Trip's over. Fun's over. At least, that is what i think so. Honestly, i hate coming back from trips because that is when reality hits you. It's just like how it goes when you tripped (literally! you're falling down here!). You're taking a trip. In those mere seconds before you hit "reality", you'd experience a rush of adrenaline, a tinge of fear, a little bit of excitement, frayed pieces of joy-things that you would enjoy when you go on a trip(the holiday kind)- and after that, reality(in the form of the floor or some hard surface) hits you. It hurts, no doubt. Yup. That is how its like for me. It hurts, but i somehow have to get it over with.

Anyway, got to back to work that is long overdue. So how is the post-trip life going to be like? For tuesday, it's 0900hrs rugby coaching. 1230hrs-presentation meeting, 1430hrs-hoping to get some of my work done, 1700hrs-rugby training, 1930hrs-wash up for and have some chow, 2100hrs-finish up my work for today, 0100hrs-head for home.

Hope everything goes according to what i plan. I forsee that it is going to hurt a lot but i shall brace for impact. Same shit, different day

Right now, im supposed to be doing my essay assignment about this movie sepet. But guess what? I somehow forgot what it is all about and so, i have to go and look for the dvd so i can actually get a move on it.

However, i am getting excerpts of the movie here and there so it's kind of helping. But as i am doing this, peacefulness is overwhelming me. I dont know why. I feeling very very calm and at peace. Maybe its the picture. Maybe its the story itself. It's not a chickflick nor the kind of movie guys would like to watch. But guess what? I LOVE THIS KIND OF MOVIES! So yah...nobody understands that. Well, you dont have to understand, just appreciate it. That's all.

Okay, i shall get back to my work but if you guys want to know why i am at peace, go watch the movie. If you have the DVD, quickly lend it to me. I really need to watch it again to do my term paper.

Time is just going past way to fast for me. I feel like it's impossible for me to just sit down and do nothing. Every single second must be filled with an activity else it'll just flow away like that, forever lost. Its like yesterday feels like a million years ago. Memories fleeting away quickly. Not meeting someone for months feels like you haven't met them for years, decades..it feels like they've lived a lifetime ago, in a previous life perhaps.

Time is a damned commodity which we willingly trade in for a little bit of cash to buy us a little bit of happiness. I guess that's how it was intended. The more we work, the more we get to live. Irony CAN be found in that. Sayings like "Working to death" or "Working like hell"are so common that we have to find the humour in it just to relieve ourselves from this daily torture.

Up till now, i wonder. If god intended for us to die, why did he let us live. If god intended for us all to go to heaven, why did he allow us to do bad? Why did he allow for the devil to influence us to do the devil's bidding? Why did he create hell?

These questions can never be answer. As of now, the only thing that holds everything is faith....and yes, cigarettes. I am not questioning god nor his actions. But i wonder, and i hope that the answer becomes apparent.

Armageddon draws near. NO, i am not prophecizing. Rather, its what we see everyday. The signs are showing. The movies are making millions out of this fact...the one thing that everybody fears. Perhaps, this is why people are working harder then ever: the harder they work, the more they are able to live on this world and perhaps get lost in it.

Right now, my mind spins with thoughts of such. But I cover it up with thoughts of humour, of love, of success, of lameness, of everything but what i have just mentioned. Perhaps, this is god's way of testing my faith. If so, then this is proving to be extremely difficult.

NO! I do not deny in the existence of god. I AM NOT AN ATHEIST! Never will i doubt the existence of god. The only existence that i doubt is my own. Fact is, do i really exist? Do we really exist? Try locking yourself up in your home's store room...pitch dark. You dont see anything, you dont know anything...there is no one. YOU ARE ALONE! Then wonder this,"Do i exist?"

There is this one line that has been prominent in my mind. It guides me to the meaning what i am doing-studying. Be it be taken as a form of satire or just another philosophy it has proven to serve me well. That line goes, "Schools are for fools".

