Eid

Hari Raya Haji was rather interesting. Well, it seems that way to me anyway. Had the whole family at the house and guess what? For Hari Raya Haji, we had a durian feast! Yeah..all 27(or was it 32?) durians shared by 20 people. Other than that, it was food galore at my house. 5 families= 5 different kinds of food. Yeah, not dishes but 5 different kinds of food. Let me recall- there was Bone Steak, Roti Girai, Bryiani, lots of kueh(or kuih as the white man prefers to call it) and yes, Durian. I probably forgot what else was there but everything went through my digestive system as planned this morning. Yeah...

One thing about that day is that everyone takes it like any normal day. To the layman, its simply a celebration of sacrifice. Hmm..one does one celebrate sacrifice? I mean, sacrifice isn't a good thing to have to begin with. But it is in God's will that we do such a thing for the sake of God, and his creations. Yeah. What i just mentioned is probably a misconstrued version of it all but that's because I am in no current interest to explain further in this space. Come talk to me and i'll explain further.

But one thing that I do for this day(and also Hari Raya Puasa aka Aidilfitri) is that I take time to reflect all that that has happened over the past few months or years. I'll think of the people I've lost-my paternal grandparents and my cousin. Then I thought, why wasn't i able to cry at their passing? Is it because they didn't have that much impact on my life? That's not true. My paternal grandparents took care of me and my elder brother while we were still babies(though i do not recall it but have seen it through the pictures that were taken). So yeah, they kinda raised us up while my parents were at work. And throughout our toddler years, my cousin and my aunt took care of us especially when my mom was about to give birth to my younger brother.

Till this day I wonder if i am even capable of even crying to of someone's passing. Heck, am i even capable of crying for others? I have no idea. But as the saying goes, " Do not be sad for the passing of a person, rather be happy that you have actually had the time to know that person". Those are not the exact words but words that I have appropriated according to my own memory. Yeah, i have rather bad memory EXCEPT for certain things. Things like ___________. Those who know me well enough would probably be able to fill up that blank space with an entire paragraph(at least) of things that I have a good memory of.

But yeah, after Friday Prayers, we went to visit my granddad's grave. I actually got to drive around the cemetery looking for the grave because my brother got tired of driving around looking for it. We went reaaaaaaaallll slow looking for his grave amidst a sea of graves. When we got there(eventually), I looked at my dad for any signs of grief or sadness. His face was as calm as ever. No signs of distraught. Then I thought to myself, how am I going to react when I am at his age, and when i am visiting his grave? That was when IT happened. To whoever is reading this, go watch the movie BIG FISH and you will know what IT is. Thankfully, being an IFF meant that nobody can see through it all.

It's deeply etched in my mind. Morbid thoughts if you may. But right now, what i need to do is to spend as much time with my family as possible. Time is of the essence here. Everybody's aging-the rate of aging increases as the society progresses. I have actually set aside some goals for myself which i have to achieve for them. Hopefully, just hopefully, they will all come true.

What i was told yesterday by my latest cousin-in-law:

"Why does your face look like that? You look like you have got no future or something"

'The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of'