waiting for the past hour. I'm still waiting. Sometimes I wonder why I even bothered.

They were so enthusiastic to visit a neighbor's kid in hospital but they couldn't be enthusiastic enough to be on time for dinner that their son planned out for them.

It's as though there's a price waiting for them by getting onto my shit-list

I dare you to dance with me

Tonight, my leave ends. It's funny how people from my work place would take leave to just rest at home. And yes, I am not the only one. Somehow, I dread going back to work- the madness, the rush, the late meals (if they ever come), the fucking that you somehow have to endure. Times like these are when what an old friend said makes a lot of sense- if i had known what to do at that moment and up to your standard, then your years of experience would have counted for nothing.

Standards...it all comes up to the expectations that people hold us up to. In this instance, the level of standard that people expect of me. I still dont feel like writing even though I have tons on my mind.

Sometimes, it'd be nice to just have someone to talk to

I believe in the sand beneath my toes

I've been wanting to jot down my thoughts for awhile but I haven't gotten myself to actually doing it. I still haven't...

I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be then me.

So it's the new year. As always, I never once had a new year's resolution - those things never stick anyway. What I do have are long term goals and in that comes short term ones which I'm able to take in small bites. Unfortunately, I've lost sight of them. I never got the job which I had dreamt of since young. But we compromise. We always do.

In life and in love, we slowly adapt to new things because l, hey, change is the only constant. We can only hope for that we change together with the person whom we have so carefully chosen to spend the rest of our lives with.

I guess I am pretty much on the losing end in that aspect. While everyone was busy getting into a relationship or losing their virginity in their teenage years, I was busy being a teenager. That entails playing all kinds of sports, trying all kinds of things. Heck, I was so good at programming robots, I felt conflicted when I was asked to take over captainship of the team back in secondary school. Somehow girls never quite fitted into the agenda save for the final year of secondary school. But that never really quite blossomed into anything which bothers me only because I've seen friends who have spent years in relationships which they have nurtured since their teenage years. Even if those didn't last, they have gained enough experience in relationships that carried them on well into their adulthood. I guess for me, I am pretty much immature and quite inexperience when it comes to relationships. Chasing girls on the other hand is a different story. I should start classes and charge guys on how to pick girls up.

2012 has been quite a year for me. Got into a relationship with the girl of my dreams. Got a really splendid birthday surprise (I never once said no to gifts) with dirt biking and a cool iPod which while I feel bad that chubs had to fork out a considerable amount of money to get me, I still love it a lot. I've been using it so much that it looks well worn ( the engraving at the back os a actually the best part of that present).

Also, managed to graduate as the fire in me as a student was beginning to dim out. Managed an awesome holiday by going to Hong Kong (never was it my intention to go there but it turned out to be fucking great!) and managed to go back to Bangkok- something which I've been wanting to do in a long time. But then, it really isn't about the destination but who you're there with. That matters most.

Also, finally managed finally get my class 2. Never thought I'd be riding a bike much less being able to ride a big one. But that's unintended is one of the miracles of change and compromise.

So yes, there were a few setbacks. Tearing my hamstring as well as losing the title is probably one of the things that I will carry through for the rest of my life. You only get one shot at this kind of things so once it's gone, it's gone.

I don't know how 2013 is going to turn out like but I'm secured in the knowledge that as long as I have huishan with me, all that is good will be good. Heck, all that is bad can't be that bad either.