Why do we partake in education? Is it because of the paper-chase phenomenon that time and time again has been embedded onto us effortlessly ever since we realized that an education system DO in fact exist? To get ourselves a degree at least so that we will be able to earn so much that we are able to lead decent lives. What is decent? That is up to the individual to decide. I cannot, do not, and will not decide it for you.

If that was the case, then education has failed us all. For it one was to earn so much money, one would not partake in the act of being educated but merely have to work for when you work, you'd earn, money.

Perhaps this is the reason why people study. When you study, you are merely putting yourself into a situation of alienation. You study so that you can earn big bucks. You'd mug so that you'd be able to achieve good grades but throughout the entire semester, you'd put in minimum effort towards your work as you do not see it beneficial in serving you good grades. You would only pick and choose topics out of the entire textbook; ones that would serve you well into getting you those grades. Education thus, has failed you miserably.

Rather, in order for education to succeed you, you do not study but you learn. The distinction between the two is as fine as the strain of your hair after it has been sliced across a dozen times. But the fact is, there is a distinction. To study is to absorb knowledge and use it for the sake of using that knowledge. To learn is to appreciate what a lesson will be teaching you. There is no right or wrong answer for the right answer is the one that you have managed to learn and have convinced others that it is in fact correct.

As what our mothers have always told us when we have made mistake, regretted it and intend to make amends, "So, have you learnt your lesson?"

They do not go, "So, have you studied your lesson?" Perhaps, the down-brining of our education system is that we all want to study. It's not in the fault of our educators but the flaw is in the system itself. The paper chase phenomenon.

To learn is to appreciate a sense of lacking that all have inbuilt. We do know all for if we did, then it would be at our expiration as there is nothing else to learn for us: we have learnt what we need to.

So, are schools for fools? You decide.

Im am damn bloody exhausted from the morning's training. Well, exhausted and dissapointed. But they kind of balance out one another so, i guess, there was some value-addedness to the training.

Let's talk about being dissapointed first. Hmm..to begin with, there was only so many people who turned up. I have no idea what happened to the rest! I mean, if you say you have something on, do make it a general information to the whole team about what is it that you have on. I mean, this is the only way to curb out any sense of prejudice by the rest. I mean, if it was really important, we would understand. I mean, we have lives too dont we?

The dissapoinment doesnt stop there unfortunately. Because they did not turn up, they are going to be deadweight to us all. I mean, instead of us being able to progress, we would have to start off where we started off TODAY and get those who were absent on par before we could actually move on further.

This is extremely exhausting. It is exteremly demoralizing. It comes to the point that i see no point to come down for training because i wont be learning anything new there. It'll just be the "same shit different day" phenomenon occuring over and over again. I mean, its less than 4 weeks to SUNIGs. All of us have something to prove to ourselves, our peers, our team mates, our school mates and to our opponents. Hopefully, just hopefully, everyone has this mentality. Even if it isnt everyone, majority would do.

So basically that sums up everything. And oh yeah, its exhausting also because im fasting. But i cant let up just because of that. That's a really poor excuse one can ever use- fasting. Hiding under your religion just so you can escape abit of hardship? Well well well...isnt that what fasting is all about? Experiencing a little bit of hardship? Else, why did God made us fast for one month in a year? He has his reasons...we have to find it too. Even if we cant, we can always find our own reason to do so. Most of the time, his reason lies within us- we just have to keep searching. It's there...

It's been one hell of a week(maybe weeks) for me. Well, one presentation down! But then, there's at least 2 more presentations to go! Sian.

Let's talk about my view on life. Life is one big parody if you think about it. Well...are you thinking? No? See! That is exactly what i mean. In a sense, it really is stranger than fiction. Things that you never thought would happen ('cause you've never seen it happen before either on TV or in the movies) really happen! I cant think of any solid examples right now because i havent seen one happening to someone. Damn...im talking in circles! If there was a crop field right now, people would think that some alien invasion was about to take place judging from the circles i've made on the crop. Either that, or the farmer would be so pissed that he decided to become a farmee! Hahahahahahax. Ok...im really talking nonsense here.

