Watching Restrepo has given me a new perspective about the conflict that is middle east as well as what chaos is all about. It's like finding your way around in your room at night when the lights are off and you just don't know what you're looking for but you're there and there's nothing you can do about it because you don't know where is out or even where the light switch is. I guess that's how I have lived my whole life- minus being shot at (literally at least). That was also how I felt during the 3 weeks of being in green. I was just finding my way around; not knowing if I was doing the right thing or not (or even if I was doing enough). I guess that itself has left me scarred.
It seems like in a weekend's time, I'll be starting my final semester of school. Unless I decide to pursue the masters program, this is going to be the final semester of my life as a student. I guess after more than 16 years in school is starting to wear me out. But nobody can deny that these are the best years of anybody's life. I guess it's a common thing that everyone feels- they can't wait to grow up, to get out of school and start working. But when that happens, they actually do regret it and wished that they had the chance to get back to school. I guess I was really lucky to be able to experience this and yet still get back to school as I was able to work while waiting for my O/A level results as well as while waiting for Uni to start. Not to mention the slew of part-time jobs I have undertaken over the past few years that I was in uni.
This might also mean my last chance at rugby. I guess while this might not matter much to many, it matters a lot to me. Rugby has always been an integral part of my life ever since I was 13. That's more than 10 years ago ever since I picked it up. All of my friends have since moved on to other things. The only person who's still playing from the original team is me. I guess this is one of the best things in life despite the countless times that I have failed trials for the national team.
Well, tomorrow is sort of a big game for me. It's about the same time that I got injured last year and at the same venue as well. Not to mention the kick-off timing is going to be the same. I hope that after the final whistle, I'll still be able to walk back to my bike and ride back home instead of limping all the way to the taxi stand only to have to go through nine months of painful therapy as well as an operation which I woke up with the insatiable feeling of wanting to throw up.
Well, this is it. It matters more to me because this is a game which I am going to start. The last time such a thing happened was last year. The scars are still there- physical ones as well as mental ones. To be honest, I do dream about it from time to time- it being the whole incident which led to my right knee being in such a condition. This shit is permanent! Well, I guess I'll have to make do. Let's hope I make it through tomorrow.
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