Everything around me seems very mellow. I feel rather at ease nowadays. Its hard to get that and even harder to explain that. Hehs. But its like remembering the times you get to play in the rain as a child. No worries, no commitment...you just do what you do-doing all that you can do without a care in the world. I reminisce and long for that feeling. But it's ever fleeting. And the sad part is, whatever we've missed, isn't going to come back again, ever.

I guess i've been sacrificing too much. I think god has made me to be sacrificing...as in my happiness for theirs. Well, not so much of my happiness. But sometimes i feel that god has made me in a way that i get happy when others are happy. At first, i don't get it. But now, i am beginning to see why. It's not that god does not want me to be happy. In fact, i think i am much happier this way. I've always thought of doing something for 2 good reasons: (1) so that others dont have to (2) because i think i am more competent than others to do it.And no, i am not being arrogant or trying to be noble or anything. But guess that is how i was meant to exist in this world.

I guess if that is what i was meant to do, might as well do it with a rifle. Keeping the peace on this wretched world with a little bit of force works. After all, nowhere on this world is peace not founded on the basis of struggle(s). In fact, to create cheese, there is a struggle to coagulate milk so much so that the end product becomes a treat for others.

While memories of happiness fleets away, i look forward to greatness in life. After all, greatness, no matter how brief, lies in the hearts of men for the rest of their lives. I shall not falter