I really have no source of "inspiration" right now. Usually, moments would inspire me to write about something. Most of the time, it would come to me when im riding (my bike! tsk tsk. what were you thinking?). Then, by the time i get home or reach my destination, i completely forgot what was it that struck me. But im pretty sure it wasnt a big-ass truck or some car driven by some faggot fag!

Anyway...i've found this awesome website! No, its not youtube...its www.punoftheday.com With puns like "The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran." and " The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference." im sure to crack even more lameness that by the end of it all, you wont be able to walk! hahaha...

I really should stop this nonsense right now. Noodles!

Ok. Great. It's been a dry spell for me. Well, blogging wise at least. Then again, have you figured out that it is always when you're in no situation to write (or even near it) that the best thoughts come to you? For me, inspiration comes to me on a bike, when im running or when im right in the middle of a match. The stoning moment comes to me when im no where near a pen or paper much less a computer. By the time i eventually get to one, the moment's gone. I forgot what suddenly struck me. So i keep some paper and a pen in my bike's seat compartment. You know...just in case.

Music has served me well. Well, not well enough because if it was really well, my life would have background music to it. Well, can always make do by plugging into my mp3 and walk/ride around. Works well for me. If i cant do that, i'd just think about the song in my head or WORST! I'D SING IT!!! So............if you happen to hear someone wailing nonsense whilst on the expressway, that's probably me singing my lungs out. Nope, i havent been pulled over before but they do give me weird stares.

Certain songs does have certain effects on me. I dont know. One of the most prominent song in my life would be Androgyny by Garbage. It was during my Individual Marksmanship Trainer(this simulated range) session and it was my turn to shoot. The technician had the radio turned on onto 98.7fm and then that song came out. My nervousness(i was nervous btw) all disapeared and i even got a perfect score! From then on, whenever i shoot, i'd play that song in my head over and over again because when i didnt, all my rounds didnt square up. When i did, everything landed where it should be(imagine if my target was a real person, that person would have really hated Garbage...the band at least). That became my shooting song.

Another song that simply drives me crazy (when im on my bike) would be Supermassiveblackhole. Yeap. Muse. Suddenly cars dont matter as i have this immense desire to slip and slid through them. Corners becomes fluid as i bank from corner to corner with ease. And no, i am not exagerating. If you see me on the road, and i suddenly speed up and go through corners like i was in some sort of a race, Supermassiveblackhole is on baby!!! Yeah...

Guess there's a lot more songs that i could list but that would make things too boring. So i'd leave it as it is. Alright, time to get to work.

I guess, at the end of the day, men, truly is alone.

Past few days have been quite boring for me. Its still routine albeit in a lepak kind of way. Morning gym. Afternoon, spend time with her or tuition. Night, rotting at home on the computer or either that lepak-ing in jb. With a great shitload of time, comes a whole lot of ball-scratching(DO NOT TAKE IT LITERALLY! HHAHAHAHa).

Anyway, i've been spending a lot of time on FB, looking thru photos of my buddies. God i miss those times. 2006-2008...NS was a haven compared to what i have now. Aimlessness is overwhelming me now. Idleness is the devil's best tool to turn a crap crap-ier. crap-ier. Like i said, ball-scratching action.

A lot people would give me the puzzled look (some even the look of pure hate) when i mentioned that i enjoyed being a soldier. Maybe, if they went through what i did, they would understand why i would dare mention such a thing. I got the whole complete NS package. Whatever you can think of, i have done it. Of course, don't over think it because it aint what its like like its one the TVeeeeee. The mere question of what my NS is like would spring me into life of story-telling. God i miss that life.

Can you imagine? Wake up at 6 for breakfast followed by a run, shower, lessons, lunch, lessons, training, shower, dinner, nights off...and the whole cycle begins the very next day. OF course, every now and then i would be overseas for a bit doing the same thing but with a little bit of TWANG added to it. Aimlessness would not be an issue as there is always something that we would have to achieve.

