Thinking that a long ride would help, especially one in the rain, it actually didn't! Thinking that sleeping it off might help, well, it didn't! Thinking smoking would help, well, it gave me a sense of release. But after all that, it's back to square one.
There's a song titled " Good to know that I ever needed attention all I have to do is die". Well, I was playing along those lines lately. But it seems that nobody dares to crash into me. There's a law which goes, " the longer im on the road, the higher the chances of a mishap happening to me". Well, I didn't come up with that; some riding/driving instructor did. But so far, I suppose, that is not meant to happen to me.
There's is probably a million and one question running through me head. No, its not that I don't trust you, its just that I have no clue what is going on right now. I am powerless in all that has been happening. Powerlessness breeds bossiness. I apologize for doing what I'm doing. It's like what I told you just now-it has not changed since.
I suck, I really do. I don't know why I allow myself to feel or be this way. For the first time in my life, this is something that I have no control about. You waived off all my confidence and all that that is me. Its the kind of confidence that I have and take it with me in facing all my adversities. The kind that cannot be talked about as much as I would like to as of my other challenges. The kind that isn't reported, documented or damned if remembered. I guess this time, the adversity is bigger than ever. The toughest I'm facing. Tougher than scaling a mountain deemed impassable but scaled anyway.
Even what I'm saying here doesn't make sense at all. Like the page says, blabberbutt- I'm just blabbering here: not making sense at all. Perhaps I have lost all senses as of now.
A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love
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