Think i've finally recovered to write again. Keyword here being "think" so im not really so sure if i'll ever recover. Then again...who the hell have nightmares of the bruneian jungles? Not that many. Guess im one of those few. Nevertheless, i made it through...barely though. A lot more of such exercises coming my way. Heard its going to be a tough new year ahead. Back to back exercises which leaves me to do only one thing when i go home for the weekend....sleep and eat aka recovery. There's two way i could look at it. First, i could be thinking, " im in for a whole load of shit". On the other side, i could also say "im in for a whole load of shit....but at least my NS stories might be a bit more exciting than others".

Guess not many have that kind of mentality. Maybe because they're too lazy to think of it and rather think about the shorter one because well....they dont have to think too much or too long to decide on something. At least they could have kept it to themselves. I mean...i noe that its fucked up but you dont have to dampen my spirits even more. That's like dumping me into the ground than piling me deeper all the way into the earth's core. For god sake's! Im a fucking sargeant! Man look up to me. If i dont even have to proper thinking...how are my men going to have one? Me being demoralized or dampened will multiply by the number of men under my command. Yet they still talk to me about how fucked up its going to be. Plz...keep it to yourselves!

In less than 24hours time, i'd be going back to reality. Yeap...that's the army. The reality for me now at this very moment is the army. Weekends at home is like the sweetest feeling that you have when you wake up from your sweetest dream. Just a glimsp. No matter how bad things might be at home, its still a sweet dream that only comes to you only once a week. That's only if you behave and perform. If you're deemed unfit to go home for the weekend, well...life can only get better from there. Like the saying goes, "if you hit rock bottom, you can only bounce back up again".

Well, guess the army has taught me a lot of things so far even though im just about to complete my first year in the army. Might teach me a lot more once im done with it. It taught not to think because if i think, that only means that im not sure. We might not be the smartest of humanity, but we get things done. Each time im confronted by a situation i only do two things. I appreciate and i excute. Seems to make things better for everyone especially me and my men. Besides, the world keeps spinning just fine if what we do doesnt suit to everyone else's taste. Well who cares about everyone else? They're not serving the country. Most of them will never know what it feels like to go thru shit until they serve their national service in the army. No where else can you get this wisdom and experience. I emphasize again, NOWHERE ELSE! Sure you'll be doing real work in the police force or the civil defence force. But in there, you're just carrying out your daily routine only from a different perspective. From the perspecting of the representative of the authorities. That's all. The army. Well....it snatches you away from your old life and make you do a lot of funny things that you might never do or will never again in your normal life. It bonds people way beyond families are bonded. Men become the closest of brothers. Only soldiers understand soldiers. Countries, race, religion, status and everything else that divides mankind blurs down to only one thing. The uniform that they wear. You wear green. I wear green. We're both the same. The only difference is who we side. Or which top monkey do we call "Sir".

Things will never be the same again. I long for the day that i get to see my 15-year old face that's on my IC. See and remember what it was like to be me before i got snatched off from my life. Try to reconnect with my life to see if i really am able to do so. If im not able to, guess the army's for me until some war comes along and rips me away from everything else that hasnt been ripped off yet. Until then...let's hope all goes well for me.