Maybe my ramblings are a direct result of nostalgia. Perhaps....but who can deny the fact that great company would turn any horrible even or situation into one which is enjoyable. None would have brought out the worst out of them and yet being able to bring out the best of them when the time calls for it. Sure, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. But no one must forget that it also begins with a lot of bitchin' and moaning too. You simply cannot deny that. I can still remember each and every experience vividly as if they are happening to me there and then(that's what i do when im stoning). Every night, i would be dreaming about putting on the uniform every morning and setting out to do what i am good at: Being a soldier.

Right now, to whomever is reading is, i am sensing a lot of loathe from you. But like you, we have different dreams...different goals in life. Maybe i am destined for this? The purpose of my existence. Perhaps? Only God knows what is my purpose of existence. Wish he would tell me....soon...

"Loneliness is simply God's way of wanting to have a word with you in private - Anonymous"

Micheal Jackson's death shook the world...literally. I bet all the blogs have mention his passing in one way or another. Perhaps, maybe just perhaps, mine would be the only one that is forthcoming in a way that his death is just a mere passing remark of what i am about to write.

His death got me reflecting about how time flew by so fast. I can still vividly remember the day he came down to Singapore. I swore that i could hear people chanting out his name from the balcony of my late grandfather's flat. As i am typing this, i can still remember how every nook and cranny of the house smelled like, felt like, looked like...memories overwhelming me. This was about the time when i was around 3 maybe 4. I had my cousin pointing to the direction of the Swisshotel at me and saying that, " Tengok saner! Nari Micheal Jackson perform kat saner!". Subtitles: Look! Micheal Jackson is performing there today! I can still remember him dressing up like the King of Pop. Jackson fever was an unstopable epidemic.

Everyone looked so young then. My dad, my mom...my grandfather looked sickly and as fate would have it, he passed on a year or two later. My cousins too looked young. One of them passed away a few years back followed shortly by the passing of my grandma a year later. Everyone looks so much older now. My dad just celebrated his 51st birthday and my mom her 48th. I do still rummage through photo albums that have been left to be cobwebbed in one corner of the house to be reminicsed of all the memories i've had since i was 20 years younger.

Alas, time is speeding up. The more i try to slow it down, the faster it spins. Its like all clocks in this world was mean to ticks on faster and faster as days wears on. Its like i do not even have the time anymore to enjoy a single moment of my life. It's depressing really. Age creeps up to me faster then you can even have the moment to think that it is really catching on to me. Right now, my dad is the exact image of my grandad when i remembered him. I hope he wont go so soon.

I cant help it. I know death is eventual. I just cant help it. I simply do not know how to deal with the losses of loved ones and i simply do not want to learn how to. When those 3 people, mentioned earlier, died...i did not cry; i did not even feel as if i had lost someone. I felt numb. Perhaps i did not appreciate them much. Perhaps i do not know them that well. But from what my dad told me, both my grandad and my grandma loved me and my brother (my youngest brother wasnt in the picture yet when my grandad passed away) truthfully. I had not come to know that because my grandad passed away too quickly when i was too young. By then, my grandma was already paralyzed and was not able to speak much less have the ability to actually dote on us. But from what i knew, they loved us with all their hearts(my maternal grandparents couldnt really care less).

I want to love. I want to show that i care. Somehow, i have lost that ability to show it to my parents. Something is wrong with me...i pray that im not to god.

There are only two occasions that will bring friends and family close together to a person: birth(or birthdays) and death. Truly, it is the only occasion whereby you are able to gather your masses to celebrate the existence of you in this world or the passing of your existence into the next. Although sadistic and many of you might disagree by saying that weddings too gathers the masses, it simply no comparison to the above mentioned occasions: both momentous in their own right.

Truly, i will never understand why only at the last moments of a persons life do his/her loved ones gather around just to see the person for the very last time. Only at the verge of death do people wished that they had spent more time with the person. Nobody blames them for it is within our society's system to occupy most of our lives with salaried labour; forcing it through various means albeit most of them are nothing more than noticeable.

