I dont know what i what to blab about. My mom doesnt remember my birthday. My buddy is in the army. I hate my job. Life is pointless; aimless; meaningless. There's no control anymore. The only thing i have control of is going to the gym. Heck...i bet im going to be doing nothing tommorow! Depression? Seems likely. Cant turn to anyone cause of all the people whom i can depend on, they're all couped up in the army camps. I can just talk to them because we're on the same frequency. This sometimes makes me wonder...WHY IS THE GOVERNMENT MAKING ME ENLIST IN APRIL?! WHAT'S THE POINT?! EVERYONE I KNOW KNOWS THAT IT IS ALL IM LIVING FOR! NOT DOGGING AROUND FOR THE GOVERNENT! SOLDIERING! COMRADARING! KILING IF IT IS CALLED FOR! BUT I WONT DIE FOR IT! it's just too stupid. Anyways...while my frens are "enjoying" their time in the Army...im am outside. Slugging it out against life. I have to be tireless in that fight for if at anytime i drop out just for a second...i might get the greatest hit. So hard...i might be able to recover even. Knocked out stone cold. Dead. But even at this time, i have found life to be quite meaningful. I think. I have met ppl from all walks of life. Rich, poor. Nice...bastards. Helpful...out to get you. My faith has never been stronger. I've been meeting new ppl almost everyday. But they can never replace ppl i call my frens. Buddies. Comrades. Then...there's the part of me and my frens growing apart. Dunnoe y. Might be me not making the effort. Or the different ideologies we all have. I just dont tink i noe any of them anymore. We went to different schools for the past year. JC is bloody hectic plus the rugby i had to fulfil. Heck...i even had 6 days of rugby during my j1 days. 6 DAYS! Then weekends was spent on resting. I had to force myself to study. But it never seems to work. School was really tough. It occupied my life. It BECAME my life. All connection with the outside world was lost. So i worked hard to keep the camradarie wif the JC guys alive. It worked. But...13mths together is hardly enuff. Sure...me and the rugby guys. We're tat close. We're prepared to kill for each other. Well....almost. but you get the idea...now it seems like im blaming JC education on things that have gone wrong. I dont feel like going to work anymore. I donoe y. I dont feeel like doing anything anymore......

Game over