Maybe I am already reaching my mid-life crisis. In a couple of month's time, my best days in school will be over for me. There's no more looking forward to going to back to school as I once did during my NS stint as well as when I was doing my internship. How did I end up where I am right now? God knows. How did I become who I am now.
How did I become from this....
Well, if you must know, that was me at 3?4? And then me again about 20 years later. 20 years is enough to change me into a form that the young me wouldn't be able to recognize. Physically, everything is different. HOW THE HELL DID I BECOME SO DARK AND HAIRY?! Guess my grandma's North Indian fairness didn't get passed on to me. But the hairy part sure did follow me.
Character wise, I think several factors have shaped it into how it is now. I can still remember that I actually had the fear of talking to girls when I was 13. It carried on all the way throughout secondary school. This is was especially so with the Malay girls. I guess right now, I am playing catch-up. In fact, I have been playing catch-up ever since JC. I don't really know what caused the change. But if you were to ask me to talk to a girl back when I was 13, the amount of sweat that I would have built up would be enough to fill up an olympic -sized swimming pool. But right now, it is as though I've never had that fear before. Well, that's how it seems anyway. Guess I am, as of now, a closet introvert.
I suppose the biggest influences on me would have to be music and movies. Though I really do think that I have an eclectic taste, I still think that punk rock would be the genre that I like the most. I remember saying to myself once, when I was in JC, when I was caught in the rain, "Punk rock music will keep me warm and dry". Well, it kind of did as I was transported into a whole different place even though I was soaking wet when I reached school. But I did learn a lot from Punk Rock. And honestly, that is sometimes how I live my life. I would really love to live my life like that- without cares or worries, hakuna matata style. But age catches on and you somehow wound up with a ton of responsibility on your hand. In another 25 year's time, I'd prolly be watching my kid going through the same thing as I did. The only difference from me that that kid is going to get is that he has my full support in whatever (productive) that he or she chooses to do. I am not saying that I am going to spoil the kid. Hell, I am going to whoop that kid's ass just like how my mom whooped mine. I turned out to be perfectly awesome.
If I was to pick my all time favorite movie, it's definitely Bigfish. If you haven't seen it yet, go watch it! What are you waiting for?! Don't even read the next sentence until you've finished watching it. By then, the screen would probably be blurry from the tears. For those who already have, congratulations, you're going to be awesome.
I guess that show gets me. Or rather, I get it. I remember "escaping" remedial just to watch that movie at GV Yishun. Love that place. Still do. For all the trouble I got myself into for escaping, I'd say that it was definitely worth it! As a secondary school kid, I never expected myself to understand such a film but I did. That was when I realized that I was only going to be a secondary school kid once in my life and if I did not make it worthwhile, I could only look back in regret.
So, I played throughout the final year of my secondary school life. Almost asked a girl to be my girlfriend too! Guess that was a bit overwhelming for her as it was for me. I honestly wonder how things would actually be like if she had said yes instead. But yes, I enjoyed my sec 4 and my JC years immensely! It came to the point that everyone thought I was going to flunk my O and A levels. They even gave me the "looks". The kind where they are judging me and saying "He is probably going to fail the O/A levels very very badly!" Well, guess who's laughing now! Half of them ended up taking private degrees with the other half, having no other choice, pursuing a degree in NIE. Those who did not judge have done pretty well for themselves. But for those who didn't, well, I am truly sorry that things didn't quite work out for you...yet! I always believe that if things are not great for you yet, they will soon! Everyone will reach their peak sometime in life! I just know it. Have faith my friends!
In 25years time, the 50 year old me would probably read this and think about how much he wants to bitchslap the 25 year old me for the incoherence and grammatical errors. I do not know what the future holds for me. But based on how the past 25 years have been for me, I know great things await! I am not sad that I am getting older, I am just sad that I have to get older so soon. I still remember how young my parents used to look. Well, if there was anything I could give for time to be reversed, I really would. But it's not for the reason so that I can do things differently. I mean, there are things that I wished I would have done differently. But no, if i could be reversed and I get to live my past 25 years of live again, I would gladly go through it all over again. Including the bad parts...like going to DB. I mean how many of us, in uni, have ever sat inside a jail cell before? Honestly...I think I am pretty badass!
Your hand in mine
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