I have seen more people shedding tears of grief rather than joy for the person who is passing on. Truly, one cannot regret that the person is passing on but to be joyous(to a limit) that the person has lived a full life- one that the grieving should be happy about. A wise man once said that nobody should be sad for the person is dying but should be glad that the person has led a full life. It does not matter how the person lived it. For it was preordained by the almighty-albeit choices were made, it none the less lead to the same ending: death.

Rather than grieving, why not spend time celebrating the person's existence in this world with whatever time we ourselves can afford to. Afford...pfft. Time has been converted into a commodity. The more we try to obtain it, the faster it runs out. Its like we are hanging from a cliff, struggling to clasp onto the edge. The more we struggle the more inevitable that the fall seems. The more we try to grab, the more we seem to be losing grip.

Do not look for how things end up. No matter what, it will be alright in the end; if it isn't alright, then it is not probably the end yet. Every race can be finished. It does not matter what one does to finish it but what matters is that one will eventually finish it. Instead, enjoy what you are doing, and while you're at it, share it with your loved ones for the only permanence is that all will perish at the very end. Do not bother about that. It is beyond control. Do not grieve. Be glad that you have celebrated live with the loved one. For the dying, do not cry for it will all be over soon.

Life is a pleasurable, death is peaceful. IT is the transition that is bothersome and painful. Do not celebrate just for the live of the newborn. Celebrate for the dying too for he was once a newborn too and at one point, somebody has celebrated that matter. To grief and regret is to do the same for his existence.

Work is taking the best out of me. Then again, it wont feel like work unless you get tired out of it. Imagine this, the best times to do anything gets taken up by work. I cant even go to the library to borrow books that i can read during the slow periods because they only open from 1100-2100...and that is how my shift is like too.

On the hindsight, it does get enjoyable at times. It's amazing just how much you get to learn about someone or about something in a very short period of time. All it takes is the "Madagascar Penguin Method" to get it all started (just smile and wave boys...just smile and wave...). But ones it does, i can get them to share their live stories and all this is happening without me saying a single thing. I just smile and nod. They do occasionally ask me a few things like urm...how i am getting paid. haha. Ya, other than that, it's just me listening to whatever they want to talk about.

One thing that i have observed about hospitals is that it is a great place to have family gatherings. Before you go on to say what a BASTARD i am to say such a thing, let me explain. Firstly, i have experienced it myself. My uncles and aunts are busy with their own lives so its kinda hard to have family gatherings. But as my late-grandma got sicker, she was constantly being admitted into hospitals. Being the children they are, my dad and his siblings would go down to visit my grandma. Naturally, their families would tag along too. Dare i say it, it was a great way for everyone to catch up on each other: seeing how their nieces and nephews are all growing up quickly, how each other are doing...things sort of like that.

It seems like the best way to bring people together would be grief. Death and illness seems to bring the best out of humanity. Not talking about just how everyone would pay their last respects to the person how has just passed on.It is up to the point that i had no idea who 70% of those who came down to my grandma's funeral- Friends, family, relatives...most of them i have never seen before. But my dad and his siblings were comfortably chatting with them so i assume that its someone familiar to them.

ROFL. When i digress, i really digress! Anyway, back to the hospital. There seems to be a lot of old people there. Some already a century old! Imagine if i could get them to tell me about their live stories. I could be writing hundreds of biographies or maybe a compilation of their live memories. The best part is, before this, i have never even knew of their existence. And to those who are reading this, you can only imagine of their existence- face, names, height, weight or even personalities are all imagined because you all have never met.

This reminds me of the time in my Secondary school days when i was constantly dragged to old folks home as it was part of my CCA(i got tricked into it because they said we were firstly prefects/councilors etc.) But when i think about it, i really ridicule those people who go to such places only to mock the old(by prancing around on stage or singing). I think they get enough entertainment just by watching television or listening to the radio. Or better yet, they get 2 of those types of media and much more with the internet! Really! So......(in order to refocus, one has to go out of focus...hahahahha!) ya, back to what i was saying. What they really wanted was some company. Someone to share their live stories with. And with each visit, i would take the time to sit down and listen to them talk for hours on end about how they lived their childhood days, how their teenage years were cut short due to the war (there was even a world war 2 veteran!) how they sloughed through their entire lives just to bring up their children(and sometimes how ungrateful those bastards can be after all these years). Like i said, i could be writing biographies from them. Its amazing sometimes to listen to them. Its kind watching Big Fish over and over again except this time, the characters are different and so are their live stories.

