Perfection in silence

Despite being up all night from the graveyard shift and not enough sleep to recuperate from that, I am still wide awake in bed. The body is tired but the mind is still jogging around endlessly.

Lately, I can't help but to feel as though I'm making everybody's life miserable. This is especially so for the girlfriend. The way people talk us beginning to sound as though their lives would be so much better without me around. Through daily conversations, I'm beginning to feel like I'm nothing more than dead weight- I'm just holding them down.

Maybe everyone has been accustomed to me making their lives comfortable that they forgot what I actually went through just so that it can be that way. Inconvenience is something I strive not to cause someone. Maybe they didn't forget, maybe they just don't know.

Suffer in silence! That's what I have been taught all my life. Nobody really wants to know about your pains or anguish. It depresses them; it saddens them; it frustrates them when they can't think of anything to say or not sure of how to react. At the end of the day, all of us do not want to be associated to people like this. After all, everyone has their own sets of problems right? I have my own sets of problems that nobody wants to listen to so why should I listen to yours right?

We have all become so guarded in this sense; selfish even. The irony in all of these is that we humans are really social creatures. Even in isolation, we create that imaginary character whom we could interact with. I should know this because isolation comes easily to me- so I've resorted to talking to myself from time to time.

Being the social creatures we are, we are always seeking the approval of others- especially that of our loved ones. But then, there's not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They're both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you.

And the end of the day, it is us who decides what it's going to be. I've stopped seeking the approval of others and I'm getting along just fine. Risk it. Being averse to risk is harmful on an epic proportion.