When does something ever get tiring for anyone? I suppose it differs from person to person and how much something means to someone. It is true that the thing maybe the greatest love for you but that does not mean that it never gets tiring. Afterall, there is time and effor that is being put into building it, shaping it and eventually treasuring it.
But sometimes, things just overwhelm us. We all get overwhelmed somewhere, somehow, sometime in life. That's the moment when you realize that shit just got serious. At that moment, we all need to go somewhere quiet to recuperate and more importantly to reorganize and sort shit out. That's the moment that we weigh whether that something is worth it all. We do value the worth of something differently. Somehow, we have to meet in the middle and see things through because at the end of the day, we never really quite know whether the regret will come from doing it or not to have done it at all.
That was how I have felt over the last couple of moments. But the realization came about when I thought that this is going to be my final semester and no matter how things turn out, I am going to make it worth all. The sweat, the tears, the pain- it willl all be worth all when I look back because having been out for an entire season made me realize that the regret will only be the result of not doing it. That regret is the greatest of them all since the though of "could have, should have, would have" will haunt us for an enternity.
But that will come at a sacrifice for now. In fact, that sacrifice has already been experienced seeing how my GPA has been steadily declined ever since I took over the team. Maybe that was due to a variety of factors but I am sure that my commitment has dealt the biggest blow to it. So I have a little bit more trouble getting a job. Well, I hope that somehow, someone would see my true value and give me an opportunity to exercise my capabilities. It's not to say that I am incompetent but I just do not really have a liking to what I am studying. I don't even know why I took up this degree. Some of my hallmates have commented how I sounded like I was approaching a mid-life crisis. Being the-guy-who-pretty-much-grows-up-quickly, I guess everything has been accelerated for me. So this comes to me as no surprise that I am actually already facing it.
It has long reached a point that I am actually supporting myself throughout my student years. Well, my parents do provide a life-line for me when it becomes really unbearable. But I suppose that it is fair to say that I haven't been able to enjoy my student life fully due to all the things that I have to do just to get by. Many possibly share this sentiment but when I look at all my uni friends and how blissful their life is with all the traveling and exposure to places far and foreign, I look at the walls of my well and think about how envious I am of all that. But I am contented. I am like that frog, only looking at the sky wondering how it is really like out there. At the same time though, I am not just sitting around and wonder. I am actually building up the strength and courage to eventually leap out of that well to see the world. Faith that I will eventually achieve that keeps me going strong. All that strength, courage as well as faith has to be mulitiplied many times over as I am in a really deep well. But I'll get out, somehow, someday.
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