So much talk about old people...i shall leave with this:

A reporter was interviewing a women celebrating her 104th Birthday for the news:

Reporter: So, madam, what is the best thing about being 104 years old?
Old Lady: No peer pressure

shall be writing something tonight...i hope

Why we fight?

I've been wanting to write this out for months now, but the P-monster(P being procrastination) looming around every time, it never did. So, at 4AM, i am going to this and it is going to be LEGEND..wait for it....................
...........
.......................
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DARY!!!!!! hahaha.

Why do we fight? I've always have this strong sense of fascination about wars, particularly World War 2 dubbed as the wars to end all wars(ironically, the cold war followed soon after and that ranged from a variety of political wars and races too). I've always wondered, is it in human nature to be in a constant state of conflict towards one another? If so, we may have very well discovered another constant in our state of constant change.

Up till today, i have no idea why so fascinated with this war which caused 60 million lives worldwide. Both sides, the Axis powers and the Allied powers suffered massive casualties both military personnel and also innocent civilians(notice if you took out the c and the i and add another l next to the l and rearranged it, it becomes villains). Are we, as human beings, corrupted and conflicted by nature? I would rather think that we humans are rather corrupted beings. If we were, the children of Adam and Eve would still be frolicking in the Gardens of Eden. Is it the temptation to ultimate power? Is it the money? Only god knows.

I am not particularly sure about other religions but mine states that whatever happens was probably meant to happen. In other words, all our actions, our words loud or soft, were all devised to happen even before we know what is going to happen. In this sense, i feel very small as i am nothing but a mere puppet in god's hand. I have digressed.

I have recently finished reading this book, The Longest Winter which is a book about how an American platoon managed to hold an onslaught by a force more than 500times larger then them. This action accomplished by them would go on to save a lot of lives(Allied forces of course) as it bought them more time to regroup, reorganize and countered this massive last desperate gamble by Hitler. They all survived the war after having gone through months as POWs. Years later, they would chance upon their captors and some eventually became the best of friends despite the fact that they had once tried to kill each other.

This isnt the only reported case as they are many others which i am currently making no attempt to cite. Hahaha! Well, maybe just one. In the form of a movie, Joyeux Noel which means Merry Christmas. Though it is from the Great War aka WW1, it reenacted the entire scene whereby soldiers from both sides came out of their trenches and celebrated Christmas together with their carols and among others, a game of baseball. Despite the merry making, they were order by higher command to get back in their trenches and the fighting resumed the very next day; it was as if they never actually met their "killers".

This fascination can fast-forward to the present times. All men are brothers, yet everyday, there is always news about someone wanting to kill someone. Someone, taking the food of others. The list goes on. I sometimes wonder, is this God's way of saying that the end is near??

Comments please....

As it is right now, im getting ready for my shift again which starts in 2 hours time. Hehs. It's kinda...urm..something for me this week. It's not really depressing but it does get to you if you were to do night shifts for the entire of one week. Asleep by the day and working by the night. Something which i am totally the opposite of. I am sort of a morning person if you will. No matter how late i sleep, it would be rare to catch me asleep after 0800hrs of that day unless its after a night of hard labour(or partying ;>)

There are many take backs to this experience for the week. For instance, the number of people i met during the course of my work. And yes, it seems that i am doing my night shift with different people every night. So it seems that i am the only constant for that post, everyone else is a variable. Is there something more than this? I cannot be sure about that. What i can be sure is that my eyes has once again been opened to the sides of Singapore that one would never get to view or even if presented with, one would choose to look away. Yes, the working class and what not. Talking to them has enlightened me with views and opinions over everything that is occurring around us(as to which i shall not disclose).

