Hot Damn! Dingity Dang!

Many people have asked me as to why I smoke or why did I ever picked up smoking in the first place. For the longest time, i haven't been able to answer that question unless you consider the should shrugging as a sort of answer.

I still remember the first time I ever attempted smoking. It was still in army and well, few of the guys decided to hang out at Arab Street for some Shisha of which they wanted to bring me clubbing afterwards. Funny thing was, I was hanging out with army regulars. I guess I really caught their attention with the whole "interests" thing. Well long story short, that I was the first time I had a puff of anything smokey! It wasn't until a couple of months later that I tried smoking when I was in Taiwan. The first day I smoked, I finished an entire pack of Marlboro Reds. It's really a WTF moment for many as I had to resort to buying from ninja vans afterwards.

Fast forward to today, it was only in the recent months that I realize why I smoke. This realization only came about after the months that I did not smoke but only to go back to it for one reason. Because I was not happy. In fact, when I am feeling every other way except for happy, I smoke.

To be honest, I am very well aware of the dangers of smoking. It hurts, it kills- over a very long period of time. During a stint at a hospital during one of the vacations, I saw many of the devastating effects smoking can do to a person. Having a conversation for a patient can make him really tired as, well, his lungs basically were not functioning anymore. Seeing people die as a result of it is just as unnerving.

Smoking to me is because of something that happened. It calms my nerves down and whenever shitty times roll by, it just takes the edge off of things. Hence, after many months of not smoking, I picked it up again on my 22nd birthday since, well, things were rather shitty for me. It's for the very reason why smoking harms that I turned to a cigarette when, well, I am not happy. And yes, that's a lot of times that I have a reason to not not smoke.

I guess over time, some people, events, incidences have become a reason to smoke. It got to the point that I was hacking down a pack a day. Even getting shot in the knee wouldn't be as painful as that. But yes, for now, it does get me by. All there is for me not to smoke is one reason and one reason only- happiness.