The last time i had such an experience was during the army. Yes, its the stories that one can only hear but never see, see but never experience, experience but only for an instance. I've heard about it, seen it, felt it...it is almost synonymous within my character. I want to help. I want to help more. I'm just praying that my results would turn out good hoping that im good for the SAF scholarship. Perhaps i can do more there then here or any other space which i occupy.

It's been days since i ended my 1st year of studies and all i've doing is unproductive work: just lazing around at home, wake up late, gym for awhile, call some people to hang out with...i feel that im getting fatter and fatter as the days goes on by.

Hanging out simply means lepaking under somebody's block and talking cock. Well, it's not the usual mat versh coz that versh does not include topics on how to make money(the honest way of course) or how to save the world(eventually). But it's all rather unproductive i would say. Hopefully i get that job or else my brains will stew in its own filth from this.

I guess the only thing that keeps me sane is riding. Yeap! Even though my bike is kinda small and is not as fast like all others, it does have it's advantages. Mainly, nobody gives a cahoot about it. This means(i really hope so) it wont get stolen or some bastard doest decide to use it as part of his ITE fyp. I really hope not.

Riding is blissful to me. It's especially so on deserted roads where nobody will call me a road-hoagger just for riding slowly...too slow for the bike of my kind to be going. Good thing is, when i want it to go fast, it will =). Hopefully, after it gets serviced, it gets really really fast- faster then i ever need it to be. The thrill is there. But speed is not as thrilling as negotiating through curves and corner. The smoothness of transiting between one bend to another..it's like poetry in motion, with the help of a 150cc engine(i really hope to get a bigger bike soon so that the power of my engine doesnt amuse others).

It's actually like flying a plane. Since i got rejected by the air-force, i guess this is the next best thing. My bike doesnt complain at all. It does give hints that it needs to rest, or that it needs to get well taken care off. But once i fullfill all its hints, its smooth running baby!!!

I really really do hope that the trip materializes because i really really want to experience the ultimate road trip experience. Miles and miles of open road (with friends i hope). Actually, it doesnt matter if im doing it alone but friends do help because that means that there's always somebody else looking out for you(in return for the same thing). Guess a buddy in need is a buddy indeed....that was real cheesy, i know. But buddies are hard to come by like shakespear once said, for those who shed their blood with me shall be my brother..

Finally! It's over! Yet..i dont feel any sense of achievement or liberation for that matter. Some say that its becase we didnt study enough. Too much horsing around they would say. I would say that...i've nvr worked so hard my entire life before. It comes to the point that once i stared at the paper, my mind went blank...4 times!

After each paper, it will be normal for people to be talking about the paper. I really really hate that. To me, what's done is done. I dont really like to bother much about it unless something from that paper bothers me. Lately, i've been getting into the habit of reading my notes at the very last minute even though i know it would not do me any good. Besides, from my PSLe all the way to my A lvls, i have never done it before. So why now? Peer pressure? Maybe.

Ah!! Enough about exams. It's the holidays now. I shall work so that i can save up enough money to go for that bike trip and pay for my insurance. Hur hur...$800 for insurance, im sure thats a whole lot more then what people are paying for for their cars. Nvm...i shall be patient about it and shall progressively(slowly is a Mat word) work on it. Eventually i'll get there. About the bike trip...we'll have to work out the finances according and plan out our route. Shah's grandma lives in Malacca so that's definately our focal point. Like Genghis Khan, we'll conquer the world on our bikes bit by bit. Hill by hill. Mountain by mountain. Continent by continent. One step at a time =)

I just finished a 3 hour session of physics help...cant seem to find my brains anywhere. Sigh...wished i had SOME background to it. Helps a lot you know. This is the result of a school structure so rigid that when you put it on a head-on collision with the school building...the building might just give way.

Education in singapore sucks...truly. Why do we have to sit for exams? What's the point of it anyway? To rate students on their understanding of what has been taught? There is some truth to it since it IS carried out on a large scale basis. But O and A levels...shouldnt it be stopped there? Why carried it all the way into the University level? Wouldnt tests and quizzes(once that pop out of nowhere) be a better measure? I mean, it keeps the students coming to class and also "motivates" them to study consistently. And IF they do not understand a part of that subject/course/module, wouldnt it be easier to spot them so?

This examination system really sucks ass. People who have not been coming to class or put in much effort except on the very very last minute basis (only towards the exams) are reaping the benefits instead of those who have been consistently strriving their best in their everyday life. This is especially so for those "genius" who are able to recall everything that they do at the very last minute compared to those who have been practicing it on a daily basis. After all, isnt each course training each and everyone of us to be what we have signed up for (for a "small" fee of 6-7k a year =D)?

Let me paint you a picture of what the system is really like and how it fails every single one of us. You work your ass of for your exams even though you do not even come for a single lesson. You get straaaaaaaaaaaaaaaight A's just because of that. You get hired by a company because of ur grades. They ask you to give a presentation about a particular subject (one related to your source of A). You just stand down there...like a deer caught in the spotlight/headlight/flashlight/candlelight/starlight/lightlight. Yes. Seen those. Heard of those.

The system makes us study for the sake of studying. What's the point? where's the end result? I hate this sense of spurious sense of achievement that everybody gets after receiving their results. There's distance yes...but is there any displacement between what we know now and what we would know in the future?

IT WAS LEGEND...WAIT FOR IT...DARY!!! I just got back from JB and every time i ride there, it never fails to amaze me. It's like going on a short vacation every other weekend. Super short in fact...just a couple of hours and its back to the reality that is Singapore(and exams...shucks!).

Petrol RM16.70
Bike Wash RM8
Chicken Burger RM5
Teh-o-ice-limau (iced lime tea) RM2
Fags RM7
Gums RM11.20
Experience of riding amongst some lawless riders in the continent Priceless

For everything else, there's malaysian money. hahahaha!

Even though we spent some 1hr plus trying to get in, it was all worth it. And while waiting to clear the checkpoint, there was even entertainment: Woodlands Checkpoint Symphony number 230843010481A in Horn Major, Minor. Hahaha...there was air horn, bike horn, Truck horn, and if im not wrong, this lady even had a bicycle horn because hers really cannot make it. ROFL. (Dont know why she even bothered...idiot).

Hmm...this feels great! I feel like im ready to take the world once again(but first, i have to take on my notes and then the four papers which are going to slaughter me)!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~...hopefully later on today will be much more productive for me...hopefully

Im supposed to be studying right now. But it seems that i have lost all drive to do so. It's became so mundane....doing it for the sake of doing it. It really really sucks ass at this moment. Then again, since im at the bottom, the only way is up! Horrah! Unless of course i dig a deeper hole..then i have no words for that.

Anyway, i've always wondered. How do we end up at this exact spot? What did we do to end up here? Where have we been? When did all this happen? Who made this all possible? It's really quite intriguing if you really think about it. All you need is some brain juice(if its not enough, there's plenty of fruit stalls to choose from in school)and there you go...a journey of stoning. Hahaha!

Hmm...since young, all i thought about was becoming a pilot flying a fighter jet. It's one of the coolest thing one can ever do. REally! I know, i know...those who ARE that will say how mundane it is, how boring it really is. C'mon! Who, in amongst the entire population of Singapore get to do it day in, day out(but since i've mentioned it that way...it does seem kinda mundane to some already. hahaha)? Then it changed...i wanted to become an army officer! wahhhhhhh. No no no...nothing glamorous about it. But the skills that i would have (totally irrelevant to the service, public or private sector) would be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I should know better, i experienced the FULL army experience. One that none of our Uni boys would ever(or want to for that matter) experience. It was well worth it...every single second of it.

Not that i want to use that as a perfect excuse(nostalgia is never a good reason for you to do something or worst! being committed to it). Rather, its the skill that i have acquired and the amount of things i have learnt. Somehow, i feel that i belong in the army. AS of now, i feel rather out place. Plus...studying is anal!!!!!!!!